You aren't going to believe this. My best friend commited suicide.
 

I just found this out at 10 PM. A old friend of my best friend said on Facebook to call him as soon as possible. I knew that he was depressed,and in pain from old Football injuries,but I had no idea that he lost all hope.

I knew his mother,and dad. He knew mine. We where friends in elementary school,and up to this day. We where life long friends.

I'm shocked. My dad died Sunday night. My rib cage feels heavy. I feel horrible. I had no idea that my friend was this sad.

He moved to a different State. I was about 2,000 miles away. I wish that I could have helped him. If I was closer to his home,maybe I could have helped him. BF:(

Oh no BF I am so sorry to hear of your losses!!!!!!

I'm at a loss for words.

You and yours are in my prayers.

Abbie

I am so sorry to hear your sad news steve.
Please don't take this personally.
You have a lot of grief on your shoulders.
For this I am sorry.
(((((HUGS)))))
be gentle to yourself.
You are a good and loving man.
bizi

Isaiah 41:10

Dear Steve,

May God give you peace. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

http://i372.photobucket.com/albums/o...ps0c1eaffe.jpg

Talk and cry and do whatever you need right now.
Please reach out to people.

Also let the Nurse Practitioner and other mental health practitioners know. Make phone calls Thursday.

Lots and Lots of Hugs, :hug: :hug: :hug:
Mari

Steve I am in total shock, on top of everything else, more heart ache. But, please don't burden your self that there was any way to prevent his actions. We feel it could have made a difference in their life but realistically there would be nothing one can say or do for their friend other then drive them to an inpatient place if requesting a ride.

I had such guilt because a forum friend would call me daily and the conversation was often how low he was and what method or how he was planning to harm himself.

All I could do is contact our mutual Heath care provider, his wife and over and over tell him he had two boys and wife hat would be devestated if he choose to leave.

He stopped discussing but still kept planning. In the end he purchased two highly lethal chemicals that when mixed to gather robbed of oxygen. After picking them up he had a fatal accident when over come by he fumes.

I know he never would have put others in harm. I think he wanted a choice, but fate interveined. We all thought that he stopped discussing with us his plans that life with pain was stronger then his s on's losing him. Really messed up, but we lost him.

A shock, I still miss him so bad. He sat with me at De's funeral, it meant so much to me he was there. More then anything because my own siblings were not there.

I felt terrible when I lost him that my training, life experience, strength would have made him see how fleeting and precious life is. I should have taken every single call no matter how much I grief I was in, I was his friend. But, it was never in my hands. The pain robbed him of all judgement.

Mark had terrible pain, became easily dependent on narcotics seeking them. Life became too hard to face and the action he took seemed his only escape. I still wish I could have helped, that I could read his emails, hear the phone ring and see his no. on the ID.
Your friend is in God's hands now, I will pray for his family and friends that will question and wish things were not so.

The two things being depressed and in horrible pain are a struggle for the strongest people.
It seems I have terrible anxiety over the permanence of death, I can't imagine leaving a moment sooner then I have too.

Sorry if I rattle on, just thinking of my friend and still have no way to grasp what happened.
We love you Steve, I am sending my prayers to hold you in God's love and grace to get brought this period of trials.
Turn to how strong your sister is fighting and coming home for you. She has improved so much, I am happy for your family to have her growing in her baby steps to be here with you all for the love.

Di

I feel a spectrum of thoughts,and feelings. When I talked to my friends friend,and he said that my friend had committed suicide,I felt my rib cage muscles tighten up,and became heavy.

This is some sort of triple whammy. I don't know what to do,think,or say about this. It sounds like I'm full of lies,but it's all the truth. I was thinking that no one will believe this. My sister is going to go to a nursing home for a period of time for rehabilitation. My Dad died Sunday night,and I found out late last night that my life long best friend killed himself.

I don't know what to say. I don't want to be silent,because that's not healthy. I've already talked to my councilor about my dad's death. I think that I'm handling that in a healthy way. He lived a long life.

My friend was in his fifties. He was a giant of a man who was 6'6", who lifted weights,became a black belt in karate,and had a scholarship in college Football. He had pain issues with his knees,and was on pain killers. He holds a Shot Put record. He became a Policeman for many years. Had a wife,and a daughter,and friends that cared about him. BF:(:hug::grouphug:

Steve that is the feeling of a broken heart, the rib cage can't contain the sweeping of emotional or physical heart break. One thing I would be wary about and am negligent myself, is we are in our 50's and keep an eye or attune to our body that it is grief, or warning of heart issue.

I keep putting off getting stress testing, but I think these emotional happenings in our life can be like shoveling snow he stress it puts on our hearts.
Crying relieves and tires me out, tea, and a cat on my lap during the saddest of times.
Take care of your self, if you get jaw or arm pain, have it addressed.

The night I lost De I signed myself out AMA although they felt I had a mild heart attack.
That feeling is a powerful bottled upped explosive strain to our body. You describe it as I never could.

Remember your friend as the big man of gentle heart serving so many. He created a legacy, picture his smile, his form and discipline when shot putting, that is the person he is I your heart.

Dear Steve,

We believe you. :hug: :hug: :hug:

You do not have to figure out what to do or think or say. You got hit with such sadness that is not possible to process. Do not try to do that.
Just be. Feel the feelings.
Eventually, the feelings will let you know how to think about them. For now, just be.

I hope you are safe.
Keep posting if it helps you.

Mari

oh my! this is surreal!
 

Dear Steve

I'm so sorry! :(:heartthrob: It is truly a living nightmare! :eek::(

DiMarie and Bizi said things very well I'm not sure what I could add.

You are a sweet, gentle, kind person, as was your friend. I am sending you all my love at this horrifically difficult time, and I will offer prayers for your friend also.

lots of hugs to you too :Heart: :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Oh Steve, I am so sorry to hear of this on top of all you're going through now. My deepest sympathies go out to you and your best friend's family members. Please take extra special care of yourself right now. We're here for you. :grouphug:

Oh BF
 

I am so sorry you have this additional pain and grief after loosing your dad. Loss it seems can come in waves. I wish too that your friend had reached out to you. Sometimes severely depressed people don't tell anyone when they have exceeded their coping skills. I wish I could do something to ease your ache.
Loss has been in my life too, I know that heavy chest feeling. I am thinking of you right now and praying that you soon know peace. We are all here for you. I am just sorry that your pain was amplified by yet another loss. Please be good to yourself. I care. ginnie

Steve

They say it the best we all will believe you.

But so will your support group locally. Tell them, they know you. Keep
talking to us.

Sending you thoughts.

Donna:hug::grouphug:

I talked to my Nurse Practitioner,and Case manager today on the phone. I talked to my brother in law about my friend's death,when I was signing my dad's death certificate. BF:hug::hug::hug:

hugs to you today.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Music is helping me with grief. I've listened to quite an assortment of music. BF:heartthrob::heartthrob::Sigh:

Dear Steve, :Heart: :Heart: :Heart:

'Good that you connected to your health care people earlier.

Signing the death certificate . . .. I do not know want to say . . .you are going to be ok. Keep going through the steps.

==
:boy(music):

Can you share the names of the songs that you are listening to?


Mari

Dear Steve,

I am glad that you are talking to your health team, and let your brother in law know about your friend also. They can support you, or at least know that emotionally, you have been hit by not one, but several steam trains, all at once. i can't imagine signing one of my parents' death certificates. that is a black and white process, would leave me thinking in black and white.

it is wonderful that you are listening to music and it is helping you cope with the grief. keep doing what helps you. please share, if you would like to.

you are always on my mind.

I send you lots of love and comforthing thoughts. :circlelove:

:grouphug: :Heart: :hug::hug::hug: :Heart: :grouphug:

~ waves ~

Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you. What an awful time. I'm so very sorry. :(

:hug:

I'm listening to 60's,and 70's music. I'm listening to piano music,soothing music,and other music that are on my dish TV (music channels),through a home theater system. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Dear Steve,

I have been hoping to hear from you.

