Can stress make this worse and any advice??
 

Ok so here comes some complaining and some concerns with questions.. lol

My dad just moved in a girlfriend after one date and she has turned our house into a new house basicly. She has redone EVERYTHING. Don't get me wrong the house looks great. It is what I have been trying to do with it but never could because of this beast known as CRPS. but the thing is she did it when I was gone on vacation so I came back to a different house, with all my stuff gone (downstairs where I can't get to it). I should also mention that I have bipolar, borderline personality disorder and ptsd so coming home to this sent me into many panic and anxiety attacks. Since then my pain has been through the roof and has horribly spread into both legs. My ankles swelled to over twice their size too and I couldn't walk for a day. So my question is could the shock of loosing the only person who has shown me any kind of support (my dad), my house changing, a new woman being brought into my home...etc make my CRPS spread and become worse????

My Dad and I were very close and he was the only one who showed me even a little support in my illness and now he barely says hi to me and we live together. He has given this woman all the power and has taken it all away from me. I was the head of this house. This was my home to decorate and clean the way I wanted to and now she has come in and changed everything and thrown away all my organization things away. Completely redecorated the house and is continuing to do so. I am glad the house is clean and she is doing some of the things I have always wanted to do, but having someone come in and just do it when I can't is hard to watch. It is hard to have all your power taken from you after just one date. I never had time to get used to it. I just wish she would involve me more. She just told me that I can't do it in my condition and I know that but it is still hard for me to accept that. I am still trying to adjust to this new life of mine and her and my dad have completely flipped it upside down again. I don't know what to do or how to deal with this!

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest! And any advice would be great!! :) :)

oh, Angelina you poor dear! Don't get me started on middle aged men and "bimbos". He's your dad and you love him dearly so I totally get that, but still the bimbo will blind him.
Hopefully, you can communicate your feelings to them in a tactfull way and let it be known he is your Dad first and you would appreciate her at least asking for your input. This RSD should should not rob you of your input.

you could try printing out my post from here and giving it to both of them
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread190826.html
This may help you
http://www.openfocustraining.co.uk/exercise.html

My ex used to tell me that she could 'control' me with my pain. Just start an argument, and I'm off to bed. So yes, stress is a Big factor!
Don't let 'em get to you, and learn the F.I. rule!

Pete

asb

Angelina, I’m so sorry that this is happening. And yes, CRPS is called the stress disease. Stressors or ANY kind and emotional instability will definitely affect you and your disease in a negative way. Naturally you are protective of your father, but ultimately you are the child in this situation, albeit an adult child, but a child to your father nonetheless, so it may not have occurred to him to check with you on this situation. However, I do believe some common courtesy would have gone a LONG way on both their parts. And yes, having a woman move in after just one date, yikes! Um, yeah I think I too would be protective of my elder parent and have to have a moment with them to voice my concerns. I think the least among those concerns would be redecorating, but moreover what the heck is going on moving a STRANGER into your home? Hopefully your father would be compassionate and defend your feelings in this situation. Again, I am terribly sorry this is happening to you. If you can, do your best to try and keep emotions in check, and perhaps rational thinking will prevail.

They did have a "sit down" with me and I tried to explain my feelings as best as I could, while having a panic attack. She did show me and ask my opinion on some paints and styles for the hallway, so maybe they did hear me. I don't know about the 'he is my dad first' thing though. I just don't think they get that. He said he will always be there but who knows. We will see if things change. I hope so because I am getting worse and I really need the support and love right now. I am terrified out of my mind for when winter hits!

I think I am going to hang that on the refrigerator. Maybe it will help.

His thinking is she is not a complete stranger. She is the mother of my youngest brother's best friend. She just got a divorce and supposedly she wanted to leave her husband for my dad for a long time. Whatever! They never talked or anything! So to me she is a stranger, right?? But no matter what you don't move a girl in after ONE date!!! I don't know what he is thinking. They are acting like stupid teenagers. They say they are in love but really it is just lust. There is a difference. You can see it. I can't believe he is just letting her run and change his life and he gave her his bank card! I am just sooooo worried about him and all this stress is so hard on me. I am trying to stay calm and not let it bother me, but he is my Dad. How do you not care about a parent?

right?! I totally agree! Scary she now has access to his money too. Good Grief. Hang in there luv. I hope this all works out for you!

Hello Angelina
 

Oh Dear, that does make your situtaion a bit difficult. I know things are all topsy turvy for you. Sometimes change in ones life is the hardest to cope with. Giving over to what your dad has wanted, has indeed changed the character of your home.
I have just a few things that may help. If you can cut out your own private space, your own room, someplace that you feel comfortable this will help. Decorate it to your own satisfaction, and maybe find a new interest to help keep your mind off what is going on. Noone likes change shoved at you. Anxiety can make your pain worse, so do things to please yourself, and noone else. Try to be kind in the midst of this upset. Kindness goes farther, than being upset. You have your own life, and you can make it the best you can. Ever heard the expression, killing with kindness? Most fights or upsets resolve with a determination of making the best out of a bad situation., Your dad still loves you. Try not to resent this other person. I do know this is very difficult, I wouldn't have liked it either. Your CRPS is hard enough, without the upset. Cozy up with a book, or some interest, or take up a new one that you can do. I listen to Bob dylan alot when my pain is up. Seems to calm me down. I do hope that the situtaion you are in, calms down, and that your home, can have peace. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. ginnie:grouphug:

The good thing is she is not a bad person and she says she is supportive and understanding of my disease or of being disabled anyway. She says she will and wants to help me. So we will see. It is just hard to have your life completely changed in a minute without any control. I am trying so hard to not hold it against her and I am doing the kindness thing. I write in my diary the hard feelings so they don't come out because it is not her as a person that I am upset about it is just the change so fast. I also feel like they isolate me a lot. Everyone is always getting together and they never invite me or when I walk into a room they al stop talking or leave. I have started reading a lot more and have gotten more books to keep me occupied. I want to redecorate my room and make it my own so that I have a 'safe zone'. It used to be my upstairs but she has taken that away from me. It sucks not feeling comfortable in your own home. I am trying to look at this change as it could be a good thing. It might turn out to be great instead of the disaster that I keep waiting to happen. It could be the best thing that has happened to us. And I am very happy that my Dad is happy. I hope it stays that way! I just need more time to get used to it. It is hard trying to find your new life with CRPS then to add getting a new 'stepmom' and a whole new family, not to mention the 'new' house, so fast is head-spinning!!! It is just so much change in my life all at once. But I know I will be ok, I just need to figure it out. And only time and patience can do that for me I think. Thank you everyone for helping me through this hard time. Finally being able to talk about it has really calmed me down and helped me more than any of you could ever know! I sooooo much appreciate it!!:hug::grouphug:

Humans, healthy ones, generally hate change.
It takes us out of our comfort zone.
What we need to do, is embrace change, and, search for the opportunities that are probably there!
I hate it myself, once I get comfy, (not often), I just wanna lay there. But, it gets us nowhere.
I think God make 'uncomfort' zones to move us along....?

Take what you may from this......

I wish you the very best, you never know, in a few months, you may feel totally comfy in this new situation, and if you're daddy is smart, (I suppose he is), he's explained to this new lady about you.
The best you can do, is to help educate her.
Print out that page from the UK! put it on the fridge!
Or, hand it to her would probably be better!

Point is, Help Her, to help you!
This, if you have faith, is probably a blessing, in disguise!


Pete



asb

His thinking is she is not a complete stranger. She is the mother of my youngest brother's best friend. She just got a divorce and supposedly she wanted to leave her husband for my dad for a long time

it sounds to me like she is not a stranger to him and it's not after just one date but as he has never spoke to you about her she is a strager to you. Might be an idea to ask him to sit down alone with you and say how long he's known her and when did his feelings turn to love. Might set your mind at ease a bit. You might even want to do the same thing with her

Also, print that UK page out, and sit down and talk with her about it!



p


asb

Words of wisdom and words to try and live by. This is so true and well said!

I have talked to them about it and I know when they have met and they technically met through me when I was a 4-H leader. I remember my dad talking about how hot she was and know when they talked, that is the hard thing is I know they do not know that much about each other except through word of mouth through their kids. I just hope they still get along 6 months from now and my Dad doesn't get his heart broken again. But I also need to learn that it is not my place. He is a grown man and this is not my house. I may not like what is going on but I have no control and that is something I didn't know until now.

Angelina - it sounds like you are starting to look,at the situation differently, and I hope that helps to reduce your stress levels.

My daughter has serious depression, anxiety, and possibly borderline personality disorder - she is 17, and the doctors would give her that diagnosis at her age. And I'll tell you for sure that when she has a flair-up, I have a flair-up, so I can only imaging how hard it is for you.

I have also found that the "mindfulness" techniques that are often part of treatment for borderline personality disorder, often as part of Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), have also helped me a lot with my pain. If I sit down and do mindfulness meditation I can lower my pain level quite a bit. My pain level will stay low so long as I stay still after that. Unfortunately, the pain comes back when I get up again, but this technique at least helps at night or in the evening when I can keep a low activity level for a few hours.

Then hope they are as lucky as I was, I phoned a company and could not speak to my regular person so got chatting to my wife. After a few weeks conversation I drove up to meet her. She moved in a week later, we have been together 23 years now. Even when I tried to get her to move out because of this she wouldn't go

That is so great for you. And I really hope this works out for them. I am not trying to sound selfish or mean, I just needed someplace to express my concerns and vent so that I didn't say anything bad in the home. I am doing better as more time goes and the more her and I talk and the more I get to know her also the more I get to talk here and read all of the great advice you all have (and support). It is just so hard to have such a great change slap you in the face so fast with no warning and COMPLETLY change your life and take so much away from you. It would have been nice to have my dad at least act like he cared about my situation or about my daughter. She has taken it really hard too, which has made it even harder on me. But I am happy that he has found someone that makes him happy and I am glad that you found someone and was able to move fast and have it work for you. But giving a woman everything you have..money, phone, car, house, etc... after one date is not smart. And as much as I hope that it works out I can't stop that nagging feeling that this is going to not have a happy ending. But I will pray and do everything I can to try to make it work out for my dad because I love him and want him to be very happy.

I am trying everyday to look at this situation differently everyday. I am a big believer in looking for the positive in everything and I will find it. I will not let this bring me down. it may suck right now but I can't change it so I have to learn to adapt, right? It will only make me miserable to keep angry.

You go girl!!! Heck you just might learn something new about yourself while you adapt :) Have you read the book "Friendship Bread" by Darien Gee? That might be a great read while you walk this new journey in life.

"Optimism is the foundation of Courage".. unknown

Have a wonderful day,
Tessa

maybe you'll be lucky like it too one day, it was the last thing I was expecting having split from my first wife 8 years previously after I had found out she had had an abortion without even telling me she was pregnant I had sworn nobody would ever get hold of me again.

I hope so, but I am loosing hope that anyone will ever be there or love me. I just feel broken. :( But as much as I want someone by my side to share my life with it is not something that I have to have to be happy. I just need to keep being me and learn to live by myself and focus on my daughter.