Grieving the loss of my cat Minki.
 

I know it may mean silly to some that someone can grieve in a similar way as the loss of a family member or a friend but it is what I am feeling now. I have never married and had her when she was a kitten. It is difficult to describe the bond between us but you can imagine. She was diagnosed with the feline aids cat virus and this was so sad to see how the virus just simply started to get the upper hand and eventually caused me to have her put to sleep. What is causing the most pain right now is that I feel so guilty as I left the room before she was put to sleep. I simply could not be there and was starting to cry uncontrollably. Now I feel that I have abandoned her in the end. I have a codependent over-caring personality and this makes it even worse. 5 Years ago I was engaged to a lovely lady but she is an alcoholic and the engagement and all contact was ended when she went to rehab. I was devastated and then learned about co-dependent behavior. I went to All Anon and got myself better by applying the steps and slogans to my everyday life. Interesting is that I am exactly back to where I was when I lost the engagement now with the loss of Minki. People with codependent personalities are good people but we suffer and hurt much more than others I think. Thanks for reading my message.

Markus, there's nothing silly about love! I'm sorry for your loss. Your feelings of guilt are natural, but please keep in mind you did the best you could at that moment. You did exceptionally well by even making the decision to ease Minki's pain and suffering. Not everyone can do that.

I heard this recently, and maybe it can help you:

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

You have many wonderful memories of Minki! Smile because you shared your life with a wonderful friend. :)

:hug: Markus :hug: There's nothing silly about your feelings of grief. I have pets (3 cats) and would feel absolutely devastated if anything should happen to any of them.

What you're feeling is totally normal and expected. Give yourself permission....and time....to grieve. There's no correct way or correct time limit to grief. It's all very personal and individual.

Pets are family. Sometimes more so than other humans in our lives. Treasure the memories you have of Minki. You made her life wonderful while she was here. Take comfort in what you did for her while you shared her life.

Thanks for the encouragement. I know it will get better and Sparky that is good advice to rather smile instead of grieve. Right now I am simply not able to but soon I will and then I am going to apply this advice. It's almost as if I do not know myself as I will be doing something or even talk to someone and within a second feel the tears coming and then it really pours. It comes and goes at any time without warning. It is now the 3rd day and I do feel better than the previous two days so I have hope now. So good to talk to people who understands. Thanks!

I call these episodes "grief bursts". They come out of nowhere and have no rhyme or reason. When my husband passed away nearly 11 years ago I would be somewhere.....like the post office......and something would trigger one of these. It was disturbing because I could be fine one minute and the next I was dissolving in tears. As time went on they became less frequent. It's just part of the healing process.

Some times our pets are more like family than people so it is normal to grieve that loss. It is just as real as any other loss. For anyone to think other wise is cruel. I am so sorry for your loss I will pray for you during this time of grief that you remember the wonder memories you have and are able to find peace and comfort.
Brenda

Thanks Brenda, I am better now, although I am yet to have a day without crying. Going to sleep and waking up are the worst times.
This morning I woke up without crying and had to leave the house early as I had a trip to do (I am also a tourist guide in my area Cape Town South Africa). As I left my house, still dark, I noticed some mail in my mailbox. I took the mail and put it in my bag to have a look at it later.
So later as I sat down to have breakfast at this one hotel while waiting to meet with my group, I took the first letter and opened it. It was a card from the veterinary hospital where I took her so often and who put her to sleep in the end, expressing their sympathy with my loss of Minki.
Needless to say it immediately triggered the tears to flow, but eventually I know the day will come without crying. She was such a special cat.

We are very attached to our cats. We've had several very special ones over the past 40 yrs.

The only thing I have found to help with this intense grief is a new kitten. Choose carefully... but it can be great therapy.

I understand your feelings very well... just let the tears come...as they are therapeutic in their own way.

Hi Markus
 

Cry and grieve, that is what you do, and must do. I do know about the bond with animals. I had scruffy from 4 weeks to 21 years old. I cried for months, and I still do, two years later. It is OK to cry like that. I could not be with my cat either, when I had him put down. I felt some of that guilt too. However if I had not given him relief, I would have felt worse. You did the ultimate gift of love for Minky, but granting him rest, and no pain or illness. Please know that you are not alone. Even people that do not have co-dependant type of personality feel like this. Your grief is totally understandable. Remember the love you have for this friend, never goes away. You learn to live with the loss, but you never forget the friendship you had. It stays with you, and eventually you will look at pictures, or a toy and smile. My memories are wonderful, and there is great comfort now, these two years later, that I did the right thing, and so did you. I wish I could give you a hug, or my shoulder to tear up on. ginnie:hug:

So many people tell me that (getting a new kitten) and thanks for saying it too. Everyone means well but the way I feel now is to never ever get another cat as I simply do not want to experience what I am going through right now ever again. Maybe in a month from now I might feel different about it, but as I say for now not. I knew the day my friends brought Minki to me that I would get too attached to her. Anyway everyone just try to help and encourage me so I appreciate all the comments. This is a good website and I feel supported in my time of grieving. Thanks.

There is a saying... I'll paraphrase it here:

The more you LOVE, the more you GRIEVE. People with little or no capacity for love, do not feel loss and grief the same way as others.

In other words, your grief is comparable to your capacity to LOVE.

There are so many kittens lost with no homes. Destroyed or suffering abandonment because no one will LOVE them. I think with some time you will understand this and give one lost little kitty a loving home. Minki taught you this. That is her legacy for you.

Time will point the way for you in this. All living things end. We cannot control this, but to turn away, because of it, does not help any other poor pet languishing for a home.

Don't rush yourself, and choose carefully if you decide to let another pet into your life.

Hi Markus
 

I do feel your loss. I feel my own loss too, your minky, my scruffy. Grief is very hard, and I do still feel it two years later. I have his pictures over my bed. I cried for months. six months later I had a strange experience. My son had two cats, I didn't pay them much mind. Sean was gone alot to work, wasn't home much, left the food down, didn't pay attention to one of them all that much. I went over there, and this strange cat comes running up to me, begging for human contact, hugging, petting, just anything. He was desperate!!!!!! I asked my son if I could take him home. I know for sure he helped my grief. I do not love him like I did scruffy, but he curls up next to me at night, and I pet him and look at scruffys picture. He would have approved of this new friendship. I don't think I will become attached as I was ever again. sometimes that kind of bond is a once in lifetime experience, I believe that. When you feel better, tell me about minky. We can swap stories and shed a tear or two together. I didn't think I would get another cat, it was spur of the moment decision, I put him in the car, where he promply peed all over me. That was this new start:winky: ginnie:hug:

10 Days later....
 

It is 10 days ago since Minki passed away and I am crying less than the first 4 days.
I suppose it is maybe part of the grieving process but I do feel like I would not mind to also depart from this world. Please do not understand me wrong, I am definitely not suicidal and would never do something stupid. My faith is too strong and I have been down before, so I know from experience that life does get better. It is the first time after experiencing lows in my life before, that I actually feel this way. It is almost as if Minki's death was just enough to trigger this notion.
There are obviously more negative things in my life which contribute to me feeling this way, and Minki's death is just one too many to handle now.
I have mentioned before that I am on my own and not many friends to turn to. I am so grateful to this website where I can talk about it.
One other good thing I did was to go back to my Al Anon group for support and they welcomed me so warmly. So for the next few weeks I will be there every Monday night, but for the rest of the week I am on my own.
She was so special in her own way and I am missing her a lot.

Beautiful Minki
 

I still am thinking about you. I know that you are grieving. At some point your tears will dry, but you still will need alot of time to feel better. Minky is with scruffy, drinking now from the same water bowl. I am sure they have met by now. If the thumb picture is minky, I have to say, she was beautiful. I felt sick at first too, and depressed enough that I didn't want to go on either for those first few weeks. When you have medical problems, and are alone, it is alot to handle. You must be a very good person to have loved minky so well. I always thought if I got to come back and had a choice, I would pick to be a well loved:hug: cat, in a home that was what we gave our friends. You are not alone. I am always around, many of my friends are here on NT too. Where is your home? keep in touch and stay strong, ginnie

Hi mrsD, I have thought about this and I think what could be a possibility is to maybe look for someone who is going on vacation or away on business and needs someone to look after their cat while away. In this way I can give love again and the cat will not be with me too long, so I will feel safe from getting hurt again. I think I would enjoy doing this. Still only thinking about it for now.

