Jumpin Jellybeans! I am going manicckkk!!!
 

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
:BeamUp::Thats-Funneh::Excited::In-Lurve::Dancing-Chilli::sing::Head-Spin::Doh::Dunno::ranting:

it's only been a week. but it started sudden and intense much more with euphoric type stuff but now i am having racing thoughts trouble keeping still and snap at the slightest provocation. i can still go logic and say that is minimal but the blood just keeps on boilin and the nerves keep on jumpin. after about 3 days of it i forgot to take ANY meds - for 2 days - so i don't guess that helped. i took em the next day, except the Zoloft i only took 25 mg instead of 50 for one day, but now, i ain't touchin that stuff with a ten foot pole!

my pdoc piZZZZZZZZZZZZed me off BIG TIME the other day - he was abrupt. a dumb thing i guess but i didn't deal well. :mad: when i got out i went n got discretely drunk. later dinner plus a whole huge bar of white chocolate. result: indigestion and no Depakote that night for fear i'd toss...

oh and i had agreed with pdoc to go 25mg on the Zoloft...
but SKKURRRROOOO that, HA! :Demonstration:

* i cannot even handle caffeine right now

* normally, i can't function without caffeine!

i am just SPACY TRACY tracing thoughts everywhere and to the moon included which by the way i saw a beautiful quarter moon the other night where you could just see the glow of the rest of the orb... so sweet.

i am changing the air in the apartment like big time.
the kkkkkold air feels good? LOL! :D
i am doing breathing and focus stuff. then i have to cook.

this isn't one of those "good" hypo thingies i enjoy... much too labile and the energy is tending more to irascibility restlessness and distraction it is not productive only uncomfortable. i even almost screwed up cooking lately multitasking to the hilt and overlooking stuff... recovered by the skin of my teeth. but cooking is grounding i think so not going to give up. just hope i don't burn my moms pans rofl! :D

i could be cycling and could cyle out of this. speaking of cycle, PMS often dampens hypomania for me ... perhaps it will help along with getting the meds on track again. Else i'll have to raise my Depakote, for sure, i cannNOT go ON like this.
:yikes:

GRRRAARRR please let this QUIT this is so NOT KEWL!

~ waves ~

Wow
 

Waves,
I don't know anything about bi polar but I think you need to take your meds. Could be me but this post is not sounding right. Hope your doing better today. Try for balance. Best of luck to you.

hi Brain Patch, nice to meet you. :)

yes you are right - and i AM trying to be better about the meds. but you know forgetting is like... when you remember it's in the past tense. i think being manicky like this is part of why i started forgetting to begin with. only the Zoloft is an antidepressant and makes mania worse so its a good thing i forgot it before, and best to keep staying off it now, pdoc would agree if he knew things were escalating - have been down this road in the past with that. the other meds should help if i can remember to get them down... i just started using my pillminder again that should help because the meds are more handy that way. maybe i should a repeating alarm on my cellphone to take them, that is a good idea, thanks.

thanks so much for responding that was so thoughtful of you. thank you. :Heart: :hug::hug:

~ waves ~ who made lots of messes in the kitchen again today ROFL :D:rolleyes: and i did burn a pan sort of but i rescued it. i think. now i am watching Hercule Poirot yippee

Hi, Waves,
 

Waves,


Contact the pdoc. He might make a med or other suggestions. More importantly, he needs to know what is going on.

Remember, medicating for bipolar is not a DIY job. You have him as a partner.

I hope that you are o.k.

Mari

pdoc was a jerk to me last time i don't wanna talk to him
 

Dear Mari


you know i always appreciate your input. and in any case i appreciate your being here for me. :hug::hug::hug:

the thing is pdoc saw me the day before yesterday. i told him about the euphoria, the meds, the lability and irascibility so the twerp already knows what is going on. coming into spring is a strange time for me to get manic so it may not last long anyway. if anything at all, i tend to get depressed in spring but i don't really have a fixed seasonal pattern and the depression is not a given.

anyway, today is saturday i couldn't contact him if i wanted to, nor tomorrow, and i don't want to.

i am not going to call him nor monday either coz i'm ****** as all HHH coz he acted really cold to me then said i was right but did not apologize and did not seem like he gave a rats patootie so he can kiss mine. he did this at end of session no less, worst of timing. jerk! :mad:

besides he might not even make med changes lots of times he says lets see how things go i am the one to push and heck in spite of what i told him he wanted me to stay on zoloft... hellllooo???? yes i know it's a risk period for depression but i have to change antidepressant if i do need one anyway so no reason to stay on that crap when i'm walking a buzzwire. :rolleyes:

menses are due. if that doesn't nip this i will up my Depakote to 1000mg which is baseline dose for acute mania tx, increase more on weekly basis, if not enough. that is what he would rx i've been down this road before too right now he can sit pretty and be cold to his other patients i have no patience and no tolerance for more sht from him.

so yeah i will DIM in this case at least for a while. also pdoc cannot make me remember meds. i will do the alarm setting thing to try to fix that problem..... hopefully i remember to set it... argh, i see dog chasing tail.. :D:rolleyes:

~ waves ~

Waves, :hug: :hug: :hug:

Set the alarm.
It is O.K. to take meds early when you remember.

Do you have a good med plan for tonight and tomorrow?

Tell us what it is.

Can you take the full 1000 Depakote tonight and Sunday?


Mari

Waves,
:heartthrob: :heartthrob: :heartthrob:
You will contact him Monday.

Tonight and Sunday, you will throw everything at the hypo.
Mostly, I want to make sure that you sleep tonight.
Do you have a good sleep plan? :

Mari

um...
 

Dear Mari :heartthrob:

i appreciate that you feel you have to say that, but i have no intention of contacting Dr. Ice Ice Baby monday and i was thinking of cancelling my thursday appt which i will definitely if i am still mad at him and probably in any case. i can't deal with more crap like he was dishing when i'm like this.

i have been sleeping, fwiw. it's when i'm awake i have problems. i got some brandy - i am using to make irish coffee its cheaper than baileys - i finished my baileys. sometimes have an irish coffee before sleep as a nightcap. today i had an afternoon cap. and yes i am using strictly decaf coffee.

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Waves,

The truth is I do not care a lot about whether you contact him or not. I will stop mentioning him except to say that I am sorry he hurt you. I am not happy when he moves into jerk territory.

1 Tell me the medication plan for the weekend.
2.Tell me what you took today.


Mari

Dear Mari

ok i thought i kinda went through that but i will try to be very specific....

i am not changing meds for now... not until menses. unless you count not taking any zoloft but i haven't been that's not really a change per se.

after menses if i'm still like this i will go up to 1000mg depakote.

the med plan is to try to make sure i get them down, period, which i have not been doing consistently due to forgetting. using my pillminder should help i need to set a recurring alarm reminder in my phone. tell you what i will set that now. let's hope my phone memory isn't overloaded or it won't go off. :o but that's the most i can do.... oops i'm being called to heat the veggies... dinner time... hopefully i'llr emember later

~ waves ~

Phone alarm
 

Waves, :hug: :hug: :hug:

Thank you for your specific post.

Post to me this:

1. When the alarm is set
2. When you take your medications for tonight.

I am sitting at my computer and awaiting updates from you.

Mari

waves, you sound as if you could swim 100 metres in 47 seconds!

Hey, just passing by and saw your post. I try not to butt in too much but I just wanted to say that I hope you feel more settled soon.

Just curious though about exercizing really hard when you feel like this. Would it help?

hi! phone is set!
 

Hee hee hee Mari, you are funny. and very sweet. :):Heart:

i just had dinner.

ALARM... i set a recurring alarm for 23:30 for evening meds. first i set it for one minute after the current time, with recurrency, to test if it would go off. it did.

i will try to remember to post when i take the meds. sorry if i don't promise because i may be doing something else and not on the computer. but the meds are loaded in the pillminder at my bedside so it will be easy to grab and just take them when the alarm goes off. i always keep water on hand too.

my current meds are:
-- 800 mg Depakote 24 hr release
-- 1.5 mg delorazepam (long acting benzo) i am in reduction and playing by ear somewhat - can take up to 2mg my "base" dose and/or pad with lorazepam as needed.
-- 800 mg condroitin (for my knee which started to act up again.)

i see that i had overlooked your question as to what i took today. all my meds are single dose at night, except zoloft which is currently suspended, so nothing yet.

======================

i am feeling better now than when i posted this morning although i still feel revved and made a royal mess in the kitchen cooking... nearly destroyed the dinner side dishes, and nearly destroyed two pans but! albeit by the skin of my teeth, everything turned out ok! and my folks enjoyed what i prepared and the cookware suffered no permanent injury it seems (mom would have noticed) so all is hunky dory in the kitchen again and ready for my next cookery crookery tomorrow.

i have sold both of them on trying spinach mashed potatoes tomorrow night! :) see today i totally overcooked a potato and could not use it so i mashed and refrigerated it, plus we have leftover garlic spinach so i'm going to hunt down Bizi's recipe. :D yaaaaay i have always wanted to make that but they are not very open to trying new stuff, they would use a word like "concoction" and with great suspicion.

for myself i bought a big pack of fresh mixed greens thursday night and had half for lunch, will be finishing off between tomorrow and monday. the Mg content should help me.

i did not take my vits tonight, or not yet, because i ate so much. i may take them in a little while. i got real HOOUNNNGRY before dinner and my would-be snack of tuna pate on bread turned into a meal of its own (erhm, impulse control not great there :rolleyes:) ... then meat at dinner - mom made a lot too... URGGH... I feel like a thanksgiving turkey! :eek: gobble gobble. well that is what i did, so i guess it only follows, eh? :rolleyes:

ok talk to you later. thanks for listening to my junk. :hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

hi there, Lara! long time no see...
 

Hi Lara,

great to see you! :):):Heart:

and thank you for your post and kind wishes! :)

Please know that you are welcome to "butt in" as much as you feel like here. I LIKE YOU and I know that others here do too!!! :):):)

excercise would help and i would if i could but am very limited in what i can do... i feel i would need a movement type thing and i can't even walk real fast right now my knee is too messed up. if i could run it would help. i can't afford a gym membership where i could find no-impact machines and/or use the pool. doing pushups and stuff at home is not an option - no privacy and no space.

what helped was when i opened the windows and froze my butt off today LOL, got the inside temp down to the sixties. i think it diverted some of the energy to producing extra body heat. HEHEH! but i can't do that every day. today i had a short window when both parents were out.

tomorrow no morning coffee. i felt a bit better once it wore off, so just nixing caffeine should help some. i'm normally a zombie without caffeine but it's not the first time i have had to yank it as a first line measure, before upping meds - a case where less is more... :p

~ waves ~

Thank you.
 

Waves,

Thanks for posting. I hope it is ok that my posts are short.

Pill minder is good.
Recurring alarm set and tested is fabulous.

The vits are not vital to mood unless it is for routine.

You are eating good food even if it is more than you would prefer. I am glad that dinner turned out fine and that the pans are safe ( I understand about wanting pans to be safe. I would rather not eat than burn a pan and have to 'splain things to hubby because he gets concerned with something is amiss.)

I waas not aware that coffee could affect mood much. You are doing great.


Mari

Hi waves
 

I just wanted you to know, you are not alone in some of those feelings. All my life I have had mood swings. Now more then ever. Yesterday, I was DX'd bi-polar also. I am on new medications and I hope they work. I didn't know why things were setting my temper off, or why I cried, or why when I was up I was really up. Here I am 61 and just now figuring out why I am like this. The selling of my home, and all the effort it takes is what set me off like a rocket. I will keep you and NT. in my thoughts and prayers. I care what happends to you. ginnie

meds taken
 

meds:
- 800 mg depakote
- 1 mg delorazepam (not 1.5, i type that wrong before, my pillminder has 1mg doses in it.
- the horse-sized capsules for my knee

also took

- my b complex (one dose)
- vit D (3 days worth: today's yesterdays and thursdays)
- 2 vials magnesium pidolate d/t signs of migraine onset

had a piece of cheese crust to help my stomach cope with the B vits.

imminent migraine indicates PMS. tired and tucking in now.

~ waves ~

thanks Mari
 

not for routine but largely for depletions by the depakote. i was clinically deficient in folic acid when tested for instance. but i prefer to take an over all b complex than just folate. the selenium-zinc formula covers depletions also.

LOL yah, sounds like tween your hubby and my mom... :yikes:

usually it does not affect my mood much at all. just when i get more than a little hypo suddenly like this time, then, it is like a match to gasoline. if the mood escalation is gradual i seem to adjust to the caffeine even though i might have less because i need it less.
thanks so much Mari. :) i am trying to stay on top of things. i also told my parents about being so up and forgetting the meds. mom checked with me tonight if i'd taken them. i already had but an extra reminder is good in this situation.[/QUOTE]

thanks for sticking with me and reading through all my stuff. i hope you have a good evening and night.

:hug::hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

to Ginnie
 

thanks Ginnie. i hope you have good luck with your new meds... accepting the dx is hard, weird, and a bit of a process, but we are all here for you. take care sweetie. :circlelove:

~ waves ~

Dear Ginnie,

Lots and lots of hugs.

Please know that you are going to feel better.
With the diagnosis in place, the doctor can give you targeted medications.

M

Dear Waves,

I forgot about the B vitamins.
I have only had coffee two times in my entire life, so I don't know what it dose ( Perhaps both times I drank it I did not enjoy it.)


I am not taking my vits (multi vit, D3, fish oil), mostly because it is too hard and I confusing them with the meds. . . . someone who understands memory could explain it I guess . . . . something to do with the hand gestures, the water, the swallowing, the thinking . . . .
And then FEELING later that I have already taken my medications when I have not. Or worse, over thinking and wondering if I perhaps have taken the meds and might be double taking them.
The pill minder I am using this week helps with routine but today is the last day of the week and I am not sure I feel like the hassle of filling it out again for the next week.

'Good that your mom is aware.
I hope your steps to head off the migraine work.

Take care and sleep well.

Mari

P.S.
Apologies for rambling.
My day (mood?)went south and I feel crapppy. I am glad I was o.k. earlier when you were posting. Thanks for updating me.

Waves

I have been gone all day. But I am glad you are okay.

And thanks to those who have been responding.

Donna:grouphug::hug:

My dear sister !!!

I know that being maaaaannniiiiiaaaaaaccccccc can be pretty annoying, but I always think it is way better than being depressed AND it is actually funny sometimes :D ;)

You know, to be honest, even under my meds, there are quite several days when I feel sooooooo HIGH !!!! higher than the empire state building.... hehe Dont know, I think some days the brain just beat the meds ??

I will tell you, I started doing bike... and yes, it does help BUT it is also dangerous because if I do it when Im high, I overdo and like today, my blood pression goes so down I almost fell down... :o :rolleyes:

So, we are just... special hehe

I love you

Feel better soon !

How are you?
 

Hi, Waves,

How is it going today? :heartthrob: :) :heartthrob:

Do you have cooking plans for the day?



M

today
 

i am awake now - for the THIRD TIME this morning!!! - due to interferences with my surroundings.

i had horrific dreams this night. dont' say it was the cheese, i often have cheese before bed without these results. my dreams were like a continued horrorshow.

i am ok. but i am already like reaally searing MADDDDDD :mad: i already bit both my parents heads off about everything they did this morning which interfered with even my basic sleep which is sacred right now. the fact is i even need extra sleep - not just for the mania but to help reduce/prevent migraines.

so when i chill out i will post again.

just a couple short notes for now:

-----------------------------------------------------
Hi Majo! it is sooo good to see you! :):) :hug::hug::hug:

And Donna, thank you for reading too, and posting and the good thoughts. :):grouphug:

Mari, try your best to sneak a window when you can fill that pill minder. i know refilling is the hardest thing about them and i have lapsed on that too from time to time. But to me that hassle is almost the same hassle as pulling out all the boxes to take my meds when they are not in the pillminder. i also have higher room for error when i take them directly from their boxes each night. pillminder dispensing i find less error-prone, perhaps because of my process for it. and then, that covers the whole week instead of one night. maybe ask yourself how long it takes, and then when you have a window of that length, set yourself to the task. it can be reassuring to remember the "hassling feeling" will have very very limited duration. :Heart:

~ waves ~

Sleep vibes
 

Waves,

'Sorry about the disturbing dreams.

I hope you get sleep.
It is hard dealing with people.

The pill minder requires a great deal of focus and concentration. I do not have that. I do not know what is going on with my head.
Last night I filled it when I had two night left.
I used the set of pills as a pattern to replicate on the other 5 nights. I think I can take a picture on my phone of one complete square. That will also help me feel more comfortable about filling in the little squares.

M

dear Mari

this is good... you have found some techniques to help you deal with the pillminder difficulties. and i'm glad you got it refilled. i do that also sometimes - refill it when i still have one or two nights to go. i mostly do that so i know beforehand if i need to go pick up a refill.

yours is a very visual process.

i use a sequential one. here is mine:

• make a to do pile in front of me, and close to me, of all the boxes of my daily meds.
  • take a box from the to-do pile and "do" that box as follows:
    • take the correct number of pills from that box for one day.
    • place the med into the first empty slot in the pillminder.
    • repeat with each empty slot, until all have this med in it.
  • set that box down to my left and at arms length. this is my done pile.
    (i place it on the left because i'm right-handed.
    that and the distance help me not to confuse this pile with the to-do pile. )
  • take another box from the to-do pile and "do" that box as described for the first box.
• i am done when all the boxes are in the done pile.

this allows me to break down what i must focus on.

1. determine which meds i take daily. no dosage consideration here.
2. determine total daily dosage of a single med.

repetition does the rest. i know when i am done because i have no more med boxes in front of me.

i am not suggesting you use my method. i just thought i'd post it to you in case it were helpful. everyone's thinking is different.

i liked your idea of using a photograph to help you reproduce a pattern, if pattern-matching is the most natural way for you to approach this problem.

again congratulations on getting the pillminder done!! :) I am proud of you! :):cool::Heart:

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

btw
 

i seem to be calming down ... i think? or maybe not so much and i'm getting used to this. i don't know. i also have a migraine which makes it so i suffer physical pain if i shout... eh, once, twice, and then the impulse control starts to kick in out of self preservation i guess? but only insofar as volume....

i got real mad at my father when he threw a silent tantrum and refused to come to dinner. all because he was interfering with mom's cooking - by touching raw poultry and wiping areas where it had been with a cloth that was not supposed to be "contaminated." he got scolded and thought it was funny. my mother got upset when he came around the second time and then he got all insulted. he was supposed to watch the bread and just ignored everything and sat and played computer games.

result. he din't come to dinner and let my spinach thingie get cold - which is good hot because i put a light romano cheese and breadcrumb topping on it, for very thin crunchy layer. after dinner he went and dumped all his food in bowls - indication to put away. he schlopped my spinach thingie in the bowl haphazard like it was pig slop. i had served it carefully, in nice squares to keep the topping together. i got furious and went back and ate his portion.

no i wasn't really hungry for it. but i made it with a freaking migraine and who knows how it will be tomorrow. unlikely for him to touch leftovers and it will not be the same way reheated in the microwave. i am not going to let him judge it based on a badly reheated version.

be was acting like a two year old. but for the first time i really mouthed off to my mom... called him serious bad words... i was so angry. so i think he is not the only one acting like a two year old here mostly in my case lack of countenance.

my mother said but he might have eaten it later (yeah, cold, and schlopped) my response was i don't give a ______. so even though i feel calmer i can maybe observe myself but i don't like what i see...

and i still have a stupid migraine - i took a pill too but it didn't work very well. :( i also burned my hands on the oven. treating with lavender oil but the worst spot is still hurting and i am getting lazy with applying the oil now...

grrrrrr. :mad: oh and mom didn't care for the potato thingie... didn't improve things. they have to be fed stuff they would make themselves. they are culturally bankrupt especially dad. mom at least likes chinese food but we can never have it because dad hates it. they like curry but have no concept of curry. they like one curry recipe, basically. i've made vegetable curries and dad says "where's the meat."

sorry i'm really irritated at him tonight. first he made fun of my mom's legitimate kitchen-hygiene observations, then he kept interfering - once he ranted at me about how he hates being interfered with and how he "doesnt' interfere" when other people do things YEARRRIGHT. he doesn't ask questions or criticize, he just comes and MESSES with your stuff, with actions, before you even know what is happening.

~ waves ~

sequential
 

Yes,

Wow, the sequential process you describe is amazing.

I also use spatial ordering. Also colors.

For example tonight when I take my medications, I will take the pills out of the pill minder to double check.

I will lay them out in a vertical row by color. Bottom (South) is the darker color and I go light as I go North. The colors do not work out exaclty right but every med has its position in the column --- same position every time I take my meds.

This is probably why the boxes in the pill minder do not work for me. I like the position.
(This tells me that I could consider using different kind of pill minder that lets me have rows as well as columns.)

I have whole additional procedure to do when I am splitting the capsules adn refilling as I am these days. I have to make sure I do not swallow a full capsule that I think is partly full and so on.


Mari

Waves,

You might indeed be calmer and you have the migraine. Yesterday you had some room/space/time to yourself wherein you could air out the place. I wish you had that opportunity everyday.

I hate getting burns at the stove. 'Glad that lavender works.

Your father is like every man I have known -- interferes in the kitchen in non helpful ways. If the man is doing the dinner from start to finish by themselves that is one thing, but when they "contribute" it is usually not good and feelings can go bad. Thank goodness the food was fine because he was not allowed much input.

I wish I could taste your potato dish. I am sure it was good.
You did right to eat his share tonight when it is fresh and at the right temp.

That is annoying. Mom was not thrilled with your dish either.
I guess your dad needed to do his pout-y thing. Try not to take it personally when he acts like a child.


Mari

Oh !

I totally relate and understand my sista !! Been there several times.... Hang in there... and, you know, let the madness flooooow ! sometimes we can only do that... and it is better than leave it inside us IMHO.

I too think if you are having a migraine, you are calming down....

Try to sleep as much as I can annnnnnnd, come talk to us !

Love you !

took meds
 

Hi

mostly checking in to say i took my meds.

i also took all my supplements (i took those with dinner which is their usual time - totally separate from my meds).

Thank you both, Mari and Majo for your wonderful support. I feel a bit better about my inane behavior. but i didn't go in to say goodnight to dad. if he wants to pout he is not getting a goodnight from me. it would not be genuine anyway. i guess i am pouting too.

My head is still complaining.

My stomach is not exactly thrilled with me eitherrrrr :rolleyes: Gobble gobble.... :o:rolleyes:


my mom and i watched Elementary tonight. oop. there goes my alarm telling me to take the meds i already took. :D:D:p hehe. ;)

Mari ... i remember about your laying out the pills by color. :) I trust my pillminder to be correct and dump everything into my hand, and eat it. I used to be a lot more cautious, and if i am going through changes, like when i started the topamax, i still do a sanity check - visual in my hand, and then, feel out the different pills on my tongue, before swallowing, LOL. that might sound silly but i have some pills that are very small, and I have found them on the floor... not knowing how or WHEN they got there. so the in-mouth check is to ensure nothing got "lost en route" between the box (or pillminder if using that) and the hand, or between the hand and the mouth.

This week, i have to make sure to pick out the 25mg Zoloft that is in there because i didn't take those out. so i look at all the pills in my hand before i eat them. then i look back in the pillminder and make sure the zoloft is there. lol. i will get rid of those when it empties, but i don't want to dig through it as it is.

when one has to split capsules it is a real PITA and pillminders just do not solve that problem, no matter how you splice it!

i have never seen a row/column pillminder... you might have to build one but it would not be hard. you could buy multiple pillminders - the straight kind where they days are in a row, not in a circle. then make a little caddy for them so they make a little grid for you. you'd only really have to glue them or somehow affix them to a piece of cardboard. then you could use one for each med, and do your color ordering. you could even use different color minders for different rows. and you could have a dedicated row for your partly-full gabapentin capsules. additionally or alternatively, i wonder if you can buy clear unfilled capsules from the pharmacy. if so, that might be helpful.

:grouphug:

night night folks!

~ waves ~

Dear Waves, :hug: :hug: :hug:

Thanks for checking in to tell us that you took your meds.

M

Are you feeling better waves? I am sorry I haven't been able to post. I am thinking of you though and hoping you get some relief from the mania. Manicikiness stinks. Never easy to deal with. Just know I'm here listening too. :)

First time I've been on today .

I am thinking of you.

Donna:grouphug::hug:

hi - doing much better!
 

i have chilled. i am still irritable and kinda labile... but the energy level is down, and i was having a host of other sx, which have now remitted (i did not post all that was happening). now i just have to hope i don't plummet.

i even had a half-caf coffee this morning. my neuro told me to have coffee when i'm in a migrainous spell, and suddenly stopping caffeine can cause rebound headaches so not being able to have it was really bad timing migraine-wise. anyway, i am still not drinking it full strength for now.

i had horrible dreams again. scary, but also really really ooky eww... not going to gross you out by detailing. plus some just general weird dreams after the scary ooky ones stopped.

This morning i was still mad at dad. Then after a while he came out of his room and said good morning. He went and fiddled with some paper towel thing - trying to adjust the size of a giant one that mom says not to buy but he stocked up on it so now we have to finish it. And i begged God to let me have compassion for this old man because he deserves some peace. He is not a bad person and even if he has empathy problems those are not his fault either, and in spite of that he has always tried to take care of us.

Anyway, my angry force field was finally broken. And i felt warmer to him. I said good morning back in a nice way. Later I read of Steve's dad and felt althemore I need to appreciate mine, while he is still here.

I am sorry about all the mean things i said last night. I guess mom must have realized I was in a "state" because she didn't really challenge me, defend him, or anything - which is strange.

I don't think dad ate anything. I won't offer food as he often cooks for himself in the daytime, and it is still a touchy subject i think. But I am going to check see if he wants a cup of tea. Yeah, i'm borrowing one of my mom's emotional truce tricks here. ;)

~ waves ~

hey Pammie
 

Thanks Pammie. :) I appreciate your supportive post, and just knowing that you're here. :hug::hug::hug: Thank goodness I seem to be doing much better today.

~ waves ~

to Donna
 

Thank you Donna. :)

you are a sweetie. :hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

to BlueMajo
 

love you too Majo.:Heart:

need to reply to your other post... re meds. but i am going to check on dad right now. i'll be back later on. :) :hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Waves

I love the way you have called a kind of truce if nothing else with your
dad. I personally think the war is over for now.

I'm proud of you, and I was also think of Steve and his dad reading your
post this morning.

I'm glad you made some peace.

Donna:hug::grouphug: