Should I be concerned?
 

I just got up from a 4.5 hour nap. It seems the only thing I want to do lately is sleep. Not because I am tired, but because it makes the day pass.

In the last 5 years I have had 2 brain surgeries, 3 strokes and 4 seizures. I was put on disability and lost my job as a corporate counsel. I do volunteer work all over the place, but that doesn't work. I am so sad al the time, worried about money, that my wife will get fed up with me, see me as a burden etc...I just want it to be like it was before.

I still have not been willing to accept the "new" me and hate my limitations. Drs, friends and family all say to not concentrate on what I can't do, but what I can do. It's pretty hard to put the negative behind me when I am constantly reminded of what I can't do. Trying to stand up, walking, carry junk, trying to go through a buffet line when I have to use a cane for the short distance I can walk. If I were to give my life a review I would check me not meeting expectations. Well just crap.

Bless your heart. It IS frustrating & depressing when we have conditions that limit our abilities. I'm disabled too due to severe spinal problems, and there are lots of things I just cannot do anymore.

It took me awhile to "accept" that I just wasn't the same as I used to be. BUT I'm grateful for the things that I can still do!! ;) I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to do them, but I'm not going to worry about it. That's just a waste of my time, cause it doesn't change anything. LOL

You've been thru ALOT -- and I'm amazed at what you CAN do after having 2 brain surgeries & 3 strokes!!! I'd say you were a medical miracle!!! :D I'm sure your wife loves you just as much as she did before all this happened. Try to stop worrying about the future -- we aren't even PROMISED a future! LOL All we have is today -- so try to live it like there's no tomorrow. Easier said than done, I know -- but give it a try. ;)

And remember that you're NOT alone. There are people "out here" who know what you're going thru. God bless & please take care. Hugs, Lee

hi fencer
 

I sure do understand how you feel. Nobody that has to be retired due to injury or disease feels good about it. It is depressing not to be what you were. I had a 30 year self made business, and my spinal fusions put a stop to all of it. I still fight depression as do many. I also have trouble walking, live almost on the beach, and cannot go down to the beach often because it hurts my ankles. So many of us are limited physically and it does effect all daily life. When I feel blue, and that things are too much to handle I seek escape. I go for the quiet, and dive into a book which takes me away from my current tearful disposition. I stop crying and adventure into someother location in my mind. I also depend on a few good friends to get me through the ruffer times and proceedures I don't want. I run back to this site for encouragement and compassion often. Talk to your family, let them know what is in your heart. Seek the compassion from those nearest you, ask for their help. Your wife won't see you as any different than the good person she married if there is love there. Take one day at a time, and maybe even tell the doctor how you feel. Please be good to yourself. I wish there were some magic thing to make it all go away for all of us who have limits now in our lives. I care about you, and hope that you can find fulfilment in your life. ginnie

I see you guys as the heroes. I wheelchair fence now. I can walk a bit but if I try to fence on my feet I fall right over.:thud: I look at these guys with traumatic spinal injuries or birth defects in wonder. I've only had a couple of brain surgeries.

I compete at the national and international level. But I see no ROI on me.

I used to operate at such a high level and now I see myself as a burden. The "lump in the bed" as I refer to myself in the hospital.

Am I scared? He!! yes. I am afraid that even with my CPAP on I am not going to wake up. I have such a big pity party it makes the Khardashian wedding look like a Vegas wedding chapel.I was the General Counsel and Board Secretary to a company and they cut me. That's another posting to be sure.

I am just starting with a local hospital in a mentor program they are developing for stroke survivors. We work with "fresh" stroke survivors who are just headed into rehab to let them know what they are facing. As cliche as it sounds, unless you have lived through one, there is no way you understand it. I am hoping it is good for me too. It's funny, I feel better after I spend a day with "my people."
People say concentrate on what you can do. The problem is that what I can't do keeps throwing itself in my face. Buffet lines, not being able to stand for more than a couple minutes. I don't know, I'm rambling. What's weird is that I recognize it but don't stop doing it.

hi fencer
 

now I know where you got your name. How cool that you wheelchair fence. That is such a graceful and challenging sport. How did you start up with that? Did you fence before your surgeries?
My good friend and neighbor, also had something like you do. He first had brain cancer, and surgery, that was followed by a brain bleed and a kind of stoke, then more surgery. I know what you are going through in this way. He was that lump in the bed at the hospital for three months. Some times you can't help but have a pity party. It is hard when you arn't the person you were before. My friend struggles the same way you do, with depression, and being that lump, while his wife goes to work. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. So glad you have some meaning in your life with such a cool sport. come back here anytime, I would love to hear more about where you compete. I am an avid sports fan, watch olympics when they are on, day in and day out. Have a good holiday, I hope there is some joy in it for you. ginnie

I played division 1 basketball in college and then tore my ACL twice in three years playing in a Veterans league. So I needed a sport that went back and forth instead of side to side. Or as I told my wife, "Another sport over which I can obsess." I fenced for about 8 years AB (my icon picture is me at Nationals) and when all this crap started I moved to chair. I hate to say it, but I'm better in chair.

It's so hard to watch college basketball knowing I used to do that. But I digress. It kills me to see my son-in-law, daughter, wife go off to work and I have been relegated to a cleaning dirge. This stuff is really the only interaction I get. I have some fencing friends but they work during the day. I just sleep to make the day pass. I am afraid of my choo choo chugging around the bend. Oh, I should mention I have super aneurysms. Despite being stented and clipped they are still growing. So I still have an exploding head. It may go off in 10 minutes, 10 years, or never. I am slowly losing the ability to stand for extended periods, bend, reach for something over my head. :Sigh:

Hi again fencer
 

Is a super aneurysmn a bleed in the brain? Is this what you have a shunt in for? My friend bob is also afraid his mental state is deteriorating from his ordeal. He has to go for PT and writes many things down so he does not forget. this has been a problem for him too. Are the doctors telling you this aneurysmn can turn bad and explode? ginnie

Well, let me try to explain my situation. The first aneurysm is in the basilar artery, one of the main feeds to the brain. If you put your finger in your mouth and just angle up a smidge you are pointing at the trouble site. I had developed the worst of the aneurysm family in one of the hardest to reach places. I had a fusiform aneurysm; if you imagine a balloon blowing up and the sides expanding instead of the little bubble others can be. It had a slight tear so there was a bleed out into the brain causing the stroke.

On my follow up angiogram they said not only was it increasing but I had grown a new one on the basilar tip by the Circle of Willis. So craniotomy, bypass, and clip the new one. The clip has shifted, the bypass is occluded. I think there might have been another bleed or it just sparked the reaction to cause more strokes. The last one was in the pons region affecting motor skills. Then throw in the start of having seizures. (boy am I fun at parties.)

By super aneurysms I just mean they seem to fight whatever is done to make them stop growing. SO my head is a time bomb that may or may not blow. (eww, messy). A rupture of either one could cause all sorts of issues up to and/or death. I tell colleagues that I have an exploding head so don’t **** me off because I’m not afraid to use it. I just want to be like I was before. Even more insufferable if you can believe it.

Re: dear God fence
 

I am getting this terrible picture from you. Yes my neighbor had similar, and had almost died when one big one ruptured in his brain. He is actually not doing so well and looks frail most of the time.
I am beginning to understand some of the frustration and down right fear you must feel. To know that is there and possibly getting worse would not sit well with anyone. I wish you could go back to what you were too. I truely am sorry that this horror has been put in your life. Can they not do anything more to keep an eye so to speak of the places that are in danger? You mentioned it being in a location that is real hard to get to. Was your first surgery that difficult to reach? Even if it is hard to reach, can't they send you to the best in the country?
Do you have the support of your family? Nobody should have to go it alone or not supported when you are in this much danger. That other post is probably right that you shouldn't be too active. I know that isn't what you want to hear eithor. There is nothing worse than wanting to be active and being stuck sitting. I am 127 steps from the beach, I can't go anymore because I can't walk well. My situation definately isn't near as grave as yours is even with my fusion at C3-7. That took away most of my activities for good. My ankles and feet broke down, there are not ankle replacement surgeries available like a knee replacement, so I am looking at a wheelchair soon too.
I have no idea how to comfort you. I feel very helpless hearing of this anevrysm that has brought hell into your life. Do the doctors give you hope of having a normal life span? I don't want this to take your life. I wish I had the words that would ease your heart. You don't sound like you are very old at all. My neighbor bob is 55. He got the brain cancer 10 years ago before the brain bleed. His prognosis is what they call guarded. Please write if you care to fence. I am here, anytime you want to talk. I have come to love the people I have met on this site, for the compassion they have shown me. I truely wish there was something I could do for you, that there would be a way out of the situation you are in. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I wish there to be peace in your life. ginnie:hug:

This will make it a bit easier. go to http://i217.photobucket.com/albums/c...lar_artery.jpg follow the line to the basilar artery. That is the first problem. The look up on it a little to the area that forms a cirle. That is the second trouble area.

