Dark days, but Im back
 

Hi dear friends,

I feel like Im a bad friend, please please forgive me... I have been thinking about you all all these days, just hadnt post... :(

My eyes were sick... I mean, more than usually...

Today finally, I went to see my doc... According to him, it is not an infection, it is "just" an allergy... and gave me cortisone drops which are making me see "funny"... :rolleyes:

I have been depressed... My cells are not cooperating so my project is in "stand by" which stress me and make me so sad because I feel like I have failed as a friend, as a woman and now as a student... :( :(

Also, my cousin's wedding is coming in less than 2 weeks and this makes me so sad... I mean, nostalgic or whatever... :(

And oh my God, the last strike was that, this silly girl, the one I thought was my "only" "friend" at the lab, was so rude to me.... dont know if you remember her... the one that left 9 months to live in Canada... I think I told you when she was leaving, I bought her a present and stuff but she told me it was very stupid of my part to miss her... :rolleyes: Anyway, she is living in Canada and the other day she sent me a scrapbook and 2 postcards that took ages to arrive home... I dont know what she was expecting but it seems to me that she thought I was going to get impressed or something... I thanked her as soon as I got it and post pics on facebook etc... That same day I sent her a book, a cooking book because she likes that... I checked today, and she got it yesterday... She has been posting stuff, so she has been online and I dont know what is she pretending, but havent told me anything...

I feel sooooo offended... sad.... and why not say it: MAD. I mean, why so rude !?

I unfollowed her on twitter and posted some rant words... indirectly, I know it is not the best option, but I didnt want to fight directly with her...

I want to block her on facebook too, but dont know... dont want to make things bigger... I hate to make things more difficiult all the time but I Cant help it :( :mad: She will be back in august or something like that and... ugh...

I cant track who signed for the package, just can see it arrive to her house... and, to be honest, I doubt her roomie would take it or something because or boss sent her a big package and nothing bad happened... this was a book... to be honest, nobody would steal that :o

I dont know... ugh...

Please please forgive my rant and my always dark posts :(

HI blue,
Thank you for posting.
I wish you were feeling better stronger. I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with asking her if she got your book? maybe she did not get it?
I don't know.
I am sorry that your eyes have been acting up, are you supposed to use the eyes drops on going or for just a short bit of time?
It is too bad that your cells are not cooperating...I wish they would so you can get on with your work.
many hugs to you tonight:
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Thanks for being here Bizi...

I dont know Bizi... she has acted weird and ruse in the past... so, I dont know what to do... argh... hate this.

I have to use the drops the next 8 days and then stop... Hope he was right !!!

How are you ? I send you hugs !

I started a new diet on feb 13th...We had so much fun for mardi gras...don't remember a lot of it....so have been good every day except that day. and now I have given up alcohol for lent, not catholic but hey.
I did not make it to the gym tonight feel bad about that will go tomorrow.
(((((HUGS)))))back at cha!
bizi

Ah ! MArdi Gras !!! gosh I love LA !!!

Yeah... there is always tomorrow !!! :) :hug:

Sweety,........................................... ...................................
 

You couldn't be a *sweeter* friend!!!:)
((((((((((((BlueMajo)))))))))))) :)

Dear Majo,

Here are some hugs :hug: :hug: :hug:


M

I am sorry we did not get to chat last night. You sounded as though you really needed to . I hope you can take this a day at a time.
Are you having to go to that wedding? You can always say you are not feeling well and not go.
wish we could have chatted.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Im afraid I have to go to the wedding.... Im so depressed... I HATE weddings because it has always been my dream to have my own :Sob::Sob::Sob::Sob: And now Im sure that is never gonna happen....

And to make things worse, I CANT stop thinking about the silly gift incident.... ugh

no that you are not alone in obcessions...it is part of being bipolar.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Hey Mayo

Thinking of you.

Sending hugs.

Donna:grouphug::hug:

Yeeeeaaahhhh.... Bizi..... you are right.... *sigh*

Thank you Donna.....

:hug::hug:Mayo

Your a wonderful friend.

So don't let someone that isn't letting you know treat you other wise.

We are here. So remember that.

I'm with you.

Love you.


Donna:grouphug:

Hi Majo

i hope your eyes feel better soon. mine have been itchy and teary and i get strain from the computer real quick - i think i need new glasses but no drops thank goodness. eye problems suck.

bipolar sucks. migraines suck. ppl who don't reply to gifts, suck.

all i can think is, maybe she didn't realize how long it took her stuff to reach you, and thought that you "took your time" to thank her. and felt bad... so now she is doing the same. MAYBE.

OR MAYBE....the thing got delivered to someone else who was present (even a guest!) while she was out, set down in some corner and forgotten about. she might not be aware of it at all!! you see?

see coz, we can all sit here till Christmas and ruminate over the whatifs, but i agree with Bizi that the best thing to do would be to ask her a direct question. you could approach her on facebook and say, "hey i sent you a package and i see it got to your house, but was it given to you?" (show good faith that she might not be aware of it.)

the indirect stuff really does fuel a fire that might not exist. and if it doesn't it can start one.... not worth it. whatever happens, it will relieve the obsessing. it's called - performing a REALITY CHECK. ;):cool::D

anyway. (steps off soapbox).

take care. and oh yeah... welcome back. i've been sort of a stranger myself lately, not posting hardly. so... ehhh, we're in the same boat. :o

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

((((waves)))) :hug:

I indeed fueled the fire yesterday.... oops... :o

So, I will close the chapter... :o I feel sorry about the book (yes, I have always felt sorry about material things, in another of my weird reactions :o :eek: :rolleyes: ) and why not, about her.... either way I mean... if somebody got it and never gave it to her, or if she is that rude... both cases are a shame....

And as therapy, I got myself that same book... poor little thing.... :rolleyes:

Yeah.... as weird as the red planet....

Haha yeah... eyes suck. Glasses suck, drops suck, cortisone sucks.... My life sucks. People around me suck. :o Excluding NT for sure....

:hug: :winky:

Dear Majo,

We like you here. :circlelove:

M

yes we do and a lot
fondly
bobby

I could join the making a list of who is not good today.

Sorry I don't seem to be able to say the word even though I feel it right
now.

I'm so mad at my husband right now. He can join the list. I just hate
to break promises to people when I make them. If I had done the
promising and had to break it for him. I'd be in trouble.

Just like I have to head to the bank and pay his mom's bill for the
water in a few minutes. Or I broke a promise.

And the bad part is I wanted so bad to remind him. He couldn't
keep the promise he had made. So what was so important that I keep
this one. But its his mom not him that would be upset the most.

Donna:grouphug::hug:

Hey Blue!
 

I wondered where you were. I missed hearing from you. We all did. Any time one of us drops out for awhile we do think about you. Are you any better now? Please be good to yourself, and stay right here with us! ginnie:hug:

Hey my family !!!

Im in my silly phone and cant type as much as I would like to, but today is the wedding and Im furious already :mad:

I need this day to be over NOW.

I will take my camera with me even if my cousin doesnt like the idea that much... I NEED SOMETHING TO GET ENTERTAINED WITH !

try to have some fun with your camera!
bizi

Hi,
The camera is very good. You do not even have to take "real" pictures. You can pretend to take pictures. Use it as your baby sitter. The camera is your nurturing friend. Let it guide you out the door.

Leave early
Leave as soon as you need.
Leave the second you want to go.

Leave early.

Mari

Hi blue
 

I am glad you are back! ginnie

hoping you make/made it through ok.
 

Hi Majo...

hope you are managing ok...
Yess!!! :D:D:D i love ittt!

indeed. it's called, Now you see Blue, now you don't. ;) Hey you showed up... that counts!!! Sticking around, since you are an official witness, for the signing ... that counts. Beyond that... to heck with it... soon as you sign those papers.... ándale! skip outta there! :p;)

....unless you really want to wait for her cake but... remember where it will go... straight to the hips. :eek: RUN, RUN!!!! :eek: GET while the GETTIN's GOOD! :D:cool:

come to think of it, by this time, you are probably already home... i am late... argh. well i hope things went ok, and that you are ok. tomorrow is a new day. :heartthrob:

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

Heehee,

I'm even more late.

But thats because I've not been in today.

Donna:grouphug:

Friends....

IT WAS A FIASCO !!!! :mad: :( It was worse than expected...

Im depressed and completely put of energy... so lethargic... :(

Need to post you about this wedding because I cant get over it... Will do soon. Need my vitamins shoots...

I love you. Wanted to type that. So that you know.

:grouphug:

Hey Blue
 

Sorry it turned out bad. You had that feeling it wouldn't be good didn't you? Sometimes that little voice inside knows ahead of time. Try to put it behind you, and not allow it to upset you so. Ya can't change the behavior of others. I hope you can rest tonight. I hope you can find a peaceful moment so you feel better. You are loved on this site to Blue, you have lots of friends right here. Take care, I will keep you in my prayers tonight. ginnie

Dear Blue. I'm sorry that you have been going through a hard time. It sometimes takes all the strength that you have to do even minor things during the day. I know that this happens to me. God gives us strength day,by day.
BF:hug::hug::hug: