Dating and RSD
 

My psychologist says I should get out and date. I was shocked when she said this because she knows how tired I am all of the time. By 5PM, I am ready to fall asleep. I would not mind dating again, but how do you date with RSD? How do you explain RSD to someone?

Lexie....I certainly can relate to your question. And I'm sure others can as well.

I know for a fact that I have avoided dating because of CRPS. No question.

My symptoms become progressively worse through the day, so dates (which predominantly occur during the evening) are not a great option! I'm shot by 5:00 too!

How about morning dates!! Gotta keep some humor and perspective through all of the crap that this condition hands out.

Not to give up though; there are people out there that are understanding and compassionate and would be good partners. Just gotta find them.....;)

Good luck to you. Don't let CRPS define you.

It's hard to imagine a woman who'd be willing to see me only during the day on my good days. The effort of chasing a woman would wear me down to nothing even if she wanted me to catch her.

Mebbe what we need is a RSD dating service. If the hunter is slowed, well so is the prey. ;)

Getting out and being social is a good idea. It's so very very easy to become isolated. I hate driving or being driven. I recently adopted a bundle of love and have to walk her a handful of times a day. Not only is my relationship with her great, but I'm meeting lots of new people, all without the pain of vibrations from a car, and exercising gently throughout the day. I wasn't sure I could manage with her, but she's very attuned to my pain, and we're doing great.

I have found that I can cope with some people touching me better than others. They say when you love someone it's easier to tolerate as well, but it would probably be best to let your date hug you, hold hands, etc. early on, so that if you can't cope with his touch, you don't become to attached, and can move on.

I do believe there is someone for everyone, IF you really are interested. I would think you'd want Your health to be as stable as possible before starting. The few times I've tried I was in a good place physically and mentally.

Don't put it off, if it's important to you, because it's very easy to let time slip away while you're dealing with RSD.

Much of what you can do at night, you can do during the day. And many men prefer things like barbecues and going to sports, etc. If you still work, then plan to go out on your day off. If you want to go out at night, then take a nap!

I don't think you need to give much info about your health, until it feels right. Brief is probably fine for the first several dates.

She might suspect your exhaustion is due to depression. (That is entirely possible as a component of RSD and as a side effect of how it impacts your life.) Dating might make you feel more energized, especially in the honeymoon phase.

Good luck!

Thank you for your response. I am glad that I am not alone in this. Morning dates sound fun and I am sure that there are understanding and compassionate men out there. But yes, they will be very hard to find. Dating where I live is already so hard.

I like the idea of an RSD dating service. Morning dates only on good days :)

Thanks for your response. Can I ask what breed of dog did you get? You said the dog is attuned to your pain. I have been thinking of getting a dog so I can get out a little more.

She's a French bulldog. If you use a reputable rescue they will tell you all the about the dogs personality and habits, and offer a trial period. In So Cal there is a boarding company that offers trained dogs for the disabled and they cover food and vet bills for life. There is also a place that offers small service dogs for no charge. Even your local pound should offer a 30 day trial, though they often will offer a pet exchange, not a refund.

My mom adopted my dog from the local pound, and then allowed me to have her since we bonded so well. She even licks the exact area where my pain is worst when I'm flared--very odd! The good news is it doesn't cause me pain, and I'm very hypersensitive.

Amusingly enough my mom is convinced I'll meet a guy when I'm walking her...

I'm still voting for an RSD cruise or vacation to somewhere warm where we can all swim. If we want to prohibit the married folks, that's fine by me! ;)

I'm IN! Swimming in warm water is absolutely hands down the best therapy for me. No weight bearing and it just feels like a massage for my entire body.

A vacation exclusively for us with CRPS; what a novel idea!! Will there be a swim up meds bar? :) (tongue firmly planted in cheek....)

A warm pool is great. Warm ocean--heavenly. I figure it's the extra pressure.

http://www.frenchbulldogrescue.org/h...available.html

They are known as a good dog for the elderly or disabled.

Nope I dont date. I cant when they dont understand why i have to cancel any plans suddenly. Or why i can only do certian things if we would do somthing. Or when they ask me why im not working or going to school and I have to tell them why. And the biggest thing is they dont understand my condition and then they run off. So no i dont plan on getting married and I know i can live a good single life and can still have children if I want. But for now im good and content with my life.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years now and have had RSD for about 4 years. We live together and I feel terribly lucky to have had him with me through all of this. I can't really imagine what it would be like to START a relationship when you have RSD...but being in one has been one of my many motivations to push myself to get better treatment and get my life back. My boyfriend has been incredibly supportive and helped me keep focus when it would have been so easy to give up (as it often is when things get really bad).

I've never done it myself...but have you considered the option of online dating? If I wasn't with some one then that's probably what I would do. Traditional dating scenes are not and never were my thing. Getting to know someone online, over the phone, and then setting up dates at time that work for you instead of being locked into the idea of night time dates would probably be the best way to try and work things out...if it were me. Everyone's different though...so if dating is something that you want to try and do then figure out what you are most comfortable with. Even just getting out and socializing with a club/church group or with some friends or volunteering to help at a charity event or something (whatever interests you) could be good for you and who knows...you could meet someone that way too.

I can tell you that when my boyfriend touches me I can tolerate it better than most other things. He's very gentle and conscious of things that flare up my pain as well. He never pushes when I have a bad day or don't feel up to something...whether that's in regard to touching or going out and doing things. We live a pretty quiet life and don't tend to go out that often actually...but it's easier at home with just the two of us (plus the dog). Usually we would rather stay in and watch movies than go out to the theater (it's so darn expensive anyway) and since going on the 4 Fs diet it's usually easier to cook at home as well.

