What Do You Miss Most About Your Pre-MS Self?
 

I miss a lot of things.....but I think what I miss most is the ability to be spontaneous. Just decide to go somewhere - and go.

Now, I have to weigh whether or not I will have the energy to actually enjoy being somewhere else. Will there be a bathroom nearby? Do I need my walker or cane? Or both? Are there stairs? Will there be alot of walking involved? Uneven terrain? Is it handicap accessible? The list is endless.

I'm grateful that I can still do things - even if it takes a lot of planning. But sometimes I just wish I didn't have to.

My confidence especially in my physical health and strength. My security blanket was that I believed no matter what I could always work hard and take care of myself. :(

When I read the question I immediately thought, "Spontaneity." Then I thought about it and added "Confidence."

Interesting how we think alike, Kitty & Jules.:)
ANN

I would answer that differently today than I would have yesterday, and might have yet another answer tomorrow. It depends. Spontaneity would probably always be in the top three, though, because it includes so many other "used to's".

Very closely aligned with that would be reliability. For the same reasons I can't do things spontaneously, I can't make commitments. I hate hearing myself saying, "I will if I can" and knowing I probably won't.

The first thing that came to my mind when I saw your question was...walking. I don't mean just getting around--I use a cane when I'm out and about, and I'm a wall-walker at home. And I'm thankful that I CAN still get around! But I miss walking around the lake, around the "triangle", to the school and back. I was always a walker.

Sometimes I'll randomly see someone just walking along the road or on a sidewalk--not jogging, not running, just walking briskly along with no cane, and I feel the tears well up. I mentally say to that person, "Don't take it for granted."

Today, that's what I miss the most.

I miss not working and being out and about. I miss not being able to do the things I used to do, normal things like shopping, gardening, etc. I miss being able to clean my whole house without having to take breaks or break it up in to days. I too miss the spontaneity of life.

Jules had a great answer as well. I miss having the confidence in my physical ability to do normal activities. I don't have confidence at all in my abilities (physically and cognitively).:(

I miss my shoes!!!! I miss wearing pretty heels and dressing up. Shoes can make an average pair of jeans look extraordinary, a "humble" pair of pants or capris look dynamic, etc. My shoes meant so much to me and I now mostly wear flip flops and flats.

I agree with what everyone has said. Blessings - sometimes I have the same feelings when I see people walking around campus, the mall, or when traveling. I feel like such a burden when I am being pushed around airports and like everyone is judging me negatively. One other thing that I miss is the ability to make quick and decisive decisions.

Dancing.

I can only dance for 5 minutes max. I'd love to take a Zumba class. I's love to teach it! All in my head.

ANN

Me, too, B2Y. All the time. :(

I miss all the things you guys do, of course, but a Quadrapledgic
summed it up pretty well for me, when he answered the question with,
"I want to be able to do all of the things, I used to hate to do"

working...miss having a purpose and an opportunity to do something of value outside the house

I relate to each and every one of these posts. I have especially been longing to wear some cute high heeled or platform sandals this summer, and right now there is absolutely no chance that I would even try it...haven't been able to since last spring :-(

I have to agree with everything said here. People look at me like I'm crazy when I say I so badly miss being a waitress.


I can't say I miss being able to do this pre-MS, because I have had MS all along for this part of my my life. But I truly ache when I think of the things my kids miss out on or have to do without me because of this disease. I know they will grow up with a greater compassion for other peoples struggles but they also GROW UP so much earlier than they should have to.

My dog.

Two or three weeks after he died (evil <swear word> of a neighbor poisoned him), my right hip went numb. I had no idea what caused that until later that year when I got optic neuritis and they said "you might have MS".

That dog always knew when I was sick and not feeling good, and would come up to my bed and stick his head over the side (he was a REALLY big dog. His name was TinyMonsters) and just check on me. I really miss that sometimes when I don't feel good. I always knew when he didn't feel good either.

I pretty much went from a person who was healthy and was walking my dog around the block all the time to being the person I am now that feels like I'm drowning in MS-ish goo all around me all the time.

I miss my strappy sandals and high heels, too. It got so depressing looking at them and knowing I'd never be able to wear them (safely) again so I donated them to a women's shelter. Hopefully someone will get some enjoyment out of them.

Dancing all night! Not having to plan everything exciting according to distance walked, energy expended and whether I will be inconveniencing anyone else.

I miss autonomy. Walking, dancing, running whenever I want, staying up late - like a normal grown-up and having a couple too many wines....knowing that when I stagger - or slur my words I earned it.....the usual way :D

I miss being a hiker, fisherman, and an outdoorsman. Last time I was out in a boat I fell out, and I cannot get out to the shore of my sisters pond, which has excellent fishing.

Working, but for a selfish reason. I miss having a hand in my income. I'm on disability and will forever be in the poverty range with no way to change that.

This may sound greedy, petty, materialistic. Whatever. Money doesn't buy happiness but it can make life more comfortable.

Sparky, it's losing that sense of independence. Money gives us a sense of being in control, having the resources to do more in life. It is a sign of success in our culture, but it is also part of the satisfaction hierarchy. And it makes me sad that we feel this way, but it's normal. Kind of the way the elderly feel when more and more independence is taken away-we're getting an early peek:(

Thanks Debbie! You worded it better than I could. :)

i miss my nursing career and taking care of all the babies. nothing makes me smile quicker than seeing a baby and altho it was work it was my heart and soul.

the other thing i miss about my old life is not being in pain. what i wouldn't give to have just 1 day without pain.

I couldn't agree more with this statement! My pain free days are gone and I sure do miss them. I also miss driving. I haven't been able to drive for 2 yrs now and Im totally having to rely on others to do anything outside my home. Another poster said about cleaning the house in one day instead of breaking it up into several days. I have to do that too and I miss knocking the whole house out in one day and getting to relax the rest of the week. So much to miss, so much I took for granted. Wish there was a rewind button, I could go back and do it all differently :(