jeff is gone for a while....sigh
 

I woke up at 3;15 this morning to take jeff to the airport for his flight to indy.
tuesday we got a call from his mother who reported that she could not walk. that she had been sort of stranded out in her car waiting for help. Her knee went out on her. She needs a total knee replacement.She is the sweetest woman and mother in law ever.
I feel really badly for her. The problem lies in the fact that she is the caregiver of her husband who is completely bed bound. a very large man and unable to help pull him self up in bed. she has limited home health aides that come 3 times a week for bed baths and linen changes. the nurses come weekly to change his catheter, he frequently gets UTI's and is hospitalized frequently.
This is a great stress on her. years ago. they were in a car accident that broke both his hips and her back. he had a total left hip replacement and it got infected so they took it out and never put it back in. She had to have a back surgery that relieved some of her pain but not all of it.
he is 85 years old and she is 78 i think. She is completely worn out and they can't afford to send him to a nursing home.
for right now she is on a walker, some how able to get a tray to his bed for him to eat. Jeff is there to help with things laundry is in the basement.
and to help arrange help to come in and help them both. She received a cortisone shot in her knee yesterday and are awaiting to see if that will help. Jeff will stay there for a good while to help out and get things arranged.
He doesn't have to be back until august 10 for school so he can really be of help.
I really feel sorry for her. She needs a knee replacement which would require physical therapy and about 6 weeks healing time.Jeff can help her figure out how to make that happen.
send some good thoughts their way please.
bizi
*i don't do well when jeff is gone....:(

Dear Bizi,

I am sending good thoughts and prayers for his parents.

What are you going to do while he is gone?

Mari

What a sweet son Jeff is. He's a real blessing to his parents. And you're a real blessing to him for being such an understanding and caring wife! :)

Dear Bizi,

I'm so sorry to hear about Jeff's mom. Knee injuries are so painful i really feel for her. I am sending her good thoughts and will continue to send wishes for her healing.

I am a little confused. You say she needs total knee replacement but also a "cortisone shot to see if that will help" ........ Is the cortisone just an interim thing, to try to reduce her pain/inflammation while she waits to do the surgery, or is there a chance the damage might not be so extensive as to require the surgery after all?

I am sorry you will be alone for a while. I wonder if you can arrange for a friend to sleep over some nights and to stay at a friend some nights. What do you find soothing?

I am totally off my night owl schedule now due to several early risings that were forced on me... otherwise i'd be only to happy to keep you company in chat in the evenings. if/when my schedule rolls forward again i will surely let you know.

Sending well wishes to Jeff's mom but not only, also to his dad, to Jeff himself, and to You dear sweet Bizi. :)

waves

She is being stubborn she thinks the shot is going to fix her knee. She needs a knee replacement now and has for a long time. She is selfless and totally gives up herself...she is depleted now and fragile/vulnerable.
Jeff is helping alot, just talked to him. I went to a networking meeting dinner tonight...it did not kill me but was almost ready to have a panic attack and have to leave in the middle of things....not good around new people and afraid of speaking publically. I had 3 minutes to talk about my business. I had 30 seconds worth and then they asked questions, I think I made 3 good leads. They meet monthly and it forced me to get out of my comfort zone...it wasn't so bad....will go again...I think.
One of the women there was an md...she makes dermal creams for progesterone and gave me a sample. I am excited to try it.
Went to the store and bought a new fan for the noise...it is not as loud as the other one...but I think it will work.
I am going to have another beer(i had one before the meeting)...
sigh
bizi

Dear Bizi,

I like that you went out and made some contacts. I hope you fine other ways to stay connected to people while he is gone.

Mari

great job!
 

Hey Bizi,

great job going to the networking meeting tonight and happy for you that you got some new leads for your business.

i am so proud of you for staying and pulling through when you were on the verge of panic. wow. that is a huge accomplishment you know? give yourself a hearty pat on the back from me, and a big hug too. :):cool:

i understand about the beer before and after. it's ok. it's two beers. you didn't go get trashed. so you were moderate, considering the situation.

take another pat on the back, and another few hugs from me. :):)

love

waves

well tonight I already went tot eh local brewski's bar and had "dinner"...chicken quesidillas and fried pickle chips.....bad.....and 4 beers and tried to talk to jeff but got his mother instead. talked to her about showering and how she was going to do that. I think that she should have OT and PT to help her it is friday so that won't happen until next week.She said she was going to try the bar stool in the shower....will see how that goes.
I just talked to jeff.
He did not get my messages.
oh well
I suggested he attempt to help her with the stool for the shower he said he would.

drinking a blue berry beer and listening to the storm out side.....I think the rain has stopped.
bizi

hi bizi i am awake... :)

I am sorry that I missed you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Oh Bizi I am so sorry about the health problems and can imagine how helpless you feel so far away. I ws able to get a shower seat fo Deand use it myself often. I found it at a yard sale but have seen then in the Goodwill, Salvation Army and thrift shops.
Maybe her doctor will script one and they can deliver it?

