Had to rescue my son from his abusive g/f
 

got a call in the dead of night that g/f went wild. tried to scratch his eyes out, punched him in the head like a full grown man, and tried to break his glasses to peices. From what I hear she was out of control. The cops were called, and they hauled her off to cool off with them while I could come get the boy.

Broken hearted, sad, depressed, and feeling like he could have done more to fix it we piled him into the truck with what few possessions he has left. She keeps burning them when she gets mad.

Everything he owns REEKS of cat pee! what a nasty hovel. So, the boy is home with me. Please say a prayer for this wounded spirit. He has some work to do.

Just my humble opinion but I think a restraining order is needed. She needs to know he's serious about getting her out of his life.

You've got alot of self control. I think "Mamma Bear" might emerge if someone treated one of my kids like that. :mad:

So sorry Dej :hug:. I'll be praying for you both. Kelly is right about the restraining order. I don't know if the police take this as seriously as they should when it's a woman abusing a man.

He's probably been brainwashed by her and still feeling guilt for something that is not his fault. Maybe the local domestic violence center would be able to help him.

Personally, if you have a concealed carry law in your state, I'd get me one...restraining orders have no real power with the insane, IMHO...

your boy needs some heavy duty counseling to figure out why he feels he deserves this treatment...poor boy...my prayers for him, and you his mom...its so difficult to see our babies in pain and suffering...:grouphug:

I have watched this saga unfold. In the last few months I have had the pleasure of getting to know your dear boy. Can I suggest getting a new phone and it is worth paying the extra $5.00 a month to keep her number blocked. Unfortunately, he cannot move on until he is ready. One day the light bulb will go off.

For me, I left DDs dad and his whole family guilted me about it every day. I was second guessing myself for a long while. Then she had to have an emergency surgery. The doctor told me that friday that it had to be done first thing Saturday morning. I called her dad who was at work at the time and let him know. The next morning he was on his way to Nags Head with his friends and I was on my way to the hospital with my baby girl. The light bulb came on over my head and I never again felt guilty for walking away from him.

Be thankful there are no children involved in this rotten situation and therefor no reason why they need to keep in touch. Once he finds his true worth, and fixes himself, he will see the rewards.

Progress is being made.

#1 Trust me, the girl aint showing up here. nothing would please me more, but she aint that stupid, and she is manipulating and calculating. Bad move to come to my door.

#2 new phone # happening tomorrow. for today, his phone is OFF! He started to communicate with her, but I took his phone.

#3 we have a letter of resilation of lease. Meaning he felt unsafe enough in that home that the police had to be called (incident report is on its way) and under CT law he has 30 days to notify the landlord in writing that he vacated the premesis in fear for his safety or the safety of a child in his care. I have the letter to the landlord written, and ready, just need to get cops report faxed tomorrow. He is legally no longer obligated to that hugely expensive house she demanded they rent.

#4 I threw away about half his clothes and am washing the other half. DH is outside wiping down the rest of his cat peed belongings.

#5 humane officer will be called tomorrow. No way will I let those animals stay in that house!

#6 he is safe, and protected here. He has much work to do, but he couldnt ask to land in a better spot to get started. His church mentor will be here tomorrow to talk to him about opportunities, and We are set up to do some soup kitchen work tomorrow as well. Nothing shows you how lucky you are till you see those who have even less.

Yes, he is still messed up in the head from her lies, manipulations, and the way she baits him into an arguement is truly masterful work. She is skilled at what she does. She shant come within a mile of MY home with or without a restraining order or she shall meet the full length of my measuring stick. I am well trained, well armed, and wont hesitate to protect this broken boy. Abuse is abuse no matter whether its a male or female that is being abused.

Now, I need to get him up, and start him accepting responsibility for the things he is responsible for, and helping him untangle yesterday so he can step into tomorrow.

Keep up the prayers, I truly believe they work miracles.

Sounds like she needs to be launched into orbit...of Pluto (pretty far away. It'd take her a long time to get back)

Hopefully she'll figure out what a schmuck she is and leave him alone. (not betting on it)

Change all your phone numbers, get a restraining order, get a conceal carry permit, or a taser...baseball bat...whatever. Tell your son he needs to just walk away (run!) and get away from her. She's not worth the trouble.

