Intrusive Thoughts?
 

I have been having a lot of suicidal ideation lately. I don't actually want to die, but my brain keeps thinking up ways I could. I mentioned it to my therapist, and she said it sounded like they were "intrusive thoughts" rather than organic and I should talk to my doctor about it.

Has anybody else had something like this? What helped?

OMG. I know exactly how you feel. I too had intrusive thoughts and told my doctor about them. I have no intentions of doing so. I told him that as well. They referred me to a psychologist. It's been almost a month and I still haven't been able to get in. (another matter)

I find myself getting upset because whenever I go to the Head Injury Clinic the only person I see is the Neuropsycologist. I know I have some problems in that area but I'd like to know what is going on physically to my head.

The conclusion I came up with is I'm frustrated by the whole process and how long it's taking. Sometimes I get tired, angry, frustrated and it starts the thought process. I'm not completely sure. I hope you find the answer and if you do please post. I will do the same whenever I get in to see someone...

YES! About 2 months ago, i was completely burning myself out working the nightshift, was in constant pain, and suddenly started having suicidal ideation for the first time in my life. How do you explain that to someone? It was awful and scary. It was also at the same time that my neurologist pulled me out of work and i suddenly was on home rest (both physical and cognitive). My therapist saw me spiraling down as well, so we increased the frequency i saw her. A month later, after reading "you can heal your life" by louise hay, and taking Healing Touch....i changed to being very happy and positive all the time. It took total devastation and chaos to make some major changes to my life to help myself heal.

Just wondering - does the ideation vary depending on your medication or supplementation regime/dosages? I'm not surprised that suicidal ideation could be associated with prolonged PCS, but it might be worth paying attention to the effects of any meds/supplements you're taking (and any recent changes to that regime).

Also, the days are getting shorter, so if you have seasonal affective disorder, that could be a factor as well. Just throwing out some ideas from a strictly non-professional point of view (these might be totally irrelevant factors in your case).

I have had the same. Struggled with suicidal ideation since I was 10 years old, after my severe concussion. It is a major symptom of depression. The brain gets exhausted and the thinking starts to focus on finding a way out of the mental fatigue and mental pain.

Those of you who struggle with this would do well to develop resources of people and professionals to contact. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques can be helpful at directing these thoughts.

Don't be afraid to get help. The skilled professional knows this is not a weak character issue.

It is often a total waste of effort to reach out for support from head strong and egotistical people in your family or friends. They will likely blame you and tell you to buck up and deal with it.

Oh my goodness, I see I'm not alone, I can't beleive what is going on.

Glad We're Not Alone
 

I am so sorry to hear that you have all gone through this, but it also makes me so glad to find out I am not alone in this. This has been driving me crazy. I am usually so upbeat, even though my injury, memory loss, and concussion have all been very difficult. I love my life and my family. Yet, there were a couple of thoughtless comments from people at Thanksgiving and frustration at work and all of a sudden I am getting these terrible thoughts about suicide. But I'm not really suicidal. My dreams have taken on an unpleasant theme of feeling threatened and lost. It has been very confusing. I am actually taking a sick day tomorrow, even though I am fine, just so I can have a quiet day. I go see my counselor Tuesday.

Hi winks
 

I know about those thoughts too. I get overwhelmed at times, combining medical problems with severe family issues leading me to a court confrontation. My brain just gets tired, and I guess I look for a way out in places I shouldn't go. Depression is a constant battle. I did go for coucil and I am glad you are doing that too. I also agree with Mark, those around you sometimes just tell you to get over it and go on. It is not as easy as that. I come back to this site often for support, so I keep going the right direction. I have found the kind of compassion here, that helps me through some of my darkest times. I get the courage to keep trying to move forward in my life and try not to beat myself up too much. I am glad we both found this site, and I do wish you all the best. My councelor is great, and it helps that I have known him for many years. Take heart, and be good to yourself first. ginnie

I struggled with thoughts a lot in the first 16 months or so. I think I conquered that for now but some times the thought crosses over but doesn't stay long anymore. I saw one psychiatrist and he wants me to take Abilify(?) and I told him relieve my symptoms and I will be fine but he doesn't have a clue about Post Concussion Symptoms.

I like to try CBT at some point. Luckily I didn't get hooked up into any meds so far.

wow...ditto. I def want to stick around on this earth for a while...but have to confess, had same thoughts here.

