getting harder by the day
 

hello all

i'll keep it short
my pain is way out of control
still have to get cat-scan
then see the man
had to give myself additional dose of meds
as yesterday while out and taking care of business
had made a call to pain specialist before taking them
i cried like a baby out in public
how sad is that
people kindly asking are you alright
couldn't wait to get home and lay down
mentally can't even begin with that
but know i am very angry coupled with enormous pain
pain all over not a good combo
did some homework on pain pump
just another operation?
what went wrong???
it wasn't ANYTHING like this!!!!
something went terribly wrong
and continues getting worse by the day

have a feel good day

Re: thinking of you
 

Dear eva, I am sorry your pain level isn't good. You are right that anger and pain don't go together very well. Am I correct that you have a pain pump? Did something go wrong with your last surgery? Go in to see the doc. don't sit and suffer. Cry in front of him or her, that is OK. I also know what it is like to cry in public. People can be kind. I will hope and pray your pain levels go down where you can feel human again. ginnie

bless your heart, i haven't ventured into that yet it is my pc doctors recommendation
so many things going on
doing homework on it
for now pain doctor up my pain meds
hurts doing simple things
sorry being so descriptive
difficult sitting on potty

i'll keep in touch

much love

Hi eva
 

I sincerely hope you get some relief. I had spinal fusions and I do know about that kind of pain. I hope you get the right direction and don't have to go through the surgery. That is a last resort to do that anyway. My pain was not controlled at all with infusions of katamine, and pain meds. I had to have some surgery and it isn't easy. Of course living in pain isn't easy eithor. You be decriptive all you want to. That is why neruo talk exists. I am glad to listen. ginnie

up on meds unable to function
 

wound up in bed sick
meds tend to do that
my body wants to rid of them
managed keeping them down
ate some yogurt along with grape nuts
seemed to settle my stomach
took enough pain away
that allowed some need sleep
wasn't much
it was somewhat solid
but the creepy dreams i can do without
go up earlier than i would like 4:50 a.m.
so the clock told me
it was pain that had me stirring
laid there for an hour
just until corissa my daughter
had to get up for school
had yogurt with some cereal
took my meds only to
see the rain outside
sure that has much to do with the heightened pain
another day to conquer
as the days go on by
i find rather then healing
it is becoming unbearable
i have a job waiting for me
i am on my third leave no pay
and i mentioned before ssd isn't cutting it
my third request for leave
my job began a threat taking away
my insurance that too was a disruption
i took care of business
uncalled for harassment
but reinstated never-the-less
in writing
but as time goes by
i wonder will my life
as it is now not working
it's a major part of my life
and livelihood
these surgeries did me no good
made it worse
again i fell i was a good chance to make $
his (my surgeon) behavior is just
so nonchalant
way not cool
i'm the oldest of three
my middle sister 2 years younger than myself
started first then myself right behind her
when we came into America i was 5
my sister and i were deemed calcium deficient
telling this to all 10 or 12 doctors
was not a concern
i have had all kinds of blood work done
as my sister has
no real red flags
i will venture into the Big City
5 minutes to get into NYC a specialty hospital
bone ortho nerves and so on where my sister has her doctors
name of hospital escapes my mind
don't know how long till
i loose it all together
my passion in all my life is
or shall i say was cooking
so between missing my dog
and not able to cook my yummy meals
crap this just sucks big time
hoping for some relief tomorrow
get results from biopsy


thanks for listening
and allowing me to let loose

wish all a feel good day

Hello Eva
 

[Dear Eva,
I am listening to you. I do hear what you are saying for sure. I was wondering if you can get help with sleeping. My doctor gave me zanax, which allows me to sleep even with pain, then there is less pain when I wake up.
You need more relief than what you are getting, if the quality of life is that bad. Are you on anti-depressants? Also could you please tell me what your medical condition is, Your back or neck? The unrelenting pain can make life unbearable. I am sorry you had to give up cooking. I had a 30 yr. business where I was an artist and traveled all over the country. I know about loss. That in itself is hard to cope with. I miss what I was as you do. Do you go to an actual pain specialist? Not just a PCP. What surgery have you had? Are you in a position that you are thinking about more? There has to be a way to make you more comfortable, especially as you have a daughter getting ready and all in school. Not being able to function well, has to be most difficult for you. I am here, and I will continue to listen, and maybe I can help you to figure out what to do to get some more help. Have faith, keep trying. ginnie

hi my friend
as far as sleep aid i'm afraid of taking it
my son just suggested it also
i do talk to a psychiatrist for almost 2 years now
he has me on prozac 40 mg once a day zanax 1 mg twice a day
i do go to a pain specialist once a month
as far as surgery if you go back i believe on this site
you'll find my story word for word the findings
and recommendations up till i took the leap
i had acdf levels 5/6 and 6/7
first surgery didn't fuse
second surgery posterior
with all kins of arm hands leg numbness
loss of sensation yet in horrible pain
it goes more in depth just go back titles should help
my neck and back are problematic
my surgeon messed me up at second surgery
i'm too scared for any more surgeries
just want to heal and go back to work
i have had many test
seen and have many doctors
shots in my back did ooooo zero
i'll get back doorbell

thanks and much love in return
have a peaceful night

Oh Eva, it just keeps getting worse and worse for you. I feel so bad for you. You have friends here to listen, I know its hard coping with this pain alone, and you need someone to listen and understand.