Hear are three songs. Willie Nelson has helped me a lot.

Judy Collins - Both Sides Now
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8jGFu7ys64

Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hziG9Nr6KHU

Willie Nelson - Blue Skies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSCplj40uuY


Mari

I am so sorry for your loss. All the pain and death in life, it's all so hard to understand. But we won't ever to be able to figure it out. I'm so sorry you have all this going on. :Heart:

I am glad for you that the music is helping you. hugs for you today
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Mari Thank you for those songs. Out of the three songs,the Judy Collins song was the most soothing. Thank you. BF:hug::hug::hug:

How are you today Steve? Thinking of you. :hug:

Sending you some hugs BF.

Donna:grouphug::hug:

Thank you Pamster. I'm hurting,but I'll be ok. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Thinking of you tonight BF. And I pray your sister's health improves more & more each day. :Heart:

Thank you Butterfly,and thank you everyone. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Hi, Steve,

Each day do what you can.
'Lots of hugs. :hug: :hug: :hug:

M

hi Steve
 

I am thinking of you.. :Heart: :hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

thinking of you today steve.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

My friend took his life on Friday the 15th. My dad passed away on Sunday the 17th. I didn't know about my friends death until after they had services for him. He lived several States to the South of me. His other friend in this State said call Asap. That was in the middle of last week.

Dad passed away due to natural causes,but my friend ended his life. I loved my dad,but my friends suicide over shadows my dad's death. My friend,and I went to elementary school,and where friends that far back. Then I think of my dad's last hours. All of this is painful. My niece,brother in law,and I visited my sister in a nursing home type of facility today. She's going to go through a rehab type of thing. BF:hug::(:hug:

My very dear Steve,

So sorry to read this. I know it is hard.

Im not good with words in moments like this, Im not wise enough... I wish I could help you with your feelings, your grief or, I wish that at least I could give you a hug in person...

You know better than me, that God is right next to you, and that his times are always perfect.

You now have 2 more angels next to you... 2 very important ones... your dad, and your friend... They are in peace, they are happy now, they are looking for you, they love you... They are now in the best place they can be... talk to them... ask them for help, peace and strength for you... they will listen and help you. :hug:

Remember them for all the joy, happiness and help they gave you when in this life and hug them in your mind as much as needed... you will feel them...

Missing is hard, I know... cry... it helps... light a candle for them... that helps too... but talk talk talk... here with us, and, with them...

I love you so much my friend. We all do.

Big, big, hugs.

this is so sweet majo.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Steve,
When someone passes in a facility after a long decline, the family can prepare for it emotionally. When someone passes in an unexpected fashion, people need more time and a different kind of healing process. I think I read that somewhere.

Even so, the loss of a parent is hard.
I am also sorry that you are grieving the loss of your friend.

Good thoughts and prayers for your sister's recovery.

Lots of hugs.
Mari

Steve, I was thinking of you all weekend, saying a prayer for the trying week. I hope the chest tightness is not as bad, if only a little better.
Hugs my friend
Di

sending you thoughts Steve.

They are all right.

Donna:grouphug::hug:

You have so very much to process right now. Replaying it & thinking of memories is probably helping you do that. You have the rest of your life if you need it to process this. You don't have to sort all your emotions out today or tomorrow or the next day. :Heart:

Thank you Di. That chest tightness,and heavy feeling went away. I felt that from absolute shock after I found out. I'm doing better,but I miss my friend.

Best friends are best friends,and now I don't have my best friend anymore. I feel like emailing him,or posting something on face book,then I realize that he's dead.

He's a former LEO(Law Enforcement officer),and trainer. You can relate to him because your a police officer. He received a honor for his law enforcement
achievements. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Dear Steve
 

I am glad the tightness and heaviness have lifted. I am so sorry about your friend. I have someone I would miss this way, if she were gone. She and I do not go back to elementary but we always had a special link ... from the moment we met.

Sending you good thoughts Steve, and sending healing wishes for your sister.

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~