I need help or advice.
 

I've been working in retail sales for over one and a half years. I do well with sales, but I have one problem. I can't manage to focus well enough to get to work on time. I am usually at least one minute late. This totally embarrasses me and I know it could get me fired if they wanted to do so. They are really buckling down on this. I don't want to lose my job because I need the benefits.

I can't seem to get myself organized to get there on time. I feel like such a moron because I can do everything else, including making my commissions, etc... But I know I'm expensive for the company due to my meds.

Help me to come up with ideas to get myself going. I don't want to go on ssdi before I need to.

Do I level with my manager and tell him about the MS and risk being blacklisted in the company because of it? And I know they aren't supposed to do that, but we all know how that is. Once the MS cat is out of the bag there is no going back.

Please help me to sort this out dear friends. :grouphug: This is starting to worry me.

I like to set all, including in the car, clocks at least 5 minutes ahead.

back before I had MS, but had a strange habit of showing up late because I couldnt manage to concentrate well enough to get to work on time for some weird reason. (probably the MS screwing around with me before I knew it was screwing around with me) I used to get up several hours before I had to be at work, I'd get dressed and go out for breakfast every morning.

Then I'd somehow manage to get to work an hour early to sit in the breakroom and crochet. (I worked at a telemarketing company, they let us do stuff like that, even on the clock) It worked out great for me, because I really wanted that hour to sit and crochet. I got a lot of projects done in the four years that I worked at that job. I really needed that hour. If I didnt get at least an hour in of crocheting (and chatting with some friends) I was a bit stressed out the whole day. Not sure why that was.

The crochet got me to where I could relax enough to not be stressed out about working. I kind of miss that job, but only because I was allowed to crochet while doing it. (I keep having weird nightmares that I'm working there again, and my call times are getting screwed up because I cant find a working phone in time and it was counted against you for every minute you werent on the phone)

The thing is, I need the extra hours for sleep. With retail, it is odd hours, close one day, open ten hours later. I know what I should do, I just need to get myself into the habit of doing the right thing. I guess I need to get motivated.

The chance of being fired and losing benefits is a work motivator. I taught at risk students and accountability was a big deal.

Methinks there is more to this than meets the eye. Just an observation, but thinking of the people I know who are "always" late, not just "often" late, there is usually something underlying, more than just oversleeping or not being organized.

There are people who for YEARS are five minutes late for church, give or take, Sunday after Sunday after Sunday. I used to think they slept until the last moment, but no, they are up in plenty of time (on Facebook). I used to think it was last minute kid stuff, but no, the kids are grown up.

With this specific family, I think their being late is unconsciously deliberate...is there such a thing? It may be a control issue, it may be an unconscious "Look at us, we're just so busy and important that we can't POSSIBLY be here on time." It may be "I don't really want to be here, so I'm proscrastinating until the last minute." Who knows?

Now I'm not suggesting for a minute that you fall into any of those categories. I'm just saying that since it's on ongoing problem, it seems unlikely that you're just disorganized. If so, all you would have to do is start ten minutes earlier.

Do you have a counselor-type friend who could help you troubleshoot this problem until you get to the heart of the issue? Maybe it isn't what you think.

Just thought of something else. I have a friend who was dependably late, everywhere, every day, every appointment, etc. It was beginning to cause so rifts in her relationships.

She discovered her problem was what you mentioned, focus. She would get up two hours before she had to leave for work, but if the phone rang, she answered it. If she saw a project, she'd work on it "...just for a few minutes." If she noticed something that needed attention, she took care of it. And she ended up trying to pack three hours worth of "stuff" into two hours.

What she had to do (took a LOT of discipline) was make a written list of what she had to do in the morning, being realistic about the time involved. And then she had to force herself not to do ANYTHING that wasn't on the list unless it was literally a matter of life and death.

Eventually her family and friends stopped calling her between 5:30 and 7:30 because they knew she wasn't going to answer the phone. It was rough at first, and she had to say out loud sometimes, "I'm NOT going to do that now!" No glancing through a catalog on the table, no combing the dog, no checking to see if her shows DVR'd, whatever. Just the list.

Eventually she got into better habits and didn't need the list. But she used it for a long time.

By the way: :hug:

Being late is a habit that many fall. Its a breakable habit. If you need the extra sleep then maybe you can go to bed earlier. Many folks get up an extra half hour early to put themselves ahead of the game. I used to be an early person till I started working in the prison and if you hit traffic or are ONE minute late, they CLOSE the door and lock you out. you have to be escorted to the supervisors office and explain why you kept everyone else waiting, and got the "how special do you think you are" lecture. Trust me one or two of those and you get there extra early.

Make a habit of showing up EARLY, dont aim for on time, aim for early. sit outside and eat your yogurt, or sip your coffee and reflect on the day ahead. Say your prayers, write letters, do your manicure whatever activity it takes that is a treat for you when you arrive. Pretty soon you will look forward to those few minutes before you day of rush starts, and you can just sip your drink and reflect on how you will handle this day.