I wish you would consider a sleep aid, I have to take one to sleep through the pain also, and lack of sleep really does make everything so much worse. Your body needs sleep to heal, and you aren't getting that.

I know when I am overtired, I react differently to pain, anxiety, life, I myself tend to make my stress much worse when I'm tired.

I understand missing your work and life. I'm going through the same anxiety and stress about not being back to work yet. I feel so guilty that I am still off work even though I know I'm not physically able to do my work. It's that loss of feeling important and needed, feeling like your life has a purpose.

My husband is very good at reminding me that my JOB right now is healing. It is my full time job to go to physio, do my stretches and exercises, follow doctors orders, rest and allow my body to heal. And that is your job right now too. You need to just allow your body to try and get over all these horrible invasions from surgery.

Please try to get some rest. Have you tried to meditate? I find that deep meditation is a very good way for me to get through really intense pain. It takes some practise, but if you practise anyone can do it. Find whatever the most comfortable position is for you, and focus on your breathing, clear your mind from wandering and focus on your breathe and heartbeat. Even if you can only manage 3 mins at first, it will help. There are lots of great websites on meditation also. Try it, it can't hurt, and I wish it would help you even just a little.

Take care my friend.
Wishing you less pain and more healing.
Cathie

dear cat

i fear taking anymore meds
i speak to my head psyc doc
he is fully aware of my problems sleeping
he also tells me i am taking many problems to bed with me
anger and pain are way up there in many ways
i do stop and allow myself time to just paying attention to myself
today i can hopefully ease my mind with some good news
my daughter will be with me whatever the results are
till then thanks for the support.
hope kitty is helping
i miss olie
how are you doing after your fall
felling better i hope
you take care as well my friend


thank you
hope you fell the holiday spirit

Hello eva
 

I am so sorry that the surgery didn't work for you. My first did not, but my second one left me better. Not without pain but better. I wish you had gotten the same results. Even if you are already on zanax, ask for another medication. You need your sleep to be able to heal. Also your muscles have a chance to relax so you can heal. Cathy was right about the meditation also. I live near the gulf coast and sit quiety on the beach when ever my lousy ankels allow me to walk down there. I find it soothing. I know you are afraid of another surgery. I would be too. I think you going to another specialist however might be worth it just for another opinion. You are waiting for test results now. I sure hope, that nothing negative comes from that. Being in the kind of pain you are in is draining. Don't stop asking for more help. Have you had a Katamine infusion? This is different from a block or epidural. I have had two, and they have helped me. The proceedure didn't hurt much, and there was a noticeable improvement after. Not all have good results however from what I read on neuro talk. Since I do not want any more surgery either, if I have more pain, I am going to ask for the infusion again. I hope and pray you find something that can ease what you are going through. ginnie

just a little more added of my plate
 

dear friends

i posted in womens health

my biopsy has come in

breast cancer early stage

this blows

have you guys i can lean on

talk with you soon

Hi eva
 

I am so sorry that your test came back like that. You didn't need more on your plate than you already had. I wish there was something I could say to ease your heart. I am here to listen any time. I want to be supportive of you as you go through what ever treatment is recommended. ginnie

thanks ginnie

made appointment to have MRI of breasts what ever it shows we sit down with the doctor and my family and take on course of action.

called neurosurgeons office to cancel cat-scan because this now is priority.

i will need any support given so i may stay positive

i thank you for your open heart

lots of love eva

hope you are doing well

Dear Eva
 

I am so glad your family will be with you. I had two friends go with me to all the scarry appts. My son, and my best friend Nan. They continue to do this for me. It is so important to have that support around you when the world gets turned upside down. Yes this is a priority now, I had to take things one step at a time regarding my health problems too. I will be with you in spirit. It is so difficult sometimes when things come at you one after the other. I will be here to listen any time you have a need. I had a biopsy earlier this year and it didn't hurt. I was scared however, and had anxiety. Please treat yourself with tender loving care while you go through your doctors visits and proceedures. We will all be here for you, lots of people care about you. ginnie

Oh Eva,

It's unfair how life deals us it's hand sometimes, I am so sorry you had bad results. It really sucks! Why can all the evil people and criminals have the bad health thrust upon them instead of the kind people with good hearts.

