Dumb things I worry about. Need to stop.
 

Greetings,
Last week I was worried about the government making me change my lightbulbs.

This week I am worried about global warming flooding my city in the next few decades. :eek:

This is how nuts I am: I read stuff that tries to predict what year certain cities will be underwater. :holysheep: Then I think we need to move to higher elevations.

Oh, yeah. Also the presidential election. I was in deep mourning for a very long time in 2000 and 2004 http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/sad/bawling.gif and not happy enough about 2006. I'm not feeling good about 2008. http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/confused0083.gif

I need to start mediating and doing self-hypnosis and find ways to stop worrying. http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/sy.../chillpill.gif Maybe I am supposed to involve myself in things that I do have control over, like, I don't know keeping my house clean. Or maybe even keeping a journal agian.


Thanks for letting me think aloud.
M.

I know when I started taking risperdal I worried and obsessed less. I still worry a lot but appear to be a lot more selfish than you are. I also have more of an attitude which maybe you can adapt which might also come from being older, that most things are out of my control and I can't do anything about them and maybe they are meant to be in the "greater plan" and who am I to question the greater plan? Two friends of mine say that we get older, we come to realize that most things are out of our control. Our trying to control things as bipolars put a great deal of stress on ourselves. You are amazing that you can get yourself to work. That is one huge accomplishment. I am certain you are excellent at what you do. You also have a wonderful relationship with your husband. That is awesome. I don't know if these are in your control or not but they are huge things. You are also the most wonderful friend to us.
Bobby
ps I also think bipolars have a lot of mental energy and they have to get rid of it somehow or else it turns into depression...so maybe these worries are also releases

Mari what does your pdoc say
 

It really sounds like you're tripping. :eek: i dont mean tripping over, i mean tripping... but it ain't a good one. Zykes. I had no idea.

I don't know what to say... i hope risperdal helps, dunno how long you've been taking it or how far out you were before. I don't know much about risperidone unfortunately so i can't blather my mouth off about how long it might take to help you feel better, but in general the APs are fast... Zyprexa is real fast.

i feel bad... i shoulda talked to you about your posts... ohhhhh quite a while ago. You seemed hypo right after the move and i thought maybe you were just a bit revved from that... duhh... your posting style was so different.

I just hope you feel better. This kind of tripping is horrific. My trips are usually saint-istic hol-istic and i get "oracles" by things that happen that are "messages" for me... ideas of reference, magical thinking etc. I have had those be in a good way, and in a bad way, and the bad way is ... bad. horrible.

Have you had any changes in your Klonopin or Xanax lately? I remmebr something about tapering in June. I wonder about these things because they can really throw one off kilter esp. with the stress of the move on top.

:Heart:

~ waves ~ and thanks for the note on Kimmy's thread

That's what we're here for Mari, to help other's and support them and seek support when we need it. I am really glad Neuro Talk is still here for us. :)

I never thought about it that way before mymorgy, that we have a lot of mental energy and have to like discharge it or risk it becoming depression. That's an interesting thought, thanks for sharing it. I do agree that we put ourselves through a lot of stressing trying to control our BP'ness though. Glad you're posting mymorgy, it's nice to see you again. :) :hug:

I saw these words and I was a little troubled. I can't consider you selfish. Ever. Self aware, self-less (as in giving just for the sake of the act.) But not selfish.

Mari, honey. I am so sorry these things are bothering you. When I start obsessing about something, I study and research it to death. Eventually, I will come to the realization that I can do nothing about it and then I am able to move on. For me, it helps.

Does the yoga help you focus for meditation? I really need to find out where I can go to learn yoga. From what you say, I am more determined than I was before.

Hugs and more hugs. Hang in there.

Mari, you are not selfish at all. Worrying is something we have no control over.

Time for some R and R and to do something fun to take your mind off things.

I try my best to live in the moment now, it seems I can't think past that because it hurts too much.

Sending good vibes.........:hug: Nikko

p.s. Vent away, that's why we are all here for each other.

Take care......

hugs to you Mari,
we have control of our immediate environments to a point...we can choose to associate with friends or not, we choose our occupations, husbands etc...what to do with our free time..whether to go to yoga or not. these things are in our control....WE can't control global warning and 2008 will be a mystery how that comes out other than voting there really is not much we can do....
I amsorry that you are worrying so much
I wish you a peace this weekend.
(((HUGS)))
bizi:grouphug:

hurricanes and rigged elections
 

You see regarding global warming:

The years 2005 and 2004 were horrible hurricane years for Florida.
Global warming is supposed to bring more hurricanes.
It makes sense to move, to get the heck away from hurricanes. http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/we...picalstorm.gif I don't feel like I should stay and wait like a sitting duck for the next big storm.

But husband and I both have jobs here, and, well, I like it here. He likes to move less than I do.

Rising water levels will eventually take out most of Florida. But I might not be around to see it.


Right now we are living with a drought and water restrictions if you can believe it.
Maybe I want to live some place where the forces of nature are less a part of our daily lives. Is there such a place?????

As for the elections: I live in FL. In 2004 and 2006 we had massive voting fraud. Massive. It doesn't matter how or if we vote. The guys who buy the computer touch screen voting machines win.

We're getting new voting computerized machines for 2008. Same guys are in charge. http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/office/computer.gif

.................Depressed about the election and looking for a way to skip the news for the next 1.5 years.

To prevent anxiety, I will have to adopt a fatalistic approach to life and I am not quite ready to to there.

Or I could return phone calls from the local SGI Buddhism group that I have met twice. Nice people. But they meet at inconvenient times -- even if I wanted to see them again. http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/happy/chat.gif

i gave up on elections decades ago...i don't think you should consider moving...for over eleven months now I hardly watch tv and don't watch the news..I just read google headline news...I have beautiful music playing instead....I am sorry the buddhist group isn't convenient...isn't their main emphasis that life is suffering...unlike the western attitude that all should be well....
what don't you try to control? trying to control the uncontrollable is such a burden especially when you are bipolar.....have you thought about getting a stuffed animal and cuddling it when you start worrying? I am serious....you sound too grown up....how do you nurture yourself? did you skip childhood?
if so how can you make up for it? Do you ever do anything silly for the fun of it?
Bobby
ps the florida election got me so furious....the supreme court wasn't

Dear Bobby,

Yes, I am learning that I have very little control. When I have tried to exercise control, I ended up where I would have been without trying so hard.

I am sure that his coming into my life was not part of any plan of mine. I am grateful for him everyday.

You are not selfish. You are teaching me to be more selfish and I need that and appreciate that. :)


Dear Waves,
You are kind to worry. But I don't get hypo (at least not on these meds). I get depressed occassionally and I get anxious if I am not careful about sleep and stressors. Daily, I deal with what feels like ordinary worry and concern.
I fight low energy levels and brain fog. I don't know if these are side effects of the meds or something else. But it would be hard to go from this to hypo.

I'm off the Xanax since June/July 2006.
The pdoc and I accomplished that by upping the Klonopin an equal amount. Even with that "plan," I still went through about an eight week detox. I had a couple of nights (fourth and sixth night in) of cold sweats. Also, lots of anxiety and lots of weirdo symptoms. My therapist was appropriately worried.

The Xanax did the nasties on the way out -- and proved to me that I really did have to get off it.

And thanks tremendously btw for helping me with my xanax crises last year.

Now I take 2.5 Klonopin and 240 Verpamil and Birth Control.

Dear Pamster,
I feel like all of us in Florida are in a club together. I also feel for people in New Orleans, Houston, Gavelston, .....

Sometimes I feel like all my energies are focused on surviving and thriving as much as possible either despite the bipolar or becuase of it. I have said here that I try to make bipolar my friend. I usually can do this by letting it absorb much of my attention and ability. Sometimes I can do this.

