Redo SCS on Friday
 

Nervous about revision. What I have now works ok. It helps significantly, but it's not quite right. Hard to get psyched about laminotomy and my battery incision getting opened up, but it feels like the right call. With the trial, I felt like iron man in jet boots- each leg totally symmetrical full coverage to feet at much lower voltage and pulse widths.

Today I woke up feeling well. Caught up on sleep. Headed to hike a 2000' hill for an early Father's Day hike. 6.5 miles. 3 miles of painless walking - feels like a m1a1 tank is rumbling through my legs. Then I lose the bottom of my feet. The pain goes from 0 to 6 in 10 minutes. It's not gradual. Once I feel it, my brain gets preoccupied. Pain stays at 6 the 2nd half. It is during that 2nd half that I want another functioning channel and there are no electricians i know who can fix my shorting wires. No offense to anybody, but Rap music really speaks to me when I am putting myself into pain. Kanye West & Jay Z work the best.

Now my legs feel fine stim off. The muscles nourished with blood. Aberrant neuroplasticity fought back for one day.

My hiking goal is to complete Mt Diablo 14 miles r/t 3000'. I am halfway there. Hopefully a centered paddle gets me there.

Good session with pain psych. She says work on marriage, take an afternoon to early evening nap NOT 830-10 with my boys. I think it's good advice. She dislikes me being up all night on call (as do i) but i am not ready to give up my starting job. How can I when the Ob RNs say "you are the best epidural guy" and i don't feel like they are sweet talking me.

The irony being is that I need someone much better than me to get my "epidural". Certainly better luck than the last permanent. At least i know i wont get shenanigans this time / treated like crap. Fingers crossed for Friday.

Btw, as I can no longer slay harrowing ski slopes - looking for other hobbies. Target shooting comes to mind. Partly because my existance feels military - every day a new battle. Recs for a city slicker looking to target shoot at a range? I was thinking an AR-15. Any thoughts? Know that their are a few out there that are / were into this. Eh, gonna have to wait a few months on that anyways.

Hey MD
 

Very Good Post. Lotta detail. Good stuff to ponder.

Have a good deal of respect for you in the "workin hard" department. You are givin it your all, kinda like wonderful friend Pooh, who pulls long hard duty as RN in Nowhere Nebraska. I know she feels your pain, and delivers caring help to those whom she serves. If you are "the epidural guy" then go with it. [too bad you can't self treat on that one...... kinda hard to reach around to make that insert, not to mention the old saying about a professional who treats themselves :) ].

Mt Diablo. A good goal. Sounds as though you are making excellent strides at "keeping up" the sport routine. Great for you and family! You could always take up recumbent skiing, you know. I may even give it a go next season here at Winter Park, our handicapped winter sports place to be, since I have no feeling knees down.

AR-15? Kinda pricey these days, what with the run on semi-automatic weapons after the government became ever more tense over control. Just a plain old .223 rifle uses same ordinance and gets you into the target zone equally as nice. Besides, when target shooting, you want to breathe and relax, taking it slowly to squeeze. There is nothing rapid about a well placed target shot in the center. Patience is key. Simple to draw a bolt back and load the next round from a three round magazine. You could even get into competition mode if you chose such a pursuit for sport purposes. Your children might even ultimately learn from you and take it up as well. All depends.

Enjoy your Special Day and may your pain be manageable as you await that revision. You are a pro. You know the drill. It will come. You will heal, and all things being considered if the practitioner working IN you has good hands all things should be well.

Hoping and praying all the best for you. :)

.223
 

Don't self treat. Couldn't agree more - especially when your tackle box is full o narcotics.

.223 looks like the good call - especially since I live in CA where the regs are being piled on very fast. I'd just leave the thing at the range. It's something that i was never interested in doing before, but as of late it feels like range shooting might be therapeutic. Will have to wait until fall.

Thanks for everybody's support. Will update from hospital. Think an overnight stay is in order. 3 kids and a kitchen remodel starting - recovery nightmare!!!

better late than never
 

I've been reading...very busy with life and loving it y'all.


Dear MD,

I feel your apprehension about laminectomy …I am happy I did not know what the word meant until after surgery.
My rep (we have the same units…Medtronic Adaptive Stim) corrected me saying my paddle is at T 7…saying any higher can cause spasm at rib lines. I did experience severe stabs of pain likened to a runners stitch behind my shoulder blades…totally subsided 2 months post op and only rears its head when I overdo. My coverage is totally side to side and from my bra strap to my toes. I am now physically stronger and using it low and constant I have gone from up to 5 Loritab (7.5) a day to 2-3 in half tab increments. I am 13 months post op.

I have listened to rap as far back as Big Daddy Kane and find the guttural/ bass/lower chakra vibe works for me exercising. I found it so poignant your phrase “put myself in pain”...I do that too…I am so afraid that if I stop pushing I may freeze up again. (hurry Dorothy get the oil can). Getting strong again has brought back the fight in me..keep at it Epidural Master…you are very needed.

Seems to me the pain psyche has given sound advice that resonates with you….I trust you are receiving the benefit of practicing the advice. I do not remember my parents putting me to bed at night…I do remember how special it was to have my Mom lay down for a nap with me…she was all mine right next to me…I felt special.

I can’t give an opinion on a hand gun…I am a shotgun/rifle girl…shoot skeet....used to hunt responsibly.

My thoughts are with you tomorrow….get with us on the other side.

Miracles are supposed to happen!!!
Johanna*

On Deck
 

Waiting at Stanford after 5 miles of walking and training it here. 5pm case start - later than my liking. Bought nice bottles of wine for key players to help em keep focus - (drink after!). In addition to expletives, i don't want to hear "the enemy of good is better". My kids loved watching nba finals. Le Bron may be "better" at this point, but I am a big Tim Duncan fan. Works hard. Stays focused. Never showboats. I need Tim Duncan's ethos today. Thanks for your support.

It's over
 

Laminectomy required b/c of scarring. Success i think. Can bend forward without massive change in stimulation. Feet covered well by one program. Crazy anesthesia - single shot strong epidural. Was wide awake for 4 hrs as my Lamina chipped away. Barely hurt. Got to floor 5 hrs later and walked for 30 min without back pain. Now epidural finally wearing off. Percocets for me. Also - like he run trial i get serious stim at
0.4volts - not 2.2. Many good signs. Just bout to explore real back pain - never had that before. Hopefully not too bad. Thx again!!

big smile
 

Such great news!!

good sleep and your strong constitution give me the highest hopes for your recovery.
Kudos to your anestesioligist....after the surgeon they are priceless in the OR....I did my hysterectomy with an epidural and a great team.

I am so thrilled for you!!!
Johanna*
:yahoo:

Yahoo
 

:yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo:

This, too, shall pass [ the post laminectomy pain that is ]. You can weather the storm MD. You have what it takes.

Then ENJOY that stim which can now do its trick! Quite a tool n'est-ce-pas?

Yup, :hug:

Barrett .416
 

If the last stim was a .223, this is a Barrett .416. Think it will stop a car with one shot.

The way it felt last night - almost no positionality - totally stoked!!!! I will be able to chase kids. Moderate athletic pursuits more realistic. This morning another 30 min walking the halls stim working and back only mildly
Painful. If i bend it hurts, but I'm not supposed to do that for a while anyways.

Remember your BLAST
 

Uh HUh! Sounds great for you MD, absolutely great. Walk. Be carefully aggressively gentle to yourself. I walked so much the nurses were ready to have me Outa There!!

Yup, :)

Walking
 

Yeah all the RNs are counting me pace the hall - done like 3 30 minute walks up and down. No early six mile expeditions for me this time - experience and laminectomies acting as speed governors.

BLASTing
 

Doing well post op. Stimulation much better. Back pain starting to get better. Tylenol only during day. Hardcore stuff at night. Walking 2-3 miles a day. Pleased. Barring a later complication, Costa Rica is on. Have already found a surf school to take kids boogie boarding while I am still protecting myself. I can chill on the beach and watch!!

So glad to hear things are going well for you. Hoping you have a grand time on your vacation!

Thanks for sharing,
Tessa

way cool
 

So great to read the update.
BLASTing will become second nature without anyone ever really noticing because you become so smooth with it.

I will be in CR about 7/15...it is a stop on my first cruise ...probably the only time I will get off the boat....I hear it is just beautiful
Great place for romance too.

:cool:

Johanna

Romance??
 

Romance - i remember that. With a 7 and 6 yr old boy and 9 month old girl plus me and my overworked wife, i will settle for lack of disaster! As in kid, don't grab any frigging snakes!!!! I like to joke with her though - not allowed to have sex for a month, so a kiss IS just a kiss :)

too funny
 

a wink and a kiss goes a long way

I have an only child and as Bill Cobsy says...that is not having children.


J

When two of mine are gone, and I only have one, I always think wow, it's so quiet lol. No offense!!

MD, you are so funny!!

:)

Some Progress
 

Initially paddle was missing feet. Now i have partial / decent coverage of feet - near total of legs. I will work the Medtronics rep till we have a few guns. Probably drive her nuts, but I think she likes me ok. Now 2 reasonable programs. Back really doesn't hurt much at all - I thought that would be misery - was not. Makes me realize how I got into this mess - was pretty insensitive to pain till my spinal cord got thrown into boling oil!

Went nuts today and did an 8 mile walk. Pod #7. Just the feet burned through at end. Then exhausted. But did play with boys in woods for a while and had a good birthday dinner with family.

I am really good at the pt aspect of this. The psych part i struggle. All of my friends are well conditioned, adventurous type As. Of course we all liked to read, talk, eat out etc, but my peers are an active bunch. I am trying to do the impossible and I keep doing it and it knocks me out. Pushing myself like an Ironman. How many miles is enough? 8, 10, 15? What's the point? I have trouble finding the balance especially off work. Filling out temporary disability forms- hard.

I can't be like them any more. Trying to let friends know I have major issue and it's hard. Some take it well. Some don't. It must be hard to know that your friend is in the ****. I hid away for a while. Time for me to try and reach out and find out who my real friends are - its a huge trust thing. They can't see it, but they know it's true - once I disclose my friends don't dress it down. They know what it means. Feels like I am "coming out" - it's a risk, but unlike being gay where U can hide it ifbu want with this it's near impossible.

Wish that I believed in god. Just don't. Took a picture of a large cross today and iPhone stuck on it. A sign?? ;)

all good
 

Great news on the programs and yes it does help if your rep likes you,

Remember that pain threshold when reporting to your MD….I get it…a 5 on a pain scale is a 2 to me so it took me some time to realize I was close to suicidal with the pain.

Going nuts is inevitable…when I started to feel alive again I danced and danced…feels wonderful. So my gauge was how did I feel the nest day? How was my body recovering? Exhaustion is a blessing…it makes my mind stop. Isolation is not an option for you so telling the closest of friends is necessary. They are the ones that will say they need a break or rest when they know it is you that needs it. You are not who you once were and only you will know when enough is enough. It is very hard for my friends. Acceptance for you and them will take time…great friends maneuver it with you.

The pic of the cross is just too funny!!!

Just give this a thought…a cross is “balanced”….if the cross bar was lower into a “plus sign” it would fall over and be an “X”…yeppers I think it was just a sign of what you already have acknowledged….balance….your finding it…it is in the woods with the boys running ..things like that.

Your writings touch my core; hit a nerve; touch my funny bone; a soft spot; make me think and so describe feelings I have had. I am sorry for your injury although I am so happy you are sharing here.

Well enough from me….I am off to dance!!!!
Johanna
“miracles are supposed to happen”

Keep an open mind and an open heart
Just keep that open heart to be reseptive
and be very aware of divine intervention
Just to be positive and be kind to yourself
and others
As there was a man called Jesus Christ
who walked this earth and spoke of goodness
And kindness

This is someone who asked for him
To give me a sign that i am on the right
path and it was delivered

You are a good person
And sad to say under the circumstances
Has limited you up to the point you found
out yourself
Your true friends will show themselves


Someone who cares

I too have struggled with faith, especially as health continues to decline. I am trying my hardes to still latch on to the thread I still have. I went to a concert last night. I went in the wheelchair. It is starting not to bother me as much. I had fun, but watching everyone dance and jump brought me to tears several times. I realize I am lucky to be alive, but I want to be me who was running 5 miles a day not me struggles to walk to the bathroom with tremors and spasms with 2 spinal cord stimulators and pays for any big activity the next day. Today, I'm in bed. I hope to get some of my old life back. I keep filling out apps to teach again, and my husband says when I can't sit up for long periods or walk, it will be near impossible to work the 7-8 hour days teaching requires plus all the extra. I will try and find a way.

Keep swimming is all I say!!

I want to be ME
 

When life filled with pain
seem to struggle in vain
and I fear all of this is just loss

I'm reminded again
survived though lost best laid plans
because driven I look at that cross

Sure the balance is real
not some accident field
where the victims lay about, stricken, lost

So much taken away
wanted just a good day
to be ME, not statistic, not some detritus, dross

Then a plan realized
plan from somewhere, not mine
yes, this life had much value shared oft

So became counselor here
sharing helps, some came near
being challenged found new work and were OFF

Taking talent possessed
spirits lofted, oh yes,
and they all found career, everyone

So, was my turn again
and I lifted the pen
made connections, restored, cobwebs lost

Wanted still to be ME
and in faith looked to HE
who brings HOPE, found that path, no more lost

Yes, my personal tale
and sure others might pale
as they wonder, can I hold to the thought

Life is blessed, yes and more
though 'tis different, come chores
still beyond strength in history caught

So my hands not so strong
and my labors take long
yet the thrill of it helps me along

A new path through this life
love of family, friends, and wife
I am ME, blessed by faith now aloft.


Just a bit of a personal take on journeys we all take. This is.....well.....mine...so I use a wheelchair or a cane, and sometimes take steps unaided. Used to out stride any, and I mean ANY, who tried to walk with me, let alone those who tried to keep up on a mountain bike. This is no longer me. But 'cha know what? The makeup of the individual who resides in this sack of skin is really what it is all about........

Thus, I try..... and you know what? Others who know of my story and the effort made to do what I now can muster are HAPPY to see me in the thick of it again..... SO, MD, naysayers have no place in your skin for they do not have any part of you. You know you. Those who CARE and are around you will think all the better of you that you give so much in spite of your challenges. AND, that glow you receive in your heart accomplishing something which seems worth your while, well, that is a Blessing. Savor it. Roll it around in there and enjoy it. It is yours, wherever it may originate, and it may just originate with a beautiful pucker from your wife as you tenderly kiss. Be Blessed.

Yup, :grouphug:

October 26
 

Mark,

You have achieved inner peace. The Obi Wan Kenobi - i envy your balance. I am not there yet. There is a bit of Vader in me. Forgive the Star Wars allegory - just watched 3 with the kids and that is a damn sad scene when they kill the younglings - i digress.

I have my sights on the Marin County Sprint Triathlon 10/26. 500m swim - can do even in a wetsuit. Brachial plexus will ache, but not with leg fury. 8 mile bike - probable - on restrictions now but paddle ramps UP as i lean forward. 3 mile run after - the true test. If my doc releases me to full activity as tol 2 months post op on 8/21 it is my goal. Just to finish.

I think it's in me. I want it. My D-Day.

Today i was chill - 4 mile walk and beach day. I hate the blasting but must say my boys were perfect. Didn't need to bend at all. They played no fighting collected crabs with their friend. Threw rocks. Thing of beauty.

Ain't it Beauteous Though?
 

Love that sharing time with family, participating and watching, taking deep spiritual drafts of the laughter and camaraderie. Our grandson leaning over the transom of the cruiser Friday, wanting to touch the geese, tossing little bread type treats from his pudgy little babe hands. To him EVERYTHING is discovery. All is JOY. He has a constant visage of anticipation displayed on his little guy face. Yeah, you have your Star Wars troop in a good place and although you are Blasting, you are out enjoying them and it is good.

The triathlon, I hope for you it is a goal well met when you achieve something which would have been beyond your reach only weeks ago due to pain. Ain't it Beauteous Though? Life restoratives in measured portions.....not too much so you feel defeat is imminent, but just right so you may Enjoy and grasp Accomplishment?

You, my friend, have Blessings in your life......whatever the source, and your sources seem many.

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D
:You-Rock::Dancing-Chilli::Grin-Nod:

Bullseye!!!!
 

Great post op with my surgeon. A real caring doctor. Takes one to know one.

Talked with him about how the energy felt angulated down through my legs and cant get feet great. Medtronics reps have been programming with a useless lead not touching dura - he mentioned that today and verified by xray. It explains the difficulty. just not surgically possible for contact.

With CRPS it's kind of all or none. Once the static fades - the burn comes hardcore. A new program created my medtronics rep calls "Bullseye" not incorporating bad lead. Like an *****, I decided to jog 1.5 miles then walk a while and stand for > 2 hours. No pain. Electrical plates beneath my feet.

Ready for a long walk tomorrow to test it for real. I am very optimistic.

No offense to the ladies and religious folks, but my rep is an attractive and super cool lesbian. And I thought there was no god!! I have a bit of a thing for that subgroup - hey I'm only human! :)

Glad for your bullseye
 

AND, glad you have a good doc on your case. Wondrous.

AND, knowing a good many people who are of the community you describe, Doc, I have experienced good professional care regardless of private life. It matters not. Each of us lives life to which we are appointed and the good thing about this is each are enabled to look out and acknowledge being blessed.

That be good,
Be glad of it,
Yup, :grouphug:

"Mission accomplished"
 

A somewhat tarnished quote especially depending on your political leanings. Myself a true moderate, don't love GWB or BO. That being neither here nor there. Yes this is a success. 7 mile hike 2200 feet pain <3 whole time. Relaxing at a cafe looking forward to meeting family in NE. Pooh AC - if you're out there they are in Gothenberg, NE for the 4th. I see em on the 5th. I do feel blessed. Tears of joy on my hike.

Such a DEAL
 

Now THAT is a Blessing. The hike you enjoyed with less than 3 pain. Wow!

The upcoming blessing....... meeting your family out by Nowhere. Wave at Pooh for me will ya? I waved at her figuratively when driving through Nowhere after purchasing a car in WI a couple years back.

Keep up the great Stuff!!

Blessings are cool..... huh? :D

Well done
 

Just crap on that lead……I know the Medtronic can do that coverage ‘cuz I buzz to my toes.

Great surgeon + great rep===Bullseye…and it is working for you…

Relaxing at a café….

Plenty to celebrate in all that…exhale…lite a sparkler…I am so happy your pain is manageable.

Johanna

Yes. Opening up socially. Feeling more me. It's better to be in pain with others than be alone. For some of my friends, too much. For many, they missed me and I am partway back. Not being able to ski 45 degree avalanche prone slopes not essential. Making off color remarks & bs-ing with buddies- makes you feel human. Have a buddy to "mansit" and beat down my bratty boys - they are just like i was - he's psyched to go precision shoot too. I'm thinking remi 700 tactical .308 - good universal round for mid ranges. Went shopping for cr trip. Got some tight reef shoes that stim handles for me. Cool NORCAL hats for boys. Telling my boss i got this. I'm not doing Ob night shifts any more. This is acceptance. Living. "Blessed"

happy 4th everyone
 

Celebrate celebrate….celebrate…dance to the music …of life and change and finding yourself again…such Joy I had when I finally felt that in my recovery!!

So what did you buy for the girls?

HB

personally I bought myself a yellow and blue straw handbag and matching brim hat w/scarf...I feel like Audrey Hepurn...both on sale...girly things

Coolness
 

Celebrating Life!
A Blessing................... that. :D

Oh, now that is WAY Too Cool
 

Camaraderie........ check.

Cool things for the boys............. check.

Mid-range implement for precision targeting using readily available ordnance of a less common military grade [stayin away from the .223] ........ check.

Hangin with the guy or guys of your choice for just chillin........... double check.

Makin your way to Nowhere for that next hug with your wife..... and boys...... Way Check.

Yup, I reckon MD, especially with boss capitulating on the move away from all night shifts is a CHECK in your Blessed column.

I gotta agree, "Blessed" is good.

Yup, :D

Happy 4th
 

Shirt for my wife. Just hugs for my baby girl.
Happy 4th. Enough said!!!

Pura vida
 

Halfway thru Costa Rica and a winner thus far. Got both boys boogie boarding. Successful fishing trip for Mahi mahi and snapper. Fun 4wd trip to isolated hotel.
Taking kids golfing (watching) and they do zip lines tomorrow.

I have been cleared for everything save ziplines, golf, and big waves.

Biggest "blast" has been cycling. My quads are strong. With scs coverage of calves and hamstrings i can go a long ways. Grabbed a single speed beach cruiser and took off. Biked 2 hrs painlessly on paved & gravel roads a couple days ago. Passing locals!!! Probably clocked >20 miles. Ready to buy a new hybrid bike.

How long do you think it would take me to get stopped biking to the shooting range with my .308 in the Bay Area? Probably 10 minutes.

Glad
 

Ha, Ha, Ha.... glad you are have a great time of it down CR way! :D

Well, on that biking thing..... best NOT to advertise you are "carrying." OR, best to have your lawyer's number memorized. :eek:

teriffic
 

MD,
such fun and OMG...you go on that bike!!!!

I can hear the laughter of those boys and the elation in your writings.
I celebrate life with you.

hmmmm...perhaps some sort of adaptation on the handlebars..
nahhh...10 minutes to arrest!!

HB

Bizarre day at work
 

My first case of the day yesterday- 39 to man crps b legs. (Like me). I don't think he has full body generalization like me,
But I didn't ask too many questions. Getting it pump - no scs success. Bummer. Someone grabs me - oh, it's my medtronics rep. Strange!

Back to work is hard. Routine of it is good, but it's hard to be back. Crps or whatever severe chronic pain disorder - a very private experience.

I bought a new hybrid bike. Sunday 20 mile ride with >2000 foot climb in < 2hrs. Heavy stim action. Biking is freedom. Scs is like 90% effective on my calves and thighs. Big blood flow increase - must be or I couldn't bike like that. My feet are not perfect, but biking easier on feet than hiking. Great to be moving nearly as fast as i used to. Even though i am being jolted big time, it doesn't matter when i am flying on a bike. It is fun.

I still wake up with back pain and such. Still struggle with sleep. The scs is no cure, but it's a big weapon for me in this nasty fight. With crps, you must charge enemy lines almost every day. There are no days off.

Off work in a few. Time to bike!!!!

Ps - Costa Rica pretty darn fun. Pain was there, but good memories made.

Hey Mdinpain
 

I just went through this thread an I have to say I have more hope now reading this and can only hope I can achieve just some of my life back as you have. I have only begun my journey I'm hoping the trial will go well for me. Stay strong .