Bad day***vent
 

Yesterday my husbands dad and wife came for a visit which seldom happens. I felt very foggy brained and confused for most of the visit. I wanted so badly to go lie down but I knew if I did they would leave out of feeling sorry for me and my hubby enjoys his father's visits so I pushed through. I sat in a chair for hours and couldn't participate in the conversations out of dropping words, slurring and stuttering. And I couldn't remember simple words and had to have my son help me find them. My FIL kept complaining that I speak too quietly. His wife would tell me that my eyes looked different and I seemed dopey. By the time they left I was in agony! I was angry and cried uncontrollably. My eyes hurt and so did my head. I took some Advil and had a hot bath to ease the tension in my neck. Hubby apologized relentlessly. The one thing I've noticed about myself lately is that I have lost all desires for things I loved before. I was an avid crochet/knitter and would design beautiful things. I tried to pick it up a week ago and couldn't remember a simple slip knot. Out of frustration I haven't picked it back up. This morning I wake up with foggy brain and I'm very angry so I've had to isolate myself from my daughter whose driving me crazy! I had to make a phone call to my work and as I was leaving a message my daughter kept interrupting me which made me forget what I was saying and I began slurring again. When she gets this message she's gonna think I'm some kind of mental patient!

Thanks for listening.

Kelly

Violently assaulted in April 2012 by a demented patient working on the night shift in a nursing home. Was affected with many cognitive impairments and PCS. Massage therapy 2x a week

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Unfortunately, I can relate. If it wasn't for this site, I would think that I was going crazy sometimes.

It's been almost two-and-a-half years for me, and I still cannot tolerate noise, crowded places, long conversations, etc. When I get the foggy days, I either want to cry or scream or both.

I think the thing that has helped me the most is to try (and the key word is "try", because it doesn't always work) to take it one day at a time. That is the only thing that you can do with this PCS.

Unfortunately, doctors don't understand it. At least that's what I've found. You have to seek out what works for you. And even though you were trying to be think of your husband, you do have to protect yourself. If you feel you have to lie down, that means that you are getting a signal from your body, and if you don't listen to it, you will suffer.

Please take care of yourself. Everyone here cares. Vent as much as you like. I guess that's one of the purposes of this site.

I hope you feel better soon. PCS is so up and down. A good book, if you haven't read it yet is Brainlash, by Gail Denton.

ShellyK

Many of us here are going through the same thing - so you are not alone.

I have a hyper active 5 year old grandson whom lives with us. Some days it is very difficult to be in the same room as him as the noise and activity really grates on my nerves even though he is just being a normal 5 year old.

Much as your experience, it is almost like torture - you know whats causing the pain but as much as you want them to stop it seems unforgivable to ask them to stop and go away

Hi Kelly, I just wanted to say I know how you feel and I want to vent as well. I feel awful. I was lucky to have a few days where I actually felt “normal” I guess I must have pushed a little too hard at work and have felt terrible for the last 2 days. I was going to write a post asking if these set –backs are normal but then I saw your post and I could relate.

Sometimes, I just feel so angry and discouraged; I just break down and cry. And I never cry, but my 2 concussions 6 weeks apart have broken me, both mentally and emotionally. I hide my fears and tears from my friends and family because I really don’t want to worry them. I feel all alone in this.

I hate feeling like this. I'm tired from feeling like this but not matter how hard I try to stay positive, and patient, I get really anxious, angry and petrified that I will never get better again. I want my life back

The only thing that makes me feel better when I feel really discouraged (like now) is this website. Thank God for this site. It’s such a comfort to know that there are other’s out there that are living through the same or similar thing as me. I don’t know how many times I thought I was going insane and then I would read some posts and would reassure me and I wasn’t and what I was feeling was due to my concussions and there was nothing else wrong with me.

So we'll try hang in there together.

Michaela

Thank you for the book reference I'll check it out. You sound like my mom lol Yes I should be acting selfish now. All day yesterday I was a complete zombie because of the visit. Today a bit better but still foggy brained.

Michaelabella,

I haven't gone back to work yet and not sure if I could handle my line of work anymore. Any advice? I have a return to work meeting with them tomorrow and afraid of the outcome coz they are so darn pushy!

I have also enjoyed this site. My doctor just gives me a weird look every time I say I feel the same as before. Like it's unusual. I'll see what they say this afternoon when I see them again

Kelly

I agree. My daughter is a 9year old and full of energy and most days I just can't take it! Dang summer holidays!

I asked my hubby to get me those ear plugs they use at his work (He's a welder) Hope it helps

Kelly

When I first got injured, I had to see a workers' comp doctor, and he made me feel like there was something terribly wrong that I wasn't better yet. I knew that I couldn't go back to work.

But he made me feel guilty - like I should tough it out. As I said, I wasn't capable of working. I was feeling too lousy. I had horrible headaches. I couldn't tolerate noise. I was nauseous. Etc., etc., etc. But I tried to volunteer. I was a teacher, so I went in to help the substitute.

However, I couldn't last more than an hour. I would usually get dizzy and get a headache and have to leave. And then I had headaches for days.

Luckily, I eventually found this site and I realized that my symptoms were real, and I realized that I had to listen to my body. I wonder whether it would have made any difference if I didn't go in to volunteer at the beginning.....

What I am saying to you is listen to your body. If you are not ready to go back to work, don't let anyone tell you that you are. It will only set you back further.

Unfortunately this is not an illness that you can "push through". I have learned that. I have also learned that if you have to see a workers' comp doctor, you have to be an advocate for yourself. You have to find treatments.

The doctor that I saw only gave me Motrin for my migraines, and Motrin gave me stomach problems. They don't even pretend to try and help you. They just want to get rid of you as quickly as they can.

There are doctors who care - even if they may not know how to help you. I think that it's all a guessing game. They really don't understand our illness. So we have to keep trying to find out what will help us.

This website has been a godsend. At least there are other people who are going through the same type of thing that I am going through. And I realize that what I am feeling is normal for this type of injury.

My best to you.
ShellyK

Thank you Shelly!

I'm trying so hard to listen to my body and sometimes I just think I'm crazy but then I come here and realize I'm not :)

Thanx again,

Kelly

Return to work meeting
 

I just got back from my RTW meeting and it was uneventful. She read the note saying off of work and will not return anytime within recent future or something like that. She sat back in her chair and said where's the modified duties form?

She didn't get it! I asked her if she knows anything about Post Concussion Syndrome because she wanted a recovery date. I handed her my list of symptoms I wrote out for my GP. I told her there wouldn't be one. She wasn't satisfied until I signed a consent for her to talk with my GP.

She's questioning his ability to diagnose me with PTSD. She wants me to come in for 2 hrs at least and just talk with patients. I could barely talk to her!!!

I said impossible. She also doubted when I told her my days consist of me laying down. When I got up from my chair I was so dizzy I had to catch the wall to stop me from falling back.

I spoke with the Acquired Brain Injury clinic this morning and gave them my new diagnoses of PTSD and explained my symptoms and when I got home at 11am I had an appointment with a Neurologist waiting for me!

I spoke with my GP and warned them Cruella Deville will be calling. Luckily they've dealt with her before.

Trying to stay positive but losing faith

Kelly

I'm at 16 months post accident and still struggling. My first neuro was completely clueless. Fortunately, I was able to finally find a team of doctors who get it. Kelly, I hope what you have recently found out and your drs can finally help you find some relief and feel more supported. My advice for those of you who aren't getting help from your doctors is to try another. I know it's a huge pain to do that, but there is more than can be done in terms of medication and therapies that may be of benefit to you. After more than a year of this, and realizing most people don't get it, I've decided that if you don't want to take the time to understand my struggle, I'll move on to someone who does. Thankfully, this meant finding new doctors.

As for returning to work, I'm worried I will have to try to find something soon, as I have another 16 months of waiting for a disability hearing, and can't pay my bills..... I just don't know what else to do. My employer treated me the same way at 3 months out from my injury and fired me when I was unable to return to work. (I was not FMLA eligible because I had only been with the company 11 and a half months when the accident happened.)

I agree, thank God for this site. Just know that there are others who have been in your shoes and are sending positive vibes your way. Keep pluggin away. We're here for you :)

Thank you for sharing smilineyes!

I'm sorry to hear of the financial burden you're in. I've been wondering if I'll ever recover enough to return to nursing. Especially after having my first panic attack for just being in the building. I thought this PTSD diagnosis was wrong but hubby said he knew this diagnosis was right around the corner. After being attacked by a patient I haven't dealt with the emotional aspects of this injury just the physical and didn't realize I was afraid but now know I am.

Not sure if I'll have to go down the disability road. It's too soon to tell.

How did you know that was the route for you? Just curious of what you've gone through.

Kelly

I went the the ER for a spider bite the other night and the young doctor there when I told him I'm 8 months in to PCS looked at me strange and said "You should have been done with that concussion after 1 month. Here's our neurology dept. number." Now first of all PCS obviously does not last just 1 month. Second of all it's alarming to think there may be something ELSE wrong with you that's a total mystery. All I can conclude is that this young doc new nothing about PCS and thought he did. So your doctor is not the only one who gives you weird looks because he doesn't realize what a haul PCS is. BUT my mom went to see a nurse practitioner at her doctor's and when she heard I had PCS she flatly stated "I'm so sorry to hear it! That's 1-2 years of mood swings and symptoms." That would have terrified me at the start but now at least I know it's a long haul, but not indefinite.

I had head trauma 2 weeks away from graduating a CNA class with the intention of nursing down the road. I definitely cannot do the nursing home work I was intending to do (I'm getting married next year and I wanted to have a good career to contribute) and probably not for at least anotehr 2 years maybe. And I get panic attacks too, for 2 years now, but it's PTSD from an allergic reaction to a sting from my dad's bees. He had to get rid of them which are his passion so I deal with the guilt of that too. I know panic attacks combined with this head trauma is an EXHAUSTING combination and I just want to give you big *HUGS* because I so understand the feeling that your whole life has been undermined. I'm in counseling now for the panic and emotional trauma of this long healing process and I've uncovered a lot of other things I should have dealt with years ago too. So I'd try that. One thing I've learned from the better doctors I've been around is that no one who experiences panic attacks should have to deal with them without counsel. Don't do what I did and wait. :) Also I don't know if I'll ever work in a nursing home now but I think I could handle homemaker or home health aide so I'm trying to look into that, to stay focused on what I think I CAN do.

Thank you for sharing your story. My mom has been emailing me all day worrying. Nice switch. Anyway I don't think I'll be able to return to my old job.

I don't know where you live but I lasted 2 weeks working home care before the concussion. Clients don't understand that you aren't a Molly Maid seervice and I had to fight with eaach client daily. Annoying.

They would have the vacuum ready for me and want me to scrub floors by hand and laundry piled up so big and you only got a half hour.

I just got back from Massage therapy and stopped in for a coffee. I tried to pay with exact change (HARD) and I couldn't grip the coins out of shaky hands so bad It was like I had Parkinson's or something. I know I shoudn't drink coffee but I only have one a day and if I didn't the withdrawal headaches would be a lot worse.

Take it easy and a line I say to my kids every day is.....

"Make good choices!"


Kelly

I'm looking around my post for something I wanted to say, but I'm not quite sure now if it's supposed to be here or if I put it up for someone else. :confused: ha. Anyway, I wanted to say that I'm hoping that maybe in the future, even if it takes a few years, I'll be able to pick up where I left off with the nursing. (I've always had a pride thing about having classmates find you working a cashier job in your late twenties but it's better than nothing, until then. It's hard for me to be patient :) ) But I'm trying to focus on the future. This neuropsychiatrist I see has me concentrating on that now, he says I get too wrapped up in my present difficulty and being bitter about the past. He wants me to be thankful for what I do have right now, find ways, even small ways, of making progress into new things or skills (so I'm having my fiance teach me some Spanish) and have a more forward thinking mindset. SO I think about the future, how ever long it may be, when I feel like I can pick back up where I left off. :)

Shelly,
I know what you mean about the workman's comp drs. i am going through that right now. I am 6 mos post injury from an assault on the job in a lock down mental health facility. Every time i go they literally try to put words in my mouth about feeling better from the moment i step in the door. The CNA does and the DR does it. I think they are trained to do it. No i don't feel better, I'm at a stand still. I live in a fog. I can't find words, i don't make sense most of the time, my balance is off, i over load easily, I'm no longer smarter than a 5th grader, heck I'm lucky if I'm smarter than a pre schooler most days. The list goes on and on. But nope they will just keep saying things like "but over all you're better right?" I'm not going to answer yes to that. The neurologist says i have a long road ahead of me, but the other guy wants to close the case for the employer who happens to be the State of Oregon. lol I'm screwed. ugh!