Fortunately I've had the best care you could have. I was air lifted and had my surgeries in Phoenix at the Barrow Neurolgical Center. My surgeons were tops in the world. That's why I'm still here to type this. The surgeries were a success, but I'm not the person I want to be.

My wife hasn't touched me in 5 years. I think she is afraid something will happen. I asked my doctors if there wasn't some sort of medical duct tape to use. Nope. I think it is a control thing as well. Why is this happening to me? What happens happens. I want some sort of knowledge about what's going on. Is it going to pop or not? I can't stand this and unfortunately, as cliche as it sounds, my wife and Doctors can't know what it feels like and so from some I get, "you look healthy(no third eye etc) so you must be OK."

Thanks for listening to my whine.

Hi fence
 

I will look at that site you sent after I talk to you now. I can't begin to feel what you are feeling, but I am frightened for you. You can talk to me anytime you want, it isn't wining or compaining. It is a fact of your life. A human reaching out to a human is never bad, only good. Your wife needs to touch you. You need touch, the warmth of your wifes arms around you, no matter what your physical conditions are. I would rather die in my lovers arms, than alone and distant. Maybe you could whisper in her ear what you want. Ask, tell her, don't be silent. When people are sick that is the time in their lives they need someone the most. Often this happens though from what I read on the posts. People sometimes distance themselves as they themselves can''t cope with the situation or they are afraid, as your wife may be. Forgive me for being bold with this, but for sure, I know that touch is healing, any kind of touch! I hope that this can be restored to your life, as it will help you cope. I live with my best friend, a woman. We are not lovers, but I do have touch. We give back and foot rubs, and to tell you the truth it its wonderful! I get hugs and alot of comfort from this friendship. I am grateful for what I have. When I was in severe pain, she put her hands on me in the hospital for comfort, rubbed my legs when I was trembling from pain. this kind of comfort is essential in my opinion to help you heal. Part of my own family, abandoned me when I got sick. They removed themselves from my life. I know about being left alone too. It isn't good to be alone.
I do have an idea of the fear you have. I have pre-cancer in my throat. a lesion of some kind. My dad died of esophogal cancer, and he seizured from pain in my arms more than once. His death was terrible to witness, and he had hospice. He didn't get enough pain control in my estimation. so I am afraid of dying like that too. I have fear too, and I often don't know what to do to ease it. I came to this site before my big spinal fusion. C3-7, my second. I found friends here who do understand the emoional part of illness if not the actual physical part. Male or female, we all suffer in some way emotionally when we are sick. You dear fence, will be in my prayers. I can offer my friendship for sure. I will be here anytime you want to talk. This site has become a second family to me. I will go look at that site now, to better understand the physical things you face. I will be praying for you, yes I pray and alot! ginnie:santa::Heart::smileypray:

Re: looked at artery
 

I looked at the picture. I now know where your trouble areas are. It is also on the brain stem if I am looking at it correctly.
Oh Fence I don't know why this had to happen to you. I don't know why the hell it happens to any of us. I do have an odd way of looking at life and death however. I am into physics. We are composed of protons, which is energy. E=mc2 is famous as it says matter and energy is one. energy never dies, it transforms into something else. We are litterly composed of the matter that was generated at the big bang. It was not just scattered stuff spread around the universe, it was even and controlled. Organized if you will. The second law of thermodynamics says we go from a controlled state to disorganization basically as the universe developes. You never see a broken egg go back to being a whole egg. Everything breaks down and becomes something else. Especially energy. I don't believe we die. I guess I do believe in Jesus, but more, science is showing me just how organized nature really is. The more complexites I understand, the more I believe we are destined to be more than what we are down here. Maybe this is kindergarden, and when we die we go to college and finally understand things. Most certainly none of us really understands our own conciousness. Why are we here at all? And why do I even think about these things? Why do we have this ability to have it just go poof out of existance? I think there is more to it than what humans are able to comprehend. I don't know why we have all this suffering, why it has to be this way. Suffering has been going on since the beginning of our existance. I don't think it is a test, but rather the breaking down of the energy we are composed of, there to be transformed when we pass on. I never told anyone what I believe before. It is oK too if you think I am nuts. I just believe we are more, than what meets the eye, or our brains. I so hope that you get to live, and go on in life more. I hate this hanging over your head, or in your head, and I hate my throat, and the breaking down of my own body. I have 4 auto-immune diseases. I read to escape, and have turned toward learning as a way to cope, and maybe then I won't be so afraid of my own death. Well I now blew it, and all my friends will know what I think now, but thats OK too. Sometimes by showing our real selves, you get closer to the truth about human existance. This family on this site is another way to cope with all the medical and emotional problems we all have. I care about you fence, and I wish your artery would heal and not hurt you. I am glad you got the care you did, and that you are here to tell your experiences. I hope I can give you just a little comfort. Be at peace over the holidays. You will be in my prayers. ginnie

I know what you mean about being a knowledge person. I read my surgeon's book on aneuyrsms and went to the medical library and pulled some of his surgical texts. I have also researched my meds. I was a microbiology with a minor in physics for my undergrad. You should appreciate the signature line I used to use:
ØE•dA=Σq ØB•ds=µo∫j•dA moeo d/dt ∫E•dA ØE • ds=-d/dt ∫B•dA ØB•dA=0 And then there was light
I also used to have a T-shirt with that legend. Now I have one that says "Fencing, because it's fun to stab your friends."

Maybe I know too much and understand what's happening. I chalk it up to "bad plumbing" and blame my mother. (her father and brother died from cerebral bleeds)
I was the General Counsel and Board Secretary to a company here before this happened and they put me on disability and termed me. I have always been such a high acheiver and now I feel that I am excess baggage and "that guy" living off the system.

People keep telling me that being in the shape I am is better than the alternative. How do they know?

Have a good weekend

Re: am I right fence?
 

You know physics way better than I do. Did I get some of it right from my reading? I never took physics in college, but have many books on the subject, the latest Called " Knocking On Heavens Door" by Lisa Randall. I learned about Peter Higgs, and the Higgs boson, and what they are doing with CERN. This all is way out of my league, but I am trying in my older age, to pick up as much as humanly possible. Did I get it right with what I learned and told you? I am also reading about other dementions, and string theory. Lately there has been talk that all the math worked out. So much is above me, including all the various forms of the double slit experiment. I thought there was only one way to do the experiment, WRONG! Spooky physics is real.
This desire to learn was strictly out of a need to understand why things are the way they are. I was a history major in college, An Art Minor. I wound up as an artist and worked under a magnafier to create miniatures. Animals very tiny. That is how I blew out my spine, looking down for 30 years. I reversed the curve of my spine. I did well enough to have my own business and traveled all over the country and taught Art at a National level. My last piece is in a miniature museum in Kentucky. All that was taken from me when my spine gave way. I know what it is like to loose your position and what you were. I will never get over that loss. I don't think eithor of us can go back to be what we were. You had a high level position. What company was it? You lost your "self" just like I did, when what you did was taken from you. Evidently you don't think I am nuts from liking physics, I do want to know if I am on the right track. I never mentioned this to anybody before. I feel funny telling a physics educated person, how very little I really know. ginnie

last half hour research on aneurysm
 

I just did quite a bit of research on the fusiform aneurysm, what it looks like real life and through pictures. I guess this can happen anywhere in the body that has an artery. It showed one that had a tear on the side. Can your doctors watch you more carefully than they currently are? The site I went to showed all the different aneurysms also. I understand even more now. When mayo clinic first disagnosed me I took a listening course in microbiology and entered a trial study at Columbia University Medical Center. I had access to the med. research library, and I too did research on what my problem was. Lots of research. I was in a trial for ten years. Had a topical autoimmunosupressant treatment, a topical chemotherapy. It was called DNCB some rather nasty stuff. Can't remember how to spell it. The treatment worked while I was in the program, but as soon as I discontinued the chemo, the condition came back, along with three other immune system disfunction problems. I tried to understand what was happening to me too. I unfortunately like you, understand a bit too much. ginnie

You have so much about which to be concerned yourself, thank you for letting me drag you into my pool of despair.

You certainly don't need to be concerned about a stranger. As I told my neurologist one time when he looked ragged at an appointment (He was called in at 3 in the morning and ultimately had to pronounce the patient) I said one of us has to be concerned about your health, and I guess it's me." So make sure you take care of yourself.

I have a good friend and theologian, also an attorney, who sent me the story of Habakkuk. It fit, so I sometimes refer to myself that way.

The books I read were "the Brain Aneurysm" by Robert Spetzler and "aneurysms and other vascular malformalities" by Eric Nussbaum. They are good quick reads to make you more paranoid. Spetzler is the guy who had his hands in my head in Phoenix. The first day in recovery from my craniotomy I had a seizure. Geeze what a mess.

Take care of yourself. I will keep cursing the darkness. How did you like Maxwell's equation?

no problem
 

I am glad to listen to you. Since it is Christmas eve, Merry Christmas, no matter what religion you are...
People need people. I believe that.
I have also seen Maxwell's equasion before, in one of the books I have. I do not know any of the symbols, or math, but I know about him. He is in all the physics books I have read.
I will also try to find the story of Habakkuk.
Your Dr.s Book you read, Dr. Spetzlers book, you did have the best in your head didn't you....He had your soul in his hands. Take care too. ginnie

Not knowing what you celebrate "right back at you." I specifically told Dr. Spetzler before I went under that I wasn't going home in a box.

Best to you and yours. Hmm maybe a speacial holiday whine?

Re: a holy day
 

Today for me is a holy day. I don't get real caught up in all the material stuff going on to celebrate. Most Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus, and I do too. I know he existed, but I am not sure of any of the religious texts concerning him, as they were written by men. I have read the Dead Sea Scrolls, and as much information of the developement of religion as I can. I was raised Catholic, but wandered away from that many years ago. Too corrupt in the inner workings for me to stay with that church system. In fact I don't go to church at all. I keep faith inside, and I try to be a good person to others. For the most part, I just believe there is someone else that is at the helm that created order.
I hope the darkness does not swallow you up today, that there can be a moment of peace. I guess Christmas is a wish for peace for all of us. ginnie

hello fence/about a post
 

Hello on this afternoon. I am beat from Christmas and have not had any energy today at all. I hope you are doing OK. Today on New posts there is a young woman on there who has just been diagnosed with an aneurysm. She is freaking and I know you understand about that. Is there any way you would tap to her and at least let her know about the facility and Dr. Spetzler. At least she would have a lead incase locally a proceedure isn't possible.
After reading about these things, I know she needs help.
I did some clean up today, getting rid of the clutter that grew since thanksgiving. the house at least is back to normal. I am thinking of you too. ginnie

I'll have to check the other post. I was brought up Jewish and seem to find myself wanting to get back to it. I guess it's part of the "I'll try anything." mentality. I usually tell people, "There will always be prayer in school as long as there are finals."

So we celebrate Haunamas here. We have my wife and I, my duaghter and her husband and her 5 year old twins and the 3 week old baby.

It's a long story. At 6 months the father of the twins thought rearing twins was too much work so he split. Luckily we were in a position to help and had her move home. 5 years later here we still are.

I digress. When in the hospital I would have a rabbi stop by and we would say a prayr and I felt like such a hypocrite. Not doing anything for years and asking for help now.

Do you watch Big Bang Theory? I get such a crack up from it. People all think they are weirdos, but they actually have a highly developed sense of humor. It's a special kind. People tell me I have an English sense of humor. Very dry. However my friends in London love it.

My sense of humor tends towards the baser things. Let me give you an example. Remember the old computer key punch cards? (I am dating myself. I am 56) Well the keypunch machines had a bin for all the chads that needed to be emptied from time to time. We got a mess in a paper bag and went back to the dorm. We went into the shower and when someone stepped out (whoosh) we emptied the bag at them. They were wet and the chads took about 5 years to clean off a wet body. Um or so I heard. I would never participate in a joke like that.;)

What I typed was Maxwell's equation. According to sources on the web it "represents one of the most elegant and concise ways to state the fundamentals of electricity and magnetism."

Career wise I have been lucky enough to have worked as an expat in 13 countries. Growing up in the midwest you wonder if you will ever get to Disneyland. I live in San Diego now.

I'm just blathering around now. I hate the holidays. Why do people who are crappy all year suddenly give you, "it's Christmas, be nice.?

Oh, I give my wife plenty of hints and she just kind of laughs it off. People say, "Do it yourself." Where is the fun in that? Here is some Talmudic logic.

It says that to have sex with someone to whom you are not married is a sin. However, sex on the Sabbath is a double good deed. So if you have sex on the Sabbath with somone to whom you aren't married, you're one up. Clever huh? Busy Friday? Ar Ar.

I am just so sad I don't know what to do. Have the time when I strap on my CPAP at night I just wish I wouldn't wake up. Or that sometime I should have come home in a box. I just want to run away, drop off the grid and live somewhere else, work and start over. Now that I've burdened you, have a nice night.

Where do I find the post you were talking about please?

Hi Fence
 

I know about your celebration of the season too! 8 days of fun with your family, that began a day or so before the Christian holiday. Haunakak which is probably not the right spelling. I have friends from every faith, I'm not picky at all. So many wars have been fought over religion, . Besides you are Gods chosen people. I have no doubt about that. I am currently reading the history (900) pages of the history of Jeruselam. I was looking at a picture of the Wailing wall yesterday over at a friends house. That was from the second destruction of the temple. I am learing your history! I get my hands on anything I can about religion, and physics, trying to put the two together.
You are lucky to have your family there with you. Too bad your daughters husband didn't like the work of the twins. bad dad... you did the best thing you could do, by opening your heart and home to your family. That should make you feel just a bit good, as you did the what God tells us to do.
Get me going, and I'll be asking all kinds of questions about your faith! Don't feel bad about returning to religion late, I went back to the Catholic church to see if they could help me. They did with getting my benefits. I have a very messy family trust involved, and I didn't have the money for an attorney. The church had their lawyer intervene, and helped me out. I still don't go to the church, as they just don't reach out back to me while I am sick or depressed. They are too busy for just one individual. I think it would be good if your reached out to your rabbi. (spelling)???
You are not a burden to me, never think that. I at times didn't want to wake up eithor. I joined a group called final exit. It is as the name implies, an organization that backs your right to exit life. If I should get throat cancer, I'm out of here! I won't die from esophagal cancer as my father did. I am very pro active with determining what to do with any condition that would take all joy out of life. I hope you are not to that point fence. There is still much to live for. You still have the grandkids. CPAC is for breathing at night right? Do you have trouble breathing? I do know what depression is, the worst kind. I have a grandson I am not allowed to see. My son in law removed both my daughter and my grandson from my life for two reasons. I would not do what he wanted me to do when he wanted it, money from the trust, and I moved my best friend in with me, a woman. I could no longer take care of this home, and she and I had been friends for years. I am a lesbian to him and sinful. Unfortunatly, that isn't the case. We are not lovers. I sure do have a best friend. These kinds of living arrangements happened alot in the past and were excepted, like two old spinsters. Now it is assumed to always be a sexual relationship. I get back rubs and foot rubs, and count my self lucky. Like I said touch is so important.
You were lucky to travel. You saw much of our planet. I sure would like for you to stick around, and tell me some of your adventures. I also like your sense of humor. I need that humor sometimes, as being abandoned by your family, or shunned is very very painful. I almost checked out over that. So in some ways I really do understand your pain, and the dark places that you go to.
You learned maxwell's equation. The math even looks beautiful. I know know it is Electricity and magnatism, and how they work together. Don't think I won't look that up, I sure will and add to what you taught me. You are the first person I met, to understand the math part. I wish I had learned it too.
You education counts for something fence, you still have something to offer the world. Don't go anywhere, or leave earth until you have to. Let there be just a little light, and maybe you will find some meaning left, even if your heart hurts. Talk to that wife of yours, get re-connected somehow. Keep tapping to me. I got a gazillion questions....talk to you soon. ginnie

Right there with u...
 

I try to stay up and doing stuff during the day, but not being able to do much makes everyday a lot like all the others. It seems the only thing I want to do is get better...but I can't speed up the process at all :(

In July I fractured t12 in an accident, my spinal cord was swollen and bruised. My bone is healed and now I just wait for the nerves to regenerate, which we all know is a lengthy process.

I'm not accepting anything as the final outcome and will go back to work for the federal government and live by myself + i'm not nuts...

After 5 months, I'm walking with a cane and an AFO on my right leg. I have sensation throughout my entire lower body, just very weak, including muscle atrophy, my left leg is stronger than my right.

I try to stay positive, with the help of my mom who is the best ever. God is my strength, he keeps me going, I have to do this....I cannot give up and neither can u!

Hello fence
 

Thinking about you today, and wondering what you are doing. I hope you are ok and that you keep being here on neruo talk. I already miss hearing from you. I sure have alot of science questions. I am continuing on reading about Jerusalem, "The Biography" . I had no idea of its history. None of that was taught in college, even though I majored in history. Hope to hear from you soon. ginnie

I just can't get over being sad. I don't know what it is. SO to help me cry I listen to some of the music from rent. Granted, they have a different issue, but the music is beautiful. And the brother of a friend of mine did the music and vocal coaching for both the stage and movie version. He even gets screen credit in the opening. He has done a ton of shows on Broadway. He was always super talented in school. I think he went to Juliard.
But I digress. I am just so sad it makes me not want to do anything but sleep. Although today I woke up with such a sore throat I can barely swallow. I am so scratch and dent.