Hope they find help, without home care your fil may find placement in a short term care. Not the best solution, but may be the need to help for his mom to get medical attention and heal.

thanks di.
He is helping the best way that he can.
I think she is sort of in denial about her knee.
he will be there for a while...I miss him.
went to brewskis again tonight....
am going with a friend to a casino for a food event. she is a free lance writer and was asked to write a story about this event. we are spending the night...should be fun.
So that is 24 hours covered.....
bizi
got my hair cut today and filled up the bird feeders...that is about as productive as I got.
sigh
bizi

just take it one day at a time.

Keep working through this.

I got my haircut today too. I needed that.

I hope that your m-i-l starts to accept that her knee needs to be
helped.

I know how hard this can be.

Donna:grouphug:

I forgot to tell you di, that the bathroom has already been remodeled to equip a walker. She has a hand held shower head and a shower bench which is too low in my opinion that is why she is thinking of the stool. It is higher and less pain involved standing up.
She said tonight that she thinks her knee feels better.
sigh
bizi
chere is picking me up at 1;30 tomorrow.
some sort of fundraiser food event...maybe there will be drinking involved?
it is at a casino resort and I think that we are going to some museum after we check out monday morning. It is out of town but not that far away 90 minutes????
I am heading to bed.
bizi

Dear Bizi, :hug: :hug: :hug:

The casino sounds like a good idea. It gets you out of town sort of and gets you thinking about different things. Have fun.

M

Dear Bizi,

'Thinking of you. :hug: :hug: :hug:
Do you clients this week? Are you seeing friends for dinner or lunch?

M

Hello!!! :hug:

:)

got back last night from the casino trip. It was alot of fun!
The food event was fabulous ate so much good food. She had coupons for free movie tickets we watched a stupid movie...amadea and protection something or other. IT is a bout a man who plays 3 different parts including a very heavy woman anyway he has made many movies apparently.I did not find it funny. anyway. there were coupons for free meals...we even had pedicures!
She has these little travel trips where she covers an event they put her up and feed her and then she writes up a nice article about them. the room was very nice. over looked a large alligator pond, we counted 14 smallish alligators there.The next day we went to the tunica biloxi indian tribe museum and drove around the reservation. they have their own police/fire engines. middle class looking homes in neighborhoods. The museum was interesting.They do preservation on site.
we got home last night around 8;30 it was a great little get away. did not spend a dime on the casino. the only down side to the trip was that we had to walk thru smoky areas. but was not too too bad.
WE had fun!
talked to jeff today....said that his mom's knee was somewhat better. He has been helping out with cooking and cleaning up and going to the store. his dad was awake all night chatting to himself...and asked for a sleeping pill for today which was a bad idea. his urine is dark and he needs to be drinking fluids, not to get another uti.
sigh
she has not had a shower in over a week as far as we can tell...I spoke with her last night abouttaking a shower and hiring somebody to come help her, she did not want to deal with that right now. I tlaked to jeff today and told him that she would be eligable for threapy in the home and then a home health aid to help her bath and medicare would pay for it. So he was going to talk to her.
sigh
bizi

.

So glad to read this Bizi !!! :hug:

Casinos are fun for sure !!!

Wishing you more fun nights like this ! :hug:

Sending some thoughts, hoping he can get her to call the home care group
to come and help.

She needs to be ready to take the next step.

Donna:grouphug::hug:

Dear Bizi
 

Hi Bizi been thinking about you glad you had fun on your trip! :):)

Glad your m-i-l's knee feels better, even if she still needs a replacement... less pain/inflammation is always better for the spirit!!!

I can appreciate her reticence about getting help, especially with doing such personal things as bathing. I know it's a question of attitude adjustment but the older you are and the more attached to your independence you are and having it slip away... hurts. I cannot imagine having to have an aide help me bathe every time.

Currently, I have had a hard time finding good windows to shower, between exacerbated knee pain and migraines, have to be very careful, but i wait out the bad days... as it is on the "good" days i only shower with others in the house, and advise them to listen in case i ring the emergency bell - and even THAT bugs me ... just saying how much it bothers me the idea of involving others in my cleansing routine, let alone being dependent on someone. :(

And in Europe it's actually easier, as there are additional fixtures in the bathroom lol, so it is easier to do pieces parts without risking breaking one's neck.

I really feel for her. I am thinking this post can't be all that helpful. I mean i do hope Jeff is able to persuade her to try out an aide... or three, till she finds someone with whom she feels at ease as a person and hopefully she will be able to "accept" being taken care of a little more in that regard.

sigh. sending you and Jeff, and his parents all good thoughts.

~ waves ~

Thanks for your note sweet waves, nice to hear from you. :)
heard from jeff that his dad had fired the home health aid because she was on her cell phone.....
then he was arguing with him about not wanted/needing to go to a nursing home because he did not need 24/7 care. yeah right. the man is completely bed bound and can't help himself. is 100% dependent and doesn't need 24/7 care...sigh
She will need to meet with the surgeon twice before her surgery which is of unknown date at this time. Jeff will take her on wed to meet him, for the first appointment. then they will have hired help to assist marysue for her next appointment and then hopefully jeffs brother will be there for her surgery. They will have help daily until her surgery then nursing home for larry until she can manage on her own.
My carpel tunnel is starting to act up with typing.
better quit.
bizi

jeff may be coming home this weekend!!!!!maybe even friday.!!!!!!
yippie!
bizi

Oh Bizi That is great

Donna:grouphug:

that is so great
bobby

Hi, Bizi,

Thinking about you.
It seems that Jeff got a lot accomplished while he was with his parents.

M

today they go meet the surgeon and hopefully find out when her surgery date will be.They will have to arrange nursing home arrangements for larry which might take some time. Their first choice of nursing homes that they called upon was full but that could change day to day. Maybe they put their name on a waiting list.I will post again when I know more.
Jeff is really helping out a lot.
I took jeffs car to the inspection place and it failed the inspection due to a crack in the windshield. runs all along the bottom of the glass by the wipers not in your line of vision but still longer than 6 inches so that will have to be taken care of when he gets home, his car also needs to be aligned. and an oil leak that has been dripping on to the concrete that is driving me crazy.
I had new tires put on his car and had my breaks worked on. Money just is flying out the door. hopefully the insurance will cover part of the window?????
have a nice day.
bizi

HI, Bizi

You got a lot done.
I hope the the windshield is covered by insurance too.
I always love when I get new tires on the car. They make me feel more secure.

M

I just heard from jeff he is coming home sunday!!!!!!!they meet with the senior helpers on friday...mary sue is overwhelmed.
his mom will probably have her surgery the 14th and jeffs brother will come up for that. Wind shield will be replaced on saturday, no wheel alignment is needed since he just had one done last month.
the wind shield will cost us $250 so the insurance covers some of it.
5 more days with out my sweetie. sigh
bizi

Good news for Jeff coming home. Also good news they are meeting
with the group. And her surgery being tentatively set.

Donna :grouphug:

Bizi,

I am so happy for you.
He will be home with you soon.

Keep taking care of yourself. :hug: :hug: :hug:

M

I walked about 6 blocks today...first exercise in 2 weeks. I went to go pet the neighbors dog. maggy.
She is a sweetie and a mountain fiest small brownish dog.see if I can find a picture of her. she is all brown and small about the size of a cat, a good size cat that is! lol
bizi

Hi, Bizi,

That is a niece looking doggie! She looks like she is fun and energetic.

M

jeff's dad is sick and went to the er. HOpefully he will be admitted and be treated, stay over the weekend and then be transferred to a nursing home. Because jeff is leaving on sunday, this needs to happen. Marysues surgery is scheduled for the 14th. There was a water line leak all over their front yard yesterday, gas man broke the main line. They will be without water tomorrow for 5 hours. she is exhausted. I really feel sorry for her. Thank good ness my husband has been there to help. Brian(jeffs only brother) will be there the week of her surgery.
They came home from the hospital to a hot house. the air conditioner was not working.....great.
For some reason it had blown the circuit breaker. so it is working now. Just one more thing to worry about in this heat.
sigh
bizi

Wow, so much
 

Dear Bizi,

I hope the folks in the hospital help his dad. Water and A/C off? Mon dieu! :boy(sad): That is too much!!
That is good that your Hubby is there to get things straightened out. :heartthrob:

M

and I forgot to tell you that one of the cats was thowing up blood sorry for the graphic. So jeff is taking the cat in to the vet as we speak.Hopefully they will be able to determine what is going on. It is friday a bad time for a cat to be sick. One more thing that hubby can help with. It is frustrating being this far apart...we just can't run over and help them.. HOw would the cat get to the vet even if she ends up being able to drive how does she mange a cat carrier and a walker? Wonder if they have a vet that would come to the house? we have one here in our small town they must have one in indianapolis, something to look into.
sigh
bizi

Dear Bizi,

He is being a huge help to his parents. I hope the vet can get the cat in good shape.
Have a good day, Bizi,

Mari

Bizi

I would see if the vet would be willing to keep the kitty till its all
well. especially with him leaving. And her getting ready to have
surgery too.

Even though it would cost money. And I'm sure they might not be
able to afford that. Its just going to keep being one thing after
another for some reason.

Ugh, do they have a neighbor that can keep a eye on them.

Donna:grouphug:

The next door neighbor is going to look after the cats while she is in rehab and also send her the mail, the vet said he thought the cat was fine....just to watch him.
bizi
I think larry should go to a nursing home and live there permanently and told jeff this...he thinks they can stay home with help....
sigh
bizi

I agree with you bizi. Sorry that he wont listen to you.

Maybe when Larry gets to the nursing home he will like it.

I think his mother will get run down again. And that is the problem.

Which I already know you realize.

Donna:grouphug::hug: