Where to start ? family, health, money...
 

Hi dear everyone,

I have been reading you, just not writing because really, my wrists have been in to much pain... (fibromyalgia) and my eyes have been giving me double vision... ugh :mad:

Anyway, I have been wanting to write you several days ago because this is the deal:
My cousin, the one who is my age, and used to share "everything" with me, is getting married... I admitt it has been a while since we took different ways in our lives... About 10 years maybe... we stop going together everywhere and sharing everything... our lives have not much in common anymore, but, the thing is that I felt offended because she didnt told me anything about her wedding... it is march and she just told me "come"... but didnt share with me anything, like choosing the dress and that stuff you know... I feel sad for that matter... also, depressed because she is doing her life and me ?? I have no life at all... and we are the same age... :( Also, I have a big problem because I DO NOT want to attend the wedding... forgive me but I cant stand her boyfriend and I hate parties... and my family... but it will be very difficult to say I dont want to go... :(

I have too many things to solve in my mind... like, I want to go to NYC in 2 weeks to see my band for the last time in a while (they are taking a loooooooong break :Bawling: ) but hotels are sooo expensive I cant pay any... so, this woman I met in Houston in a concert precisely, offered me to share... the room... I mean, she is so clean and polite, but Im worried I might not be the best roomie... Im lazy and Im not the typical tourist if that make sense... I dont know... I feel uncomfortable but at the same time, it is a way to make this trip happen...

Argh... I feel just confused... :Sob:

There you go again ms. traveler. I wish I could travel as much as you do.:)
Air fares must be inexpensive.

It would be nice to have someone to go with! companionship is an added bonus in my eyes, or would you not hang out together?
sorry about your eyes acting up.
nice to hear from you.
bizi
Dear Blue, I just wanted to add that you are a grown woman and get to do what you want to do. Could you go to the wedding and not go to the reception? or if you still feel comfortable sharing things with her..you could tell her that have a hard time in social situations. When she sends you an invitation...she is mailing them right? You can always RSVP that you will attend and leave it open and decide at the last minute if you will really go or not. Is it a local wedding? or would you have to fly? I am sorry that your feelings are hurt, people grow apart all of the time, it takes effort to stay in touch.
bizi

Dear Majo,

You and your cousin have different priorities in your lives at the moment. You are are a scientist. It is perfectly ok for you not to go to a wedding. Tell people you have work to do. You need to be in the lab.

Hotels in New York City are expensive. You have a good plan to go with a roommate. Make sure that you have a back up plan in case the roommate situation does not work out.
Visitors in New York City do not spend much time in the hotel rooms. You will be doing a lot of walking on the streets, grabbing bites to eat, getting ready for the concerts.

Keep the expectations low. Give the roommate a lot of space --- let her have quiet time in the room. She will need to have peace and quiet and so you will. Probably during the day time you too can go off and do different things. What I mean is that you want to make plans so that you are not with each other every single minute of the day.

Work it out so you can be by yourselves.

Even in the room you want to by yourself.

Even people who are very good friends or related to each other would not be able to spend every single minute of the two weeks together.

You can do this. Keep communicating with her now about her expectations so that you are in agreement.

M

tales of weddings and trips
 

Dear Majo

about the wedding... not sure what to say. follow your gut. i went to the wedding of my once-best friend from high-school, sacrificing a grade point in a class for it - it was a butt-breaker class (computer architecture) with an even more butt-breaking teacher. my project partner decided to go off and do freako drugs so i was doing the final project by myself, and i knew if i took off for the wedding, i probably would not finish ...

i went to the wedding with bunches of printouts, pencils, markersr, and tried in vain to work on the project (wasn't really able to.) i didn't finish it in time.

my friend got divorced 3 years later - looky looky, the time required to get her residence in the US. when i invited her to come for thanksgiving she accepted, then bailed at the LAST minute, leaving me with no plans as i'd already turned down other invites. reason: she wanted to "spend some quality time" with her new boyfriend ... whom she married years later. (i chose not to attend this wedding... she kept throwing complications at me and i finally said NO.)

so see, ppl do what they want, and they screw you over sometimes without concern for your plight. you do what you want in regard to this wedding. if you feel like going, go. if not, don't.

A caution. If the main reason you wouldn't go is due to feeling offended about not being involved in choosing a dress and stuff, think very carefully about it. you might get over this "offense" later, and feel sorry you missed her day. my best friend got married and i wasn't there because of a similar reason. i told myself there were other reasons too, but really it was because i was offended that she told my room mate and me to sort out between ourselves who should be maid of honor. i was so hurt. since she didn't "choose" me i told the other girl to go ahead. and i didn't even go. very soon afterwards, i was sorry. if only i had had the courage to let my friend know, then, that i cared that much about the role, and/or that i felt hurt, i could spared us the whole drama, spared her being hurt i didn't even show up, and been a part of her day as her maid of honor. Now i live with the regret of not having been there... oh we have forgiven each other and she is still my best friend... we talked about it long after the fact. but do not let some silliness spoil something big, is what i am saying here.

On the other hand, if it just feels like a duty and not genuinely important to you then don't go. you know, the fact you felt "offended" about not being involved in the dress choice etc suggests to me it is somewhat important to you, even if you hate her boyfriend. What was this "offense" about, really... did she hurt your pride, or your heart? that might help you decide...

-------------------
ok now rooming with someone i barely know would scare the daylights out of me.

then again i am someone who *always* wants their own room when i travel. i need to have a place to hole up because i do a lot of it. years ago maybe the hotel would have seen little of me but i am no longer that way, and nobody, not even company, can drag me.

i am not a power tourist, and several years ago when i made a trip on my own, and saw things i couldn't be bothered with, i had a *moment* - and right there i got over the world's preconception that just because you are in some great faraway place you have to try to cram in every possible sightseeing venture possible.

if i am going for a purpose, once that purpose is satisfied i am happy. and i will happily stay in the hotel and watch tv. i will go out on a whim, do other things on a whim, if and when i have the energy and desire.

also here you are talking 2 weeks... to see a band? usually a concert is not 2 weeks... so i am a bit confused. do you expressly mean to combine the trip for other activities?

anyway, i was thinking of your fibro and stuff, and whether you might have a need to stay in the room like i do, and do a bit less of that walking and walking and walking... that people often do.

either way, if you are seriously considering this and considering a roommate, talk to this lady very earnestly about how you intend to approach your vacation and what your needs might be in regard to the room. and ask her questions. you might also talk about some personal habits... 2 weeks is a long time. some ground rules might be good too. i'm going to be blunt here :o, just to give you an example, ok? some ppl have no compunction whatsoever about bringing a "date" into the room to make out andthensome:eek:. Some may not even care if a room mate is present. Others may have implicit expectations that the roommate will "take a hint" and leave... this is just one of many possible hazards of sharing with a total stranger, however nice she seems. i would make explicit ground rules about guests (even friends), alcohol, drugs, etc... if you are really going to share with a stranger.

good luck with your decisions.

~ waves ~

Waves,

I believe that Majo plans to attend every night of the band's two week show.

She'll provide more info when she returns to the thread.
M

she would be leaving in two weeks don't know how long she would be there.
bizI

That's right Bizi.

I hope Majo shows up and posts for us.

M

I will send her a message on face book.

Heehee

I personally took it to mean she was going for just a couple of days,
in two weeks.

I think she needs to see how much the room would cost.