Photos of Minki.
 

I am new to this website and am still learning where to do things and how. I have created an album and am not sure how to let people know where to look if they are interested. Maybe you can see it without me telling you, but I put photos of Minki up for everyone to see. She was a beautiful cat and a real lady.

Awww.. she was a beautiful and sweet cat. Obviously loving you tremendously!

The photos are wonderful. I have some of our cats past and present on my album too.

When Sheba died at 24 of kidney failure, I cried for many days.
But we still had two others, Tippy, also old, and Oreo only 12.
Well, Tippy became depressed when Sheba passed, and 2.5 months later had a blood clot in her spine, and had to be put to sleep (severe suffering and no treatment works). They were friends for 20 yrs. Tippy was a gentle sweet cat too. That second loss for me pushed me over an edge to depression. So I found Weezie, a few days later out of grief, and she is turning into a wonderful companion. (She was the only cat left in a rare winter litter, because she was black and timid and no one would adopt her).


Oreo has developed a slow cancer of the bone marrow, called a mast cell carcinoma, and has outlived predictions so far. Now she is 14 and losing weight, and we know the end for her is near. I think we will get another cat after she passes. Oreo is mostly my husband's cat...so I'll let him decide for now. So far her medication is holding her in a new remission cycle. This will be the 3rd pulse of steroids, so I don't see her surviving much longer.

So I do believe that if you are a true blue cat person, you will eventually need another cat. You will always have Minki in your heart. I have several cats now that way from the past 45 yrs!;)

Aw, what a cutie pie! I love her little white "socks". You obviously love her very much and I'm sure she was spoiled.....as all cats should be.

Taking care of other pets is a good idea. You can ease yourself back into opening up your heart again. :)

Oh, she's beautiful, Markus! It looks like you maybe saved her life when she was a kitten? That can develop a strong bond.

Becoming a cat sitter is a wonderful idea.

I hope you wait a while before getting a cat or kitten of your own. The urge to compare will always be there, but may lessen in time. Maybe a new companion will find you!

My friends saved her life when they picked her up from a gravel road between farms on new years eve 5 years ago. Looked as if she was hit by a car, not sure, and where they found her there was no house close by.
My friend's wife insisted and they took her to a vet. She recovered but the split in her gum remained and the one tooth was missing till she passed away. She was also smaller than other cats and when sleeping her little tongue always hanged out.....so cute.
The other photo was when she had a skin disease and my friend's wife put this ointment all over her body and she recovered from that as well. Shortly after that (about 4 months old according to my vet) she was given to me.

Wow! You were so blessed to be chosen to be the one who got to share Minki's life! :) Your friends sound like great people. Animal lovers seem to gravitate towards each other and together they can manage to make huge differences in the lives of pets.

Hi Markus
 

She is indeed beautiful. I am glad you had this baby in your care. I had scruffy at 4 weeks, until 21 years old.
You bonded with Minky in the best possible way. There is also another way to think about this too. WE and every living thing is composed of energy, energy never dies, it transforms. I do believe in the here after, and that we will see these friends again. I hope this days finds you peaceful. I care. ginnie:hug:

Markus...
 

Markus, this was a no-win situation. Yes, you felt some guilt walking away at the vet's office, but had you not done the right thing then, and instead watched your pet deteriorate and suffer, you would have felt guilt about that too, and wished you had done something sooner.

I get that. I think those of us who have lost pets ALL get that. But what about experiencing the the feelings of joy and laughter and love and happiness during the years you had her? What about experiencing THAT again?

I agree wholeheartedly with MrsD and those who encourage you to allow another pet to receive your love and share your life.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

You cannot change the loss of Minki, or replace her, but I don't think that's the way to look at it.
You CAN change, without guilt, the fate of another pet, and fill the hole in your life left by Minki's loss.

There is no hurry, but there are many, many pets waiting for someone like you to love them and give them a home. One of them needs you as much as you need them. It would be therapeutic for both of you.

Doc

Hi Markus
 

I am thinking of you today. Just wanted you to know that. Minky is in my prayers too. Keep in touch with us as NT. I know so many that have experiencd loss like you have. I am not sure I could have recovered as well as I did without the help I got right here. Your tears and heartache are felt with all of us. ginnie:hug:

I agree wholeheartedly! Just give it some time and I believe you'll have another chance to make a difference in a pet's life......and them in yours. :)

Ginnie you wanted to know a bit more about Minki. My sister has 8 cats and I have also visited friends with cats, and most cats have the typical cat behaviors and attitudes. I am referring to when you would call and try to get another cat's attention. They typically will show interest but stay at a distance and when you eventually get to touch them they only allow you little contact until you have won their trust. Or the other side of them is to come and brush their heads and tails against you for attention.
Minki was neither.....she would live in her own world and look at people when they visit me and you could walk up to her and touch her, she would allow that, but then carry on in her world again. Nothing like most other cats. She would steal your heart without you knowing it. Everyone liked her.
When I picked her up in my arms she would always put her one paw on my thumb and lean with her head against my arm. When I bent forward while holding her she would remain in that position and the full weight of her head would be on my forearm. It was so cute to see as she was trusting me fully not to let her fall.
In the evenings she would be lying with me as I watch TV and I would always put my hand, arm or body against her while she sleeps.
At bedtime she would be sleeping where we were sitting in the living room and she will wait for me to carry her to the bed where she would sleep right next to my pillow, and off course my hand or arm would be around her. She would wake up to turn on her other side and then put her body again against my arm and sleep further. She never went out at night but would sleep with me till early morning. Then she would go out and come back in. One little maauw with her little voice and I was always getting up to give her food. Then we would both sleep a little longer again before I had to get up.
I had cat flaps put in everywhere so she could go out at any time. When she was outside in the garden and I would look through the window to see where she was, I could see the little white face from a distance in the dark and she was always noticing me when I did. As if she was constantly looking for any sign of me. I have more to tell you but for now I will end.
My first language is Afrikaans so excuse the English when I make small mistakes with grammar or spelling. It is night time here and you have day now (I think about 7 or 8 hours difference) Thank you for your interest in getting to know more about Minki.

Oh Markus....
 

She was awsome. Loved the way she slept with you. That bond was with you both, I can feel that. When she put her head on you with complete trust, and slept by your head. I do believe with all my heart, that some bonds that we have with animals are closer sometimes that what people have with each other. She looked for you, and I bet you wanted to know where she was all the time too. Minky cannot be replaced, and you already know that. Nor will I have my scruffy, unless God grants us that. It is good that you have those photos. My friend made a mural of Scruffy to mark his life. One picture for each of his 21 years. Keep those photos near you and it does help. I don't ever want to feel pain like this again either Markus. Emotionally it is so hard to get over., in fact you only learn to live with it, never really get over it. I can tell you one good thing that happens when your tears stop a bit. You will start thinking more of all the good things there were with minky. I wrote some stories down about Scruffy that I remember from my years with him. Maybe it would be good if you did that too. Some of those special moments are worth writing down and never forgetting. Just like you expressed to me in this post, Keep that as a start, the positions she was in, in your arms, and by your head in sleep. Any antics she did, and keep her toys. She was just beautiful, and looks like a lady too. What you did for her, was the greatest gift you could give, even though it cost you pain. You released her from this life, so that she didn't hurt anymore. One of my friends here is an animal resuce person, who has more compassion than anyone I have ever met. It was into her arms that I placed Scruffy that last day. I know I did the right thing too Markus, and it does cost terrible pain to do that, but neither of our babies have to hurt anymore. It is a selfless act of mercy, and I am sure your minky knew you loved her. That is what I think when I go to cry, like right now. I still do after two years. It doesn't take alot to set me to tears. It is OK to cry anytime. I do, but not as often these days.
Tell me in your first language, I love you Minky... I would like to hear how that sounds in your own language. Any stories you have to share, I am here for you. Keep in touch Markus, grief is a universal language. ginnie:hug:

Marcus, you might want to investigate Bombay cats.

They are very owner centered and unique. Almost like a dog.
Smart, learn language, so you can talk to them.

Weezie is an unregistered Bombay, and we didn't know that
when we adopted her. She was the second runt, and very tiny and timid, and no one would adopt her. She was the last kitten in that November litter. Bombay's have a special coat...very glistening like diamonds.