Dear Mrs. Bear,
I think we have similiar approaches to dealing with stuff that comes our way. I need a way to get my arms around it before I can detach.

I was dx'd with Chronic Fatigue in 1992. I remember I couldn't do anything except lie in bed or on the couch. Also, any exhertion meant that I would be worse the next day.

One morning I woke up actually unable to move my joints. I couldn't bend to get out of bed! I had to lie there and talk my self into being ok one joint at a time.

Anyway, I tell you this because, now some 15 years later, I think that I am pretty much past the CF. (Actually, I don't know for sure because I have no dr who believes in this.) Keep hope.

I started yoga because I could not exercise at all becuase of CFS.
My mom got me a tape of breathing. I didn't have to do any movements. The tape helped. (My mother is nuts. She got me this tape a few days after I was dx'd with walking pneumonia. Hello?! Deap breaths. Pneumonia??)

Dear Nikko,
You are right to deal with one moment at a time.
I am still learning.
Each time I remind myself to to do that, I get closer to knowing it.

Dear Bizi,
This is so true.

Last Saturday, hubby woke me up at 4:00 pm -- my usual wake time -- to ask me to go to a concert with him. I agreed because it seemed that I should support his interests.

We encountered horrible traffic because of other events going on in the same part of the city and a big rain storm.
Thirty minutes after the concert started we were in standing traffic a few blocks from the conert hall. We needed another 30 minutes just to find a parking place and then walk in the rain to the hall.

For him, I was able to stay calm....helping him deal with the traffic, telling him he was doing a good job driving, ......and then showing him which roads he needed to take to find the highway to get back home.
For him, I can be a calming influence.

We stopped for pizza when we got near home. The night ended up being a long car ride to nowhere but we were calm the whole time. I felt that we had accomplished something.
But you know what, even the pizza was crap and that means it was pretty bad because I love pizza.

Friends,
You are good and kind. :) :) :) :) :)
Mari

Dear Bobby,
As usual, you are insightful. :Thank you:

I stopped watching the news (and catch a headline or two on the computer) but started going to a new forum. I guess I will stop going there if it riles me up politically like it seems to.

I'm not sure what the Buddhist group is about. I think that they hold that meditating/chanting can make suffering not so bad. We can't completely avoid suffering but we can make better peace with it so that the suffering does less harm than it would otherwise. Or something like that.

My problem with them is that they seem to believe in the power of positive thinking. This does not sit well with me totally. But thinking positively is better than thinking of the worst I suppose.

Still, the women in the group are very kind and friendly and hopeful about their own lives and about each others' lives. I felt good after the two meetings I went to. And they are only a few blocks from my apt -- so no big deal for traveling. But I am not sure that I am ready to add a new thing to my life.

You found the spot. I was never a child. I was the oldest of 4 and my mother was checked out much of the time -- could barely handle anything. She hasn't changed. I raised my siblings and watched my mom so that she wouldn't freak out on us. (anxiety and other un dx'd problems)

My hypnotherapist left a message today about our getting together again on Friday next week. It is a work holiday (Good Friday) so I could see her except that I made a big appointment. Maybe I can reschedule this appointment. Maybe I should.

I last saw the hypnotherapist a about a month ago. She helps me because she makes me feel normal.

Mari

:eek: I don't think I could have held it together through all of that! You did accomplish alot that night. (but I do understand staying calm for your husband and how much it helps him to stay calm as well. We call it "not pushing each other's buttons.")

I didn't realise just how close our childhoods resembled each other. Maybe that is why we have similar traits on how we deal with certain things and both have to work on our "control" issues. :hug:

One day, you will see just how far you have come and just how much you have grown by all the steps you are taking to help yourself and nurture yourself. :cool:

I would love to go to yoga with you. :D

I wish you wellness.
I think you will figure out what you need to do....
the location is perfect and I wish that I could find a group like this....
hope your weekend is filled with something that you enjoy doing.
(((HUGS)))
bizi:circlelove:

My mother has an eating disorder
 

Hi,
My mother has some kind of un dx'd anorexia/ bulimia. Her brothers and sisters do too.

I am aware that this stuff is inherited.

In addition to whatever might have been inherited I have been effected by her relationship with food. For this I am sad.

I think that some people have happy food memories from their childhood. They remember a favorite food or something that their mother used to make that make them feel warm and loved. I don't.
And some people can find comfort or pleasure in food, partly because it reminds them of being cared for and nurtured.

Mom couldn't nurture so of course food does not represent nurture to me. And she has a love/hate (mostly hate) relationship with food. (Also, she can't cook very well even now.)

I realized this when a therapist asked me if I eat for any of the following reasons:
boredom -- no
needing love -- no
celebration -- no
sadness -- no

and so on.
I eat to alter moods. In other words I eat either to bring down anxiety or I eat to try to wake up and increase my energy.

And I need to loose weight.

Do any of you actually like food? Does preparing and eating food bring a degree of pleasure?
Or is food seen as a a problem to be conquered/dealt with as it was in my house growing up?

M.

It is interesting how food can effect us differently.
WE need it to live, and sometimes I feel like I live to eat instead of eating to live.
The times that I cna loose weight have been when I am busy and eating does seem like a chore.
But I am learning how to cook different things and am enjoying this...this past year I ahve been taking chances and trying new receipes and I like that.
I also live 3 blocks from a grocery store and that allows me to easily run to the store for an item.
I eat when I am bored and at night snacky watching tv.
Does your mum and her siblings speak about their eating problems?
bizi

Hi Bizi,
I like that you live near a grocery store and that that allows you to get what you need. Maybe it is ok to live to eat occassionally.

The times I loose weight are when I am not busy. They are times that I focus on exercise, sleep, and eating lots of veggies.

My mom and her siblings talk about food a lot. They talk about the good food to eat and what food is bad. But they never talk about their feelings toward food.

Her sisters were nurses so they are a bit more up to date on nutrition than she is. My mom thinks that ANY fat is bad for everyone. She lives on carbs and diet food (low fat mayo, diet margerine....) She doesn't keep any food in the kitchen or fridge. You have to go to a storage room a few rooms away to find a few items.

She would rather run to the store during the week than keep any food around -- she says that she is afraid that she is going to eat it all.

She and her sisters love to talk about exercise. My mom used to exercise about 3 hours a a day. Now that she is in her sixties she has redeced that, but exercise is part of her battle against putting extra weight on.
She is 5 feet and weighs about 110 which is probably normal weight for that height. But the amount of energy she puts into eating/not eating is amazing. Then she buys clothes that are 6 sizes too big in order to hide her body.

Often when she eats she says that she is disgusted because she shouldn't have eaten.

She raised us to hide our body behind clothes too.

I didn't pick up the exercise bug. ;)
M.

I like food I didn't have to cook. I like new food.

I like cooking food.

I eat because I have to. I don't like to eat. I only cook and eat fat free right now because of the boy's gallbladders. Otherwise, I just keep it light.

I LOVE chocolate. I LOVE cucumbers. Tomato, mayo and allspice on white bread. Best sandwich ever. I don't know what memory I attach to it, but it's good because eating a tomato sandwich makes me feel warm.

I have never thought about how food makes me feel before. I usually hate it because so much of it is bad for someone in my family. :mad:

I think of food like gas. I don't like filling my car with gas either but I have to in order to get where I need to go. :eek:

Thanks Mari. I never thought of the emotion of eating before.

forgot to add:
I love to eat
and that is why I will have to watch my weight forever.
I have been watching a low carb diet since lent started about 5 weeks ago. so no sweets etc. and I have lost at least 5 pounds... so am happy about this. I had put on 8 pounds over from halloween to new years from eating so many rich deserts everything....
anyway
I do love to eat especially chocalate...gimmie all your chocolate for easter and no one gets hurt