Thank You
 

I am from the TBI group but wanted to post a thank you to this group.

My roommate tried to kill herself last Sunday and I have been dealing with the aftermath since. I did talk to her mom and asked if she would take her for the weekend. I was having a melt down and needed a break.

I am sooo glad that her plan failed but I have noticed how angry I am that she did this in our home and knowing that I would have been the one to find her dead if she had succeeded.

I am all smiles and support for her right now but there is this underlined anger that I know will surface.

I just need this crisis to level out!

Hugs my friend, I understand your anger. Not at all fair for her to leave you with this "worry". I'm sorry for your anxiety...her "decisions" are not your responsibility but I understand your fears...:grouphug:

I was feeling very responsible because she had stolen and used my medication in her attempt.

My neurophsycologist made a very clear point that it wasn't my fault and if she had gone into our kitchen and taken a knife I wouldn't blame myself for having knives - damn us for cutting our food.

Sometimes this Anger can be there because a person was not prepared to explain their action before going ahead with their desperate decision.

the anger you feel is understood completely, there are questions needing to be answered, but at times there is no explanation to someones drastic action..[well undefined explanations to persons not inside the mind of the clinically depressed]

you may not get an explanation that tempers your current anger......

i hope in time you will understand her actions a little.......though it wont take away how you feel..............

Stay strong......keep an open mind...........:hug:

David

Hi Mbrook
 

I am glad that you found NT when you did. You sure needed some outlet. I did post to you and I certainly understand your anger now. Attempted suicide is not an easy thing to deal with. I know it is hard when that happens in your own home. Even if you are angry, that is a justified feeling. It was a trauma for you to go through. Please keep coming back here to talk, vent, to let us know that you are OK too, as you recover. I am glad she got help of course. Try to forgive in time, and not let it overwhelm you. I know that is easier said than done, but it is the best way in the end to accept it. I am glad you were there for her, you have saved her life. That says alot about your good heart. Thank you too, for letting us know how it all turned out. It was good you posted as I did think about this situation since it occured. take care of yourself right now. We care, ginnie

I don't know how much more of this I can stand!!

I swear since seeing the DR she googled depression and now is wallowing in symptoms she never had before!!

Since my TBI I have been diagnosed major manic depressive and with PTSD for over 2 years, I know how hard it is just to breath some days. But come on!!!

I had to beg her to shower this week, she doesn't help out around the house or do her normal responsibilities. These are all things she did even the day she made her attempt.

It's like having a baby that answers in whispers and talks to the cat all the time. She is turning into a cat lady.

She makes a big deal about taking meds. She takes 20mg of prozac and 10 of trazodone - I've been taking 200mg of zoloft, 150mg of trazodone plus xanax for over a year and a half!

I'm disabled and I sill shower and do my dishes and get out of bed.

I know its petty to compare but I just had to vent!

mbrook
 

You're not being petty - she is a major pain in the ***! You have enough of your own responsibilities to deal with, which reminds me that as Alfee or someone said, SHE IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!! I know it's hard but try to ignore her. Downplay her dramas. Too bad one of you can't move. We are here for you. Hang in there and THINK ABOUT YOURSELF for a change. You're worth it.

Hi mbrook
 

I am sorry one of you can't move. I know how her depression is effecting you. You have to think of yourself sometimes or your will go nuts.
This depression stuff if bad enough can make people act the way your friend is doing. My son had to quit a job in the middle of a recession, and I was so angry I didn't know how to respond. Just how did he think he was going to pay his bills? He took five months off, now is working 60plus hours a week to make up for the whole he got into.
I donot know the answer, to try and lift the spirits of your housemate. I know I have been in some pretty funky moods myself, but never to the point I could not function. I know it is hard to have compassion, but please do try as what she is experiencing is that "bad" to her.
I hope she gets lots of council for the sake of both of you. Ask her kindly to do those things she ignors, give her a hand off the couch and say come on, we got to do this, extend the hand and pull her up! It is much like getting someone who just had surgery to move, when they are still in so much pain. Unless you get up the pain doesn't go away. The key to recoveryis to MOVE!
I will be thinking of you Mbrook, and praying for you to have patience in bad circumstances. I will also pray that your friend keeps getting the help she needs to overcome this depression. ginnie

I don't want to move, I just want my friend back!

I understand sliding down into depression but to take a nose dive in a matter of days!! This just doesn't make since.

I know it was a cry for help and she is struggling, I just cant get the total change in personality.

She whines about going to treatment but she is there because she tried to kill herself!

I just need the bitching and being Debby Downer all the time to stop!!! I hate being in my house when she is home!!

Lord give me the strength and patience to not blow up at her!!

Hi mbrook
 

I heard your cry. You want your friend back. I want her back for you too. This depression thing can be severe for alot of folks. I know how much it hurts you, to see her not her old self. I wish there were some magic to snap her out of it, but it often takes some therapy and good old fashioned time. Please try not to blow up at her. She isn't herself. Try to be patient as you can be. I know this can be difficult. My son is depressed. He snapped every time I talked to him for months, and he hurt my feelings more than once. It is now a year later, and he is getting better. Hang in there and Pray, I will too. ginnie

Feeling Deeply
 

about what you are going thru. God, I do pray, He will you give you the strength to cope with all of this. I know depression; I still remember what seemed like climbing out of a dark hole and finally seeing light. I will pray this "light" will see you through all of this.
Know we care.
(Ger)

Maybe you should "blow up at her", but in a nice way. Have you tried just saying to her, what you posted here. Tell her that you understand that she is probably embarrassed at her attempt but you miss the person that was...this friendship is obviously important to both of you but remember that friends share what they are feeling and you resent feeling this anger at someone you care about. Tell her you want to help but it works both ways....talking about what we are feeling is so important.

Sadly, very sadly, sometimes people take a nose dive in an hour. It doesn't make sense to any of us, but it happens too often. She's not changed so drastically in a matter of days for no reason. Her change in personality is because her moods are unbalanced or something really horrible has happened to her that only she knows about. With correct counselling and support and treatment there is so much hope. The key to that is getting help right now, last week.

I'm not sure what type of "treatment" she's receiving, but I have this really intense dislike for hour long therapy sessions that some doctors dish out with no back-up/support.

I think they can be really dangerous in some situations. So your friend goes to her therapist for a brief time, and then leaves to go home where you are. You're her friend. You've always been her safe place.

After therapy, your friend may have more questions than answers running around in her head. She probably complains about it because it makes her feels worse. Hey, hour's up... time to go... see you next session/week. What an empty hole that is.

Just my thoughts...

mbrook there is a psychology theory called transactional analysis by Eric Berne

which is three ego states we all live in
Parent
Child
Adult

Parent

Physical - angry or impatient body-language and expressions, finger-pointing, patronising gestures,

Verbal - always, never, for once and for all, judgmental words, critical words, patronising language, posturing language.


Child

Physical - emotionally sad expressions, despair, temper tantrums, whining voice, rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders, teasing, delight, laughter, speaking behind hand, raising hand to speak, squirming and giggling.

Verbal - baby talk, I wish, I dunno, I want, I'm gonna, I don't care, oh no, not again, things never go right for me, worst day of my life, bigger, biggest, best, many superlatives, words to impress.

Adult

Physical - attentive, interested, straight-forward, tilted head, non-threatening and non-threatened.

Verbal - why, what, how, who, where and when, how much, in what way, comparative expressions, reasoned statements, true, false, probably, possibly, I think, I realise, I see, I believe, in my opinion.

we should all strive to form relationships whereby we are al ADULT-ADULT

When we have relationships like PARENT-CHILD well the obvious happens [not equal]
one adult ats exactly like a child....whinging moaning etc.....the other scornful and seeking retribution for insipid behaviour

adult-adult..................say............GOD I HAVE HIT A BRICK WALL........................THE OTHER WOULD SAY............LET ME HELP YOU GET OVER IT.


David