Concerned parent
 

I had originally posted in the TBI thread but I think this would be better in BPD now. Here's a quick summary:


I'm a concerned parent of a 25 year old son who was diagnosed with ADD when he was 6 and was on medication for that until his Senior year of high school.

He was attacked in 2007 and received two skull fractures. One in front and one in back. He was airlifted to a hospital after having a series of seizures at the scene of the attack and in the hospital. He was in a drug induced coma for about 4 days in the Neurological ICU while they ran tests and waited for the brain swelling to come down. On the 5th day they had him out of the coma and on the six day he walked on his own and they sent him home.

Since that time he has lived on his own off and on. We sensed by the group of people he was hanging with that he was getting involved with drugs. He hasn't been able to keep relationshps for more than a year and a half.

Fast forward to last year. We noticed he was pulling away from family and friends more and more. He was becoming more agitated and his personality was beginning to change.

Now fast forward to this year. Our concerns for his well being were increasing. He was becoming more agitated and could fly off the handle quickly. (Not physically violent) He has been involved in a couple of fender benders within the past couple of months. Then in early July I received a call from the police and asked to come get him. He was also sending me text messages begging me to come get him and save him. When I arrived he was sitting in the dark and was extremely paranoid.

I took him to our home and he was scared that people were surrounding the house, on our roof and people are staring at him. I took him to the ER and he did have high THC levels. He went into counseling and therapy with a psychologist.

What we have learned is that he has been in pain with headaches and body aches for several years. He has been self medicating with marijuana and tried pottpourri for a few months earlier this year.

Since he has been with us for the past six weeks his paranoia has reduced some but his level of agitation has NOT. He is difficult to be around because he feels he is perfect and everyone else is imperfect and he seems to take pleasure in pointing out perceived inperfections and demeaning others. THis is very far from his normal personality. There are also certain subjects you avoid and everyone is walking on egg shells around him.

Now in his most recent counseling session it is been suggested his agitation, mood swings, headaches and other pains may all be related to TBI. That his self medication with marijuana was his way with dealing with it all.

Now within the past couple of days we learned my neice who passed away in July had been diagnosed with BPD and was on Lithium. We were not aware of this and didn't know of any family history of BPD or any other issues.

At this point we are tired and confused. My wife and I plan to spend one night away from home this weekend for our anniversary and to meet with my brother who lost his daughter last month.

Hi,

It is good that he is home with you and getting treatment.
A psychiatrist and a neurologist can help with diagnosis.

(For point of clarification:
BPD usually stands for Borderline Personality Disorder
BP usually stands for Bipolar Disorder)

Sometimes the exact diagnosis about how much is TBI and how much might be bipolar is not hugely important because medications that are used for TBI are also used for Bipolar.
For example Anticonvulsants (antiepileptic drugs) are used for both.

Agitation is a horrible thing to have to deal with. Push the doctors to get him the right medication for this.
Does he have agitated depression? Here is a description:
http://www.helium.com/items/2174987-...ted-depression
Has any one discussed that he might have PTSD (Posttraumatic stress disorder)? They can test for that.


I am sorry that your family is going through this.

Mari

Thank you. That was an eye opener. Sorry for the confusion on BPD vs BP

From the list they provided in the article (- Fast speech, non-stop talking
- Fixation on self-harm or suicide- Substance misuse- Fidgeting, playing with hair or skin- Complaining constantly- Being irritable or aggressive)

He does show several of those characteristics. Substance misuse, complaining constantly, being irritable. He is NOT suicidal or physically aggressive.

But as an example. He helped install a part on our car last night. As he was working on it I complimented him about how well he was doing with the car and how quickly he was getting the job done. He just grumbled and told me I was in the way and to leave him alone.

About 20 minutes later he was sitting on the couch and asked loudly...'So, is anyone going to THANK ME for fixing the car?"

I pointed out that I had complimented him and tried to thank him while he was working on the car. He then went on and on about nobody ever appreciating what he does and how he is smarter and better than any of us. That lasted for about 30 minutes non-stop.

It's very tiring.

Ksman

Sending you some hugs and hoping you get some answers.

Please keep us updated. You might find that asking questions on
the adult bipolar forum would give you more answers too.

Many of us with children have asked on there. Or even some without
children with BP do.

Donna :grouphug::hug:

Hi,

I missed that the paranoia was still present although to a lesser degree than it was.
That could be Bipolar or PTSD or both.

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx32.htm
If he ever gets physically aggressive even one time call the police (911) and have him taken to the hospital to be evaluated by a psychiatrist.


I don't know what that is. He does seem to be both annoyed and annoying.
And tiring as you say.

It does seem that when you find a good MD who can help him with the TBI, you can start to see other ways to help him.

Mari

We survived our first weekend away from our son. We left late Friday afternoon and returned Saturday night.

He was fine with us leaving. That evening we were in Kansas City and noticed on the news that Bruce Jenner was at Kansas Speedway. So I jokingly sent him a text message saying Bruce was at the speedway and we were hanging out with Kim K. Then he started asking a bunch of questions about her. I finally realized he thought I was serious. SO I told him that I was just joking. He got really mad and shot me about 6 texts complaining that I had "lied" to him and how unfit I was as a father since I had "lied" to him.

I changed the subject and a few minutes later he was calm and texting about other things. I asked him if he had invited any friends over and he replied that he would never do that while we are gone out of "respect" for us and our home. (hmmmmm?)

The next day we were celebrating our anniversary with family and friends. And we were getting further and further behind schedule. He started texting and asking why we weren't home and when he should expect us. As we got more and more behind schedule he got more and more irritated and starting going off about us lieing to him about our schedule and where we were and what we were doing. That went on for about 30 minutes. Again, we gave him updates on our travels and when he could expect us and he switched again to being very calm and thanked us for letting him know where we were.

On Sunday we witnessed a bad accident on the highway and he was the first to say, pull over and pray for the people in the wreck.

In one sense he has been very controlling, wanting to know where we are and what we are doing. (Especially me and not my wife). Other times he is calm and respectful which is more in line with the way he was raised.

I'm glad you had a good time away and that he did what sounds like
pretty good too.

I think it sounds like he needs a schedule and to know what is going
on all the time.

I hope you can find a happy medium. He needs this as much as you and
your wife.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Just a quick update. He did get to see an MD which was required in order to get a referral to see a TBI specialist.

He did pretty good but spent a lot of time arguing with the doctor about the benefits of his self medicating and not wanting any man mde medications.

The doctor handled it well. I wasn't there but my wife said the doctor was able to see some examples of his shifts back and forth into becoming irritated over minor things and then quickly going back to being happen and then suddenly shifting again over minor things that agitated him.


His paranoia has continued to decrease but he seems to do his very best to make sure my wife and I are not alone together. He does not want us talking with each other. He demands a lot of my time, comes to my place of work, wants me to spend hours with him alone. He gets very irritated if my wife and I tell him we want to have a "date night" without him. We even went bowling with a group of her co-workers last night and he insisted on going with us saying we don't spend enough "family" time together.

This fits well with the behaviors his girlfriends have described over the past year and half. He has become controlling, wants to be with them at all times, does not want them to go anywhere without him and yet he feels people are always cheating, sneaking around and lieing to him (yes that is paranoia)

Even when I was visiting with my wife on the phone and he was next to me. I told him I could hear her cooking something and it was sizzling like we might be having friend chicken. Then we got home and found out she was cookign something else. He got very upset with me and said I had lied to him about the chicken and he was really upset.

THis behavior is so confusing and not part of his normal personality at all.

Another update. Today my son went to see his psychiatrist. She put him on Quetiaprine. This is the 3rd medication. He refused to take the first two. Latuda and something else I can't remember.

He usually tries the meds for a day or two and then says they don't do any good and quits.

He feels his problems are more related to his TBI from 2007. He is going to see a TBI specialist in Kansas City next month.

He also seems to make up plenaty of excuses for self medicating and how much better and more natural that would be. My wife and I aren't buying that and his doctors aren't either. In fact the MD that met with him last week told him that many of his physical and mental symptoms may be directly related to his self medication.

I hope something starts working soon. There times I have to ask myself is this is a medical issue or is he just being a jerk?

Hi,

Well the good news is that he saw an MD and is on the road to a TBI specialist.
His being kind of clingy and then bitchy (like about the chicken) tells me that he is agitated and irritable.. (I am making a guess. Not an expert of course.)
MDs can knock that out with meds but he might not like the side effects.

The paranoia might be the most disturbing thing for the family members to witness, but most of the time MDs have good drugs for this.

These meds for TBI and bipolar slow down the brain -- that is good and bad. The dulling can make the person feel awful, groggy, and like he has lost his version of his real self . . .
Yet, the drugs can allow the person to pursue a regular life without going around annoying people. And the person can eventually get stable enough to to start thinking about the future.

And be patient because it can happen but it is rare that the doctors get the meds right the first time. Sometimes it can take months (or years) to fine tune the meds.
Counseling is very important during that time because the person learns to develop new (good) coping behaviors and talks to someone helpful about getting used to being on medications.


Do not argue with him. It is not useful. He is sick. If he had a broken leg you would not wonder why he had a hard time climbing up the stairs.
With the patience and care of you and your wife and his doctors, he will get much better.

M

Thank you. We don't argue with him. We usually change the subject and he switches quickly and moves on to other things.

I was very suprised he actually took his meds last night at bedtime. He normally rejects taking any medications.

Hi,
Taking the meds is a good sign.

Mari

Ksman and your son
 

We have some of these MI issues in our family, and our son is no exception. It's extremely challenging I know. Sometimes, answers are not easy and readily available. Just wishing you all the best and glad you are reaching out. Take care!:)




:hug:

Update. Our son is still taking his meds. But he is really pushing boundaries. He has a negative attitude. Often tells us we are lazy if we don't want to do what he wants and when he wants to do something. He uses language that Ed don't approve of and w let him know it. He criticizes everything we do. One sent like how we cook, what we cook, how we drive, what we watch on tv, or even how we shop.

He usually sleeps until about noon then says he doesn't get any sleep.

Strange thing the other day my wife and I went to the grocery store around 1130. He called me at 1215 asking where we were and drove quickly to he store. He doesn't like y to be together without him

Finally after being rude and criticizing my wife (his mother) and making her cry this morning he refused to apologize. Said he is right, we are lazy and he hasn't done anything wrong.

better doctors and more frequent trips to the doctors
 

Hi,

Please give him a chance to get his medicines straightened out.
The Seroquel / Quetiapine might be helping him but the other ones seem not to be helping. And you do not know yet if the Seroquel / Quetiapine is at the right dose.

Does he still have agitation, mood swings, headaches, pains, and paranoia?

When you refer to him as pushing boundaries, I feel that you have no idea what he is going through.
Bipolar people do not push boundaries like a healthy 15 year old does. Your son is very sick. It is hard for a parent (or anyone) to grasp the full degree of the the bipolar illness and brain injuries.

That is correct. We do not get the right kind of deep sleep that normal people get. The medications interfere with the stages of sleep that are necessary to wake up feeling rested.

I am sorry that your son hurt your wife.
Try to avoid those kinds of talks with him for a while.

The reason he seems that he has a negative attitude is because he is very very sick. He needs better treatment than he is getting right now.

When the medicine is straightened out, he will feel better and act nicer.

Mari

Quetiapine is the only thing he is taking. Yes he has mood swings still but the swings aren't as quick or frequent. The paranoia has decreased. Other Han he incident when we went to the grocery store without him. We were gone when he awoke. He looked around the house for us then called insisting to know where we were. Then a few minutes later he called to say our dog was missing and he saw her 2 miles from our house. He told me to come immediately to help find be dog. I drove straight to the house and the dog was inside as usual.

Hi,
That is weird about the dog.
He seems out of touch with reality. The Quetiapine is supposed to help with that. Maybe his anxiety caused that episode.
It is good to hear that his mood swings are less severe and less frequent.

M

Ok question here. Is this part of bipolar ? He is usually irritable when he first gets up in the morning. Today he was eating breakfast. My wife and I were in he kitchen talking about cleaning and chores for the day. Then our son tells us to stop yelling and arguing. But we were just talking. No yelling, no arguing, no disagreement of any kind. Just making a lit together of what we wanted to accomplish today.

He does this from time to time. He tells people to step yelling. When people are just talking normally or visiting. He seems very sensitive to noise.

I have a low tolerance for noise. (I hate hearing bird sounds outside.)
I also take hours to wake up in the morning. My meds make me hungover / give me brain fog.
I do not know what happens with Seroquel.
It could be a bipolar thing or a medications thing or a combination of both.

Lately I have been easily irritated. And I am aware that I am irritating to others who are around me when I am jumpy and annoying.

Ask him if he wants to try some ear plugs or some noise canceling headphones.

It's been about 10 months now. Thought I would give an update. Our son had gotten much better. He takes his medication. Just recently within the past couple of weeks he has started becoming negative and yelling at m a lot telling me I'm stupid or an idiot.

Still overall he is doing better. Just wearing on us after 10 months if this. Would like to have more hope that he could live on his own since he is 26.

Continue to be patient.
In my twenties I held low paying jobs so my father sent me money every month for rent. I completed graduate school. I am better now 25 years later. I am married and like my job but get stressed easily.

Let the psychiatrist know about the yelling.
Therapy can help at this stage if he is not already in therapy.

There are different kinds of therapy:

~Experiential therapy -- supportive -- patient feels understood, . .
~Cognitive therapy -- helps with learning constructive behaviors, might ask the patience to make a mood chart to track moods and such in order to find patterns that can be chaged.
~Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy --
~Online therapy --
~

If he will not go, go for yourself to help learn coping techniques.

Also he needs this

1. Lots of sleep
2. Daily exercise
3. Clean diet (low sugars and carbs, lots of fruits and veggies.

Have you asked his psychiatrist about blood work (esp thyroid) and possible tests for vitamin or mineral deficiencies?

http://psychcentral.com/lib/vitamins...isorder/000889

http://psychcentral.com/lib/minerals...isorder/000888

M

Actually since he is over 18, I cannot speak to his psychiatrist. He will not allow a case manager to visit the house either. (That was from the beginning when he was extremely paranoid)

He is getting blood work done this week. The psychiatrist meets with him every three months and today asked him to set up an appointment for lab work since he is on seroquel.

:grouphug:Yes, a rock of a hard place. Not being able to talk to the person
that is trying to help him.

I had that problem, but then when my son informed me the
psychiatrist wasn't listening, and just kept prescribing something
that wasn't working.

I told him that I was more than willing to go sit quietly while he tried
to tell the doc what he thought. And I would only interrupt and say
something, with his permission.

But what I was going to say, was point blank my son is trying to tell
you something. When are you going to start listening to him. If not
he will find someone who will. And I had it approved ahead of time.

But then I got really mad, and said it a little differently. Got quite
a look from my son. But the doc asked him to repeat what he had said.

And listened, then even thanked him for bringing his mom to make
her listen.

Donna :hug:

Thank you for the reply Donna. I don't know if this is a sign of being bipolar but he has become very irritable towards me and competitive. He often times wants to put me down, try to tell me that I'm dump, stupid or don't know anything. Wants to compete with me physically. Just strange behavior for him.

His medication has really made him put on weight. He is probably about 220 lbs now and he is 6'1" tall and I'm 5'10" tall and 190 lbs. He is 26 years old and I'm 49.

Having him constantly degrading me and putting me down has been a great strain on me and my nerves are wearing thin.