She's been destroying your son's stuff, but it's only stuff. He can get new stuff. But she's also destroying any faith he might have in the world, and it might take awhile to get that back after she's through with it.

The sad part is, until he is truly ready to break it off 100% himself , the cycle will continue.... I hope he is ready to see the truth and be done with her for good.

2 of my brothers have gone thru situations with bad wife choices (more than once for both of them) and they went back & forth a few times before the final realization that it wasn't the way they wanted their future to look.

But they didn't hook up with quite such a loose or dangerous cannon..

one did get accused of abuse & rape by one of the wives - but she dropped it as it was a total lie.

My prayers for you, DH and DS are on the way.:hug:

Oh, and prayers for the poor idiot, as well.

SO sorry to hear about everything your son is still going through with his ex, I really hope things start looking up for him soon. He doesn't deserve this at all :(

I split up with my ex boyfriend 3 weeks ago ... not long after coming back off vacation with him :rolleyes: Not sure what happened to cause us to split, but he did say he couldn't cope with my illness ... yet he has Cerebal Palsy himself and i've never once judged him because of it and he knew about my illness from last year :rolleyes:

He still had a lot of my things, and I had some of his so my mum got in touch with his dad to ask if it would be possible to take them back to him. Back early last year, he told me when we had an argument that he had Cystic Fibrosis and was probably going to die when he was 18 (he was just turned 17 then). I believed him and felt soooo sorry for him. He later told me in October that it was a misdiagnosis and that he was going to be fine, he just had a weak chest. It turned out last week that he lied about being ill the whole time :@ He never had the CF he said he had, never went to any hospital appointments like he said and never had any of the medical procedures done. :@ He denied lying about the illness at first until his dad told me that he was sick and would get him help. He now admits he lied but that he only did it because he loved me soo much and couldn't face losing me :rolleyes:

I can't believe there are soo many sick people in this world. I trusted him with everything, took him into our homes and my heart and so did my mum. She's now run up £2k worth of debt just because she felt sorry for this boy and wanted to give him the best life he could have :mad:

Simon (my ex) is now off with another girl (well he was, but they split today I think :rolleyes:). She is just as sick as him, she lied about having cancer, even shaved her hair off to say she had it until her school found out it was a lie. SO many sick people in this world today!

Anyways Dejibo, sorry for going completely off track. I just wanted to let you know that your son isn't the only one that's dealt with similar things. I've never dealt with any of the violent agression thankfully, but I do know just how scary other things can be. I'll always love Simon, but he has waayyy too many issues for me ever to go back to him no matter how much it hurts. We spent 16 months together and saw eachother every day, it's not something i'm 'just going to get over' no matter how much everyone says I should.

I really hope things look up for your son soon, let him know i'm thinking about him :hug:

Thank you for all the well wishes. DH went thru something similar in the past, so he knows EXACTLY where this boy stands, and seems to have a calming effect that he doesnt stand alone. I think many men are abused and many dont report it, because its not the manly thing to do, or it will make you look weak.

He has cried alot. moped alot, and is wandering kinda lost. For today we will let him mope. Tomorrow is a whole new day and we are busy around here. no time for moping.

he has a new phone #. He unfriended her on all social accounts and Legs threw in a good slap at her. He has not given his new # to anyone but 2 of his closest friends who refuse to discuss it with him. They can talk about anything else, but she is off limits and they will hang on up him. We have been busy scrubbing, washing and deodorizing the heckpie out of his stuff. OMG! how do you not know you smell that bad? I chucked him in the shower, after taking pictures of his wounds. He is clean and full of momma food. That always makes the world a better place.

I think as long as he can keep stepping forward and not look backwards he will make it just fine into tomorrow. We keep telling him that his future is in front of him, not behind him. DH has been immearsurably helpful by having first hand knowledge and knowing what to say. I just see my little boy crushed and broken and it makes me want to get all slappy on this girl.

