Family secrets ... e.g., I just found out my grandmother's name
 

My dad's mother was mentally ill. I found that out when I found out he had a sister--but not the two sisters I grew up thinking he had. They were step-sisters, daughters of the second wife, step-mother Julia.

Real sister Hyacinth pushed into my life just as I was giving my folks a big 50th Anniversary party. She became the party. She HATED her father, my grandfather, whom I adored & mourned still after his death when I was 8.

My dad hated his mom.

NO ONE would tell me anything about her. Not even her name.

Last night, on the internet, I finally found my dad's birth certificate.

Please allow you to introduce you to Catharine Jones, my grandmother.

Why do families keep secrets, anyway? How much damage does it do?

Catherine Jones
 

Dear BlueCarGal,

Wow. Great job on getting a hold of the birth certificate :Heart:

My father's family had some weirdness. My paternal grandfather was "married" twice -- had two sets of kids. He drove off the first wife. No one spoke to her until 40+ years later

http://bestsmileys.com/flowers/9.gif

Catherine Jones is a beautiful name.
Let's honor our mothers, aunts, and grandmothers. :)

M

I am happy for you blue car gal.
bizi

Wow, that's some good detective work, congrats! Years ago, people would be mentally ill, but all we were ever told about them is that they were 'weird, egocentric, off-beat', etc. Funny, how times change...

sisters & brothers
 

My mom's dad & one of his 4 brothers married sisters, and the other sister quit speaking to the sister who was my grandmother a few years after the 2nd wedding. Everyone claimed to know not why. When I asked her why, she said because she'd rather talk to her parrot.

The more I find out about my family, the stranger they seem, but I'm addicted.

there are a lot of unstable people who walk among us...untreated and possibly a danger to themselves or others.
At least we are getting the help we need and taking responsibility for ourselves.
bizi

instability or personality?
 

Bizi,

My great grandfather with two "wives" was stable. That whole side of the family is stable. He was probably mean and stubborn in his younger years.
M.

This is a hard topic for me... I mean, it helps me a the same time because it makes me think all families have secrets and, most important... that all us are human and make mistakes...

BIG SECRET IS OUT:

I know that my father has 2 other "kids"... not with mom, to whom he is married... :(

It was shocking when I found out... to be honest I think that contributed to all my health problems... triggering me stuff you know...

He doesnt know I know... But those guys know I exist and I think they know I know... they tried to contact me on fb and I was like :o No way. I blocked them without saying anything. I dont have any intention on contacting them. NEVER.

:(

We have to be prepared to say NO. You did what you had to do.
I may arrive at that point.
And a few generations on, someone may be uncovering my name on the internet & saying, "Eureaka!"

But better on the internet than face-to-face maybe.

We do what we can, & what we must. TWO great motivators.

I am sorry, though, Blue, for the pain you must feel. Sometimes life just sucks.

an empathic link with my new boss
 

Turns out the director of the library where I now work has just begun researching her family, and we were comparing our results so far this evening. My mom had filled in her dad's genealogy fairly completely, & it's there that she found our Jewish branch in Amsterdam, marrying into our line in the late 1600s. Beginning about 1850 they began migrating to Germany & surrounding areras. A hundred years later not one remained.

Naziism.

Yep, Hitler's "vision" killed off an entire branch of my family's tree.

So I felt a real gut wrench when this young woman spoke of hitting dead ends & of people, sometimes families, just disappearing--during the heyday of slavery in America. I actually started crying; her perplexed look had me explaining about my Jewish branch. We ended up sharing a bit of a good cry, for all the lost relatives everywhere over the whole course of history, those innocent victims of mankind's many inhumanities to man.

irony
 

I decided to take a larger suitcase than usual this trip & found my mother's grandmothers' wedding rings in the suitcase. No idea how/when they got there.

Found my dad's father's entrance into the United States!

Dear BlueCarGal,
The rings showed up because your family background is entering your field of attention. I love that when one has a focus, pieces of puzzles can start to get sorted out almost all by themselves.

Enjoy your month off spending the lib's money and enjoying your kitties. I hope you have good news when you return in in four weeks.

Those kinds of finds take lost of work but come with big payoffs. :highfive: :Dancing-Chilli:

M

It does begin to feel unified,,,
 

Hi, Mari,

What you say makes sense. I do enjoy this search for my dad's family. Theyve been rumors & unknowns forever.

Thanks!

:roll eyes.
C.G.

My Dad & his Dad
 

Look what I found:
Romaine Texas and Edward E.

Researching family history
 

I recently came across a copy of the record of my great grandfather's immigration via Ellis Island in 1906. He was a 22-yr-old Russian Hebrew from Odessa, which is now part of the Ukraine. I am so proud of all I have learned about my family!

All families have secrets...I found out 20 years after the fact that my paternal grandfather did not die of cancer - he committed suicide to protect his family from the Mob.

The stigma of mental illness - growing up, I knew that my mother had depression, but I was ashamed and felt cheated. I thought that mental illness was a weakness and I needed my mother to be strong.

I guess as a species we've made a little progress. Time was cancer was something to be hidden as much as suicide.

I feel good spilling sunshine on my family's secrets. I'm the only one left except distant relatives, except for my dad's sister's son. I don't know his name or where he is.

Thanks, Katiebell!

father and grandfather: great pictures.
 

Dear BlueCarGal,
All the work you have done can end up in a library somewhere or made into something with visual impact. You can create an artistic presentation of what you have found.
M

The other branch showed up.
 

While at dinner last night with a former student, a friend of a friend came up to say he thought his wife was related to the Arizona branch of my mom's Kentucky family. After comparing a few things we found out 'tis true. Amazing where family pops up...everywhere!

Dear BCG,
That's wild.
This works when people talk to each other and share.

M