Does any one ever feel
 

Like they come in and out of a different world. Like they are stuck mostly feeling like they are almost retarded but just not be able to understand or figure out easy things that they used to be able to but then some times feel totally normal and not understand why.

I haven't felt "normal" since just before the accident I was in.

But I do know what it's like to feel almost retarded, even though I know I'm not, I still feel like that when I compare my perception of my current cognitive functioning to my previous level of cognitive functioning. I feel guilty about feeling so extreme about it, because I don't think I'm perceived by others to be almost retarded... but that's how I feel sometimes nonetheless.

For me it feels like I can recognize the difference in a way similar to when a computer is just not processing something. Like when you're waiting for an email to be sent and it's just not sending. I can recognize that some places in my head just aren't working.

In terms of coming in and out of worlds, I only feel that I am living in this new world that a product of my concussion. I don't feel like I can't join others, but I do feel like others can not join me; in that I do know that they don't know or perceive or understand the difference in my illness, since having an concussion, other than the obvious symptoms which also involve alienation (need for sleep and quiet) is rather difficult to see from the outside in.

blackcode,

Welcome to NeuroTalk. It sounds like you fit with us quite well.

I also experience the in and out feelings. Over my many years of these feelings, I find that I can get out of the 'does not compute' feeling by doing something simple. It may take a few simple tasks to gradually get to a better but not normal feeling.

Other times, I just need to reboot. I take a nap and start over. It is like my brain did not wake up in a proper cycle. A good nap and I usually can get to a better condition.

I don't let the poor days effect me. They are just temporary and will always pass. I may need to hunker-down at home.

I have 3 different grades of days or parts of days.

The worst leave me napping on and off most of the day. They usually follow a bad night of trying to sleep. I end up doing very little.

The next level are days when I can get some tasks done and act alive but not well enough to drive. The biggest indicator is how well I can scan with my eyes. I usually can not scan very fast or I struggle to comprehend what I am seeing. I usually get better as the day goes on.

My good days are driving days. I have good visual scan skills and can read without too much fatigue. I have good awareness of my surroundings. I can solve problems in my head and do much deeper cognitive tasks.

There is no rhyme or reason to each level except for my sleep the night before.

I've been living with this for 11+ years. My wife can look in my eyes and see what level I am in.

btw, I do much better when I am away from the sounds of a city or town. When I am at my mountain cabin, I can get past the initial dragging feeling by just walking outside and listening to the sounds of nature. The ambient noise of civilization tends to have a negative effect.

My best to you all.


But then life goes on.

totally normal was the wrong thing to say. Even when I feel better I still can not watch a show with out the volume low and off when it gets too busy or noisy. Even when I feel better and try to figure out how to have some kind of a life just trying to think it out messes me back up again. And every time I email even family or even post on here it always seems stupid and I usually delete it. I tried to delete this first part that I wrote. Is there a way to delete posts here?

You can edit a post within a time limit. A moderator can delete a post for you if you ask them.

JoeT, Have you tried watching TV with a head set? It will help separate the ambient sounds from the TV sounds. It makes a big difference for me.

What things do you do during the day?

What is your environment like?

Tell us more details about your days and symptoms and maybe someone can suggest some ways to make your days better.

My best to you.

I totally understand how you feel. Just today in the office, I had to deal with a situation where I am still learning how to do things.

I had to make two phone calls to find out information, and someone was in the room with me. I felt self-conscious, which complicated how my brain processes, and could not get the words to come out of my mouth. It was like my brain was screaming the words but I could not say them.

I feel so dumb sometimes because the simplest of tasks or words sometimes confuse me when I know they shouldn't.

However, I am fortunate enough to work where I have my own space, and am not bothered much so I can turn off the lights if needed and throw in the earplugs.

Hopefully these things will pass for all of us...

JoeT, I know the feeling well. There have been many times I feel as if I can't think or my brain appears to just shut down in the middle of something. I even forgot how to spell my youngest daughters name one day...was a brief moment of panic.

Like others have said, i usually have to take a nap or just sit in silence when that feeling comes over to be able to recharge a bit. This might be one of those tmies becuase I just can't "think" of what I want to say.:confused:

Exactly
 

Hi JoeT,
Yes I do go in and out of worlds. I had my concussion two years ago, and an encouraging sign for me is that my good days have recently become great. Just about normal, maybe a slight headache-but I'll take that anyday over that feeling of being in a different world. For me I would describe it as being at the bottom of a fish tank looking out. It can be a very lonely feeling and even though I feel lonely I usually do not want to be near other people.
Concussedlawyer

EXACTLY.. You've summed up the feelings I can never remember to write down when I see these forums :P Before the concussion, If i felt lonely, I'd call up a friend, bam problem solved. Now it's like: do I feel well enough to see someone? Can i handle going to a movie? etc. Feels like other people are worlds apart from us sometimes.

Thanks!

Really well put.

I was talking to someone yesterday that my head was 'feeling a bit better' then I thought if I felt like I do now before the injury i'd be sat at a hospital in panic but I suppose you almost 'get used to it' . Sometimes I feel almost human and sometimes I feel like screaming . Amongst the many frustrations is that people can't 'see it' so you do wonder if 'they get it'

Isolation is a tough thing to deal with.

The way my life is, (by choice), I tend to be alone at home for at least 12 hours a day. Before my accident that was never a problem. I had lots to do to fill the time and really enjoyed the peace and quiet.

Since my accident, the days feel longer, I have a harder time doing stuff, so my day is not as busy. I really appreciate the peace and quiet now, I NEED it, but I enjoy it less than I used to.

But I sometimes think I would like to have someone around... until the weekend comes and my husband and daughter ARE around, then I can't wait until Monday morning when they head back to work. Its hard to have them around, even if they are trying to be quiet, they are often not quiet enough.

It sucks, but I do try to keep in mind that "this too shall pass" and it won't be like this forever and eventually I will enjoy their company AND my peace and quiet. :)
Starr

do you ever feel
 

You bet. For example I took my daughter to the doctor a few days ago. They switched her medication for her back injury (not related to my concussion). It felt like I used all my brain power to follow what the doctor told us. Then we went to the pharmacy to pick up the medication...The clerk tried to help us by saying if we bought two months we would get the third month free (or something like that). I could not follow what she was saying at all. I am sure it was very simple but it was not what I was prepared for and could not understand at all.

My daughter asked if I was ok because my face was red. I was trying so hard to understand! I started to cry because I felt so bad that I couldn't figure it out.

I just got two month supply and got paperwork so my husband could figure it out when I got home. Luckily my daughter is 15 and was able to type in what the clerk said so she could tell me later.

Some days I feel like I am like I was before accident and then something like that happens and I realize that I am not well. The problem for me is that I "look" fine (no wheelchair, cane, limp, etc.) but am not healed mentally.

Yes. Absolutely. I ran into a metal beam sticking out from a building 2+ years ago and sometimes I wish I had a major accident instead. One that had physical injury to show perhaps because no one really understood apart from my daughter, then 9 years old. It is so difficult to be not affected when the slightest bit just floors me mentally.

Previously I was known as the female McGyver but now, trying to put ink toner into the printer can lead me to tears despite the fact that I have had the printer for the last 5 years and that I could do it with my eyes closed before. Now, the pictures showing how to change the toner looks like cave man drawings.

The one thing my daughter tells I have now is a sense of humour. Something that has helped me cope after all ... laughing sure beats crying. BUt that is just another coping mechanism.

Oh my gosh I can totally relate!!!! The most recent injury I had was during training, and the Commander said that I off all people should know how to fall properly. (made me mad because I can't help that the guy i was training with body-slammed me. How do you fall properly from that?!? sorry, I digress.)

So, yes! I found that at the beginning when they were all trying to get me out training again that i was wishing I had a huge cast on my leg, or in a wheelchair because that's what I feel mentally, but no one could see it. Who would ask a wheelchair bound person to train?

Anyway, what struck me from what you said was that your 9 year old understands more than anyone. My kids too! They are more compassionate and understand when I have done too much. Just playing a 5 minute game of kickball left me red-faced and dizzy yesterday...and my son (who is 10) noticed and said, mommy its okay, you need to rest. How sweet!

I too have developed more of a sense of humor, and I never thought of it as a coping mechanism until today, so thank you for that! It sure does beat crying.

I wish you luck. I feel the same way about my brain and cave-man drawings, lol.
:hug:

I know how it feels
 

I as well feel as you do, I have been having memory and concentration problems since my last head impact in August 2011. I feel stupid, sometimes even incapable of doing anything. I no longer go out with my friends because I can not follow half of what they say and can not stand the noise. I do not listen to music anymore because I get so flustered and when I watch tv its down so low noone else can hear it then they get mad and higher it up. I just sit there so miserable. I'd rather be alone in my room then anywhere else and I hate it. I have always been rather social but now I don't want to talk to or be around anyone. Yesterday I went to pick up my little sister from the school nurse and she handed me the form to sign my sister out and I was just looking at it I had to put her name in and I just drew a blank. Now I know my sisters name but when I was there with all the comotion of a typical hs I just drew a blank. I hope you find a way to work around it all and I wish you the best. Just know you are not alone. Many of us are going through this as well.