Abuse starts small. She moved him away from home (isolation) then started taking his money and wouldnt tell him how it was being spent. Bills started piling up and she gave him an allowance to spend for lunch at work. Bills kept piling up, and she still wouldnt answer as to why the lights are being shut off, and why she has a pretty new dress. He wasnt allowed to talk to his family or friends, and if he talked to a stranger it meant he was cheating. it escalated so that she was allowed to go out in the only car in the house, but he wasnt. He was left home alone while she straggled in at 3 am wasted drunk. So, bit by bit it built up and before you know it, she calls him stupid, worthless, and he starts to believe it because he has no social support to tell him otherwise. After a few years of this it can really mess you up. Male or female, its not a good space to be in.

He is out now, but his head is still messed up. I will make an appointment for him to see someone, and we need to replace half of his cat peed wardrobe. ICK! He has 3 pairs of jeans, and a handful of tshirts, and out of the dozens of pairs of boxers I sent, he has 4. 3 pairs of socks, and the rest is garbage!

Anyway, thanks for the prayers, and letting me come here to vent.

OMG if I could have reached thru my phone and slapped that stupid girl... I cannot believe the nerve she had!

For those who don't know she shows up on his FB account and starts posting stuff on his wall, like how everything was his fault. Then she went on to call him a stalker and say how she knows he is not in NH because her sister called him and talked to him.... How many stalkers do you know that run away to another state to get the H away from you??

OK, so she made me mad and I sniped at her. Lucky she isn't closer, I would use more than my words. DS may not have been raised to hit a woman but I was taught to fight dirty!

Women like her turn so many good men into cheating dogs.

she spent the better part of the day trying to get to him. Baiting him on facebook was only one tactic, and she admitted it on Facebook that she was baiting him to use it as evidence for a restraining order. She was blowing up his cell phone saying "i love you! we can work this out! please dont leave me here alone!" and then was all over facebook calling him a dirt bag, an abusive liar, a drunk, and a cheat. It was an awful show, and it really did show him both sides of her. He was amazed that she could type I love you on his phone, while saying such horrible things in public about him. We changed his cell phone #. he erased all info off his FB page, and unfriended her and all of her friends. He has yet to make a single response to her anger.

Sam stepped up as if she were my kin! she stood toe to toe like a blood sister would and gave this girl a peice of all of our minds. Im so proud of her! He needed someone to stand up for him, and it couldnt be me or it would have been "your mommy needs to speak for you!" so, having a friend do it was perfect!

So, this day is done. He has cleaned all of his cat peed on stuff. All his laundry is clean and put away. And he is reading the book "healing the sensitive heart" about how we allow others to hurt us, and steal our glory. REally good read. We shall pick up this fight another day, for I am sure the venomous snake isnt finished yet. She has no idea that he quit his job, so she wont be able to get him fired. He is free and clear of the charges that she was supposed to pay the fine, and he has it in writing that he has permission to leave the state. I spoke to his landlord today and he has no choice but to accept his "quit lease" due to domestic violence.

What got me was when I called the police to ask for a copy of the report, the female officer said "mam, how old is your son?" I said "he is 27." she said "he really needs to man up and call for his own report, dont you think?" I didnt miss a beat when I said "so, if I was calling about my 27 y/o daughter who was just violently attacked by her ex would you say the same thing? or is it because he is a male that you think he should "man up"??" she apologized for being insensitive and gave me the proper # to call tomorrow. How quick are folks to poke fun of a man who has been abused, when they would have offered all sorts of services to a woman. Really made me mad.

Poor sticky head :rolleyes: both Dejibo and Legz after her!!! :eek: Remind me not to get on either of your bad sides! :D
http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b5...background.gif

Dej, something just occurred to me... Does this "sticky" head have his SS#? If she has ever snooped through his papers/wallet...she might.

Just remind him to keep looking forward through the windshield and to quit peeking in the rearview mirror.... SHE is not worth the view.

:hug:

Hiya Dej :). I'm in a similar situation as your son. He definitely needs to realize on his own that he needs to be free of her, not only to heal from this but also to keep from getting involved with a another woman with the same 'issues'.

It will take a while for him to get his self esteem back and get rid of all the guilt he may feel. I'm working in that myself right now and it ain't easy. Many :hug:s and prayers headed your way.

He swears she doesnt know his SS # that it was never written on his check, but due to her mismanagement and his fathers mismanagement of his affairs before her, his credit score is something like 420 anyway. it will take some rebuilding, and I just threw him on my lifelock policy, so if anyone uses it we get notified first.

he seems better this morning. I put him on my car insurance, and then let him run off to hock some items that he salvaged from the mess. he is also looking forward to some quiet alone time in the car. that was always my refuge was sitting in my car driving along the road and letting my head recalculate my life.

He is trying to read the "healing the sensitive heart" book, and I put him on several websites to show him that he was indeed a victim of abuse. She isolated him, took his money, belittled, and critized him constantly, lied to him, brought men home, was a drunker, and was putting her hands on him to control his behavior. so, he met the criteria of an abuse victim in several catagories. I am setting him up with some counsel, a mentor from the church, and so.

Thank you for the prayers. they are most useful.

I'm so glad he's at home now, Dej. While I've never had to experience this myself or through my children I can imagine how heartbreaking it is.

I'm so glad he's reading the books and taking charge of his life. I just cannot fathom what makes some people so cruel. Maybe it was the way they were raised.....maybe it's a chemical imbalance.....maybe they're just plain mean. I don't know but I do know that it cannot be healthy or safe to be around them.

I wouldn't trust her one iota and even when he feels it's "safe" I hope he keeps his guard up because she'll be waiting for him to relax so she can pop up when she's least expected to.

It would be very hard for me to watch my child be mistreated in any way. But it's got to be very hard for him because, just like that police dispatcher, there is a preconceived notion that a man who is abused is weak. And that's just not true.

Maybe he can become involved in something that helps other victims of domestic abuse and that can make him feel empowered and less alone in this.

I hope he can realize that it's her....not him. Here's a :hug: for him and you, too.

I've been thinking about your son, Dej. How is he doing? I hope he's keeping the 'no contact' rule. I'm still praying for him :hug:.

Thank you for asking.

he has applied for 6 jobs so far.
He has broken down all of the boxes in my basement and recycled the ones the needed to go to the dump.
He has kept to the NO contact rule with sticky head.
He met a nice girl at the pharmacy at walmart, and they went to see a movie yesterday with a NO dating rule. He really just needed to go do something.
Went to the fair today, and he was very patient with me as I stumbled in the heat, and on the uneven ground.
He stripped down one of my painted cabinets and repaired my boo boo.
He got a fishing license today and is going to go out with the church boys fishing on Saturday. He will be helping the young ones learn.


He seems to be coming out of the trance she had him in. #1 he is very malnourished. #2 he lived a very isolated life imposed by her. #3 he never got to make choices with his own money. its been good to see the light starting to return to his face. He has a new phone number, and removed 30 folks off his facebook page that kept or refused to break contact with his ex. The landlord told him that he is OFF the lease officially, and considers him a prior tenant paid in full.

Its a slow process as he has been held prisoner for years, and its going to take some baby steps to bring him home again. One thing is that he is having trouble sitting quietly and learning how to just be with himself. He is trying to keep every second of every day active and blasting with stuff. At some point he will have to slow down and hear himself. For right now, I dont think he knows how to. He is dreaming of future things like a car, a home, maybe someday a pet of his chosing, or even the ability to go on vacation. We threw away most of his ratty old cat peed on clothes and momma got him new stuff.

He is like a burn victim. you have to be very careful how you touch him, or its painful. For now, we are focusing on rebuilding a good foundation by surrounding him with good people, who are upbeat, honest, trustworthy, kind and God minded. his ex was into all sorts of weird worships that scared him more than a bit, so just getting a safety circle going is helpful.

He said thanks for the prayers, it helps to know so many are cheering for him.

I'm so glad he has a strong mom like you :). I understand how hard it is for him to just sit and be with his thoughts. I couldn't keep up the physical pace that he has been doing :eek:.

My vice of choice to avoid thinking is reading. I read constantly. Otherwise I start obsessing about you know who. He may be afraid that he will start feeling guilty or start missing her as insane as that may sound. It's Stockholm syndrome and PTSD. I have along road ahead and so does he. Understanding why I feel these things is helping me a lot. :hug::hug: for your family.