Positive rewarding will get you much farther than scolding yourself or punishing yourself. I hope that helps. :hug:

btw, love B2Ys post. Anything that isnt on the list get ignored till you get back home. Just because the phone rings, doesnt mean you have to answer it. Tell your friends and family that calls at that hour will go straight to VM. Sorry, but im in training. If you forgot your lunch, then you will have to buy something. bed unmade? who cares?! let it go till later. Your goal is to be early for work, and then make it a habit. It takes two weeks to break a habit, and two weeks to make a better one, so by the time 2 weeks go by you should be handling your new routine pretty well.

I would hold off on telling about the MS till you need to. This is not interferring with your job yet, just your ability to get to your job.

I also think this is something you can accomplish if you really want to. I'm one of those annoying people that is always early and some of the things I do are set all my clocks 10 minutes fast as well as allowing 90 minutes every morning to do my chores, eat breakfast and hygiene before I need to dash out the door. Maybe you could even have a friend or DH call you to give you a prompting to get rolling?

I have a funky schedule and am very protective of my sleep also however if you are only 5 minutes late to work I don't really think it is about the sleep factor. ;)

There is going to be a problem with perception so this could eventually cause you to lose your job. Or other employees could become resentful. I have always been early, so I have to admit I do not have a lot of patience with someone who is always late. I have a few colleagues that are always doing their copying at the last minute, and are then always late for their classes. They are also always late for meetings. They view themselves as laid back; I view them as procrastinators and as being rude. I also see a tendency in certain students to always be late. Some of my colleagues tell the students that they can not come in once the door shuts. Our classroom doors automatically lock when closed. While I have threatened to do that, I never have. If I do have a student that is consistently late, I will no longer give them attendance/participation points on the days they are late.

You have been given some good suggestions.:hug:

hey Wiz ... it's me - your crazy wisconsinite bud ...

here's my thought: call the ADA in your area ... explain to them your situation - you will NOT lose your job or position because of your disability - and they can't 'blackball' you either ...

this is a NEW(sorta) program to help those with disability 'on the job' ...

you'll be fine ... you have been working ALOT ... I'm proud of you!! maybe, too much - but that's for you and your body to discover!!

you're a smart cookie ... call the ADA in your state ... best to you, my friend!

I totally understand...
 

I am one of those people that tends to be late for work on a regular basis. I have a terrible habit of hitting snooze on my alarm instead of getting up when it goes off like I should. Do you do that too? I know it's a real issue for me that I have got to change. I don't know if it's something deeper...a lot of people I work with tend to be late too so we're not alone with this issue. I just don't like having to be on a set schedule in the morning but unfortunately I don't really have a choice in the matter ;)

I think that it will be tough for a few months but if we work at it then I think we can both do better. I agree that it would be helpful to get up 15 to 30 minutes earlier each day and NOT HIT THAT SNOOZE BUTTON!

Good luck and I'm going to start trying to get a better morning routine as well!:hug:

Wiz - I think this must be some sort of cognitive thing. I used to never be late. Now, it's like I have no concept of time (like how much time has passed or my judgement of time is off) and am almost always late. :o It drives DDs crazy. It takes me about 1/2 hour tops to get ready to go anywhere, shower, hair, make-up, get dressed, etc. and I plan for that. But, I don't know what happens that I'm not "ready" when it's time to leave.:confused:

So, I don't have any ideas or suggestions because I seem to be having the same issue. I'll look at my neuropsych results and see if it says anything that would relate to this. I never put the two together until I saw your thread. I thought it was just something with me but now you have me thinking. If I find something, I'll let you know.

I would have to disagree with coming out with any disability type talk especially since it sounds like she is still able to do the rest of her job really well. Imo employers absolutely do blackball employees they feel are a liability or costing too much. There are so many ways to document performance failures that I wouldn't want to take any chances especially with something like this that has multiple, relatively painless solutions.

FWIW I just got the cost my health insurance is paying for my Copaxone and it was over $3,000 for the 3 month supply. I'm a very hard worker but no way am I worth an extra $12,000 a year which is what I am costing my employer thanks to MS. :(

What is making you late in the morning? What are your "rituals" for getting ready to leave the house?

I was thinking you can arrange your world to allow you to get up and be almost ready to get out the door.

Put your alarm on the other side of the room to force yourself to get out of bed in order to turn it off. Select your clothes in the evening and have them ready to wear. Same with make-up, breakfast.

All the morning tasks ready at night. Figure out how long it takes you to do the morning stuff and set the alarm for fifteen minutes more than you plan.

I think, deep down, you want to be fired..:D

While the ADA does require the employer to make reasonable accomodations, I seriously doubt that allowing one to arrive late to work on a regular basis would be viewed as reasonable.;)

I don't think I could do the irregular shifts that you work. I think that is part of the problem. However, since that is the nature of your job and you want to keep your job, you have to work around it.

I agree with making a list of everything you need to do to get ready. Time everything one day and put the time allowed down next to each item on the list. Then, you have a realistic idea of how much time you need. Then, add some padding to that and start getting ready at the appropriate time to be early (15 minutes or so). Finally, use a timer for each task on the list to keep from getting distracted.

I actually used to do this with my ADHD son to keep him focused on getting ready for the bus and also to get homework done.

Holly - A timer is a great idea! One that will beep at 5 minutes before time is up, 2 minutes, 1 minute or something like that. It would definitely help in tracking time.

Thanks everybody. I also have school on top of it. Thanks for the suggestions, I'm going to work on it and report back.

Sweetie,
Lots of good suggestions listed in posts...you do so much in your life, I am amazed that you have any energy left at the end of the workweek!!

I use my phone alarm to remind me when I need to do something, take meds, etc. I usually set it so it gives me time ahead of when something actually needs to be done.

When I used to open the restaurant at 6 am before I had to quit, I set my coffeemaker the night before, laid out my plates, etc, towel, washcloth, toothbrush, everything I needed to get going in the morning. I would make sure I was out of the house and at work at least 5 minutes before I needed to be.

See how much you can get set up the night before...and also see how you might be able to rearrange your schedule so you don't have to work early the next morning after you've closed. That's rough...

Hugs to you hon:hug::hug:

Lots of good suggestions Wiz but i'm still wondering what the root of the problem is. What Tricia said really struck a chord with me.

Before the MS I was always chronically early for things. Especially work. Now I find myself late for just about everything and it drives me crazy because I feel like I've given myself plenty of time to get out the door.

I think when you find the real cause of the problem you'll be able to figure out what to do :hug:.

But it would stike me as odd that there are cognitive issues that only manifest as tardiness. She wrote her performance is good once there and it is a mentally stimulating line of work that requires organization throughout the day. :confused:

I used to be late for work simply because I HATED that place! i would sit in my car and cry before going in all composed, and not showing any cracks in my armor. I would do anything rather than go there. Scrub toilets, feel sick, smack on the snooze alarm, stop and help stranded kittens, or motorists I just couldnt stand where I was going to.

Then, I had a few of those lectures from the supervisor after being locked out and I realized it didnt matter if I "wanted" to go there or not. I had committed to doing that job, and without it I was in a world of hurt. It wasnt my job that needed to change (oh God how I wanted it to change) it was my attitude about my job that needed to change. I needed to find reasons to want to be there. Even one was a start. A co worker who makes you laugh. A client who you love helping. A discount on merchandise, getting your bills paid, the hours???there must be something that you can latch onto.

Once I changed me and changed my routine to make it easier to get there on time or before time I found it less dreary and less emotional. I no longer felt punished, but rewarded to go there each day.

I am now one of those early folks that is ready, willing and able as the rest straggle in the door still shuffling thru what their plan for the day is. Im with Barb on this one. I do hope you can find your trigger and jump over it.

Thanks so much for posting this story....I have been having some tough issues at work lately. I got two new supervisors that are pretty awful. I really needed to read this and I'm going to try and find some things to "latch on to" and change my attitude. Just wanted to say thanks for the inspiration and for sharing! :)

hi wiz,

lots of great comments for sure.
if you're late a minute i'd get up 10" early.

plan everything you can the nite before. make lunch if you take it.
lay your clothes out.
shower the nite before. anything that takes time in the am do the nite before if you can.

are you getting enuf sleep? good, restorative sleep?
are any MS sx's flaring up to slow you down?

good luck.

You say you're always at least one minute late. I wonder how late you usually are--10 minutes, 30 minutes?

If your employer is at all flexible, you might be able to cut a deal where you make up for your missed time by taking a shorter lunch break or by staying later than the usual stopping time.

One of my first jobs had a rigid set-up: you came to work at 8:30, you got two 15-minute breaks during the day plus a half hour for lunch, and you quit at 5.

I arranged to do without the 15-minute breaks so I could leave work at 4:30 instead of 5.

I realize that many employers have good reasons for not being so flexible though.

We were flexible but they changed the rules recently. I'm never more than 3 minutes late.

Part of my problem is that I assume I can do everything in the shortest time possible. It's like a have a competition against the clock, even calculating the stop lights, length of time for shower, etc... I take meds at night that make it hard to get going in the morning and I need all of them.

A big part of it is the odd hours that always change. There is always a split shift one day a week that starts early in the morning. And I might work late to close the night before. On top of it, I'm working on my MBA with online school.

I'm doing better since I confided with all of you. I haven't been late once since. I need to focus more on this because I know they don't want to lose me and they would hate having to report me for excessive lateness.

You all helped me so much and I'm thankful I can turn to you because you all understand like no one else can. You are all precious to me. :grouphug: :circlelove: