There goes my dream
 

We retired a few years ago, moved out by the lake. Got an RV and planned on traveling around the USA seeing the sights. The worlds largest ball of twine. The biggest frying pan. DollyWood, Hershey park, and so on. The RV was upgraded and we put tons of extras in her. DH drove her home from the dealer. He was white knuckled and terrified the whole ride! :eek:

It has sat in the driveway for the last 6 years. We found out I have MS about a week after pulling her home, and DH has used that as an excuse to not take the RV anywhere. now, i know 99% of what he is talking about is that HE is terrified to pull it. He speaks all the time about what if. What if we get to VA and you get sick? What if we get to Ohio and you have a flare? What if we are in the blue ridge mountains and you go blind again? So, for 6 years it has sat in the driveway. never been used.

My son just started working at a place that sells trailers, campers, and the like. His boss offered to sell it on consignment and take very little profit for himself. After 3 years of it sitting in the driveway with a for sale sign on it, we decided to let it go to the lot and let the big boys sell her.

it just broke my heart as it pulled out of the driveway. I remembered the day we went to pick it up how excited I was and how much I love that thing. How much can MS take? yes, I know its a lot to do with DHs attitude and worry, but I couldnt get him over the hump. So...its gone. my dream died. MS killed it.

Thanks for letting me vent. :hissyfit::Sob::deadhorsebeat::nopity::Talkative:

Dej, it's not MS that changed your dream, it's your DH's fear of pulling your RV :( Instead of him saying he is concerned about pulling something as big as an RV he is making MS the excuse :(

We have a 30ft 5th wheel which we bought new in 2004. My DH had never pulled a 5th wheel before and he admitted it scared the crap out of him. Over the years he has gotten used to the size, although he still has trouble backing it up ;).

You could still travel...by car. You could rent a Motorhome and see how that feels to him.

Sounds like he was afraid to drive it and was blaming the MS. (I'd probably do the same thing. Driving anything bigger than a minivan scares the crap out of me)

Maybe you can rent a smaller RV and go somewhere close by on a "practice" vacation? If that goes ok, and if your RV doesnt get sold right away before then, you can take it off consignment and then go somewhere.

Did your husband go to any classes on driving something that big? Can he take a class on driving it and maybe then he'd feel better about driving it. It might be that the stress of driving something that big, plus the stress of worrying that you'd get somewhere and flare combined is what was keeping him from taking you somewhere?

I know its HIS issue, but he is using MY issue as his excuse, and if I didnt have MS, our lives would be marching forward, as planned. I have friends that have offered to teach him, OR i could have driven it. I drive fire engines for silly sake, and could easily pull that bad boy, but each time I scheduled an outing he would say "youre sick! you shouldnt be doing that! what if you get dizzy or cog fog behind the wheel?!" so...MS does play into it. Yes, he is using it as HIS way out, but still...if you chase the rabbit round the tree, you come back to "if I didnt have MS to start with, I would be pulling the thing."

silly disease. just silly. :(

Some trips in the car sound good, especially as you are able to take your turn at the wheel.
You ought to plan a couple of trips to places you wanted to see, staying in motels. My husband and I traveled that way. The last years it wasn't for fun, it was because our housing situation got perilous due to fires and insurance problems with FEMA and so forth.
But we got to travel a lot before we had to hunker down to a live of survival. And traveling is my best memories...to Greece, England, Hawaii together, to the Phillipines and Tokyo alone (he went on a business trip separate from my trip to Japan). I would take a trip to Australia to visit a dear friend there if I could but too expensive now. She has Porphyria as I do and we could hold each other up while seeing the local sights.

without the trailer payment, and insurance on us, we can afford more than we have been doing.

We do plan on some local trips and test the waters. Perhaps branch out a bit each time we have a success.

its like I told him tho, even without MS there was never a guarantee that I would be able to go anywhere at anytime. I could have sprained an ankle, chipped a tooth, got the flu, had breast cancer return...we only have today, and I think getting out of here would do my mental health a world of good. I think having MY bed to sleep in, eating off MY dishes, and watching MY tv from MY couch would have been great. Using MY shower, and MY soap not some strange hotel that may or may not have washed the tub.

Its at the consignment lot now, and its a race day weekend, so TONS of folks will be coming by that place. I am ready for it to be done and over. Move on from this 5 year night mare of begging to take it some place. At least with it gone, we can make plans and stop looking at the thing in the driveway each day. it really was a visual reminder each day of what I was missing out on.

So it's an RV trailer not a motorhome:icon_question: I take it that it's an RV trailer.

Your husband is possibly using your MS as an excuse not to pull the trailer as others have suggested. If he has never pulled anything like that before it can be a feat. We have done it forever be it RV trailers, motorhomes and the like. We are both from the farm many years ago now so no big deal for either of us.

Re: about loosing stuff
 

Hey Dej, thought about you after reading this post. Sorry you had to give up the travel with your camper. Maybe you two can still go places, just not for extended travel at one time. Take short trips. Nobody knows if they will get sick or not while on the travel adventure. I would go do what ever you both can do, even quick trips. Go for it....
I know about loosing things your value and wanted. I am loosing my home. None of it is fun, but maybe we can think of some new adventure we can do, even with limited means or circumstances. don't let the health issues stop you and hubby for enjoying some good moments. Even without the camper, good times can still be there. ginnie

Dej, I'd look at it as freedom from a burden that wasn't giving you any pleasure. I mean really.....how often can you take something like that out? There would be so much that had to be done just to go away for a weekend. And then coming home.....I'm sure there were things you'd have to do in order to park it for a while. Seems like too much "stuff" to be enjoyable (to me, at least). I'm worn out just thinking about it! :D

The suggestion of renting a motorhome - if you really want to do the "on the road" thing - sounds so much easier. And more cost efficient.

Now you'll have whatever money was tied up in that thing to do whatever you want. I'm seeing this as an opportunity for lots of memories to be made! :)

its a travel trailer. you hook it up to your car/truck and tow it. Drop it off at the site, and then use your car. Our last one was a motor home. it was MINE! I drove it all over the country. I saw many states, many state fairs, many festivals and many good times. When we retired, he said he wanted to join me and hit the road with me. We trade in old Betsy for a new travel trailer. one that had to be pulled, not driven. He didnt like to drive the old one, but he would. I could easily handle her, and since she had a generator I could dry dock anywhere I chose. The travel trailer had a battery that didnt last long, and would pull heat or AC if you needed it. just a few light.

The old motor home allowed me to travel, not pay for hotel rooms, and slept in my own bed. Stocked my own toys in her, and didnt have to worry about where my stuff was. it was right there. I could pull into anyones driveway and stay the night, or sleep overnight at a walmart parking lot. no dozing off in the drivers seat, you had a bed to lay in. I loved being on the open road.

it was a huge dream of mine to go go go once we both retired. Clearly it wasnt his dream too, even tho he claimed it was. He was quick to use any excuse and MS just happened to fall in his lap.

he is a good husband, and provides in many other ways, this was not going to be one of them. So, when MS happened along, he grabbed it with both fists. Trust me, its been a HUGE issue and subject of many discussions. I have made my feelings extremely clear, and he has expressed his. If we still had the old one, I would feel comfortable driving it, but I dont feel comfy pulling this huge thing. it sways, and rocks, and takes a lot of set up once you get where you are going. With the old one, I just pulled up, and stepped out.

oh well...thanks for letting me vent. :(

The pull behind RV trailer shouldn't sway and rock. Something going on there. And it's not such a big deal to get it set up. Even with a motorhome you would have to be certain that it's level.

I guess your husband just did not want to do any of it. Too bad. It is fun once you get it down pat. And it sounds like you did in earlier times.

Love him for what he is and not what he isn't

Please don't take the blame for this - MS slows us down, but it hasn't broken us yet. As others have said, maybe it is that your hubby is frightened to take it out - whether that is because of MS, or for other reasons, I have no idea.

I'm sorry to say this, but MS is a convenient reason for not doing things (I am embarrassed to say that I have been guilty of using it sometimes).

So, don't feel bad, this isn't your fault. It is something that with committment you may have accomplished.

Sorry that this hasn't worked out for you

Lyn xx

I hope that getting rid of the albatross frees both of you in your own ways. I do think there will be peace in the end once it is sold. Time and money for new dreams...

got a call from the dealer. The camper sold for our asking price. She wanted to haggle a bit, but in the end she took it at the asking price. Now to deal with the bank, and transfer of title.

Bitter sweet. Im happy, but im sad. DH is doing the happy dance.

I hope you made something on the deal, so you can take a nice Birthday weekend to a bed & breakfast.:)

We made nothing on the deal, as a matter of fact we lost money, and that is another bone of contention. Now we owe a commission to the dealer, and we got $400 shy of what we owe the bank for it. So, no matter how you slice it, it ended up being a lot of stress, and trouble from the get go. At least its no longer in my yard, and someone else is handling the financial details.

at least you didnt have to be the one to do the actual haggling with the buyer. That's the kind of stress I dont like to deal with. (my dad always sends me to do the haggling for stuff anymore, and I'm starting to see why he makes me do it...stressful!)

I don't know much about taxes but is there a way that a loss like that can be taken off your taxes?

we can take the loss if its larger than $500 so we just missed it. Either way, its all done, over with and we can move on to the new projects and stop arguing about this one. This one has been a real bone of contention around here. I feel cheated out of my retirement dream and he is unapologetic and stands on the "you are too sick to do this" story.

I'm sorry you feel trapped by the circumstances caused by your disease. I hope you are well enough to do some traveling by other modes than the camper. You have an excellent car, you said. That will take you somewhere! Now that gas is so expensive, it will take you somewhere for less.

It may be that few of us will be traveling if gas costs go up and the economy tanks. Why not go somewhere soon, before that happens to all of us? Remember that your husband wants to help you, which is not the case with everyone's husband. I know it's NOT what you wanted. Sickness and its attendants are not what we want. Sickness ruins dreams, as you said. I would be in clover financially if it were not for sickness, and I could travel away from the horrible smoke which this summer will continue to bring.

If I had Irv here to travel with me, I would feel so happy.