I feel so bad for you, wish we lived closer so I could sit with you and give you a big hug. But you'll have to accept my virtual hug :grouphug: instead.

I am at a loss of words right now, but I too am here to listen, anytime you want to vent, cry, or chat. I'm online everyday, I'll make a point of checking in more often to see that you are ok.

Glad you have your family with you for support... I will say a few extra prayers for you.

Thinking of you,
Cathe

dear friends

i already feel the love

and for that i hope to return blessings your way

you continue showing me the world has beautiful persons

ready to give a helping hand

a kind word

your prayers

as ellen says to her audience

back at you

with warm comforting regards

here for you also

Know how you feel about the pain, I feel like I am going out of my mind with my pain. I am a health professional that can truly say I understand how my patients feel when they are in pain. I am using this site as a way to voice how I feel without the closeness of people or co-worker that I know. Wish you the best of luck. Like I am telling myself, I wlll say to you...something has to give, can be like this for the rest of my life.
SF

pain insomnia depression
 

Pain is unbearable and just makes you more depressed.
Learn guided meditation and imagery.
Do whatever it takes to get sleep, even if it means ambien or something like that. without sleep you can't heal.
If you are religious, pray.
And learn as much as you can, and a second opinion may help.
Good luck.

Re: won't forget you
 

Hi eva, i won't forget you eithor. I will check back and see how you are doing. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that all the proceedures are pain free, and that you can sit down during thanksgiving with your family and be at peace. Be good to yourself. ginnie

ginnie

Happy holidays

thank you

checking in...
 

Hi Eva,

Hope you are feeling ok and staying positive. I've been thinking about you!

I've got a couple of links for you for some meditation information on controling pain. (There are so many available) I have a book at home that has Mandala's to focus on for meditation, when I am in bad pain I meditate to allow my body to free itself from the tightness and it allows me to let go of the pain. (also allows your pain meds to work better)

Treat yourself to a book about meditation, or download some relaxation music on your ipod/computer to listen too.

http://stress.about.com/od/generalte...wtoimagery.htm

http://arthritis.about.com/od/medita...ain_Relief.htm

Take care,
Cathie

dear friend

thanks for sharing your info

i would like to know how you are holding up

yesterday took an extra dose with all the laundry

helped ease the pain in my body

my head was loopy

i do meditate i have conversations

with my higher power

are you getting better after that fall

and how is kitty

my dog is in for a hell of a time when we see him

can't wait

going to look into cats that have no hair

corissa is allergic to cats

hope i can find one

need to do homework on them

you take care

i'll write again

sending much love

thanks much

my body feels so beat up

can't stay asleep

a good night sleep

feel fresh take a nice long shower

that is the attempt

love all who are holding on for me

so i can move ahead


i'll keep posting

hi Eva,

Glad you're still trying to think positively. I understand about the good night's sleep, last night wasn't a good sleep for me either, and I woke up with the worst stiff neck, sitting with a heating pack right now trying to get some relief. Must have slept wrong the pain isn't usually this localized first thing in the morning for me. Ugh.

I feel like I have recovered from my fall down the stairs, not that it solves that much, I still have lots of pain and issues to deal with, just not the tailbone and lower back thank goodness.

Counting down the days until my dr's note expires and I have to ask comp to retrain me and explain to my company that I won't be able to return to my job. My hand is toast, and I've come to the realization that I'm not going to be doing that career any longer. So, been looking into other possibilities and hoping that all the 'powers that be' cooperate with my decision. I'm going to have a lot of backlash from my employer, they expect me to return and jump right back into 46 hour work weeks, but those days are gone for sure. It's stressing me out thinking about what I have to do and say to everyone. People who don't understand the daily pain involved in simple everyday tasks. We don't have visual scars on the outside for people to see, so it's hard for them to understand pain that is deep inside our bodies. Sigh.

Anyway, enough about my problems, they are what they are, and everything will eventually work out the way it is supposed to.

Try to have a great day.... I'm going to try and get my haircut today (that's a challenge as you are probably aware) can't lie back in those hard sinks, so I have a great hairdresser that works around my 'issues'... LOL.

Take care and be kind to yourself. I'll check in later on ya!
Cathie :hug:

Hi eva
 

Nice hot showers do help. I am glad you are treating yourself good. That is so important as you move forward with your medical issues. I am here, and will not forget about you. I so hope things work out, and that you can be healthy again, and not have this hanging over your head and heart. I also hope your family surrounds you with all their love. ginnie

you all have my back
 

and i in return

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

HOPE YOU ALL A SUNNY ALL IN YOUR FACE KIND OF DAY! I AM WITH FAMILY

AND MY BABY BOY OLIVER MY DOG!!!! HE LOVES SO MUCH I CAN'T GET ENOUGH!

be happy

it gets a little harder getting things done

until then

sleep with the angels1