Anybody out there
 

Just wondering if anyone is still up. I can't get into the chat room on my phone. Having really lots of trouble with my thinking and not sleeping is making it worse. I am heading to a course suggested by one of my doctors on Wednesday so just trying to make it til then. Been pretty bad lately. I hate to only come here when I am suicidal, but it seems like there is not much else on my mind lately. I had such a bad experience in the psych ward last time that I want
To stay out of there at just about all costs.

Hi Zenda,
I'm not sure if many are online tonight. Have you seen our sister community?
http://forums.psychcentral.com/

There are quite a few members listed as being online right now there.
:grouphug:

Please don't ever feel bad about coming here with those thoughts. That's what it's for. This place can save lives. Come here and share those thoughts. Just get them out. It really can help. When no one is here browse the other forums. Read jokes, make some jokes, write poems. Stay alive!!!! Hope you are feeling some better. :grouphug:

Thanks. It is so bad at night when I have trouble sleeping. I am exhausted from trying to distract myself and from not sleeping. I want quiet time but the quiet time seems to just let the compulsive thoughts take over.

I spent a lot of time on various sites last night. It helped and I finally fell asleep at about 4am. Another day down. I am getting out during the day and Socialising. The suicidal thoughts play in the background the entire time. So tiring. I feel myself getting ground down.

Zenda
 

Have you ever tried any anti-anxiety medicine? One xanax at night helps me stop worrying and go to sleep.

Yes lots of different drug trials with few beneficial results. Clonazepam and temazepam work but the depressant qualities of them are not helpful. Currently trying medical marijuana and it is helping immensely. Thanks for the suggestion. The sleep disturbance began after the brain injury.

So glad you have found something that helps Zenda. :hug:

Yay!
 

I'm glad you found something that helps. I find that Serroquel reeeeeally helps me sleep at night. I NEED sleep. Lack of sleep was one factor that put me in the psych hospital. I have since created a routine, i.e. setting a two hour window for bedtime, and taking the meds around then. It has really helped.

Sleep is so important.

I also do not want to go back to the hospital, we can make it. The thoughts and feelings are so powerful, but we can find ways to cope with them-I know it sounds so corny and redundant, but anything to stay out of the hospital and continue recovery. How are you doing today?

~S

Am visiting my mother today. So I am playing normal but not inside. Had a great week at an enlightenment intensive seminar from which I decided that my mood is low and I got a referral to a new psychiatrist. Will probably mean yet another drug trial but fact is I cannot keep living like this. So we shall see. Gotta go. Will be back online later tonight as I am struggling. Mom doesn't need to know right now. I shall be back later for a good chat with whomever is still here. Thanks all!

The beast, the beast is back. So strong.

Feeling alone. Not in danger right now but the cycle is shorter and stronger now. I think I might give in and go to hospital in the morning. I just can't fight any longer and I know if I do not get help I will attempt again. Just have to get to morning.

Hi Zenda, I'm here if you need some-one to talk to, or can you access the chat room? :hug:

Please trust your instincts and go to the hospital this morning. :grouphug:

Hey thanks everyone. I will be calling my doc this am to find out if the referral to the. ES psychiatrist has gone through then making a decision about whether to go to hospital. I have had such bad experiences there. But yeah I am aware that the alternative is pretty untenable too. I did not go to the chat room last night because I forgot that I could now that I am not monitored. Duh. Certainly will in future. Or maybe right now. I am not really 'puter savvy. Lol!

Now I remember why I can't go into the chat rooms. I am on my iPhone and I can't download flash player to it which is needed to get into the chat. C'est la vie...

The black dog
 

:grouphug:
Dear friends, there are cycles and there are cycles....somedays are more tolerable, some are worse. It seems the days are so long, and the nights longer. You are not alone...even if I do not know you, I know how you feel. The hardest part is just getting outside even for a second. Yes, we are out here....and know how heavy the weight is, on your shoulders. Why do caged birds sing? It is in their nature. Try to look up, not inwards.

When you find yourself cocooned in isolation and cannot find your way out of the darkness, remember that this is similar to the place where caterpillars go to grow their wings.
~Unknown

Oh, wow, that's a lovely quote, Jaded!

Zenda - let us know how its going. I truly hope that your future is much brighter... keep reaching for the light!

:grouphug:

I am okay. Been really down. Started st johns wort and 5-htp on advice of doc to tide me over until my OCTOBER psychiatrist appt. keeping busy. Not hospitalized yet. Came close. Visiting family right now. Was pretty good last two days. Feel the spiral happening again. Planning a party for Saturday. Wondering if I will be there or not. Such a drag this. Feel soooo good. Then don't. Not staying in my head much though so that is good. And asking for help when I need to. It's all good. Thanks all.

Sounds like you are doing all you can to take good care of yourself Zenda.
Please remember that we are here for you. :grouphug: