Scared to have conversations
 

Hi all,

It has been a while since i've posted. Recap: In June I fell and hit my head while walking with my dog. Blacked out for a few seconds, but picked myself up and went home. Tests came back negative. Now dealing with memory issues, fatigue, and headaches.

This is hard to explain... but sometimes, I feel like I just don't want to have conversations with people beyond "Hi, how are you." Usually, I feel embarrassed I won't find the right words. Or, my memory still feels like scrambled eggs, and i'm scared I won't always be able to follow along. I also have a big problem with word finding, like many others on here.

My family thinks i'm over exaggerating. I've passed along many of the links i've read on here, but I don't feel like they've taken them seriously. I guess because my tests came back negative, "nothing could be wrong."

I've always been an outgoing and social person. When my friends come to hang out with me, its not that I don't want to talk to them. I just tense up, its like I can't control it. Its like that awkward moment on a bad date when you don't know what to say... but all the time when they're here.

This is hard to describe. Can anyone offer advice? Its like I fall apart when someone wants to talk to me beyond a few exchanges..

There are likely two issue at hand. When you have multiple people in a conversation, it increases the load on your brain as it tries to process a multiple voice conversation. This can cause some mental chaos and mental lock-up.
The frustration with word finding can also be tough.

Maybe you can get some of your family and friends to understand the technical description of your brain's struggles.

The two most common problems are how your brain filters information and sensory stimulation and how it gates or directs the flow of information.

Filtering causes the information to over-load the brain with stimulation. Your brain will need to filter out voices so you can focus on and process a single voice. This excess information causes a sort of traffic jam in your brain. When you are with a group, you can just say that your brain struggles to filter out the voice you want to listen to from the rest of the sounds.

The gating of information is a traffic cop like system. It directs the flow of information to the proper area. It is part of the memory search system. You may need the word bathroom but your mouth wants to say basket. It can be like getting files mixed up in a file cabinet. You pull the file you think you need and inside is the wrong papers. Think of it as your brain sends the wrong word to you mouth. Or, it open the wrong door looking for the word bathroom and instead finds the word basket.

I still do this daily. I can tell you many of the letters of the word or name I am trying to remember but usually miss the most important letters. Yesterday, I was trying to remember the name Tracy at a 4th of July barbeque. I kept coming up with manes with combinations of a, c, r and y but the T never came to mind. Sandy, Cindy, Casey, etc. Like I just typed manes when I meant to type names.

If they don't understand, you can not make them understand. They need to accept what you tell them. Nobody would ever fake PCS just to get attention. It is much more of a problem inside our minds that they will ever observe from the outside.

Hope this helps.

My best to you.

I feel the same way. Especially when I'm around people that I don't know very well. My left frontal lobe was injured during an assault and my expressive speech was effected. I have trouble putting my thoughts into words and just knowing what to say. This is constant...It doesn't ever go away completely.

It makes social situations very awkward for me. I'll be on the bus and someone will be having a conversation next to me. Before, I would jump into the conversation if its something that I know about or I'm interested in. Now, I'm scared nothing will come out right and I'll make a fool of myself.

I'm a little more comfortable talking with people that I know. People that know I have a brain injury and understand what I'm going through. But...not entirely. If I start messing up what I'm trying to say...I kinda go into regression and just stop speaking.

Its frustrating for me because I used to be a people person. I loved (and still do) talking to people, sharing my opinion on things and making people laugh.

The only advice I have for you is...If your speech isn't really effected much by your injury....Just go for it. Don't be shy! Chances are your word-finding problem isn't really all that bad. People will probably not even notice it. If you have trouble finding a word...turn it into a joke. That's what I do. Laughter is the best medicine and it can make the most uncomfortable situation so much better.

Good luck and don't be afraid to be YOU.

Nick

Thanks Nick, for these words!!

Sarah, I know what you mean about people thinking you are exaggerating. I am slowly trying to learn that I cannot worry about what others are thinking...it uses too much valuable brainpower!! :wink:

But, it is easy to SAY that, and harder to DO that (me: problems with it still). I find myself avoiding social situations that I would jump to go to in the past. (I still force myself to go even if it's just for a tiny bit to keep interacting...)

I agree with what Mark said about educating those who you interact with on a regular basis with the technicalities of the situation; his words at the end were great! (I just can't figure out how to put two separate quotes in a post, or I would've quoted his too)

Nick's advice was great, too! It's been 6 months for me and I am still learning on how to deal with things, so all of your posts are helping me too!!

Good luck !! Keep us posted! :winky:

struggle to talk
 

I too have trouble with talking I lose what I want to say forget common words and phrases and I start to stutter a bit. Phone calls? forget it! This morning trying to talk to hubby on the phone during his lunch break it was hard to tell him a simple story. I forgot words and my mind went blank. I ended the conversation to say the least. So frustrating.

Kelly

First i wanted to say "THANK YOU MARK" for your awesome explanation. I am printing it out so I can show friends/family members why i have so much difficulty and avoid social interactions.

This has been a pretty big issue for me as well.....I can relate! If more than one sound is happening at once, I struggle to saty focused/attention. If there are several conversations going on, it is madening.

I can't keep up with any one conversaation, and if I'm asked a question.....I end up struggling to organize a response and either forget what I wanted to say half way through it or stutter a bit if I'm feeling rushed or on the spot.

The "small talk" that used to come so easy and genuinly, is now something that requires constant effort and drains my energy.

Glad to hear how others are coping with this.

I find it near impossible to engage in small talk. My brain just does not have the ability to put together the more abstract sentences of small talk.

My brain does quite well with subjects that fit together like a jig saw puzzle. The facts fit into specific spaces. If someone is relating facts, I may need to ask them to repeat what they say so I can organize my thoughts so I can understand and fit the pieces together. Once I get the edges of the puzzle started, I can often follow the information much better.

It the talk is abstract or has too many descriptive terms, my brain gets lost.
If it is a conversation with random concepts/gossip/feelings, etc. I will struggle to put the pieces together and end up lost in space.

I often need to rehearse my first comment into the conversation before speaking up. It is like that corner piece that I can build off of.

It is tough and a reason many psychologists label people with PCS as schizoid, a term meaning: Of, relating to, or having a personality disorder marked by extreme shyness, flat affect, reclusiveness, discomfort with others, and an inability to form close relationships.

I think the schizoid characteristic is a defensive or protective mechanism.

verbal and mental blockage
 

You are not alone and I think most who have this injury expeirence what you do. Before my injury I was very articulate and now I feel like someone has stolen half my vocabulary at least. In conversations I struggle to find the words and frequently mix them up. It does often get me funny looks but I soldier on. I to feel frustrated at the memory issues, mine are short term but trying to do a complicated tasks with many steps is frustratingly time consuming. While I am new here and my injury is recent, 5 weeks ago. Reading these posts is carthetic and reaffirming it is in my head but it is very real. Find a good doctor and if you need it lawyer.
rmschaver

rmschaver,

Welcome to NeuroTalk. As you have commented, you are very early in your recovery. Have you had any luck with doctors? Very few are of any help.

I see you have the same dyslexic tendencies. Cathartic vs carthetic. I can't type without spell check or my comments would be gibberish.

Introduce yourself. There are lots of good people here.

Regarding doing multiple step tasks, this is a common struggle that most do best with by breaking such tasks into single processes. A written list of the steps may help. Trying to keep the following steps in mind can get in the way of completing the previous steps. The mind may get stuck bouncing back and forth between steps without completing any.

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. I think this the most awful symptom for me. The sad part is that I WANT to be actively engaged. The other day, my friend came over, and I was so excited. I was even prepping myself for things I wanted to catch up on.

Then, when she got here, it was like I was stuck in a silent movie -- I could articulate well and felt awkward. Maybe i'm just getting in my head too much about it, but I want to try to be doing better, and the fact that this keeps happening makes me feel set back.

Mark, thanks for your advice.

I sometimes just don't bother participating in conversations. Its a lot of work to find the right words, at the right time... then if you fail to find them, its embarrassing and for some reason people think they are helping if they correct me or point out my mistakes.

So yeah, sometimes I just sit in silence. Isolating, but whatever.
Starr

Wow I was ao hoping this sight was going to e helpful.
 

I came here looking for conversation, understanding and support. Now that I am registered I can't join any chats or post a new thread. It is no wonder poeple with chronic pain do desperat things. What is the point in haing this site if you can't post. Anyway, just another form of exclusion and not what I was hoping for. Most likely best if I just let you folks do your thing and stop complaining but that is the only time I get to talk with humans. I pray is is well in your world.:confused:

Hi there and welcome
You do get a notice when you first post (as well as in the site guidelines) that your first few posts are moderated. We do this to prevent spam. Your own new thread was approved within just a couple of minutes of your posting it ...here it is
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread172844.html

If you could see the disgusting spam and porn that we keep off these forums due to our premoderation for new members, you would understand why it is needed


The chatrooms are ones we share with PsychCentral and not many of our members are active there...it is mainly just chit chat and not health related. Again, we prevent newly joined people from going in there as that keeps spammers and trolls out of the chat.

All these features are designed to protect members and they are explained in the terms & guidelines that you agree to when you register

I hope you find the support you are seeking

Don't give up on us Yankees5. Hopefully the above explanation helps.

I had a similar frustration in joining. I could not get past the captcha no matter how many times I tried. In the end I had to get a mod to create my account for me I just couldn't do it. All I could do for over 2 months was read the posts.

I understand why all these measures are in place but for those of us with brain injuries they are quite the barrier when we are already struggling. I wonder how many people don't manage to make it through. :(

Chat away here. We understand and will try to help if you have something specific you need advice on.
Starr

Hi "Starr" :) yes I helped you register.

You'll be pleased to know we are no longer using captcha and have a simpler method to differentiate real people from spam bots trying to register now

Anytime you have problems there is a Contact Us link at the bottom of every page here, just send a message on the issue you are having.

Sometimes a forum search will find answers for you also, as well as the FAQs -
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/faq.php

I have the same issue. My family is understanding (most of the time) they talk slower to me (helps a lot!) And wait patiently for me to talk. When I get all mixed up and don't know what to say they don't laugh and they wait. It helps that my mom works in the neurological unit at kessler rehab she understands what a comcussion really is and even if its small how much it can mess you up. I've stopped hanging out with friends and don't do groups. If someone goes to talk to me with the tv or music on I tell them to wait, turn it off then devot all my attention to them if I dnt I don't understand them nd can't process it.

My boyfriend and I recently met one of our neighbors and went to their house the other night. Our neighbor asked me why I was so nervous I just laughed and said oh I'm not. I later asked my bf if I seemed nervous h said yeah you just stood away quietly didn't talk much. He's right! I didn't even really notice but I do pull my self away from people I don't talk much anymore especially around others because I don't make sense and sound dumb. Its just I have so much trouble speaking I don't want others to laugh or whatever. I keep quiet and to myself around people I don't know and no longer go around groups.

I was a very friendly talkative person who could make friend with eveyone. Now I'm quiet and content with the about 5 people in my life my family, boyfriend, and best friend who has also had a tbi.

A lot of us are going through this. It is difficult. Someone here has made a comment about how to deal with it. I don't remember who. (duh)

They said, try to make light of it. Turn it into a joke. Laugh a bit when you catch a mistake. I did this exact thing the other day. It worked!

Believe it or not some people do try to understand and most don't even catch the mistakes like we do. Turning off distractions is a good idea when talking with people.

I struggle with groups especially when others are all talking at the same time.
It's frustrating.

Keep on Fighting!

Hi, everyone --

Wow, thanks for all your kind and encouraging words. I'm glad to see people responded to this thread. I appreciate it.

While this may sound like a weird request, i'm wondering if anyone is willing to share the story about their concussion, or maybe what an MRI or scan showed.

I know every injury is different and unique, and we all heal in different ways. But somehow, comparing stories makes me feel better.

Especially in relation to this symptom, which to me, feels most defeating.

Wow Mark! I love how you described the processes. Is there a way to bookmark or link these posts so family can read them. I have a hard time with words and descriptions and your description could help my family start to understand a tiny bit of what i am going through. I just joined today and am just starting to read the forum and am amazed at the knowledge and support on here.

Jennifer

I'm not sure if this question applies to this thread or not but lately I've been struggling when asked a yes/no question. Inside I'm screaming NO! but a yes always comes out.

Is this TBI related?