oh Curious.............you are needed here!
 

:D looks like your kinda place :D

Are we really going to let her loose in here??? Is it safe???

LOL! No it's not! And that will be the fun of it!

Yeah, where's Curious??? She may not be safe, but she's always fun! :rolleyes:

I'll start off the jokes: If a man speaks in the forest where no woman can hear him, is he still wrong?

Kids In Church
 

3-year-old Reese:
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin,
the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime.
She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.
Finally, she decided to go solo.
I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer:
"Lead us not into temptation," she prayed,
"but deliver us from E-mail.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One particular four-year-old prayed,
"And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied,
"Because people are sleeping."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old
brother, Joel, were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men standing by the door?
They're hushers."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons,Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.

The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,

'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,

"Ryan, you be Jesus!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said,

"Did God throw him back down?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
"Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

13 Things PMS Stands For
 

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4 Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Puky Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men stink
12. Pack My Stuff

and my favorite one ...

13. Potential Murder Suspect
Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh! Or men who need a warning.

And remember: Money talks .... but Chocolates SING

par-tay on!

whoohooo! my kinda place!

i got the funniest thing grandmonkey does. he is 4...5 in 30 minutes, but tell him that. ( i'll elaborate on that later) he really is a smart little guy. i way proud of him. this morning he was in his room playing. i could hear him counting. 1..2...3 up to 30. then 30...29....28... wow huh? so i ask him to come count backwards for me and pawpaw. he stands so straight and tall ( all 42 inches of him)...proceeds to turn his back to us....1...2....3....

hehehe..yep...HE was backwards counting.

ok...so the turning 5 is tramatic for him. :eek: pawpaw (hubbymonkey) told the little guy that he was going to be a big boy when he turned 5. so as we watched some tv together..him cuddled on my lap before bed..he said "meme...this is my last night to EVER be on your lap. i want to stay 4." :( i ask him why? he says...bubba is a big boy and he doesn't sit on your lap.
lol...bubba is 17!

ok...i'll eat some choccy and be back. :D nuf monkey stories

of course. just the thinking gets him in trouble. :p

who moi?

where are the stripes and polka dots?

you know how i am with cans of paint. :D i could save some of the stuff from my garage sale and decorate it up a bit. how about the used coffee caraffe' from my mil? the one with old coffee inside that she swore she bought new? lol

hehehe

what a great thread to wake up to!

"happy 5th birthday to grandmonkey" :p

http://www.geocities.com/longnwash/MonkeyCake.JPG

and trekker.........
ya had me chortling with delight at those!!

keep 'em comin'
:D

The Hormone Hostage......
 

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you sure look good in brown!
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate

Arithmetic & Bits Of Wisdom
 

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________
SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________
HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________
LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

_____________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

...and for your entertainment....
 

The Day The Squirel Went Bezerk

http://mywebpages.comcast.net/singingman7777/MSR2.htm

WHERE do you come up with all this stuff, Trekker??? :p :p :p