Good luck to you.

Catra is banned from the RSD vacay. ;)

Awww...have fun without me. ;)

Catra you have an ideal relationship it sounds like and it doesn't matter if you are married or in a long term dating relationship!

Married people with RSD would have a hard time saying their significant other is as supportive as your S.O. appears to be Catra!

Then there are those who are in a relationship that is limping along because of the disability-%^&*-storm CRPS has caused to the relationship. A boyfriend who won't read about CRPS, a fiance' who says why isn't dinner on time, the pain is in your head why are you on medication, the parents who say you should pull yourselves up by the bootstraps...most of us are not blessed with perfectly behaving support systems and there are varying degrees of support and understanding.

Can I get in on the RSD vaca/possible dating service if I am still married but working on seperating/divorcing ? We are trying to stay in our house for another year until my youngest son graduates from high school.

If I can afford a small house on Cape Cod with a hot tub or swim spa, you can all come visit !

Someday, I'd love to be in a loving relationship. I wonder how that will be possible, with getting through dating. I can only manage make up and shaving the legs every few weeks, so I guess I wouldn't be dating too frequently..... :rolleyes:

Thanks. I feel very very blessed to have him and his family in my life. I've had my share of people who are just jerks and don't understand nor so they want to understand...but thankfully none of those are people who really matter in my life and mostly just people at work (and not in my current location either so thank the lord for small miracles). I really feel for those who don't have that support at home and from those they care about...I cannot imagine how bad things would be for me right now if I didn't have my boyfriend and his family to help support me like they did/do. It kept me sane and kept me fighting. I wish everyone had that kind of support from those close to them.

For myself, given that I have celiac disease and gluten ataxia and lots of "other stuff" that gives me pain for most of my life, I've recently decided my desire to date and have a relationship shouldn't be put on hold for my health. History is showing me that my health may never really improve or if it does in one area, it's likely to be something else soon that comes crashing down. (Boy that sounded negative, eh? LOL. Just realistic I guess.)

So I'm going to try to get out and have a good, reasonable, safe, fun time. I'll invite folks to my house so I'm less stressed. I won't dump my load on my date and tell him all the details, but I will slowly ease him into understanding my daily reality as best as possible. After all, my wheelchair scares most potential dates away anyhow. If he stays despite all my health problems and is supportive and fits my other requirements, then I think that's a green light for moving forward.

Now to get a date....it's been 10 years! BA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!

GutsyGirl

Go for it
...GutsyGirl!!!

You go GG !

Hello dear. (:

I've had this problem before too, even though I'm only a teenager. People, no matter what age, don't seem to understand. For me with my current boyfriend, I made sure that he knew about it all right away. I didn't want to keep secrets, get close with him, and end up hurt. Now not all people will understand or even try to, but if someone wants to be with you, they'll try. If they don't, then they obviously weren't worth it anyway.

Good luck!

I am in the same boat! I am 29 and am dating. I just take it easy. I don't tell them I have CRPS at first. If I am feeling down I just say I hurt my ankle. If you need to cut the date short than thats ok. Just make up something. But getting out there is good for you. I have seen a better mood in myself. Dating is hard but if you just go out for fun then it takes the pressure off and you just might find that perfect match!
Angelina

Let's keep this fun thread going! I can now only dream about the dating I had planned to do and I had certainly expected to remarry someday. Dating not possible at all with how severe my total body CRPS pain is now. But I did have some wonderful dreams last night about dating an awesome guy, must be from reading the posts.
:winky:

I have started dating a girl with RSD and she is totally amazing! She told me about her condition and I was only concern at first on how to make her comfortable. She is telling more about her RSD and I am intersted about it now.

My suggestion from a person who does not has RSD, please explain to your date your condition and how you want them to respond. Otherwise your condition might be interperate as you are not interested.

An example, my date keep moving away from me and did not want to keep holding hands. She also got up and walked away several times. If I did not know that she had RSD, I would assume she did not want to be with me.

At the end of the date, she surprised me by wrapping her arms around me and ...

So educate your date. :)

Dating has been a big worry for me, so im really glad to have found this thread. Im single, Ive had to move back to my home town and in with my parents since my accident and RSD and nove Ive gone and turned 30!!!
On one hand this scares the hell out of me, but on the other I figure its a good filter for finding the good guys. Having a burn injury with some scarring didnt bother me as far as confidence went, in a wierd way i felt empowered by it. But now a few months later I figure who would want to be with someone who is in constant pain.
I think turning 30 has alot to do with it and im feeling uncertain of my future. This thread has made me feel better though, Thanks guys. xxoo. I do believe that everything happens for a reason so who knows. Perhaps this is just slowing me down so someone can actually catch me for once. lol

I am lucky though. I have my family being supportive and ive still got a few wonderful friends who havent given up on me. I do also have my cat, Molly. She is soft and fluffy and it dosnt hurt when i pat her.

Hey I guess if all else fails I can just become a crazy cat lady. :eek: Umm.... I better join that cruise. lol

Hi Lexigirl,

I know exactly how you feel Ive been dealing w/generalized RSD for 9yrs come end of june. Having RSD in itself is draining, frustrating & stressfull to say the least but dont let it stop you from finding someone or just having fun the best advice I can give you is have fun there is really no way to explain or make someone who isnt dealing w/this personaly understand what we go thru on a daily basis. if someone care's about you enough they will want to learn as much as they can about what you have, trust me I've been there hun. My bf & I have had our up's downs & everything inbetween but the thing that really surprised the crap out of me when we 1st started dating was he looked up & learned what he could about RSD that meant alot so I wish u the best & hope this helps even just a little. :D