Donna:grouphug:

oh oh oh
 

:Oops:

LOL! yeah. i read that wrong! :rolleyes: as Bizi cited above, Majo's post says "in two weeks." :Doh:

not sure how i made the leap to her being there two weeks. LOL. :o:D

well, if i were rooming with someone i barely knew (which i'd probably avoid), even just overnight, i think i'd still want some ground rules. i know it is hard to broach some subjects - it may seem insulting. but being faced with a "situation" when you're there might be harder.

i suppose the alternative is to go with this person hoping for the best, but prepared to fork out the extra money for a separate room if things get ugly or compromise your safety.

~ waves ~

Hi,

I remember that when Majo went to Texas, she saw the band several nights in a row. I wonder how long her stay in New York City will be.

M

Mari

I agree with you. I personally wish, I lived in New York so I could
offer to put her up for the time.

But alas I don't.

Donna:grouphug:

Blue my gal,Weddings are the best place to meet and see friends. It is a celebration, if not for a good man, then leaving you the better one to find ;)
My traveling girl too, wow all the way to NY. Hey if your cousin could only wish to have had the adventures around the world you had the last few years, last year! I bet she envy's you.
Try not to be sad, but find good times in what ever you decide to do. I hope your body feels better soon, the coldness always make fybro so much worse.
Hugs :hug:
di

I heard from majo today. She is feeling overwhelmed and bothersome, I told her we miss her.
bizi

Thank you for letting us know.

Donna:hug::grouphug:

I apologized to her if I offended her in my post about her getting to travel all of the time. I hope she accepts my apology.
bizi

Oh gosh Bizi, you did not sound offensive, and Marjo must have told you that. I am so sorry she is on a rough patch, such a loving lifefilled friend. It has to be frustrating to be caught betweens.

I love her to pieces, all you are so dear to my heart.

Blue, if you are reading, I hope you have a warm loved filled day today, whatever tomorrow brings. You are a special blessing to so many. I only wish I lived near NY city.
Hugs
Di :hug:

Bizi,
I think what you said was fine.
M

on face book she basically said she was offended.....:(

for Majo and Bizi
 

Dear Majo,

even though my aunt likes to say,

"if you are offended, cut off the offended part and give it to the cat" :eek::D

i tell her easier said than done.

it depends how deep it goes and why we are offended. sometimes it is a deep offense and one feels shattered. other times even what may not be intended as an offense feels like one, but it is more to do with something we have inside that someone has triggered. in this case, i do know that Bizi intended no offense, and no harm to you. please hold on to that thought! i do hope that you will feel better soon and able to let go of the feeling of offense.


Dear Bizi, you already apologized, even though you meant no harm, and i am sure your apology was heartfelt. i believe Majo will come around and accept that at some point, but sometimes feelings cannot just be turned off instantly when things are clarified. we clearly don't understand how the words affected her or why... only that, somehow, they did. so, give her a little time is my suggestion.


to you both:

i have noticed in myself that i am much more vulnerable to feeling offended when i am already having a hard time emotionally, and it is harder to process and recover too.

sending peaceful friendship vibes to both of you :circlelove:

~ waves ~

Majo wrote me back and said it was not me it was her she was not seeing things correctly I will tell her to come back and write to us that maybe we could help her, at least support her.
bizi

Bizi

I'm so glad she wrote to you before I returned. I had a feeling it was going
to be something like that.

My comment was going to be. Remember Mayo, as I call her, and i can
never remember if its Mayo, or Majo, so I just go with what I've always put.

But My comment, was going to be something to the way of.

She is from Mexico, and maybe takes things differently than some of us do.

And honestly I can't say how it would be, for me.

I need to travel for work, but at times I'd love to travel for me too.

Donna:grouphug:

hey blue majo, I just saw a painting that you did on the creative forum. I did not know that you are an artist. loved the painting.
bizi

I see that Blue is in NY now. I was hoping my claims the begining of the week would take me near the area she is staying. So far the furthest is local Pocono area. Looks like she did fine with the traveling and the subway system so far from what I read on my FB page.
Prayers for continued good days and special memories.

Thanks Di

I can't keep up with the facebook page.

Donna:grouphug: