17 Days left of leave... Not hopeful
 

Biggest fear right now: being forced back to work before I'm ready. And trust me, I'm not ready at all. I have every symptom I've had since injury, some new ones, like the verbal processing delays, are very pronounced on "bad" days.


I see my GP (is that a Canadian term only? Forgive me please... ) "doctor" on January 3rd.


For reassessment. This scares me senseless. I'll explain.


Not sure how it works in other parts of the world but in Canada when you're hurt at work you file a claim with the Workers Compensation Board, (WCB) which covers 90% of your wage loss while recovering.


Like any insurance provider, they are great until you cost them too much. They send a TON of forms which are difficult for me to process and I usually end up crying. They rely on doctors recommendations via.... what else... A form.


I've been off 7 weeks. Their patience is tested. Last week my WCB case worker was very harsh and said, well it's JUST POST CONCUSSION SYNDROME, your concussion is OVER, so if your doctor won't let you return to AT LEAST modified duties, we will initiate an independent assessment. Then OUR doctors will decide your case.


Sounds fair.... And foreboding. After all why would a doctor hired by WCB ever have dirty hands? (My sarcasm is apparently uninjured) ;)


The constant appointments, the forms, the phone calls, they all exhaust me and I get frustrated that I'm being "rushed along" by the very establishment causing the setbacks.


I'm thankful for the wage coverage. I am. I try to focus on that and tell myself I'm certainly earning it.


I'm scared beyond words of facing my work environment again. It's a casino. Ever been to a quiet unflashy one??? Lol... I love my career, I love marketing, I love giving away cars to a massive excited crowd or throwing concerts in the huge theatre at work but whaaaaaat, no WAY can I tolerate this in a mere 17 days.


17 days that include the HOLIDAY SEASON, no less. Always restful. :Dunno:


So do I get to decide to leave the job I was born to do? So that, as my case worker said, I can "AT LEAST DO PAPERWORK?" Should a fall at work ruin a career?


I am dreading the third of January. Anyone else relate? Looking for platitudes even... I'll take anything at this point. Scared and powerless. :confused:


-Rri

Wow-that would be a particularly tough job to go back to.It sounds like you have worked hard to build a career. My heart goes out to you. I find PCS very humbling, I just can't do everything I could do before (yet). Although there are ups and downs for me I can trace an upward trajectory, particularly if I am in the right mood.

too soon for new career
 

Hello,

I personally think you're WAY too early in your recovery to be thinking of giving up your career! I'm not sure how workers comp works, because I am on Long Term Disability, but I had 6 months on short term disability and now 2 years on Long Term in order to get back to my current job.

If at the end of the 2 years if I can no longer work at my job but can work at ANY job then I will be cut off. If I can not worker at ANY job then I continue on Long Term Disability. Of course this is all not as easy as it sounds because there's the mountains of paperwork and doctors to see and of course it has to be proven that I cannot work.

If you can't work, you can't work. That's what workers comp is there for. Do they have deadlines? When I was on short term I had to have doctors letters every two weeks and phone conversations with the insurance company, it was very stressful and I felt worse every time it came up.

The long term forms took me two weeks to do, with crying and lots of help from my mother, because they were so in depth and long. But they're done and I'm approved, for now at least.

I have a really great neuro psychologist on my side sending very detailed explanations of what's going on with me, why, what our plan going forward is, etc. They seem to like that. Of course it's costing me a fortune too......

Sorry I'm getting very long winded here.... just wanted to say... don't give up your career yet! I couldn't imagine going back to my casino right now either but some day soon maybe you can! Also, don't be afraid of workers comp just be prepared to maybe have to fight a little.

I hope you're having a good day.
CC

I think your case worker is at best, ignorant, and needs to be told so. Have you worked with a lawyer? It seems to me, that person has no respect for you as a human being in need. You might think about writing a letter to your elected member at Queens Park. My 'concussion', after 40 years, is definitely NOT OVER. I want to give your case worker a kick in the.... :eek:
For what its worth: A Psychiatrist can diagnose PCS in Ontario, however I'm unsure about how much time must pass before a diagnosis is made, if any.

Jamie

You are all awesome
 

Thanks just doesn't seem enough. I even laughed at the kick in the .... :eek: comment. Humour is most definitely my go-to coping mechanism!


I have a tendency to have high highs and low lows with this PCS business. You're right it's soon in my recovery to make any rash decisions, I just feel pushed.


You know the phrasing, "it takes a special kind of person to work in (insert noble profession here)" well I have been saying, it takes a special kind of :eek::eek::eek:hole to work at the WCB! Lol...JK... Kinda.


The lawyer part sounds expensive.... But intriguing. I'll think on it, which at this rate could take me months. :winky:

Sorry to hear about your problems with WCB. I was injured in a car accident on Oct. 9th and have been off work since Oct 19th. I am on short term disability through work and just had a meeting with my GP and my Rehab worker. It was decided that I would not be attempting a return to work for at least another month. My Rehab person will be initiating my LTD forms next month to begin the process (in case it is necessary) because it will take 2-3 months to go through the process of applying. Might be helpful if your GP began doing a SCAT2 assessment at every visit in order to provide additional information to your worker - it is directed towards sports injuries but the basic principles are the same. Best of luck.

Big big setback day today
 

Today was full-on dizzy, nausea, flat on back, ice-pack-necked awful.


I'm making up new compound words as I go, it seems.


All I can think about is how on earth will I get better in time to appease the WCB


trying to block out that anxiety and pressure.


This is so hard on my spouse... He is literally doing EVERYTHING around here and I'm feeling terrible for him; he is recovering himself from a heart attack just over six months ago! 2012 was not our year.


Thanks for listening/reading. I'm maxed.


:(

MsRrio,

Give up on trying to appease WCB. If they make you go back to work, just be prepared to crash at work. It may take a few crashes on the job for WCB to get the message. Try to limit the risk of messing up as you crash.

Hopefully, you will be given more time to recover after you crash at work.

My best to you.

Sounds reasonable. And probable.


Been up all night because husband had chest, arm, shoulder and neck pain last night (same as he had with his heart attack in summer) so I had to buck up and take him to the ER, leaving my son with my mom. Had to drive, and I did it. Had to be supportive, and I did it. Through major pain of my own.... But adrenaline is amazingly powerful.


Got him home again at 8:30 this morning... Long night. Lot of stress, worry, no sleep, beeping, bright lights. And I survived.


Tests all negative, stress induced pain, so we're thankful it wasnt a second heart attack. Put many things in perspective. We got through another scare together before 2012 is over!


I'm in severe pain today but it's just another day. Really, all I have is today anyway. And I'm on the right side of the grass.... Or snow in my case.


I can do anything through Him who strengthens me. Right?

It's tomorrow!
 

Reassessment takes place tomorrow.


I have a list of symptoms to rattle off but know full well what I'm up against. I am shocked at how inept my medical care has been. I'm not naïve enough to think it will be any different tomorrow.


I remember having a faint hope that maaaaaaybe 17 days really WAS long enough, and that I could go back to work with modified hours or duties. Maybe I'd avoid the big drama with WCB. They would call off the dogs, so to speak.


And here I am, the night before, with zero improvement. Bring on the drama I guess! WCB promises a full independent investigation.


Wish me strength!

Try not to read medical termed symptoms. Use a more simplified term, like, I get dizzy when I try to ...... I struggle to read the computer screen. My husband complains that I am constantly messing up my words. When I try to sleep, I can only get a hour or so before I wake up gasping for breath.

Let them put the diagnostic terms to your descriptions. Let them have the power. If you try to tell them what to think, they will become defensive and discount your comments.

And, don't worry about getting good sleep tonight. Sleep deprivation will work to your benefit.

My best to you.

For the longest time, I was told by my GP/ sports doctor that I would wake up one day and I would be 100%. he kept telling me to tell my boss that I would be back shortly. I understand what you are going through. I think these are difficult injuries and quite profound. It takes time to heal, and it also takes time to understand and accpt that it takes time. Good luck.stay off work if you can. I work a bit but alone and on my own schedule. Even then i am not able to do what I did or what I need to do.

100% of the energy I have goes to my kids and other familiy members (spouse, parents).Not easy, but they need me.

Hope it goes well.

It didn't go well. RANT!
 

She began by telling me that all scans were normal and without any evidence of structural damage there was nothing further they can do for me.


I began explaining how I felt physically, still, with little to no change since the injury. I used simple language (that was great advice Mark, you hit the nail on the head there) and she asked, (rhetorically, not expecting an answer) what do you want from me, you're going to have to learn to cope. She suggested maximum two more weeks off work then modified duties at work.


I couldn't help it, I started to really, really cry. It was my first good cry since all this happened to me. I am trying to advocate for myself but with diminished verbal skills its very very hard. Under stress, no words will come. Unfinished thoughts hang in the air and I'm discarded as just emotional.


My screen is swimming as I type this on my iPad because I'm just so utterly sad that there is no help for me.


I was a high functioning marketing manager for a multimillion dollar casino facility with 30 staff directly reporting to me, with poise and excellent presentation skills, and now I can barely express myself to get any results from my doctor. Humbling. Terrifying. Hopeless.


So then she suggested a psychiatrist for my "apparent" depression. She asked, do you want medication? I said, I don't know. (because if you say yes, you're a drug seeker. And why would a doctor ask me that?) She said, well you can ask the psychiatrist for something when you see him. Oh, perfect, more waiting for the insinuation that I'm a worthless waste of someone else's time.


I'm just appalled at the apathy. This is typical Canada. I've got several things working against me. Number one, I'm female. And aren't we always a bunch of whiners. And number two, I'm in a remote area where informed, progressive doctors would never choose to practice medicine so you won't find them, ever. And three, I'm Métis, a visible minority which in this country doesn't bode well for objective or fair treatment.


I am scheduled to see another doctor who is "covering" for her vacation, for reassessment on Jan 18th. I hope to make some sense to her. What part of "agonizing pain, dizziness, nausea, ringing ears, full head, memory problems, can't think straight" don't they understand?


My doctor cooly, disinterestedly replied with, well people have different pain thresholds.


Might as well say, listen cry baby, suck it up and go back to work because you're a total wimp wasting my time. Work just happens to be high stress, sensory overloading, demanding, fast paced and excruciatingly loud... But you'll cope.


I read about other people's therapies on here and their successes and still, because of this so called free medical coverage that we have up in the Great White North, we are left with the level of medical doctors who know how to write a script for amoxicillin in their sleep, and if their mood allows, send you to a specialist in the city if you're dying.


I read on the forums about how others describe their symptoms to a doctor and then something happens. Nothing happens here. Describe it all you want, the answer is not coming.


I've never heard from my doctor: vestibular specialist, ophthalmologist, even physiotherapy was NOT her idea.


So after my doctors appointment I drop the forms off at work, and my human resources officer says, at the sight of my blotchy tear streaked swollen face... "don't worry about work. Maybe you can't do your job anymore and there's something else you could do."


Yes, maybe I'll become a doctor to write amoxicillin prescriptions in my sleep.


I hope she meant it to be supportive. But perhaps that lawyer idea one of you had, isn't so bad. If a fall at work renders me jobless or unable to earn at the rate I'd worked hard for... Would you call a lawyer at this point?


Sorry for the long winded anger....but this was good therapy for me. Thanks for reading.

you have to keep pushing!
 

I'm sorry you're going through this! I wanted you to know that I understand how frustrating the doctor game is! You can't give up your career after 3 months though.. that just doesn't make sense to me! Parents get a year off but someone that gets injured on the job has to give up their job after three months????

My doctor was saying the same things... oh another week and you should be ready to go back to work... oh another 2 weeks and you'll be fine... but he was saying it nicely. Every time I went back I told him that I was NOT able to go back to work and explained what my symptoms were, what I did in a day, what happened when I tried to do harder things, etc.

I brought my husband the one time after I felt the doctor was not taking me seriously to make sure that I mentioned everything and for him to back up how bad I was. He didn't even have to say anything but the doctor seemed to be more understanding at that appointment. Can you have someone go with you to help you get your point across?

Also, my doctor did not refer me to anybody except a neurologist (appointment was 6 months later!) I found and booked my own appointment with my neuro-psychologist, optometrist (who is referring me to a neuro-Ophthalmologist, appt probably in April or so) and a vestibular physiotherapist.

The neuro psychologist has been the most help (and the most expensive!) and she even wrote a 4 page letter to my doctor explaining what was wrong with me, why, the statistics about it and what my prognosis and recovery plan should be. Very helpful for my disability case. It cost $600 but I feel it was very worth it. Just the relief of not having to constantly defend/explain myself was worth every penny.

None of these people require referrals so try to find someone else that can help you. Is there any other GP you can see? Hopefully the one covering your doctors leave will be more supportive. You have to tell them that you are NOT able to return to work. If you are forced to return to work don't give up your current job. Try for modified duties until you are well enough to get back to your job.

My casino is fabulous about on the job accommodations and modified duties while people are recovering from things. I can't understand you having to give up your job so soon. We have people with permanent modifications or who work half days for years.

Unfortunately your psychiatrist appointment will probably be months away but hopefully I'm wrong. In Ontario at least it's impossible to even get to see a psychiatrist unless you want medications. You have to see a psychologist (at $155 an hour!)

Anyhow, you need to find someone else in the medical field that will help you and see if you can bring someone else in with you to your doctors that can maybe get her to understand. Maybe you can totally rest for two weeks and see some progress. Stress doesn't help any though...

Good Luck. :hug:
CC

Wow, I am sorry you had such a horrible experience with your doctor. That is awful.

I will have to say, though, that if I had just talked to my primary care provider, that is about the level of care I would have gotten too. She knew nothing about brain injuries whatsoever. Most of what I found out or got as treatment were things I learned about through this forum and other research I did. It is truly disgraceful how ill-informed the medical community is about concussions.

Here is a detailed document from the Ontario Neurotrauma Foundation: http://www.onf.org/documents/Guideli...20Symptoms.pdf

I don't know if you could ask your doctor to read this and say that you would like to discuss it at your next appointment? I had some success with this strategy when I found information I thought my doctor should know but didn't.

Hope you find a way to get some treatment. In the meantime, stay strong. :hug:

Lawyer
 

MsRio you may want to read the tips and suggestion section in the workers comp forum. I also was injured at work and the whole process has been ugly for me. First I need to preface the following opinion. I AM VERY biased about workers comp. IMO it is in YOUR interest to secure legal representation. Just as important learn and understand the legal basics with workers compensation!!!

I do not know about Canada but in the US each state varies with regard to the law. You will also have to consider your employer and any future employment. If you do decide to secure a lawyer do your homework. Find one who has represented clients with mTBI injuries.

Understand that there are several interest in action in your case. One you, two your employer, three the insurance company that has to pay the bills, fourth the government agency overseeing this process, fifth any lawyers involved. Not all these interest will be helpful to you. All to often they are not. One would think that the health and well being of the injured party is primary but the truth is it is not. In work comp there is tremendous pressure to control costs.

This can make for an extended and obstacle rich path to medical care for those injured. Private message me if you want and I will try to help. I do not get online here as much as I used to. I do try to give forward what was so freely given to me.

Reassessment day
 

Unlike the last assessment day, I feel more prepared.

I find it so interesting that this tiny (debatably nonexistent according to some schools of thought) physical change in my brain tissue, with just a few little nerve fibres affected, becomes this challenge in every way. I know now, in just 3 months of being in this state, that there's more misinformation and assumption out there than in ANY condition I've ever suffered. Everything I read and hear tells me if you just RELAXED, properly, Miss Rri, you would be cured.

You, Rri, have made all this up in your head, and there is nothing physically wrong with you. Silly old emotional bird. You create your own issues.

I even read many of us, even on here, actually BUYING that, about ourselves. I can't. I know I was fine before the fall. I know I'm not fine now. I have a myriad of crap symptoms. Isn't the easiest conclusion drawn usually the RIGHT one?

I'm not particularly emotional about it. Uh oh, apathy is also a made up symptom. It never ends.

It astounds me. That I'd have to prepare as though going to the Debate Team Championships just to see a doctor who is SUPPOSED to help me. Priceless.

I do hope to get better, of course. I resent their assumption that I don't. What I'd like just once, is to see a doctor who cared to believe that, it is possible, just remotely possible, that when I describe my symptoms, it just MIGHT be true.

I had no idea that falling on a parking lot automatically rendered me a liar. Until now.

Or maybe the accident ignited a very creative condition in my brain where I make up my own misery so that I can build a house in it and live there forever. Lol, it's just insane.

So I'm prepared with simple language symptoms in a list. I feel pain when... I feel dizzy when... I don't talk well when...

But tonight my sarcastic little update was actually spawned from feeling utterly drained and in awe of those of you who've fought this battle to be heard for years. I've only just begun and I'm totally jaded.

To those of you who have sustained patience and hope, my big old liar hat is off to you. You're my heroes.

When you give of your time helping newbies like me, you're angels. When you share your wisdom, you're teachers. When you refuse to blindly accept that expensive treatments actually do anything, you're activists.

Heroes, all of you.

Wish me luck at tomorrow's debate team finals. :rolleyes:

Good luck!! Let us know how it goes.

Your words really hit home with me...I went through all of those emotions with my first concussion and now find myself dealing with it again. I am so sorry for your pain. I am there with you. I cannot believe I am back in this again. I've had people tell me that if I stopped focusing on it, it would get better. I know from my past experience it just takes what it takes - and that is different for all of us - but it doesn't take having ignorant and uniformed people passing judgment on us!!

Just want you to know you aren't alone. I'm really struggling this week and feel for you:hug:

Thanks!
 

I'm really nervous. Two hours til the appointment.

I hope you guys can "hear" the humour intended in parts of my post, because I really feel no choice but to smile at this journey. I used to write a blog, maybe I should start again.

Not once has my husband been told he is choosing to feel stress, since his heart attack. They take the tissue damage of his heart seriously.

I'm just floored that a brain gets no such medical respect at all.

In 20 years I hope retired doctors say to themselves "omg I wish I'd known, I'd have helped so many people" once there is enough evidence by stronger testing or something, that PCS is not just a fabricated syndrome.

I can relate
 

This is my first concussion and it is devastating on the body & soul all together....Liar I been called in my search of a over a year for diagnosis! I got very angry and went on a one way ticket to hell....Luckily I stayed alive and free to get off that ticket to finally find one Dr that had a piece of compassion for me....

After I went into numerous Dr offices sounding Drunk (but was sober) and sent home empty handed, no hope, no direction, simply maybe some addictive prescription in hand that I would tear up and flush down toilet.....these Dr's basically were telling me to get back on my impulsive one way ticket being a threat to my soul.

Now in result from this I am emotionally a wreck amongst the long list! "But I suppose to make this positive change to get better" or to make therapies have a better result....

Well I think the hardest part is letting go of all these Dr's that helped me become a worse mess then just a straight diagnosis of a TBI/PCS!

The first thing I have learned in this new life of a month is "If it's not their problem, no one cares" Sad but true reality of life in any kind of situation!!

I am not trying to be a negative Nancy at all....I as well have had a horrible week with this "new"life....But at the end of the day I have to say thank you to all of this support group because we are all humans still and we all can relate to this complex syndrome....I do not know what I would do if I did not find you!

Rio I hope today goes better then before....and be strong to keep fighting with whatever result good or bad....I will be looking for your result post:grouphug:

Results post
 

Today I saw my usual family doctor as opposed to the one that I've been dealing with from the start, who was quite frankly, a cow. I was under the impression that I had to see the MD that first started the WCB claim. (I am not sure that's true but I get confused) I'm very glad I got to see my regular doctor today.

ANYWAY. My regular doctor remembers how I was versus how I appear now. She said very bluntly, "this is way over my head. You need to see a neurologist and you're off work until those reports come back. Having you get reassessed every 2 weeks is pointless pressure."

So... I guess that's the news. I believe she is referring me to a neurologist, from what I gather. I think that's perhaps progress? Not sure how to feel, I was so overloaded by the bright, crowded, noisy waiting room that I was burnt right out during the appointment. I'm relieved that I don't have to face working at a loud busy casino at least for a little while longer.

Although I want my life back, and my career, I also want to be allowed the best chances to heal to whatever degree is achievable.

That sounds like good news! I didn't realize you weren't seeing your normal physician. Having someone that knows you is obviously a big difference! I'll be interested to see how long it takes to see a neurologist. I wonder if workers comp will speed that up at all? You could have a few months of not having to worry about anything and just healing!!

At 1 month my doctor made an appointment with a neurologist and it was for 5 months later!!! I got on a cancellation list and was able to see her the next week... she said then that she doesn't normally see concussion patients until around 6 months so that's why the appt was so long away. She was useless at 1 month as she believed I was going to recover any day. Now it's been 6 1/2 months and I could maybe use her advice more now!

Let us know when you get your neurologist appt. In this case I think you'll be better off if it's a long way off, to give you time to heal worry free from WCB harassment, unless there's symptoms that you think you need her help with.

Thanks for the update. I hope you feel calmer now.

CC

Yay!! So good to have someone who has seen the before and after. That really can make all the difference in the world with brain injury. And so nice that you will have longer between assessments, too. Hope that will give you some time to relax and heal!

Good news about your doctor. Hope the neurologist adds something!

Keep on keeping on! It gets better....slowly, but it does!