Disappointed
 

It seems I am stuck. Really stuck and I don't know what to do. I feel my life is meaningless, and I am just..stuck. I went to the store last night with mom and brother, then nearly had a panic attack. I escaped from the store, to the car. Later on, Mom sent me to Michaels to pick up some crafts. I was fine then, just a bit exhausted from the anxiety. This morning I woke up disappointed. Pretty disappointed. I feel my brain is just damaged and should just stay in bed for the rest of my life, I am so sad that I can't even speak the words. I just want help. I am tired of the bathroom issues every morning, I am tired of my Occipital Neuralgia taking over my every outing, tired of the anxiety, and I want my old life back. I just really do. It's hard being alone, it's hard doing this. I just need some help from somewhere, someone, anybody.

Keep positive,
 

I know exactly how you feel. You wonder what's the point, will it ever end
I've had that feeling lots of times and even considered the worst. all I can say is it will get better, you must
Try to remember the good days and focus on them a d try to think
What happened to make them good. I agree the anxiety is the pits. I would give anything not to have It. I feel for you and wish I could be more help.
I think you need to try and reduce your anxiety, which is not easy I know, but this will help greatly to reduce your symptoms . It will pass, but who quickly who knows. Be strong will be thinking of you. C

Hello Consider,

I'm sorry you're having a tough time today. It sounds like you did too much yesterday. If you had an anxiety attack it was your bodies way of saying you're overstimulated and need rest. You probably shouldn't have gone back out later that night. Try to take it easy today and think good thoughts.

You are only at 3 or so months since your injury and you've already seen a lot of progress! You will get better it's just going to take more time and rest. When I have anxiety problems in a store (usually grocery stores) I stop and take a couple deep breaths, sometimes I close my eyes or look down at the ground for a minute and then I can continue on.

I make sure I tell myself in my head... everything's fine there's nothing wrong here...and talk myself down from it. I don't want to start thinking.. oh my god it's another panic attack!!! what am I going to do!!!... etc. because it just gets worse!

To rehash the old saying... recovering from PCS is a marathon not a sprint..... try to calm down and let yourself rest and recover! I know it's hard and frustrating at times but you can do it and we are here to help or to listen.

I hope your day gets better!

CC

Don't forget that you had a good day yesterday. That is important to remember. You are improving.

It's not as fast as you would like, but things are getting better.

Deep breath! This too shall pass. :grouphug:

I believe you were trying to do too much. Try keeping a health journal everyday so you can track what your triggers are. By following activities and symptoms you will discover what your triggers are. Be sure to take a rest break every hour! Even if it is only 5 minutes. While it may be hard to slow down your brain really needs every bit of rest it can get with very low stimulus. Going into a store with bright fluorescent light, advertising at every angle, music blaring and people bustling all around is just way too much stimulus.

Consider,

Your experience is not uncommon. If you try to think back, you probably had signs that this shopping trip was a problem long before it became a problem. You will do much better if you slow down and try to notice these little signs.

If you walk into a busy environment, you may find your eyes start to glaze over or struggle to find a focus. You may find it difficult to understand what somebody says unless you are looking directly at them. Any sensory struggles are a sign that this event will be problematic.

My wife can see it in my eyes. I usually become quiet and maybe act lost. If we do need to go out shopping, we know to do it during slow periods. Very late at night or early in the day. Saturdays are a struggle. If your mother does not support you in this, she needs to read the list at http://www.brainline.org/content/201...u-to-know.html

Until you can learn to avoid these situations that cause a relapse, your chance at improvement will be slim. Recover comes best when we can link days and weeks to months of symptom free or relapse free days. When we are most symptomatic, the brain is struggling to just make it through the day. The lower our level of symptoms, the more our brain can try to heal.

As was said, Recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. Keeping track day by day is counter to seeing the marathon aspect.

It's very greek to me, honestly. I can play video games and listen to music. Mornings though are my enemy, and mall trips and public places are terrible for me, usually leads me back into my sense of unrealization unless I put my earplugs in. It's horrible. I am seeing improvement through the fact I can play games with no symptoms but the public places..I don't think I am ready.

Being able to play games and listen to music without any significant impact is a huge step. Don't discount that. In the grand scheme of things, that is a big win.

Just think about that and keep things in perspective.

Also mornings suck for me too.

I know you probably don't want to hear this but you'd probably recover faster and not have the anxiety issues as much if you limited the video games still. They are very exhausting and stressful even to a healthy brain. Just because something doesn't cause symptoms while you're doing it doesn't mean it's not causing an increase in symptoms or slowdown of healing overall.

Just my opinion though. You know what's right for you :)

I hope you are having a good day! I feel terrible and I'm guessing this snow storm probably has something to do with it.

CC

That's a good point, cyclecrash (what is your name? I don't want to call you this!)...

Limiting things is one of the most frustrating aspects of this. It's hard to tell your pleasure seeking system no when you actually feel able to do something. PCS takes a serious amount of discipline.

You can call me CC for short and I'll just call you Swifty ;)

We've given up so much in our lives right now that anything we can do that we enjoy we do not want to stop even if deep down we know it's probably slowing healing in some way. I am able to watch some tv now with no symptoms while I'm doing it but if I watch a little too long the symptoms start up. Makes sense then that even the small amount I'm watching is causing a buildup of issues so in all reality I probably shouldn't watch any until I'm better.

So on days, or weeks, when I'm having a harder time with symptoms, I know tv is one of the things I should knock out for a while. I love video games and my son and I would have a blast playing the wii, wii U, xbox or any of the numerous computer games but I know there's no way I could handle them right now. Plus my cognitive speed is so pathetic I would suck at them!

3D tv is out right now too. My husband got a new 3D movie for Christmas (Avengers?) and I would have loved to watch it but knowing how I felt watching 3D movies before the accident and with my current dizziness and eye symptoms, I just know 3D is not a good idea! I think anything that has warnings for nausea or seizure risks is probably a good rule for PCS people to avoid!

Got to go do my Lumosity session for the day and then off the computer....

CC

3D movies are the worst. Before any of this, I had problems watching them. Now I can't even imagine.

Plus, let's be serious, even if you were up to full speed your son would probably beat you at Wii! My little nephew (9) beats me all the time!

Oh god, 3D movies were the worst for me. I remember seeing the Hobbit in 3D, thought my stomach would fly out onto the screen! It's weird how my recovery has been, lately all I get are the rare headache and anxiety from out of nowhere. Idk, it's all been so weird. The Neurontin only does so much, I feel it's more of a temp relief of anxiety then I go back to taking another one like my doctor says. He ALWAYS tells me to tell him what feels right, like if this AD doesn't feel right, wean off with his help. Or if the mall doesn't feel right, don't go. "Only you know, what is best for you, but along the way, I can help you with your treatment." He wants to throw me on Prozac, if I still don't feel the Neurontin is the best thing in the world. I mean, I like it a bit, it has few side effects but in the end, I want something that will help me. Not just a temp fix every few hours.

And also, for video games, I follow the instructions on the box for people with seizures, "Take a break 15 mins every hour." Translation, I nap for 15 minutes every hour and if I can't nap, I lay in my bed looking out the window. Earlier, I did this and I saw the nice snowstorm outside. Yay snow!

The visual processing load of 3D and simulated 3D and High Definition Video can cause problems. The brain has to work very hard to stitch the right eye's image with the left eye's image. Add the brightness, sharpness, and movement and you challenge the visual processing to the limit.

The injured brain does not have near the ability to process the images of a normal or young brain. The warnings on the package need to be multiplied to account for the concussed brain.

The audio processing load contributes to this whole struggle. I have lived with both audio and visual processing sensitivities since a concussion in 1994. They got much worse after a concussion on Jan 16, 2001. An overload can cause a delayed mental crash with head aches and all the PCS symptoms raging for a week or two, if not more.

Sounds good to me! 30 mins every hour is definitely reasonable for the brain. I am always looking for tips on how to not cause a return of symptoms, especially since I got so far in 3 months! I am happier than ever, and am proud I made it this far. I also want to thank you guys for the support! :grouphug:

Consider,

If you are going to spend 30 minutes of each hour playing video games, you should not be complaining about your PCS symptoms. I can't even imagine how messed up I would be after that kind of mental load.

Sorry, I made a mistake in my last post. What I meant to say was, that I play 2 hours at max with 15 min nap breaks in between. I don't play every hour. I wish I did. Sorry for the mistake in the last post!

I just wanted to thank you all
 

Your video game sessions are still way to much for your brain. I can understand why you are also being treated for PTSD and anxiety. The industry standard for concussion recovery is No Video Games until all symptoms recover. Then, a slow introduction of video games as long as they do not cause a return of symptoms. This is the standard for sports related concussions in all of the different concussion recovery protocols.

They also include Zero Caffeine, Zero Alcohol, Zero Cognitive Load, Zero Screen Time, Zero Texting, I think you should get the message.

Those with college classes may need to stretch the limits to maintain their academic necessities.

We have had many on NT who have tried to maintain their busy lives until they finally give in after 6 months to a year and focus on quiet rest.

I wish the best to those of you who are determined to buck the experts recommendations.

You are lucky to be able to handle playing video games at all. For me, even a minute or two is a recipe for disaster. I've tried over and over again for almost two years and it's the same result every time.

Be glad you are making progress, Consider.

Cherish every moment of normalcy. I haven't had any peace or normalcy in quite some time. I almost forgot what normal feels like.

Nick

I'm currently "bucking the experts" and will let you know how it goes. Working 70 hour weeks with some slight discomfort. Let's see if it gets significantly worse. If it does, I'll say you told me so.

Oh my Goodness. Your injury must not have been that bad. I can't even work a part-time job in my dreams.

Thank you, Space. I sometimes forget how much I have recovered. I just remember my old life and it drives me back to the dark resulting in more frustration and anxiety. I am being treated also for PTSD because my mind relives the trauma through thoughts and it affects my life, creating more anxiety. My doctors want me to make me feel as comfortable as possible so I can heal. They always tell me do what I feel is right. They tell me I am young and got the strength to do this, I just need to rest more than usual which is hard with pent up anxiety, I am restless!

I am still awful in public places too. Makes for a lonely recovery! But it is slowly getting better (after 17 months).