My current predicament - Need advice.
 

I've been wanting to post about this for awhile, since its really bothering me. I just didn't want to overwhelm you guys with my problems as you guys have enough problems of your own. So I don't really expect anyone to respond...I just need to vent because I'm at a breaking point.

The situation that I'm in right now is this: I'm renting a room from my mom in a 3 bedroom apartment. In addition to myself, my ex-fiance (I just broke up with her recently for taking a stab at my medical condition), her son, my son...there's my mom, 2 little sisters (one of them has a newborn baby) and a little brother. That's 9 people. I hardly have time to just be alone and do nothing but lay there in complete silence. All the rooms are usually occupied.

So with both my son and her son here, them getting in to things, coming in and out of the room...and my ex-fiance trying to keep up with house work and taking care of both kids...I'm finding it hard to find any peace. I'm constantly under stress as my ex-fiance gets frustrated and drops the kids off in the room with me while I'm trying to rest.
Her son is 21 months - and he's a complete brat. I think him alone is causing about 60% of the stress in the entire household. He's completely out of control and nothing seems to work on him.

My ex-fiance still doesn't really understand what I'm going through - I've told her what I need to get better and I've tried to get her to do some research, but she won't. Me and her are arguing and fighting because, for one, she's really a ***** to me and like I said she doesn't understand why I am the way I am right now - just the other day I snapped at her for stressing me out (it was something I've asked her not to do multiple times) and she says "Just because you have a brain injury doesn't mean you have to snap at me like that. Having a brain injury doesn't make you an *******." If she were to have done research like I asked her to, she would know that it can cause irritability.

My mom - she has done some research on PCS and brain injuries, but not much since she works full time and goes to school. When she comes home from work or school, she starts yelling about every little thing. There could be bread crumbs on the counter in the kitchen and I have to hear a 10-15 min "screaming at the top of her lunges" lecture about how the house should be clean when she comes home. I do clean up after myself and help out with the dishes and sweeping or what-not. But not everyone in the house is doing their part.

Just last night she started raising her voice about the TV in the living room that my sister left on. I told her my sister left it on when she left and she asked why I couldn't turn it off. Well, yesterday I was having a bad day. I was a complete space cadet. I told my mom that I have enough trouble keeping up with my own responsibilities that I didn't even think to turn it off. She continued to yell at me. I finally said "Mom, can you please not yell at me..I need to keep my stress level down." She responds by saying "Your just making excuses so you don't have to do anything.".

I have no where else to go. The only other family I have out here is my aunt and uncle, and my grandma and my other uncle. It would just be weird to move in with my aunt and uncle as I only see them twice a year - Thanksgiving and Christmas. And my grandma and other uncle, well...I don't get along with that uncle and being at that house brings back memories of my grandpa (he passed away in Sept 08). Also they have no extra room so I'd be staying in the living room.

My ex-fiance only has her mom and sister out here - they are both transient and live from friend to friend. They don't have a stable living enviroment. So I can't send her and the kids to stay anywhere while I heal.

I'm losing my mind here. I'll be 7 months out from my injury in 10 days. I feel like my recovery has stumped because of all this and I am dealing with massive anxiety. I can't work, I can't go to school...I never have a full good day. My days are either OK or BAD. I don't have any physical symptoms, really. Only cognitive and neurological problems that are pretty severe...and they feel like they are getting worse because of this situation I'm in.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Any help would be appreciated.

Sounds to me like you NEED to get out of there. Have you checked out finding a room somewhere else?

Check out http://lasvegas.craigslist.org/roo/

It would be great if you could find a home with grandparent types who could help you with some of your decision needs. Have you check with social services for some assistance finding a place?

Sounds to me like you NEED to get out of there. Have you checked out finding a room somewhere else?

Check out http://lasvegas.craigslist.org/roo/

I'm working on it. I've never considered looking for a room for rent on Craigslist. That actually doesn't sound like a bad idea. Thanks :)...

It would be great if you could find a home with grandparent types who could help you with some of your decision needs. Have you check with social services for some assistance finding a place?

Yes, and it wouldn't be hard finding a place since I'm recovering from a brain injury and I'm looking for a quiet, peaceful environment. I don't smoke, drink or do drugs...or play loud music. That's usually what people ask you when your trying to rent a room. The only thing that Social Services offers (that I'm aware of) is a $500 voucher for rental assistance. It's actually just a check for $500 bucks. You can do it either once or twice a year. I'll look more into it.

Only other thing I can get as far as housing assistance is Section 8. The waiting list for that could take years. Might as well apply now, huh?

Thanks again, Mark.

Contact brain injury services in your area. They can provide lots of assistance including group homes, or finding a quiet place etc., I didn't need much help from them in that aspect but they have all the resources (atleast in my area).

Nick,

Check out these links:

http://www.accessiblespace.org/Pages/default.aspx

http://dhhs.nv.gov/ODS_Programs_Trau...njuryRehab.htm


Las Vegas

TBI Survivors Support Group
Day: 1st Wednesday of each month
Time: 5:00-6:00 p.m.
Place: Nevada Community Enrichment Program
6375 W. Charleston Blvd.
L Building (says Loux Center on the building)
Las Vegas, NV 89146
Contact: 702-259-1903
for information info@bianv.org

TBI Survivor Family and Friends Support Group
Day: 1st Wednesday of each month
Time: 5:00-6:00 p.m.
Place: Nevada Community Enrichment Program
6375 W. Charleston Blvd.
L Building (says Loux Center on the building)
Las Vegas, NV 89146
Contact: 702-259-1903
for information info@bianv.org

Here is a resource to show family and such.

http://biausa.fyrian.com/mild-brain-injury.htm

Thank you for all the information.

I copy+pasted it and put it in a word document on my desktop.

Also, I sent my mom an email with that last link you provided and also links to the YouTube series "You look great" in a last attempt to get her to realize what I'm going through is no joke. I hope she finds the time to check it out.

Yeah defo get out of there to somewhere quiet, any way you can. All that stress, plus people constantly putting expectations on you will mean that if you're anything like me you won't get better (I mean when I was in periods of stress or having expectations I couldn't handle put on me, I did not improve.) Good luck.

I agree with all here. Get your own place ASAP. Take care of yourself first.

Oh and breaking up with your fiance over PCS, that's really tough. Breaking up with a fiance is a major bad life experience even for people with no other problems - it says something about what you're going through that it's not even the main focus of your post. Really hope things improve for you soon.

"Oh and breaking up with your fiance over PCS, that's really tough. Breaking up with a fiance is a major bad life experience even for people with no other problems - it says something about what you're going through that it's not even the main focus of your post. Really hope things improve for you soon."

Well, our relationship had been going downhill for quite some time now. It started even before I got hit in the head. That was just the breaking point for me. My life revolves around PCS, I've got constant anxiety/worry about it never going away as the symptoms are very severe and debilitating. So I'm very sensitive to people saying anything negative to me about it.

As far as my situation goes, I think there may be some hope for me. There is weekly apartments here that are about 189 a week...That's kind of expensive for me right now, but I'm going to see about getting some financial help from family members. If I can get something going with this, I'll tuck myself away in the weekly for awhile and see how it effects my recovery. If I can't get the money from family to cover the weekly, I'm going to start looking on Craigslist for a room, as Mark suggested.

Thanks for the concern and incite, everyone :).

Nick,

There are $100 a week apartments in Las Vegas. Keep looking. Moving will be stressful. You only want to do it once.

My best to you.

I wasn't able to find anything for $100 a week. If you have any links or information about that, that would be great.

Just about all the weekly apartments here come fully furnished...so moving shouldn't be too much of a stress. Just need to gather my clothes, personal hygiene and medicine...I can just leave the rest of my stuff here at my mother's since my ex-fiance will continue to stay here anyways.

I find it odd that your ex-fiance is still there after the breakup. She and her kid should be gone from your life.

Check http://lasvegas.craigslist.org/roo/

Some are listed as $400 per month, others as $100 or $125 per week.

1. She paid part of the rent with her government assistance money for this month. So it wouldn't be fair to just throw her out before the month is up.

2. We have a custody case open on our mutual son that hasn't been resolved yet. She is agreeing to give me joint physical custody but she hasn't brought the written response to court yet.

3. I've got a big heart...she has nowhere to go. I don't want her son to be on the street.

4. We might work things out, so far it doesn't look good.

I'm seriously considering renting a room from someone...at least until she can find a place to go. Once she leaves my mother's, I can move back in and that will save me a lot of much needed cash.

I saw some pretty good deals on Craigslist.

Update:

So..I finally couldn't take it anymore and I kicked the ex-fiance out. This has been a huge...HUGE...stress on me and I'm mentally drained. She took my son with her...nothing I can do about that since the custody thing hasn't been settled in court. As she was leaving, she told me that's she's not going to give up joint custody anymore and she's gonna try to fight for full custody...using my disability against me.

I'm glad she's gone...but all the stress this caused tonight has caused me to take a step back in my recovery....and I miss my son already.

Your mom's place sounds to stressful. You need peace and quiet, with or without your ex.

What is taking so long about the joint custody issue? You need this settled. One less cause of stress.

It does not sound like she can make it without some help from you. Do you have any disability funds coming in?

Will the victims funds run out and leave you penniless?

You really need to sit down with someone to plan out the next year, for both you alone and your son.

You need to stand on your own feet, regardless of whether your mom has room for you.

The courts usually look at how willing the parent is to look after the child as well as the parent's disposition and how much he/she cares for the child. Her using your temporary impairment against you is actually a strike against her, not you.

If you need help with this case, let me know. I've been through my own in the past year and it only took 10 months to sort out, whereas I know others have gone through more than 2 years, sometimes 4 to get custody finalized.

Hello nwsmith
 

It is good that you posted. This site is to help people and to listen. You really are having a hard time with 9 people in the home. Any injury would be difficult to get over in a house like that with constant noise and arguement. There are patient advocacy groups in your local hospital. Maybe they could direct you to some place where you could have a spot on your own. I think the only way you are going to know peace is if you leave that home. There are alternatives other than your aunt and Uncle with whom you only see twice a year. However under the circumstances, if there were any hope of that I would write to them and tell them of your circumstances. I do know that TBI can be really difficult to deal with, and it takes some time to heal.
Your EX fiancee is an X as you said. You don't have to keep ties with her as much as you do with your son. You can still do that and have a place of your own. Look into getting some help, so that you can have some quiet to be able to heal. I hope alot of others come by to talk to you too. It is not a bother. I am just sorry you are going through TBI and have to live in an upsetting environment.. Maybe others will have some better advice than I do too. I will be thinking about you and praying for you that you can find a solution. ginnie

My ex-fiance just called me crying hysterically. I couldn't help but laugh.

She went to the court house to respond to the subpoena she was served with at the end of December. She had 20 days to respond to it, it's been about 24 days since she was served. So, now she's in default. They told her she had to pay $212 or I could be given full custody of my son. She can't pay it.

Basically, the ball is in my court now...they are going to give me whatever I ask for - she has no say in it anymore. I could be an (insert profanity here) and say I want full custody, but I'm not going to. I'm gonna be the bigger person and request what I set out for: Equal Rights. I want what is best for my son, not what's best for me or her. He needs both his parents in his life whether we are together or not.

I love my son more than anything in the world. If it wasn't for him, I would have gave up this fight to PCS months ago.

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Mark,

I'm going to see how the next week plays out at my mom's before I make the decision to move out. I have to admit, it's a lot quieter without her and both the kids here.

My younger siblings go to school during the week, so the mornings up until about 2pm are pretty quiet. My sister that has the baby is here, but she keeps to herself and doesn't usually bother me. My mom works full time during the week and goes straight to school after work. Only time it's REALLY chaotic here is on the weekend.

Your right, she can't make it without me. She's going to be bouncing around from place to place, friend to friend in downtown LV. She has no income as far as cash (only food stamps) and will be relying on her mom (who is transient and doesn't have a job) to find her and her son a place to sleep at night. No back bone whatsoever.

No disability income, just Unemployment while I await the approval from SSI.

I have about $25,000 left on the Victims of Crime fund. Since I'm done with the rather expensive things (CT/MRI's, etc.) that should last me awhile.

I'm working on my plan. Just have to get this custody thing out of the way, get approved for SSI and make some improvements in my recovery before I can move forward. I've never been the type to just sit around while everything crumbles around me.

As always, you've provided a lot of good help and incite on everything I've ever posted about. ...Thank you :)...
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bh_pcs,

My mother was just telling me exactly what you said last night. Also, I've never hurt my son, nor have any domestic violence cases against me. The police have never been called on me for anything. She has nothing on me.

Things are actually moving pretty fast. ERDF (Equal Rights for Divorced Fathers) told me to come in and sign some paperwork...and they'll get me a court date within 3-5 days. They are great...they made everything so easy for me. I'll be sure to PM you if I need any help...Thanks!... :)
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ginnie,

If I would have never found this forum, I probably would have lost my mind by now.

I've gotten more support and information from people here than I have anyone in my life right now. Doctors, family members, friends...none of them understand what I'm going through or have the right words to say like the people here. Thanks!!!!!
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I have been dealing with PCS for 6 months
 

Hi everyone,

I am glad I came across this site. I was involved in a rear end collision last year and have neck and back problems. I developed a headache a day later that turned ugly and vomited - the headaches have been a constant part of my days since along with memory issues, fatigue, sleep problems, aggressive out bursts etc... I have been told that it takes time to resolve itself ut aside from medication (anti depressant? and Headache script) the doc said there isnt much that can be done. I did go through a days worth of neuro phyc testing and interested in hearing from people who have also gone through this testing anfd their experiences? I wont know the results for another week. I feel on some of the tests i did ok but other stuff that required memorizing , I just couldnt seem to remember alot. before the accident I was highly functioning in a detailed technical careeer. I have been having so many difficulties with forgetullness and not able to remember details of conversations or information unless I write every detail down and re-read through it to keep reminding me. This has been so difficult because I could always rely on my memory to store reminders etcc without needing to write everything down in detail. Even scarier is that I will forget thing friends and family told to me just days before - aside from all the concussion stuff I have orthopedic issues as well. I know there has to be others dealing with symptoms just like these and please if you have gone through the physc testing it would be helpful to understand your experiences with that as well.

A loving dad
 

Allowing joint custody is the human thing to do for your child. My Ex and I did that and it was a wonderful experience. There were no arguements, and my children still had both loving parents. ginnie

I think you're set. LOL! :D

Be sure to be the primary so that you get every right to deduct the taxes having your son as the dependent. That should save you a couple of bucks. ;)