Coming out of any relationship that didn't end well can lead to alot of weird thoughts. I am sure it is even worse if it was an abusive relationship. I don't blame him for trying to fill his days with things to do instead of sitting alone with those thoughts. Give him time to learn to be himself while thinking about other things before he tries to sit and think too long and hard about himself.

Let him know it isn't just the ladies out there pulling and praying for him...

Well, he beat the bushes for the last 5 days and got a J O B today! he starts tomorrow. its a huge apple farm, and they need a general mechanic style guy, gopher, apple picker, fork lift driver...type guy. he stepped up and said "im your man!" so he starts at 8 tomorrow morning! Wahoo! I love this farm, they are so eco friendly, so social friendly, and really good people. Since their farm goes dormant in october, its seasonal, but it will do well till he finds another job. Wahoo!

He said to say thank you to all who said prayers for him. he really is still struggling, but he is starting to find his way, and having a J O B helps so much. instead of asking mom for gas money, or movie money, he can make his own. it will go a long way towards healing the bruised manhood.

Of course mom can still make him a great breakfast before he leaves, make him a nice lunch, and keep a dinner plate ready for when he returns. We dragged out an old cooler so he will have cool stuff to eat at lunch instead of having to eat peanut butter sandwiches which dont ruin in the heat.

With jobs the way they are, he really worked hard to find work. he didnt sit back and talk about how over qualified he was for this job (and he is) he just wants to work! Way to boy!

That's great news, Dej. I'm proud of him. Nowadays any honest job is a good job. He's fortunate to find one. Tell him I hope he has a really good first day. :)

This is where he went to work.


http://www.alysonsorchard.com/alyson-orchards/

http://www.alysonsorchard.com/alyson.../overview.aspx click on VIDEO and choose one to see how wonderful and beautiful this place is. I could sit on the mountain side for days. 500 acres of beauty.

It's beautiful! Makes me want to live there (except in the Winter :o).

Beautiful and a nice place to work, unless you have a bee phobia..:eek: I love apples!!:)

Give DS some power hugs from Sally.

have not heard from him all day. he was supposed to work till 5:30 so that will be good for him. I took the day off and rested. I have a nice honey ham covered with pineapples and cherries in the oven with augratin potatoes for dinner. His fav! (cant believe he likes pork so much) and he will be happy with brownies for dessert.

im hoping he had a good day, and that he was treated well, and wants to go back.

I'm comin' to your house for supper, Dej! I hope his first day went well, too. I hope he met lots of nice folks and realizes that his previous situation was not "the norm" and that there are kind people out there.

He came home dragging, but happy! He has tomorrow off so he can go to the church service, and they are going to the county fair after! They have tickets to the demo derby for him as a nice welcome to our church present. His boss is great, and he never picked a single apple. They had him doing mechanical stuff, and setting up for weddings, and working with the ducks on the duck pond, and packing a shipment, and then delivering it. He said the guys he works with are awesome, and he really like them. its sooooo nice to see this young man smile again.

btw, each night, he can bring home all the fresh fruit he wants! he warned them that mom is juicing right now, and they may lose on that bet. He dragged home $20 worth of peaches! I may make a cobler for him tomorrow or monday night dinner. Tomorrow I think I will just get out of his way and let him make church friends with some stable young men with good foundations that are his age.

Wahoo! my boy is on his way to his own life of freedom. He said he is lonley and he misses her in some ways, but in others he is starting to see that she is pretty sick. I had to show him that its NOT his job to fix her. its his job to fix HIM and him only! Then once he is fixed, he can start to look for a better mate. He said that made him sad, because he was ready to commit the rest of his life to her, for better or worse....he just didnt realize it was going to be all worse. I tried to explain that if she was willing to seek help, get treatment or had a disease that she was willing to stand up and accept help for, that would be one thing, but to blame ALL of the problems, issues, and bad times on one half of the relationship never ever works. so, he still has some healing to do, but at least he is asking the right questions, and I have him tugged in the right direction now. Its really hard to let go of someone you love, even if they are not the best thing in the world for you. This one will leave a deep scar, but it will heal.