I blogged about this same subject two months ago. Thanks for touching on it everyone. I think the thing to do is make other people in your life aware (family/friends/medical professionals/etc) that you are having these thoughts and need to talk about them. The thoughts didn't mean I was going to harm myself-they kind of crept in out of nowhere, but that fact that they crept in freaked me out.

I recently started having this problem. I'm having random thoughts of hurting myself or loved ones. It's very confusing, and it's taking a toll on me because I would NEVER EVER do something like that. Why on earth am I having thoughts about doing things that I would never even dream of doing? The more I try to get them out of my head, the deeper they seem to imprint. I was reading around online and it seems to be a symptom of GAD and OCD. Wondering if I should mention this to my neurologist...I just don't want him to think I'm crazy.

I had a similar problem before my injury that was a little less frightening, compared to the thoughts I'm having now - I would be standing there talking to someone and have a vision of me punching them in the face. So I guess I've always had this problem but it's just recently got worse. Weird.

I was really hesitant to mention it to anyone too... I didn't want them to cart me off to a psych ward. So far, it seems to help that I mention I have no intentions of doing anything about the thoughts and have no plans to act on them. I've been able to discuss them with my primary doctor and my counselor without anything wackadoo happening. They are sending me off to a psychiatrist, but I guess that seems appropriate, no?

A couple years back, I began to seriously consider suicide as a final resolution. It was after an almost 2-year period where I was experiencing bad migraine headaches every day. This wasn't some quirky brain pathology (though I have those, too), but a calm, logical analysis of a situation that seemed close to hopeless.

I'm still here posting in an internet forum, so I must have decided against. Interestingly, it was a spiritual dialog that kept me going. I began to understand that there is an afterlife, that there are rather serious consequences on the other side if you terminate your own life, and that suicide accomplishes nothing but make your situation even worse than it is now.

Did you have injury to a frontal lobe?

Displaced feelings of aggression and violence are a hallmark of frontal TBI. Raw, primitive emotions are generated by the brain's limbic system, located in and about the more protected areas of the mid-brain. Executive functions such as impulse control are normally mediated in the frontal cortices. When this function is compromised, there is no way to check those primitive feelings.

I am actually working on some theories on this specific problem, and some possible remedial techniques. When these raw emotions come up for me, I use a rather unexpected mental technique, and am having success. The natural reaction is for a normal, civilized person to fight such morally repugnant thoughts. Instead, I do the opposite- I mentally validate the feelings. I tell myself that violent thoughts are a natural component of the brain's more primitive areas, and evolved as survival tools for the species. I must not jugde myself for thinking this way (as horrible as some of these thoughts get). Then secondly, I consciously try to create positive thoughts to balance the negative feelings.

I have found that trying to fight negative emotions serves only to strengthen them. It's like fanning a flame- instead of putting the fire out, it makes the fire worse. Sounds like you have found this to be true as well. But countering them with positive thoughts allows you to achieve balance- and this is what turns down the heat. You can even imagine creating positive feelings that are stronger than the negative ones. Instead of fighting the anger, envelope it.

I have been playing around with this method for over a year now, and must say my anger sessions are much more contained and short-lived. Perhaps someone else can give this a try and provide some feedback.

Thanks for your input and yes I had a left frontal lobe hematoma.

It's kinda funny how it's happening now, it will be completely washed from my mind and then I'll start thinking; "Hey I haven't had any thoughts of....oh crap, there they are again". So what I've been doing is keeping myself busy throughout the day and when a thought comes up about hurting someone I love or myself I just turn it around and think how much I love that person. So like your saying, turning a negative into a positive or balancing it.

This has been adding to my anxiety and depression so I'm thinking about asking for another prescription of Prozac (the first script I threw away, didn't think I needed it) and see if that helps.

Don't ask for Prozac. Find a psychiatrist and let him/her decide which med is best for you. Prozac is the oldest SSRI and there are better meds since it came out.

Get to the specialist right away. You have your son who needs you in a safe mindset. Thinking you can think your way out of these aberrant thoughts is how babies get hurt. Asking for help is a sign of maturity.

Call someone and tell them, "I have suffered a brain injury and sometimes I get these disturbing thoughts that scare me. I don't want to be a risk to myself or my baby so can you get me to some help?"

Try calling Clark County Mental Health. They have programs for just this kind of situation.

My best to you.

I'm probably going to do that but my main concern is...I'm taking my fiance to court to get joint custody of my son, even though we are together I just want to get that out the way in case anything ever happens she can't leave with him, and I'm afraid if the courts find out about this I'm not going to be able to see my son no more.

nwsmith1984 : I had a minimal frontal and temporal lobe brain bleeding (brain contusion). Drugs can help if only you find the a right psychiatrist. The one I saw gave me Abilify and throw that drug away. He doesn't know what he was dealing with and just wanted to push the drug I think. For me Xanax helped to control that thoughts and now I am not on any medications. Some medicines like Cymbalta made my feeling worse.

Kenjhee: I completely understand what you saying and spiritual path helped me a lot. Meditation and Neuro feedback also controlled that feeling. As you said I am here typing so I didn't do it. I use the techniques you mentioned like positive thinking, what if it is worst after life and overall try to stay positive. But still some times I get that feeling, especially when my symptoms flares up. I even feel terrible when I think "Why did I think about killing myself"? Overall it got better since I am finding new way to control my symptoms without any drugs.

Re: replacing bad thoughts
 

I just wanted to add something to this thread. I have been counciled that when pain exceeds a persons coping skills, thats when some bad thoughts can happen. I got the council, and I have turned to a more spiritual existance. We are made of energy, and energy does not die, it goes on. We are also a mind body connection. They rule together. I meditate, and read alot. Reading helps me to focus on better things. I am not depression free, but my existance is much better. I hope all of you can find those coping things that you can do to remove any negative thoughts. Be at peace and I wish all of you a good and healthy season. ginnie:idea::santa:

Nice thoughts, Ginnie, Pcslife, everyone. I think I am finally starting to get a grip on the whole negative thinking thing, especially the anger. I've also used meditation a lot. I also use some of the mental techniques used by the Samurai.

Roger on the pain thing, too. That sounds so right on, how pain pushes you past the coping thresshold, and the negativity ensues. I understand that equation better than I care to. I just wish a certain Superior Court of California could see it, too (don't worry, nobody physically hurt).

You're engaging in positive behaviors to address the negative thoughts, similar to what you'd learn and practice in psychotherapy, so you should give yourself some credit for being able to do that.

When it is possible for you to do so, I agree with the advice to go back to your doctor (or even just call their office and explain you lost the original script) or a psychiatrist for another medication consultation.

Hang in there,
DocJohn

hi kenjhee
 

I totally understand anger. That is what almost did me in. My daughter married a man who has a control issue. I am not allowed to see my daughter and grandchild. There was a trust involved, and Greed over ruled in a horrilbe way. It has been 9 years since I have seen my daughter. My grandson is now a little over two years old. I wasn't even told she was PG. I had to let it go. I had to let that part of my family go, or my anger and hurt would have destroyed me. It took a terrrible toll on my health. You bet I went for council. I am now at peace. It took a long time for me to get a handle on my anger and control those negative thoughts. I hope you can resolve your issues too, so you can move forward, and be in a better mental state. I will be thinking of you. ginnie:::santa:

1 year 9 months with TBI. I have had very brief, fleeting thoughts of suicide occasionally throughout this time. Only recently have the thoughts lingered more than 2-3 minutes.

I have never thought of a plan; it's just the feeling of not wanting to exist anymore. I would never commit suicide because I have children and grandchildren who depend on me and who would be dramatically affected by such.

A brother of my son's best friend committed suicide yesterday. About 6 months ago he suffered a TBI from a motorcycle wreck. They said he talked about suicide every day since the wreck. I guess that is what brings me to say what I have felt.

Dear eowyn
 

I sure do understand those feelings. Someone on this site said something to me that makes sense. When your pain exceeds your ability to "cope" these feeling can and do crop up. I have felt the same way through the severe surgeries I have had. I wanted to give up at times too, and plotted my way in my head. Since that time I found Neuto talk. This added a way to cope better when I became afraid. I found new coping mechinisims, new ways to think, and good direction to go for help when I needed it. Having friends understand you is a good first step. I also found the joy of reading. I bury my head in a book, and I go somewhere else, anywhere else than where I am at. It distracts the thought process, and brings adventure. I come to this site, where I feel others, and they feel me too. That compassion goes along way toward helping me feel better about my condition. This is like a big counceling family, where you really arn't alone, but are surrounded by good souls who will care about you. I am sure there will be others, to give you other ideas with coping with these negative thoughts. Nothing is easy, when a person is overwhelmed, but if you keep coming back here, you will indeed feel better. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am here to listen anytime you need a friend. ginnie