My brother
 

******** Please don't read unless feeling emotionally safe ********












My brother is in his most severe mania he's been in for probably years. There's not alot of reaching him, though he's better a bit these last few days.

A bit of history...

He's dx'ed narcisstic, bipolar and probably cluster personality disorder. He made his first attempt at age 25. He actually almost succeeded but the hospital brought him back to us. He'd been so long without oxygen that they didn't know "how he'd wake up".

His suicidal ideation was always a comfort to him. I didn't realize this until his baby boy was born (my little man that I've raised for the last almost 3 years - he's four now). After his little man was born, he said that he didn't even have that to help him feel better. It really gave me some idea of his daily struggle and intense pain. I cried for days.

Since then, he's been in the hospital twice, but always called me before he got to the point where he felt he couldn't control the thoughts.

He's not medicated (except for self-medication), and refuses treatment.

This brings me to my concern...

He's not had such a severe mania in years. I'm terribly worried that the depression following will be very severe as well.

They're living in a place that's being foreclosed on (they've lived there rent free for over a year). They'll soon be homeless...again. This always gets him in a bad place. I had to take them food tonight because they had none...they won't even keep their appts. with community services. Their car is broken and they don't have the money to fix it. He doesn't have a driver's license and hasn't since he was 20 (he's 38). Everything is caving in...except his BIG ENTERPRISE he feels he has going on right now.

In this mania, he's created himself online as a production manager for bands. He's actually received money from two of them which furthered the grandiosity of it all. He's talking very rapidly and it's all about how he's convinced this one and that one, that finally people realize he's "the man".

His electric was shut off and now it's all falling apart as the mania is diminishing. When he "comes down" to see the reality of it all, I'll be the most concerned.

His fiance' (the little man's mama) is ill enough on her own to follow this man in all of this. I have the baby and he's safe with me, but his daddy is my baby brother. I loved and cared for him in a life of hell when we were growing up as if he were my own. We only had each other.

I've long since given up on the fact that I can "make it all better", but I'm getting close to feeling the need to remind him that he's just to call me and say, "I need to go to the hospital" again and it hurts my soul...the deepest parts of it.

He's a beautiful man. He loves me like he's capable of loving few. I love him as if he were my own. As he ages, his cycling (along with other mental health issues) seem to be lessening, but this one is pretty severe and that's why I'm so concerned.

Our county has been so great to him twice...setting him up in places, buying him furniture, giving him care when he had been hospitalized. When he went into a mania afterward, he went off meds, back to using, let the apts. go and even sold the stuff they bought him. :(

I'm rambling on and on and I don't know why. Everyone here has given up on him and so I really have no one IRL to discuss this with. It just frustrates them.

I don't know what will become of my brother. I love him so much.

Worried tonight from what I heard in his voice...

Thanks for listening.

KD

Dear KD,
It's hard to watch someone close to us go through this.

Is he willing to recieve help when he is depressed?
M.

I am not feeling emotionally safe but I quickly read what you wrote...I think the bottom line is that your brother is out of your hands...that has to be so painful for you. He needs medication. Without medication he is a stick of dynamite and his narcissism really shows. How can you obtain relief? I feel so badly for you. We bipolars need to help ourselves and I don't know what legal means there are for others to step in to help us when we don't help ourselves.
Bobby

((((((Kimmy)))))),

http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MIN...bears-mini.gif

I HATE that you're having to go through this. And worse, watch your Brother go through this.

Is there any way that you can legally step in and get him the help that he needs...??

I wish I could help :( HUGS.

Barb :hug:

Oh KD, I wish there was more we could do besides just being here online for you. It sounds like he's getting ready to crash and crash hard. I don't know what it's like to have a brother or sister, but it sounds like you're definitely doing everything you can for him. I don't know what to advise you to do, but I do know that you're not alone, we're here for you KD.

(((((((hugs)))))))

I wish too there was a way to get him into treatment and meds.

Your doing all you can as said. I feel for you. You and your brother are in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care of each other. I agree with moose is there some legal way that you can get him help???????????????????

:hug: Nikko

We are all here for you always........................


Nikko:grouphug:

Dear Kimmy Dawn,
I too am sorry for you to be haivng to deal with this....
I think that you could call the police on him and have a 72 hour hold on him...if you are afraid that he could harm himself or someone else they will take him to a locked psych unit.
When he is this manic there is not any rational reasonable thought that is why significant others have to step in.
that is what My hubby did for me.
The problem with him continuing to have ups and downs is the fact that those ups and downs could get more closely clustered and could get worse and harder to bring back to baseline.
hugs to you dear kimmy.
((((HUGS))))
bizi:hug:

Oh honey, how deeply I can relate. It sounds like your brother and my brother were made from the same mold. I kept him with me during his worst depressive episode ever (after his divorce) put him in the hospital for alcohol abuse and attempted suicide. Then I had to ask him to leave 6 months later because he broke his promise about drinking.

I still love him so much. I raised him as well. I had to realize that I can't mommy him anymore and it hurt so bad. It hurt like hell. He is so unique and so ill.

I don't know what to tell you besides watch and wait for the moment to step in and get him somewhere safe. It's so frustrating and scarey knowing there is nothing you can do to force him to get help until he is dangerous to himself or other.

Oh honey. My heart is breaking for you.

Vent away. We are here for you. :grouphug:

Oh, you don't know how much I needed these replies. Thank you so much ((((everyone)))) for the understanding and support.

He's leveling off. I spoke with him today, but the bottom will fall out soon.

He's not ill enough to force a 72 hour hold. :( That makes it hard as well.

I'm scared for my brother.

When they lose a place to live, they'll split up. It happens every time. He then gets suicidal. He knows more and more that the little man has a "family". He's referred to it often. I keep telling him how much he needs his daddy and that me and papaw can't replace his mama and daddy.

Ugh, eyes are leaking to picture the sweetest face in the world when my brother first sees his son for a visit. I can't explain the connection, the sweetness, the beauty.

I need to remind him of that.

KD

Biggest of hugs KD!

((((((Kimmy)))))),

I know the love for a baby brother. It's like no other relationship :D I lost my baby brother to suicide just over 40 years ago. It still whacks me upside the head sometimes :(

Is your brother a VISUAL person?? Can you get one of those plastic make-it-yourself buttons and put a picture of his son inside the button. Pin the button over his heart.

This society is so hard for young men nowadays. Even stable young men. Men with psychiatric problems and self-esteem problems have such a harder row to hoe :(

I don't have life experience with all the 'issues' that your brother is dealing with. My families problems have been depression and personality disorders.

See if you can get him into a clinical trial for "dialectical behavior therapy". I checked both clinicaltrials.gov and centerwatch.org and couldn't find anything in your area. I do know from personal experience that there are always trials going on in the teaching hospitals that are not always in the published lists. The DBT will help him reign in his thinking and understand that he really will be missed by his son and his family if he just lets go.

I've participated in a couple of clinical trials. I was in the original prozac studies over two decades ago. You're hooked up with a therapist. You get free drugs. And consistent monitoring. And a name and phone number to call if you start spinning out of control. Maybe this might be a way to help him.

Give this guy a call: http://www.ohio.edu/counseling/Groups.cfm and see if he can recommend anything. (About half-way down the page: Dialectical Behavior Therapy Group, Contact person: Fred Weiner, Ph.D.)

Another idea of a way to regulate one's thinking is Recovery, Incorporated (http://www.recovery-inc.com/). One uses only specific speech to talk about one's problems. This is worldwide and is basically free except for maybe coffee and cleanup charges. You can get the books from the libraries. You can find meetings here: http://www.recovery-inc.com/meetings/midwest.html#ohio

I'm praying for all of you. Hugs.

Barb

((((((((KimmyDawn & Brother & Lil Man)))))))))))))))

:grouphug:

oh gosh i'm sorry.
 

Heh, i am not emotionally safe but so what. ;) I am fairly empathic but often can separate my own emotions from those i "absorb." I cried all through reading your note and that's ok. It was a note to cry about.No need to explain it. It is a gift of Mother Nature. Keep it always close to your heart, and wrap it in a baby blanky of hope. If you remind your brother of this connection with his child, of the bright lit eyes... do it in a non pressuring way... i don't know how his manias fly but if he is at all labile... or the mania starting to degrade (eg, i often get dysphoric before passing on to depression or euthymia. i wouldn't want for something,even beautiful, like that to set him off feeling guilty, for not being able to "step up to the plate," or feeling neglectful. Your call. You know him... just wanted to relate how things sometimes go for me.

Bizi hits nail on head wrt frequency of cycling and prognosis.. The longer an episode lasts, and the more episodes occur, the worse the illness becomes. This had often been attributed to the kindling theory, as with epilepsy. i am not sure on recent research though - whether this has been scientifically proven or disproven now. But it does make sense.

Kindling as it was explained to me by former pdoc: conceptually, each time an area of the brain becomes overactive (episode), that area is sensitized and easily "set alight" again whereupon it it "kindles" other areas... the threshold for an episode lowers. The kindling theory of bipolar was borrowed from what occurs in Epilepsy - the more and the worse seizures you have, the more you're gonna have, and each time worse since more of the brain is "kindled" and so "lights up" each time for it. ahh... google. i found this if you want to read more on the

The "Kindling" Model in Bipolar Disorder

kindling and prevention: treat each episode ASAP, including hypomania, if you can catch it. if your brother is full manic right now, can you somehow get him help right away, without a lockup? w/o waiting for his desperate call? With the bond you describe with him, could you get him to a voluntary checkin? He needs help yesterday.

I'm sorry if it sounds sorta pushy. I feel so badly you are witnessing all this... people around me firsthand have told me how hard it is, and how helpless one can feel. But i'm glad you are there for him, and I just know he is too.

I am glad he has you for a sister, and that you can care for his little man. You are helping so much already. Remember to give yourself some "me time" too. Time to breathe. Time to put your nose full into a tea rose and breath in that perfume, deeply... i.e. remember the oxygen mask principle.

:grouphug:

~ waves ~
~

Hi Kimmy its me again
 

I don't know why i had this whim ... i guess you sounded so sad ... and afraid ... I want to share this with you, fwiw. a whimmy for kimmy ;).

:Heart:

~ waves ~ from across the ocean

Waves, thank you so much for that detailed information.

I've listened to conference tapes wherein a neurologist speaks of kindling. It's fascinating and I actually applied much to myself in the realm of PTSD.

He's still in the strong mania. I'm watching as I can, but his boy is my first priority as well as my family.

Love and thanks to all.

I so need this support.

Kd

((((((Waves)))))) <<-- she *IS* amazing, isn't she :hug:



((((((Kimmy)))))),

http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MIN...dinghands1.jpg

Barb