We lost power for 90 mins. 'Don't think I can work tomorrow.
 

Hi,

The power went out for 90 mins around 11:30 pm. I was watching tv. Hubby was using his laptop in another room.

Things didn't go well between the two of us when the lights got cut.
me: Are you ok?
him: Silence followed by cursing about the computer on his lap and a rant about something he was working on for tomorrow.
and so on.


Later he calmed down.

I want to call in sick tomorrow because I am upset ---- but tomorrow is important in some ways.

M.

Dear Mari,

you can play it by ear. when it is time to go to work, see how you feel.

if you are still upset, or haven't slept enough due to being upset... etc... you get to call in sick.

otherwise, you might feel ok/good about going in to work and dealing with whatever the important stuff is. it might even help you detach from what happened at home.

i am sorry hubby behaved in such a rotten manner toward you when the lights went out! :(:mad:

sending lots of ((((((( :heartthrob: HUGGS :heartthrob: )))))))) your way.

and good vibes, and soothing thoughts, too. :circlelove:

~ waves ~

take care of you.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

how are you?
thinking of you tonight.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Sorry to hear that dh issues becane a stress for you Mari. Difficult when it is not us, but his flipping out was not your doing. The pain came from directing neg, emotions in your home to affect you. Not fair....
Hope your feeling better and he can realize it was as if he was physically violent energy to you.
Hugs
Di:hug:

shopping
 

Hi,

The next day he went shopping. When I came home from work Monday at 9:30 pm, I saw that he had bought lots of batteries, a flashlight, a new iron, back up toner for my printer, . . .

He's still not ready to talk about what happened, which is just as well as far as I am concerned. I don't have time to deal with his stupid stuff.

The pattern is usually that a few days later we talk about how he felt that I blamed him for the lights going out, . . . how I felt that he attacked me for blaming him, . . .

He needs serious talk therapy.

M

YIkes...I hate conflict and avoid it almost at all costs. not good I know.
bizi

you seem to live between a rock and a hard place at home. i wonder if you stay up all night because that is the only time your home becomes your sanctuary.
fondly
bobby

I am feeling that I am under sooooooo much pressure.

Gee Mari,
I am sorry that you had the added stress. I don't know if it is a type of male cave man personality or what, but mi espouso could have been saying the say things as a response.

It makes it difficult to heal cutting unjustified words. I swear I have the silent treatment, the reverse blame, "blame me, its my fault, I shoulda woulda coulda."
Dang can't our long time life partners just get through a crisis with a little rational make do with things?

I did have some turn around last Weekend, we ran out to a social club, just for an hour or two that had music. While we sat there, a gentleman came over to ask me to dance. I declined explaining my back injuries prevented me to enjoy. I could not tell him, yea, do I want to be treated like I did something wrong and get punished.

DH had just gotten done saying how foxy I was looking in the top I had on, that it was really flattering....Well, after the guy came over, dh said "If it were me and you came in with your husband, I would be asking you to dance too!"

My hair has gotten very long, and very light. I color the gray a sandy blonde color and it is almost to my waist. It goes below my elbows. For the first time ever it is this long. My De and Kt would grow their hair long, so now Kt and I do.

So the dh was playing with my hair lifting it from my coat when I put it on, opened the car door when we left....Now I just wait for the next time something goes wrong and I am on the receiving end of the twisted blame me blame you game.

So sorry how hurt you are.....Conversation and mutal adult consideration never enters their mind when acting so childish.

Love you our dear friend.

PS after the tornado came through here in 2006 Dec 1, five years today, I have a box of LED flashlights, laterns with D size battery laterns, a portable tv, and A GENERATOR...which I do not know how to use, and dh is not technically incline. Ds has to manage its use.

Sending you some hugs.

Donna

I am sorry that you are so stressed.
wish I could lift that a bit for you.
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

i thought you could use some lavender...
 

... it has calming properties, used in aromatherapy as well as brewed as a tea.

but i also think it is just amazingly beautiful... and since i can't send you the scent, i am sending you a pic:

http://whatscookingamerica.net/LavenderBudsm.jpg

at my last job, there was some planted as part of the main office landscaping. i only passed it on my way there and home... walking to/from bus stop. i would sometimes nip a single sprig off and take whiffs from it from time to time. it made the walk more soothing, especially at the end of the day when my nerves were in pieces.

'sending soothing lavender thoughts to you, dear Mari. I hope you feel better soon.

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

This and you are beautiful this morning. thanks for sharing.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Dear Di,

Thank you.

Yes. That sounds about right. When I was younger I was able to pull him back a little toward the adult world. I think I don't care anymore. Or maybe he has changed too . . . has become so that he reacts the same way he did when he was stressed as a child.

Generators are a hassle. They need upkeep through out the year. Most of them can't just be put a way for a long time and then come on. That's what I heard. . . . glad you have lots of lots and batteries.

Hubby bought some rechargeable flashlights. When I was single I used up one and then a second and never got that last one replaced. I love that these flashlights turn on automatically after the power goes out. The flashlight is supposed to be good for 45 mins to an hour.

M

Dear Waves,

That is beautiful. Thanks for the lovely lavender.
What else is calming? I have a good brand of peppermint tea I make at work with hot water from the microwave. Are there alternatives to lavender and chamomile? Maybe ginger?


Dear Waves and Bizi,
I'm not sleeping. That is the gist. That is the whole of it. I need more sleep.
Saturday, I went to the mall and got subtle highlights in my hair . . . then charged some earrings and a new watch and wallet. I was tired of my old watch and the wallet had fallen apart. Plus the wallet had gotten water under the glass after I was washingmy hands at work. (I can pay the credit card off in January.)


(I remember reading a scientist suggesting that it is good to wash your hands with your watch on because the watch needs to get washed too. . . . well I suppose it depends on how water resistant the watch is.)


Then I made four errand stops on the way home. Today felt like a quiet day. . .. . maybe because I watched no tv. I did talk to my mom and dad and then my sis briefly on the phone.

Hubby appreciated the groceries I brought home. (We both shop. He cooks.)
Maybe I should continue not watching tv and limiting computer work time.

M

sooooooooooo tired
 

Hi,
One of the many problems with not sleeping is I start to see things.
Or, and I am not making sense.. . . .sometimes I feel things as if they are a fraction of a second from showing up.

The other night I saw a face I did not recognize after I closed my eyes but was still awake. My old pdoc explained several ways that this could happen. The one I remember is that I apparently go into a dream state before I am asleep. I am sure I remember that right.. . that he said it that way.

I did not 100% believe him of course because that is not what feels like is happening.

Those sleep paralysis moments you mentioned in another post somewhere Waves are the scariest things in the world when you do not know what is going on. I have not had that in years thank goodness. Around the time I get my meds straight, those events stopped happening.

Right now I feel people. I have to keep them at bay.

We are supposed to have sunshine tomorrow. I will go for a walk with the sun and trees and build up some CHI.

M

how unsettling. i would turn on the lights immediately. sleep deprivation is an awful awful thing. it makes everything much worse. I forgot. what medications are you on right now?
fondly
bobby

I bet your hair looks pretty. last night I had a dream that I let my hair go gray and that It was half gray half brown it was hideous. Wonder when/if I will ever let it go gray? I like my dark blood red hair so much it is worth the expense of keeping it up. It costs $30 plus tip at our local aveda beauty school. They stopped tinting eye brows along with the color due to risk of eye involement. Now you have to have them tinted by an estician another visit and more time/money which I am not commited to another 45 minutes. So they will be grayish until I can't stand them anymore.

Dear Mari, I wish and wish you could get more sleep. That is my wish for you, end of story.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Dear Bobby,
That is why I used to keep the lights on 24 hours a day. When I got married, I had to learn how to sleep with the light off in the bedroom because hubby needed the lights off to sleep.

I take
~Verapamil -- helps with depression and anxiety
~Klonopin
~A tiny dose of Gabapentin -- seems to help with depression and anxiety but has tremendous brain fog


M

Sending you some hugs. Good luck with the sleeping issues.

Donna:grouphug: