Sticks and Stones...
 

How many of us were brought up under that adage, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"?

I was talking with my daughter earlier, and she believes that philosophy taught at least a couple of generations that verbal abuse and bullying is at best not harmful, and at worst "okay". That we should just not let it get to us, as if it is somehow our fault if we don't shake it off.

I'm still pondering this. As a kid, I felt empowered when I shot that back at another kid who was teasing me or otherwise being mean.

But of course, now we all know that words certainly do hurt people, and verbal abuse can be just as cruel as any other kind. Perhaps more.

Do you think that old saying contributed to making us more vulnerable to verbal abusers? Did it give us a mental "weapon" against hurtful words? Or is it just a harmless old saying?

I remember that saying well. It seems like "way back then" :rolleyes: it was thought that unless you were physically harmed you were okay. Verbal abuse didn't get as much attention as it does today.

Words can cut to the core.......and while a bruise fades or a broken bone heals the scars from words can remain forever. :(

I think that old saying had a simpler meaning, in the old days. I think it just meant that with words like "Fatty fatty 2 by 4, couldn't get thru the bathroom door", did not physically hurt you. You had to let a lot of that stuff roll off your back or you set yourself up as a victim/nurd and the mean kids all teased victims/nurds.:rolleyes:

The words have become more vicious and now, even plastered on the internet, for all to see. Kids are committing suicide because of these words!!

I always liked "I'm made of rubber, you're made of glue and those words bounce off of me and stick to you":D

Hi B2y, Do ya want me to explain it to her?:rolleyes: She hasn't met my 'companion'.

I think we're as vulnerable as we ever were to verbal abusers. Some are more hurt by it than others. It's probably always been that way.
"Sticks and stones can break my bones...." was a great comeback, and for some it aptly described how they really felt because they had a solid sense of self-esteem. For others, it was (still) a great comeback - sure sounded good - but the words still sunk in and hurt, anyway.
I love the quote that's something like: "no one can make you feel inferior without your permission". But if your parents never taught you how special you were, or if you've heard negative messages about yourself from others consistently throughout your life, I'm sure it's a hard thing to remember and hold dear.

I always stuck with "I know you are, but what am I?" for its simple elegance.

Very interesting thread! Maybe our tolerance is just lower now and with the internet reaching everywhere it is probably necessary with regard to bullying. I mean back in the day it might have been hurtful for someone to write something mean about you on the bathroom wall but now it is being broadcase into everyone's homes, other school's students have access to the gossip and with our technology fake pictures, copy/paste things etc. really have the ability to make it more damaging than just girls in the restroom at my school reading "Jules sucks".

As with anything there are pros and cons. I mean it is wonderful and necessary that scapegoating is no longer tolerated however I do think as a well adjusted human we need to have somewhat of a thick skin and self assurance to be able to let some negativity roll off our backs.

All people aren't going to like us, some are going to be mean or jealous. Life is unfair and while no one deserves to be terrorized I do think we need to push past some of it. It takes me back to the current way of so totally insulating and praising our little ones. I really don't feel that sets them up for a realistic view of the world and at some point we all need to accept that our finger painting on the refrigerator isn't the next Monet masterpiece.

Jules, when the "mean" girl at school did and said mean things to my granddaughter, my daughter told her "not everyone is going to be your friend".

I suppose it isn't the saying itself but what goes with it in the way of elaboration and support from parents, teachers, etc.

It is heartbreaking to have to say that to your little one but I guess something we all have to learn? :(

This isn't an easy lifetime to get through and frankly I wouldn't recommend it.

It seems like things are more publicized these days.....and everyone gets to put their 2 cents into every situation whether it involves them or not. Depending on the situation everything might have resolved itself but then someone will be "offended" at something someone said or the way they said it....and before you know it the whole thing is completely blown out of proportion.

When I was a little girl I remember schoolyard arguments and even "fights" (boys shoving each other or wrestling in the dirt) but when the bell rang everyone got up, went inside and got on with their day. Now, the police are called, lawyers are involved and someone always threatens to sue. :rolleyes: I know some situations call for intervention but sometimes it just seems way out of hand. Whatever happened to writing 100 times on the blackboard "I will not spit on Clarence and call him cross-eyed". :confused:

I was the target plenty of times, my own brother was relentless.

However, since I was hurt often, what I remember most was those that were even more vulnerable than me. I still remember two incidences when I wish I had stepped in and stopped what probably hurt more than any retort could give comfort.

I was in the fifth grade, boys and girls were becoming aware of each other as sexual people, innocent puppy love. Kerry was not popular but the boy who liked her was popular. Kerry sewed his initials into her palm. Not deep, it was the kind of piercing that just went through one layer. Not appropriate but worse was how she was surrounded by the popular girls and targeted. It was brutal. I wish I had had the courage to stay stop.

Again, the fifth grade and on the bus after school. The popular girls were on the bus. I was in awe and they were loud with laughter. Suddenly they say a classmate walking home along a neighborhood street. The three girls got off the bus to make fun of her clothes and hair.

No retorts can protect against it.

Only good is that from those two experiences, I made a vow to not allow it again when I saw it.

It did not protect both my children from the pain though. DS has done much better than DD. My first exposure to cyber bullying came when she was also in fifth grade and one of her classmates took to the computer to say awful things.

Anyone having to resort to sticks and stones is hurt. It stays so much longer with the injured party than it does with the thoughtless one.

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me. That's not true. I just saw again lately that "words can kill you". That was from a few shows concerning teen suicide from being bullied.

I think many of us have been bullied; I know I sure was. However, I learned to sluff it off. However, it left a mark on me. I can still relive it. What else was there to do except beat the tar out of the bullies back then. I'm not sure that it is worse today other than it is out there and we hear about it more. JMO.

Did anyone see the special show on last night about grade school & Cyber bullying, before the teen years? It was scary!!

My 12 & 10 yr old granddaughters have a Facebook account. I didn't know that FB rules prohibit anyone under 13 from having a FB acct., but they say that it's hard to enforce.

The schools weren't at all helpful and laws are in the works and being passed to make the schools & Parents accountable for their bullying and bullied students......even the online bullying because it carries back to the schools. 2 hangings and some suicide attempts were ignored by the schools.

Some of the students themselves came forward with a group who actually put on plays about students bullying students....and it did help some, but until the anti bullying laws are put into place and used, there is not a lot that can be done

After a couple of incidences, my Grands only play games on FB and no longer post. My oldest GD-20, also had some troubling posts appear on her FB page and she closed her account. She went thru a terrible personal time. She is better now and has a new FB acct with only true friends and family.

IMHO, We as Parents and grandparents have a duty to keep our babies off of the web, until they are old enough to handle it and to hold the schools responsible for bullying taking place in or out of the schools by their students.

I got a friend request on FB from the son of one of my friends...he's NINE YEARS OLD!!!! On his profile, his birthdate is listed as 1996 or something. I could smack his mother. She knows better.

I told my Daughter what I thought about it and I think she is now realizing what a mistake it was.:rolleyes: