So things haven't been going so great...
 

So things haven't been going so great... I am now a divorced, 44 year old woman, living with her parents, got fired from my job on April 5th and my MS has been really acting up. I have gone from walking pretty good, to needing to use a cane most days and also had to get a mini scooter for the days I do not have the energy to do anything. I went in to see my Neurologist last week because of spasticity in my legs and hands. I am now taking Baclofen, Provigil and my Dr. in considering Ampyra. I have an MRI on Wednesday morning to see if I am in a flare or if my symptoms are because of degeneration. I have never been so depressed in my life. I feel helpless in looking for a job, because I don't even know what I can physically do anymore? My insurance is cut off on April 30th unless I pay $674 a month for cobra...which I have to do, but I have not received any unemployment benefits yet so I don't even know if I will get enough to pay for my current bills. I feel like I am stuck in a hole and not sure if I can climb out...this is all just a bit too much for me to deal with, especially now that I am alone. I have been 'dating' someone for some time now, however his drinking is taking over and I know that I cannot continue on with him...but I am so lonely that I find myself running to him even though I know its not good for me.

I just needed to vent...I'm feeling sorry for myself and don't know where to turn.

amy,

i'm so sorry for all you're going thru. i really feel for you. at least you have your parents and bless them for offering you their help. i would just worry about your medical right now. for the present don't stress about a job. just follow thru with the mri and your neuro.

do you know how long the unemployment payment will take to reach you?
i was on cobra for 18 mos waiting for my ssdi to go thru so i know how expensive it is. try your best to pay it. even 1 mo will help.

i don't want to lecture you...but...please don't run to a man who will only present you with problems. you deserve more than that. rely on yourself and be your own best advocate in your medical and personal life.

take 1 problem at a time and formulate a plan A & even B. once you have a plan you will have control over your life. and once you have control you will have personal power.

please let us know how you are. you can do this.

Aww Amy, so sorry for the sorrows in your life right now and of course
MS would raise it's ugly head, to only make things worse.:(

I am adding an extra prayer for you, to ask God to make things a little
easier for you, on your journey to heal, for both your heart and your
body.

I wish you the best, in your search for peace of mind and a nice job
that you can handle and make yours...:hug::hug:

Hi Amy
 

I am glad you came here to vent. Most of us have those times that we just have to cut loose when things are hard. I do it too. Know that we will care about you here on Neuro Talk. I am sorry you are having such troubles at a young age. I know from experience how bad the finacial stuff can get you down. I hope that you get some kind of benefits, some kind of help. I live with a housemate, as I couldn't make it on my own either. Sure wish things could get better for you. ginnie:hug:

"I know that I cannot continue on with him...but I am so lonely that I find myself running to him even though I know its not good for me"

If that's not a line from a good ol country song - sell it! :)

Amy..venting is 100% fine, hope my gesture gave ya a smile.
Bring your MRI home on cd (as i will tomorrow) and trust me, time will fly researching what you're looking at. You'll enjoy it. I do!

I'm sorry you are going through this right now. :hug:

I hate MS. :mad:

Just want to send you a big hug. :hug: Take it one step at a time and I agree with Judy that you should concentrate on the medical first, and maybe forget about the boyfriend if he isn't good for you. :hug:

Oh Amy, that just sounds awful, like the universe is dumping everything on you all at once. I can totally relate - I had one of those times all last year -- 2 very bad health events including a week hospital stay, severe marital problems, crazy step children involved in drugs and bad behavior, a relapse of clinical depression....

I promise you that everything will eventually get better. Not immediately but it will in the future. What goes down must come up -- it's how life works. You just have to ride it out with as much healthy support as you can find.

Also realize that it makes perfect sense that your MS is acting up. You have some of the highest stressors one can face -- a divorce, loss of job, a move to a new place (living with parents), chronic disease. Have you ever seen those charts that assign points to stressful events? You unfortunately are hitting the jackpot. When you make it through to the other side, I bet money your MS will get better.

Feel better. Take care of yourself. Look for helpful people in your life. Seek out positive support. :hug:

Beautifully said, Natalie..:Thanx:

My mother always told me, "Don't hook up with someone who has more problems than you have". Alcohol is definately a downward spiral that YOU can not control. He is at the mercy of himself and will be of no help to you. Example: you are at his place and fall down and break an ankle....but alas he is drunk and can't even drive you to the hospital. MY STORY!:eek:

Life has dealt you a bad hand, but not a losing hand.
I agree that you have several of the top life stressors on your plate and that is an awful thing for any person to handle especially one with chronic disease.
Try not to let them all overwhelm you. Find good support and uplifting people. Calming the stressors is important in calming the MS.

And yes....this too shall pass:hug:

Thank you for your kind words, I am doing a little better today and was able to accomplish a few things I needed to get done. I will have my MRI tomorrow and a follow up next Wed. I will post more as I get access to a laptop.....

((HUG)) I've only been here about a week, but I came here because of many of the same emotional feelings you are having - my daily physical pain differs from yours - but the emotional support that can be found here can be impressively overwhelming!:hug:

Hi amy
 

Hope all is well for your MRI. You will be in my prayers. It is always good to find out what is going on. ginnie:hug:

Amy,

Everyone has given you sound advice, often from personal experience. There is nothing more I could add that wouldn't be a repitition - so just know yet another person feels for you.

And as for where to turn to? Your NT friends are one of those places to turn to {{{Amy}}}:grouphug:

Wow...you have a boatload to deal with hon...:hug::hug:
I'd get on the phone with the local MS society...they have advisors there who might be able to help you find financial aid, etc.
As for feeling alone...my late sister picked a couple of doozies as mates. One didn't work, took her paycheck to the racetrack, robbed my dad's place of business after he'd gotten him a job, and tried to rape me. She eventually divorced him, but later remarried him. The second creep was sexually abusing her kids behind her back...
when I asked her why she stayed with them, she said, "You don't know what it's like to be totally alone"...this woman pulled herself out of poverty, became a nurse, and was very giving and loved by all who knew her...except herself. She didn't think enough of herself, and stayed with these creeps far longer than she should have.
You are not alone...reach out to family, friends, counseling, however you can find information, nurturing and help. But don't make your life more complicated by being codependent on someone who is unhealthy...you have to take care of yourself.
Ok, off the soapbox now. We will be thinking of you and praying that you find the resources to sort through all of the crises you are experiencing...hugs and true caring reside here...don't forget about us...

So I got a call from the Dr's office today about my MRI. My cervical and thoracic show no new changes, however I do have 4 new, active lesions showing up in the brain, which explains what has been going on...

I will be seeing her on Wed morning to review the results and discuss a plan to 'attack the attack'. I have been having sharp pains under my ribcage all day and now it has turned into the full dreaded hug...blah :-(

I can't help but feel disappointed with this new activity, as I was REALLY hoping that the Tysabri had stopped the progression since I haven't had any new ones since I started my infusions in Jan 2010. Oh well...hoping I will get a 'recharge' and start doing things again soon

Hi Amy

There are two things that never fail to impress me on this site. Number one, is the strength, honesty and ability to reach out, that the members here show when all h3ll is breaking loose and life is getting really hard - the other is the wisdom, kindness, care, and sense of community (no matter how far the geographical spread) that people show to one another.

Amy, please don't sell yourself short, you deserve more than to be a 'convenient girl'. You have been given fantastic advice on this thread - please take it on board. I don't have much else to offer, I just wanted to say that I am sorry that things are bad for you right now, and I hope that it all gets a lot better for you really soon.

Hugs

Lyn

Hi Amy! I am glad to see you posting again. You have been missed. I'm sorry to hear about all that you are going through both physically and emotionally.

I agree with others . . .Don't go back just because you feel lonely. With time, that loneliness you are feeling will subside. Be strong and be tough.

Our emotions do have an effect on MS and can cause an exacerbation. Additionally, our recovering time from an exacerbation can be prolonged by emotional stress. Trust me on this one as I have been there once and that exacerbation too a while to resolve. Are you on any type of AD? If not, discuss this option with your dr. as it may help you more than you think.

Have you looked in to your states health insurance? It may be a better option for you than Cobra and far less expensive. I'm sure you would qualify since you are now unemployed. And, if I remember correctly, you have little ones, right? They could also be covered. Please check in to this as it will help with some of the financial stress you are experiencing. Also, it may be a good time to think about applying for SSDI. Discuss this with your drs. as it is better to apply with your drs. support as it will help in the decision.

I really hope things start turning around for you. Please check in and let us know how things are going.:hug::hug:

Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself, it's ok and what you are dealing with ATM is really really stressful so you're entitled to do so.

Sorry to hear you have new lesions despite Tysabri...
This disease has a mind of it's own, doesn't it?

Keep fighting, asking questions, try to find out new ways to fight this disease...and don't give up on yourself.:hug:

I have an update....

I am having my 5th IV steroids today, thank goodness!

I am feeling much more balanced, I can walk a ton better, and without any cane even. My thoughts seem to be getting clearer and I can actually find my words most of the time! The 'hug' is gone too.

And...the muscles in my neck and shoulders also seem to be doing much better with the steroids? I was not expecting that, but am certainly not going to complain, I'm thrilled!

My question...my Dr. wants me to start on Ampyra for my drop foot and heavy legs and I should be receiving it in the mail by Thursday. Since being on steroids, my walking has improved so much that I am not sure that I should start on Ampyra? I will be sending a note up to her office today, but am curious about what others have experienced?

Good for you Amy..:yahoo:

About Amp.???? If it were me, wouldn't want to add any more
poisons to my system, that weren't absolutely necessary.