Weezie likes to sleep with me when it is cold or cool out, and she is always with me in some way around the house. She doesn't meow much but goes "wheeeee" instead, and squeals alot. So I named her Weezie. She is a master fetch player too...only she had chosen black twist-ties as her prey. Squealing when I ask her if she is "ready" and wheeeee off I throw it...she brings it back to my feet. LOL She found the ties
on the floor near our new TV set when our son installed it for us. When she was tiny she was obsessed with the cords from the computer, which I had to NO NO about. When she found the twist-ems, she squealed and brought them to me! So I roll them into a spiral and she fetches them now. It is a game we play when it is too cold for her to be on the porch or outside.
Weezie is certainly unique in her own ways too! ;)

Bombay's:
http://animal.discovery.com/tv-shows...eos/bombay.htm

YouTube has many videos of Lava the cat from the Animal Planet video above... this owner takes him everywhere with him!

Markus, about leaving her...
 

I could not be with scruffy either when I left him to be put to sleep. This was not for my benefit, but for the woman who put him to sleep. She could not bear my grief, as I am her friend. I left scruffy for HER, so that she could do this and not come unglued. I was already unglued. I felt guilty too Markus, but Minky would have been upset, seeing you upset. They feel that. In that respect, from the cats viewpoint, it is better that they do not feel your sorrow at that time, can you kind of see that? I didn't want my cats last minutes, full of frantic sorrow. All was calm, all was OK, all was peaceful. You gave minky a gift. ginnie

I do get that Ginnie. One thing is that she new her last moments were spent with them and that they are causing her pain and not me because I was not there. Now I will share what really bothers me much from the experience at the vet. She was clearly in pain from the morning already and she did not eat at all. She was moaning when I tried to move her. I knew I had to take her.
A week prior to this specific Sunday I also took her to the vet as she was really irritated with itching around her neck area. She kept on trying to scratch and she was shaking her head in an attempt to get to the itching. Both of us were not sleeping well anymore. When I got to the vet (a week prior to her putting down now) he took a syringe and squirted something into her mouth. She was getting upset and growled at him. He was then going to give her another injection in the neck. She was at this stage already getting the antibiotic injection every 2-3 weeks for several months now, so she knew what was coming, but this time she went mad when he tried to inject the needle into her neck. He then took a blanket and wrapped it around her and I had to hold her for the injection, but again she went mad and came out of the blanket. She was scratching me in the process and then did something she never did before. She stood upright on the table and put both her front paws around my neck. I asked him if she was going to attack me but the doctor said it is her way of asking me to take her away from him. She was not aggressive to me anymore. He then gave me the stuff he was going to inject her and I was told how much to squirt into her food which I did. Apparently he was putting her on hormone treatment. Anyway back at home she ate her food and the stuff seemed to make her better. She was still scratching and shaking her head. I went onto the internet and saw that I had to get an anti histamine medication which will help for the itching in cats with the feline aids virus. So I got something we have here called allergex, and for the first time both of us had a better night sleep. It was then that I noticed these massive sores (like open wounds) on her neck and between the shoulder blades and one on her head. Over the next day or so they just spread and almost became one. I then realized why she was not allowing any needle to get to her neck at the vet.
Then that Sunday morning when she just sat on the chair without wanting to move and not eat. Now for the upsetting part and this is what I regret and I am simply not impressed by the same doctor. He knew her well and her soft nature. I was never forcing her to do anything at anytime. When I took her, a lady who stays in my house (she rents a room in my house) came with.
When I walked in I was told that he was going to first give her a tranquilizer and then after about 15 minutes he would then come and give her the final injection. I started to loose it already and asked if there was a quicker way. I did not want another injection and then she might vomit etc and she could not get another injection in her neck anyway because of the sores. He told me that he could inject her directly into her chest which will be quicker. By this time I could not bear anymore and handed Minki to the lady who went with me. I had to get out and was crying intensely. After a while I went back in and they both came out telling me that she passed without a fight and that it was peaceful.
Off course I started asking the lady about the event and she told me that they wrapped her in a blanket so that she could not see the needle......off course she will associate the blanket now with pain and do not tell me that injecting her directly into her heart is not at first painful to her. Had I known that they would do this, I would have stayed and insisted in a more gentle approach at least try without using a blanket. I could not think clearly when I was there as I have never done this. I think the doctor should have calmed me, explain that for Minki's sake it would be better to go the tranquilizer way or at least try to get a vain in the paw etc. but just because he is scared she might fight they did the blanket thing and my mind can only think what she experienced during her last few moments. The only thing I think gives me hope is that Minki was already in so much pain that she might not have felt the needle......Anyway I just wished that I was not loosing it like that and that I could have created a more peaceful passing over. "Ek het jou baie lief Minki" saying "I love you very much Minki" in Afrikaans.

Hello Markus
 

I so understand your heartache in the mannor of Minkys death. I believe that the injection to the chest would have happened so quick, Minky would not have even recognized it. She was more upset about the blanket and was focused on that, not expecting what occured. Cats as all animals in extreme pain, act so very different than what is their usual disposition. I do know for sure that this vet, would have made it as quick as possible. They don't want them to suffer either. When I left my scruffy with Gail, (animal rescue lady) my last request to her was to "make it quick" She did the same thing. Scruffy didn't fight at all. He was to weak to really move much at all. He also knew her, and the facility. We had visited many times to her sanctuary.
My belief is that these babies are so upset with how they hurt, that this final thing is not realized. My scruffy had a back end reoccuring infection that could not be cleared up. He had the infection 3 times before and was in pain like Minky was.
I know that it is hard for you to except that Minky had to have his last minutes without you. You were crying uncontrolably just like I was, when I handed scruffy over. I believe your Minky knew that you loved her. We will see our friends again Markus. Energy never dies. Markus, with humans, our own deaths are often much more painful in some cases, than what we allow our animals. We arn't allowed to decide really what is for us the time of our own release. I wish that humans would be as kind to each other, as we are with our friends and animal companions. I wish we had the same kind of choices that we make for our friends. They are blessed to be able to have this kind of peaceful ending. Minky didn't suffer long Markus. She is still with you in spirit. That part never will go away. I also loved how your language sounded. How beautiful! Where is your home? I am in Florida on the west coast. Let me know how you are doing. I wish I could give you more comfort than what the PC allows us to do. Our cats are having a good time together, think of them having fun again, just like when they were kittens. ginnie:hug:

My home is in Cape Town South Africa. The city is on the extreme most south western tip of the African continent. We have winter now and as I am writing it is cold and raining outside. We get those typical soft rains sometimes for days.
My city offers a lot to the tourists. The drive down to the tip of the Peninsula have spectacular views. We also have a lot of wine farms and then we have the west coast with the smaller towns.
I have a website you can look at. Unfortunately one of those free websites therefor the long address www.wix.com/markuspienaar/guidedtours I am yet to register a domain and then it will be shorter. There are some photos of my trips and my city. Maybe one day you can come visit.
Thank you for the support with Minki's death. It is so nice to talk to someone who understands. I still feel sad but I am now getting better, thanks to the support and advice.
I am also on facebook and have more photos there of my home, Minki etc. should you want to look me up there and I will accept you as a friend. Look for Markus Pienaar in Cape Town. If you do, how will I know it is you or are you known there also as Ginnie (I do not know your last name)
One last thing, I see your mood is "stressed". What is causing you to feel this way? Only if you want to talk about it. Have a nice day,
Markus

Hi Markus
 

I did look at a map to see where you are. My son was in the Navy and he said of all the countries he saw during his tour, South Africa was the most beautiful. He never forgot his time in your country.
Markus, I would very much like to keep in touch with you. Of course... One thing I can't do is go to face book. I have so much I am doing these days in my life, with NT, and things on the home front, I have very little time to learn to use a new site. I am not that great on the PC. However I can PM you my e-mail, and perhaps through that I could see your pictures. Drop and drag, and learning new things is my weakness. I do use any extra time I have for NT. I am here because of my own medical problems. No I don't mind telling you. I have multipal auto immune problems, had 2 cervial fusions, and a bunch of other surgeries. PN, which may now be RSD. So medically I am indeed stressed. Emotionally stressed also. I had no health insurance in this country when I got all this stuff. I was denied insurance as I had pre-existing conditions from a young age. In responce to that my folks saved for me in a trust. This trust was to keep me in my paid for home, to cover my property tax. I was not allowed to keep these funds, or I would not have been granted disability. So I am loosing my home, all because I got sick. My folks tried to protect me from this happening but the gov.did not care what the trust said. Their rules took the cake. So I am not real happy these days, and I have no idea what to do, or how to sustain myself with the very little I receive. I had to retire early, which gives you less to live on. The house market is terrible as you have probably heard from the news. This is true.
I worked for 30 years, and I find it very sad to be in this position. This is the root of my stress. I come to NT for comfort, and to get through the tramua with my medical conditions. I have found such compassion here, such good people from all over the world. After my last fusion, I stayed, and wanted to give back the kindness I received. I feel blessed to be a part of this site.
It helped my own grief, with my scruffy too....
Sometimes in life, you just need others. People need people to get through the hard times. I sure feel for you, as you go through your grief with minky.
When you know how that "feels", you can empathize with another going through that same hurt. Grief is something all humans have in common.
PM me and I will send you my e-mail. I hope you are OK today Markus, and that for a little while, you can dry your tears. Thank you for asking about me and caring. ginnie:hug:

Markus,
 

We have veterinarians in the family, and one of my best friends is one also. I have assisted in procedures many times, and I am familiar with the one that was done. It is very quick, and humane to the animal; they are not traumatized by it, nor do they suffer. Every effort is made to alleviate suffering and not prolong or worsen it.

The veterinarian could not read your mind or I think would have tried to do something differently. They may seem callous or hardened to it because they must do it every day, but let me assure you they are not. The vets I know have to work very hard not to show their emotions. They feel for every creature they have to help this way. They are trained not show emotions in order not to upset the animals or their owners any more than they know they already are.

Please let go of any guilt, and forgive -- yourself and the veterinarian, whose only wish was to help you both through this.

Doc

Thank you for the comforting message. I do know that he loved Minki and I was told before by other people that he loves cats and most people with cats prefer to go to him. I even saw him several times bending down and give her a hug on the table before giving her the usual injection.
Maybe it was unfair of me to tell what I thought but I am hurting so much and my mind is just running with what did happened.
I just wished she could have died during the night because to take a cat to be put down is just terrible. I know I did the right thing as she clearly was in pain and stopped eating. Thanks again to all for the support and advice.

Hi Markus
 

I did go to your web site. South Africa looks just beautiful. Glad to see what you look like too. Thank you for sharing that. Hope others will take a look too. Would have loved it if I could have been a tourist and have you guide!!!! ginnie

Markus, I hope that someday you will be able to fill the hole in another kitty's heart! :hug:

Markus and anyone with a pet...
 

Anyone who owns a pet may one day find themselves in the situation of making a final decision for that pet. It's part of the responsibility of pet ownership, like feeding and medical care, and one that everyone must be aware of and accept before adopting a pet.

When dealing with a pet that is ill and in declining health, I believe the best, easist course of action is to make the decision ahead of time. Establish some criterion, or set of criteria, with the help/guidance of your veterenarian, that will be the indication, or signal, that it is time, and stick to it.

We've had to do this twice now, and will likely have to again. We have no regrets about this way of doing it. The decision is essentially made for us, and there is no last minute aruing with ourselves about trying to prolong the inevitable, or guilt about it being the right thing at the right time.

Every vet I have discussed this method with concurs that it is the best way, as have many pet owners we have known/met. Set your own criteria, but when that event occurs, stick to it regardless of what happens afterward.

Celebrate the love and joy you shared; it is something truly special.

Doc

Hi Sparky, I am already longing to have a cat around so I am quite sure it will eventually happen but for now it is still too soon.
Another friend who lost her dog also told me today that she has a cat now and that compare to what she had while the animal was with her to the sad experience of departing from them, for her it is adding up much more to have a pet. It's got me thinking and if I think of how much me and Minki got out of our relationship with each other, I must have to admit that it is more worth than going without from now on. Just need some time for now.

Markus, there is a cat out there that needs you as much as you need them. :hug: And you'll find that cat at the exact right moment. I'm sure of it. :)