Hey Waves
 

Are you doing ok? BF:hug::hug::hug:

Dear Steve
 

Hi Steve :hug::hug::hug:

Thanks for the thread, and so sorry I missed it earlier! :o:(:o

Welll, I'm getting a little better, not worse anyway. I think it helped that i managed to do one thing a day - stuff got done. I managed to get myself to have my first appointment with a pdoc at that state center. So far so good.

Anyway, I am alive, and I have noticed that I still have that reflex where, if I step into the road and see a car coming, I jump back. That tells me:

my life instinct is still stronger than my death instinct.

But this is how i am -

• thoughts of death, fewer
• suicidal ideation (no planning), less
• have anxiety attacks requiring medication
• feel very overwhelmed.
• very very very very very tired/sleepy alla time
• cry a lot.
• no motivation
• poor concentration
• decrease in in social activities (albeit mine are online)

I know you are not exactly on cloud #9 yourself, and I hope you are doing a bit better day by day. :heartthrob:

~ waves ~

i am so glad you are feeling a little better. I am so sorry that you are in such a painful state. it is so hard to distract yourself when you are in such a state.
love
bobby

I knew it was bad but I did not know it had been that bad.
I am very sorry.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi
I am so glad that you did not walk in front of that bus.

Waves

We are hear and we will always listen. So keep talking.

Donna:grouphug::hug:

Dear Waves,

I am sorry that you are in pain. :heartthrob:

M

Dear Waves
 

I am so sorry for the pain,and agony that you are going through. Hang in there.
BF:hug::hug::hug:

Thank you all kind souls
 

Thanks everyone :grouphug:

:Heart: :circlelove: :Heart:

~ waves ~

Today and yesterday have been sooooo bad. i have slept day and night yesterday, night again, then napped today and this evening again. I'm horribly depressed. no energy. total fatigue. feel like a zombie. slo mo joe.

today, parents were out all day. it is probably good i don't own anything that would produce certain, instant death. although i don't think i would have had the impetus if i had found the courage. just too slow and sluggish.

the other day i ate something that hurt my esophagus and it has been very sensitive since. have been eating very light it is very reactive. that doesn't help. no comfort food.

good stuff today: dim light (post-rain) and quiet: no kids no hedgetrimmers, no workers no neighbors yakking ..... just a soothing silence.

the evening and night have been emotionally turbulent.

------------------

yesterday, i had a menstrual migraine and Zomig did not work.. For the first time ever, I took a repeat dose, which only sorta kinda worked.. Meant I had to tweak my Zoloft down - waited to take a half a dose with my night meds then made sure 12 hours passsed before taking the next full dose. It was ok- no weird stuff, just a vivid dream - an interesting one but lots of ambivalence and anxiety in it.

NOT what i need tinkering with zoloft while i've just established therapeutic blood level!!!

this dip in the depression could be exacerbated by pms (hormonal flux). i hope that is so in that case i will be a good bit better in a day or two max.

gonna try to sleep now.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............
~ waves ~

I am sorry you have had awful days, sorry about your migraine. maybe you are right and it is a cycle thing.
(((((HUGS))))
love you bizi

Dear Waves,

Lots of hugs.

I hope the pain lets up and sets up free today.

Mari

doing a bit better. also, diet-ish.
 

Hi

just to let you know, it has let up some... i am still really tired and rather teary.

and no more migraines. started to get one on the right the next day but it remitted before it got going so no medication. probably all hormonal: migraines, fatigue, mood crash, the lot.

these mood crashes on top of depression are beyond belief. anyway at least it's improving.

my thinking is more about what small things can i do now. each day i try to do a small thing. today it was vegetables. it was exhausting and i didn't quite assemble the salad but, i got them all cooked, still a couple hours work off mom's back.

-----------------------------------------------
i am eating very little still. i am converting this esophageal thing into a weight-loss program. might as well ride the wave coz you know i don't get too many in that department.

my appetite is way down and most things turn me off. besides the food bad reaction, i had an episode of hyperosmia with that last migraine where cooking smells were overpowering, that probably augments the turnoff.

nonetheless i do try different foods gradually. i will see the doc i tolerance trouble persists, in case something serious is afoot.

apples are my saving grace. i have no trouble with them whatsoever.

~ waves ~

glad that your migraine is not an issue right now. tell me again what happened to your throat?
I am sorry you are struggling so.
bizi

Dear Bizi,

esophagus not throat. explained up the thread someplace, maybe previous page.

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

Dear Waves, :heartthrob: :heartthrob: :heartthrob:

I hope that you can feel better.

The esophagus acting up does not help.

Mari

((((waves)))) ... :hug:

dear waves, haven't heard from you in a while.
Hope you are doing alright my friend.
(((((((HUGS))))))
bizi
p.s how is your esophagus?
HOw are you?

you are missed
love
bobby

thank you all so very much
 

Hi Everyone.

Thank you Bobby, Mari, Addy and Bizi for posting to me. Thank you for caring and for remembering me.

Mood-wise doing a little better and family wise more back to normal, though not fully. I always have the walking on eggs feeling.... it just feels less in my face, but still very present.

Esophageal trouble continues despite the omeprazole - that is the proton pump inhibitor (PPI) MD gave me. i am not being a good patient. i require caffeine to stay awake. i gave up coffee this time but am drinking tons of tea which seems to bother me unless smothered with honey, the tannins perhaps.

So, although i did initially lose the couple kilo's i'd put on from depression, now that i am attempting beverages... all that honey is bumping up my caloric intake to prolly my normal amount if not more. i reduced as of today. (i dislike alternative sweeteners.) i tried coffee again it was ok - i think that is what i had when i went on the diet earlier this year, without even a PPI on board.

at night, i sometimes have infusions which i drink plain. Mauve infusion is especially good for the gullet and tummy.... coats all your insides and protects them.

I'll update my other thread wrt therapy in a bit. I have updates. And lots of appointments. I put them in a list in my phone. They were on scraps of paper and I was afraid I'd lose them. I'm not the tidiest person and right now worst of all - even more likely to "set something down temporarily" end up with other stuff on top of it and then forget where i set it.... bye bye scrap of paper. :rolleyes:

:grouphug:

~ waves ~ the chronic absentee

Thank you for checking back in waves.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

thank you so much
love
bobby

Hi, Waves,

:heartthrob:


http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/smile...mileys-295.gif

M

Hey Waves. BF:hug::hug::hug:

knock knock !? :)

'Elo my sister !!! :hug: