Bad day
 

3 1/2 months into TBI/PCS I thought I'd be having better days. Some of them are, but today just blew chunks. I've felt like I have been in a fog all day, and had vertigo numerous times.

After the accident (rear-ended by big commercial truck) I was having vertigo 20/30 times a day that lasted from 10 seconds and more, usually 30-45 seconds. I'm down to about 5-6 times a day usually only 3-5 seconds, and the occasional 10 seconder.

I just want to throw stuff!!!!!!! I want to scream in frustration (and not scare the dogs and the grandson). I don't know what to do. It's just been a sucky day all around-and there's no reason. I'm FRUSTRATED!!! I'm tired of correcting all the stupid mistakes I made now when I type. I'm just mad and can't do anything about it.

No matter how many times we read everyones posts about how long into their recovery they are, its always hardest to accept where you are and how frustrating it is to have such a debilitating injury. I understand where you are....everyone here understands where you are. Its scary, lonely, frustrating, humiliating, inconvenient, annoying, painful, sad, depressing and every other word you can think of.

Have you tried talking to a therapist yet. This is a very traumatic experience that has happened to you and sometimes having a safe place to explode and get out all of your anger and frustration out helps. Its safe on here to do that, cuz we are all here to listen.

Im 5 months out, and have had days where i am good and others that suck! At my 3 month mark, i had a full week with no headaches or fogginess, but still dizzy a lot at that time. I felt like queen of the world! Havent had a week like that since. Rest rest and more rest they say. So hard to sit back and be patient. God knows im not! But thats what this injury needs is time. Hoping tomorrow is a better day for you with less symptoms!!

No to talking with a therapist yet. I've considered, but haven't followed thru.
The thing that sent me over the edge today was not being able to find the butter in the grocery store... I'm 44 years old. I've been cooking since I was 16. Butter=cold. Butter=dairy. Butter=refrigerated section. I looked past it five times until my daughter walked up and asked me what I was looking for.
At the risk of offending anyone, how hard is it to find the damn butter?

I'm reviewing new neurologists. The one I saw post-hospital wasn't a lot of help. I just feel like there is more she could be doing-but what, I don't know. I go back to see her in a week. If she isn't any more on top of it than the first time, I'm finding someone new.

But thanks for listening. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. It really does help that you know AND understand what I'm going thru. Thank you.

There is very little the doctor you saw at the hospital can do, much less any other doctor. When you have those "Where's the butter?" episodes, think of this. It is your brain farting. The whole brain fart scenario is: It stinks. You know it came from your brain. But, you have no idea how it got out.

We have to get a sense of humor and learn to let go and laugh at the situation. The stress of getting frustrated only makes it worse.

I have to stop to think sometimes, just to remember my wife's name. We've been married 31 years.

My most common brain fart is saying "ouch" when I am straining to do a task that requires physical strength, like opening a new jar of spaghetti sauce. There was no pain involved. The groan comes out as ouch.

I have lots of other such brain farts.

Ya just gotta laugh.

Like putting the milk in the cupboard or picking up a toothbrush to brush my hair.

We should start a thread about the various brain farts. It would be a laugh riot.

great post Mark! Made me think of a few things i could laugh at instead of sulk about. Not always easy to stay positive and laugh....but getting a reminder to do so helps!!

Mark-I can't tell you how many times I've "brain-farted" over the past couple of months. It is ridiculous. And you are right-and I honestly usually do have a pretty good sense of humor about the whole thing. Fact of the matter is-I'm really lucky. There was an ambulance sitting stationary that saw the accident, my best guy friends were a couple of minutes behind me-and they are firefighters/emts/paramedics and I got the absolute best care possible from the minute the accident happened as far as "personal" care.

I've blamed everything from forgetting to shower to buying ice cream to dain bramage. Today was just a really bad day. I try not to have many of those.
I have lots of other such brain farts.

I agree about the post for brain farts-matter of fact, I'll give a freebie. Yesterday, not only did I call my grandson the dog's name, I followed up with the second dog's name before I finally got to him!!!

Btw,

I'm having a lot of trouble going to sleep. Once I get to sleep, I usually sleep pretty well. I did talk to the Neuro about the problem-her suggestion was meditation. I've done that. I've had hot tea, hot chocolate, reading, warm bath, etc etc etc. Anything that I'm missing that you can think of or am I going to have to rattle her cage a little?

Have you tried asking your primary care physician? I would blatantly state that you have tried everything and wanted a trial of a medication to help with sleep (or anxiety) whichever seems to be the bigger culprit....it doesnt hurt to be straight and ask for what you need.

And i understand about the personal care part. I am so exhausted some days, i will not be able to shower for 2 or 3 days sometimes. Its not that i forget....i just cant initiate the sequence and get it done. I probably wash my hair every 3 or 4 days (which is gross for me....i used to do it everyday) and its cause my head is so sensitive i dont want to brush or blow dry it.

Wow... I totally needed to read this today. I'm having a week full of fog and brain farts. Yesterday, my boyfriend opened the microwave to heat up some leftovers for dinner. He asked me if I wanted tea with my dinner. Apparently, at some point throughout the day, I had put water in a mug for tea, heated in the microwave and completely forgot about it. I couldn't even pinpoint when I had done it. But I must have, as I'm the only tea drinker in my house. Thankfully my boyfriend has a great sense of humor, or I would have been depressed the rest of the evening.

I agree with mark. We need to start a sticky for "brain farts".

I also second talking to your doctor about sleep medication. Your brain heal's best when it gets the ability to recover while you sleep. Sleep is so incredibly important. I am on medication for sleep and anxiety and it has made such a wonderful difference for me. The life of a concussed person is much easier to bear, when you aren't cranky from lack of sleep.

I did ask both about something for sleep. My PCP (who is really super) didn't want to prescribe anything until I met with the neurologist. He didn't want to introduce anything new prior to meeting with her. She wants me to meditate, etc etc etc. I go back to see her next week and I will tell her meditate smediatate-I need some SLEEP! She did mention if the other things didn't work she would prescribe something-but that was at our first meeting...in AUGUST!

Thanks all. I'm not quite so grrrr this morning. Yesterday really was just a bad day.

Hey Tamisue - have you tried amitriptyline? It relieved all my pcs symptoms and helped me sleep really well.

So the current topic is brain farts? I often forget the names for objects and call them thingys! My fiancee (somehow) always knows what I mean! As a former cowboy, he's had several concussions, so he isn't surprised by any of my verbal farts!!!! :D :D :D

Ok now I'm starting to freak out! So many people are talking about symptoms returning after a good amount of pain-free time. I don't know if I could handle it!! :eek:

I think its just the way this condition goes. Its a rollercoaster ride. The minute you think you are healed and start increasing activities or expending too much energy, there comes the setbacks. If you are feeling well....i would say continue to go slow like you would when you still had symptoms, better to play it on the safe side so you dont slide down the slippery slope of a setback.

I think nightnurse is right, although I would love to be proved wrong (I'm still waiting for the University at Buffalo authors to come out with a large-scale, definitive study showing that controlled exercise, say for 20 mins a day, can help improve symptoms - for now I'm skeptical).

I believe my most significant setback came from overexerting myself about two weeks after my concussion. Over the course of a single day, I went for two walks outside, had a long phone conversation (about an hour), socialized with family for an hour and a half, and hoisted and carried my 45-lb nephew several times. The next night and day I felt really bad, and that was when my tinnitus started. I think the lifting was the main culprit - although I didn't feel the effects immediately, I think it really overtaxed my recovering brain at the time.

My advice would be to start with a baseline of as close to complete rest (mental and physical) as possible, and incrementally add activities as you progress. Think long term, not today or this week or next week. Be patient, and take good care of yourself (rest, nutrition, relaxation techniques, social support, etc).

those of you who use amitriptyline -- are you tired all day? I understand it helps with sleep...but not sure are you exhausted all day too? I tried it in the beginning and couldn't tolerate it,..now looking back...couldn't tolerate anything and not sure it was the amitriptyline. I also think the trip to/from the dr was sooo much for me that I blamed it on the new meds after each visit.

Today has been much better! Thanks everybody. Some chocolate ice cream and some new shoes sure make a gal a bit more fun to be around.

Seriously, I have tried amitriptyline in the past and it kept me up ALL night. It was horrible. I have taken Ambien-and those I broke in half and only took half. I just need to get to sleep, once I'm there I'm ok.

I don't know how much of symptoms returning I can stand. I'm already foggy sometimes and that is very uncomfortable. It's like standing somewhere you've been 1000 times and not recognizing one thing. If the vertigo came back like in the beginning, I'm afraid I'd have to stick my head in the oven...yeah, it was that bad. But, no, I wouldn't. I have cute new shoes to wear!

I'm trying my best to be positive. I have always been a Pollyanna, but this adventure has been trying, even for me. It is just so dang hard to accept limitations and try to cope. I have been so stinking independent for my entire life. I raised two beautiful daughters as a single parent, and I've accomplished everything I've ever really set my mind to...but now I can't remember the word horn...instead I told my daughter to "beep!!!!!" today at someone trying to come into her lane. Very bitter medicine my friends, very bitter indeed.

Im on Nortriptyline and when i was back at work for those 2 months, i would take it at 11pm and finish my night shift with no sleepiness from it. It doesnt make me sleepy at all. At bedtime i take the nortriptyline and temazepam or ambien to sleep. Ive had insomnia forever though.

i know where you are at with your frustration and being bummed out. I've been crying for the past 2 weeks and cant get out of my funk if i tried. My family lives on the opposite coast and really doesnt care all that much about whats going on with me, my friends all walked away because i cant party with them or im too depressing to be around, my roommate is definetly sick of me, my girlfriends from work are all busy working nights and im missing that social aspect, and the few friends that are long distance call here and there. Its so lonely and sometimes i wonder how much longer i can hold on and wait to get better when im just being swallowed up inside by this PCS. Depressing...i know. sorry!

I was tired for the first couple hours after waking, but that's because the effects last for about 12 hours. I gained tolerance to the lowest dose (about 10 mg) within 4 days. It relieved my pain but didn't make me as drowsy. The unfortunate thing is that after a while I had to up my dose and repeat the process all over again.

I have been the SAME way! I have been so down and so bummed. My youngest daughter lives with me (she's 22) and just moved back to NC from CA. We were in the car yesterday and I changed the radio station. I love Adele, but if I had to hear her sing one more sad song yesterday I was going to jump out of the car. My family lives near, but they don't understand what I am going thru and my friends don't either. I've had to remind myself, repeatedly, that while I might be stuck at home due to my circumstances, everyone else isn't. They are still working, still going to school, still taking care of families and doing all the things they have to do-that has helped a little. I have been so isolated and alone. It is horrible. I'm so sorry. I hope that knowing other people are going thru the same thing helps-in a weird way.

yup...understand that isolated and alone. I have a few great friends who really understand and let me cry on their shoulders. I'm fortunate to have a husband who is practically a saint! He puts up with so much - and does so much. He's really understanding....even more so that I understand! He tries so hard to keep me sane with this and not break down!

But...glad I have you guys to rant and rave to--- and hear that you guys are going thru the same thing (unfortunately for all of us).