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I Can't Get Over Losing My Dad!......
I don't know how to deal with the death of loved one's. I remember when I was in elementary school, one of my aunts died,and I was taken to the funeral,but no one explained to me what was going on.I laughed because I didn't know why everyone was crying,and why my aunt was taking a nap in that big box (the casket)! My Mom got so mad she took me outside,and hit me,and sent me to walk home.I was not allowed to go to anymore funerals.But I still didn't get an explination,I just got punished,and when my Mom got home ,she beat the hell out of me! My Dad was gone with relatives. So,I never learned how to deal with death,except to get angry! Because I didn't understand why they were taken from me.I do understand now,but I still can't get over losing my Dad because he was my entire world.He gave me the only love,and encouragement I ever got growing up as a child,he didn't judge me when I was diagnosed Bi-Polar.He was a Psychologist Ph.D.,so he was always there for me.He meant everything to me.And I was upset when he died,but I was happy for him,because I knew how much he was suffering,because I was taking care of him,and his dementia was getting really bad,and his heart was dying on him,he didn't want the transplant,he wanted to go,and I just wanted him to be happy,and not to suffer anymore.But I am so angry that he's gone!I'm not angry at him,just life!I was Daddy's little Girl,and I miss him so much! But I don't think I'll ever get over losing the only person that's ever loved me unconditionally! I don't know how to deal with it,so I've been holding it in,all that anger,since he died on October 3rd,2005! I want to be with him,but not die in order to be with him,you know what I mean? I just want to see him! That's the only positive thing I can think of about my terminal illness,is that I'll be with my Dad,sooner than later! But I carry all this anger with me everywhere I go.:(
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dear Justice
I can only say my heart goes out to you for what you are feeling :( losing someone so dear to us does really impact us so deeply doesnt it I am so glad you have found our community Justice :grouphug: I hope the anger will subside for you :hug: Cheri |
Oh, ((((((Justice)))))),
That's the hardest thing we humans have to learn -- how to lose. If we're lucky, we have kind, caring, supportive people around us that teach us how to grieve and how to heal. Unfortunately, most of us learn the hard way -- after we've already gone through it. I went to many funerals when I was a kid. Two military funerals. Those freaked me out because they were my uncles and the caskets were downstairs in the living room. I still remember the creepy feeling I had sleeping in the first room at the top of the stairs. The one that really knocked me on my %%% was my brother. Suicide at age 21 (when I was only 22). It took me about 13 years to get my balance back from that. Because my Mom hid everything. She and I were the only ones that knew it was suicide. Everyone else thought heart disease. I lost my Dad in an instant -- major heart attack. Thanks be to G-d I had written a letter telling him that I loved him and understood him. He never responded to the letter. But, I felt that he 'heard' me. My Mom took sick out of state. I was with her every day for almost 5 months. I took care of her in two different states. Took care of her affairs. And told her every single thing that I wanted her to know. I was with her when she passed. It was the most beautiful, soul-satisfying experience I've ever had. I have no regrets. I treated her exactly the way that she deserved. It sounds like you did that for your Dad, Justice. Came from out of state to 'take care'. You loved him. You were there for him when he really needed someone. It's still early for "healing". Soon the memories become stronger than the pain. Then one day you'll smile when you remember. That's when the healing starts. Honey, don't think so much about what you've lost. Try to remember what you were given. Sounds like your Dad was a true 'treasure' in your life. I have a suggestion. Get yourself a blank book and write down the memories of your Dad. The things that he taught you. The funny things that he said and did. How he supported you. One day there will be generations in your life that haven't had the privilege of knowing your Dad. Your writing will help to bring his memory into the future. Your writing will help heal you too. Right now your life is sort of in a state of confusion. When you get back to where your friends are and where your heart is, you'll get some of your balance back. When you get a chance, read this: http://butterflywebsite.com/discover...ndrainbows.cfm Our loved ones find a way to let us know that they've arrived safely. Your Dad has probably already let you know. But, you didn't know what to look for. I believe that our loved ones find ways to communicate with us. Sometimes through animals, sometimes through dreams. We need to pay attention to the quiet and the stillness around us and calm ourselves so that we can hear the messages. Justice, there's so much -- so much -- that can't get through to you because of the anger. You have to let the anger go so that you can feel the love and caring that surrounds you. BIG HUGS. Barb :hug: |
My Dad Gave Me My Little Prince Nico!!
I believe my little Nico was a gift from my Dad.The circumstances behind how I got him,just make me know that my Dad had to had something to do with it.This is what happened.
I looked in the classifieds,and I found a lady selling Chih Tsu puppies for just the right price that I could afford,so I called.Now I wanted a Male,that was all Black.So I spoke with the lady,and she said,she only had one left,and it was a male,that was all black.I immedietly said,I was interested,and I wanted him,so how do we arrange the adoption.She lived about 35 minutes away in a car,and I was sick,and had no car and could not find a ride.She had another person that was interested that did have a car.But she called me back,and said that she thought that I would be a good owner,and make a good home for Nico,she named him.So since I already had the money in my safe,in cash,she delivered him to me,and said no to the other interested party! Now if that isn't a sign of a gift from my Dad,I don't know what is,because he's been the biggest blessing in my life since my Dad!:) I've had small suddle signs that he's watching over me.I've felt his presence in my home,and I've even smelled his Stetson cologne in my home.And I have been doing my writing since he passed,a few about him,some were humorous.I've sat with the 1 brother that it tore apart to,and we sat and joked about the funny things he would do,or say,and let us get away with behind our mom's back! lol...We are the only 2 siblings out of 11 that know his favorite food,and his favorite place to go eat his take out,and a lot of other things about him. What hurts the most was I was unable to see him,the last 3 weeks of his life,because of Pneumonia! I could only talk to him for a couple minutes at a time over the phone,and I told him I loved him each and every time,just in case,but I didn't get to say goodbye! But I know that he knew what was in my heart.At his funeral,when we went to the Cemetary,my family played the song "The Rose" off my album,because I was crying too much to sing it myself,so they played the recording of me singing it,for my Dad,because he loved my voice.Then they said thier prayer,and we left. I'm not good at goodbye,I'm better at see ya later! |
Justice
The first death that had a profound impact on me was the death of my childhood best friend. She was diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease at the age of 24 and died at the age of 26. She was more like a twin sister to me, and it seemed so unnatural to lose her. I thought we'd always be there for each other. Several months after she died, my father was diagnosed with lung cancer. Like you, my dad was my hero. He was the only one in the family who understood my "wild side." It broke my heart to lose him. Not wanting to be left out of the "party," my mom died from amyloidosis eight days after my father died. It wasn't really necessary for you to say good-bye to your dad. He's moved on, but he didn't leave you. Nico can serve as your reminder, along with the Stetson cologne. It's your job now to honor him by living strong. His memory, and the love and guidance he gave you, will help you on your path. |
There's so much death,it's cloudy to see beyond it.....
After my Dad died,just 2 weeks later,one of my best friends was murdered in our own apartment complex.Then within the next 3-4 months 3 more of my friends died.Then I lost a nephew,and then my brothers wife was pregnant,and they got in a car accident,and lost the baby.Then just this past Valentines Day,a friend in California was brutally murdered by her boyfriend! So I've had so much death surrounding me lately that it's like,I'm just wondering ,who's next? I don't like that feeling!:mad:
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((((((Justice)))))),
I'm sorry there's been so much anger and pain and loss surrounding you recently. It's hard to keep your balance when the one thing that you have the most difficulty with keeps happening over and over again. It doesn't give you time to heal and to recover from one assault on your heart before another one happens. You know, honey, I believe that The Universe will keep placing a lesson in front of us until we learn it. There's so much anger and violence surrounding you, I wonder if The Universe wants you to discover your calm and peaceful side :hug: There just aren't enough words to comfort someone who's had so much loss in their life. Other than to say "I understand" and "I wish you didn't have to go through this". I'll say a quiet prayer tonight for the friends and family that you've lost recently. I'll pray for you too, Justice -- pray that you find peace in your heart. Hugs. Barb http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v9...sad-candle.gif |
I'm afraid of who's next.................
I'm really afraid of who's going to die next,because I have 3 little brothers that have drug problems,and they only worsened after my Dad died,and I understood why they got worse,because they were raised just like me,not knowing how to deal with loss! So they self medicate with drugs.Because of the way I was treated by my Mom and most of the rest of my family including other relatives when I seeked help,and was diagnosed Bi-polar/Schizo-affective disorder.That sent a message to the rest of my family that it was a bad thing to get help,and that they would be judged and shunned just like me.So they don't dare,instead they do drugs to drown out the pain,and any other symptoms they may have.My Dad told me,while he was still working as a Psychologist Ph.D that my Mom was Bi-Polar,and she refused to get help,or be medicated,that she was in denial.I have a hard time believing that out of 11 kids that I'm the only one that has a mental illness.Both of my illnesses are hereditary! But the youngest are twins,and now they are 26 years old,but both are drug addicts,one is addicted to heroine,and pain pills,and the other just pain pills,and he drinks a lot with the pills. The other little brother is 28 years old,and is in and out of jail for methamphetamines,using and selling it,and he's an addict,plus he's hooked on pills too,and he drinks.And everytime the cops try to stop him in a car he gets in a high speed chase! I try to talk to them,and be there for them,and never judge them.But I'm really afraid that one of them are gonna be next.I have other older brother that are extremely overweight and diabetic,and they are in poor health because of the mixture of the excessive weight and the diabetes. I'd rather my Mom go next,that may sound bad,but she is pure evil! I believe that if my Mom was gone,my brothers just might look for help,and not be so afraid to reach out,before it's too late!:( But they come to me,when they need to talk,cause they know that I'm the only one that understands and won't judge them,or tell my Mom on them! Now thats sad for them to have to live that way!And I don't want to lose them,but my Mom is going to end up causing there death by her judging and beliefs that getting help is bad!:mad:
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I feel your pain
Justice,
My heart goes out to you. I just lost my father last week. He was always so active and healthy and his life ended suddenly due to the hospital screwing up and releasing him. If they only treated him he would still be here. He was only 73. He was a great father, a funny man and loved by everyone. He was my mother's best friend even though they bickered like little children but they took care of one another. I am so upset and angry. I hope the pain eases over time but the memories of my father will always remain. He was a wonderful man and will be missed by all. Take care of yourself justice. My heart and prayers go out to you. |
Thanks! I'm so sorry you lost YOUR father,and just so recently,that must be so hard for you right now,yet you have such a heart to reach out to me,when you're going through this at this moment in time for you!:hug:
I knew my Dad was not going to make it through this last attack he had,yet the same thing happened to him,the hospital released him,he went back to his retirement home,and 3 days later he was back in the ER,and about a week later,he died! I still have a hard time with trusting that hospital,even though that's the hospital doing all my test's and stuff,it just reminds you of your loved one,doesn't it? It's hard to forget the place you lost your loved one,because you keep hoping you can go back there,and see him. I just got to see my Dad's Grave for the first time since his funeral this year for memorial day,to put flowers on it! The first time I saw his headstone.In the past,my family thought I wouldn't be able to handle it,so they would'nt take me,and it's too far to walk,and there aren't any buses that go out there!It actually made me feel like I was showing my Dad that I cared,by being there,even though I did cry.But I got to tell him I loved him,and I got to thank him for my little Nico(my puppy),I look at him as a gift from my Dad!But before that,it really upset me that I couldn't go,because I didn't want my Dad to think I was choosing not to go.But then I realized that my Dad spends a lot of time in my apartment,I feel him,sometimes I smell his cologne.And I know he's watching over me,and he knows how the rest of the family is with me,so I have to remind myself that he understands,and won't blame me,that he can now come to me! His love surrounds me,and when I'm down is when I feel him the most!;) Your father can now be with you as well,even though right now the pain is at it's worse,because it just happened.But he's watching over you,and even if you don't have all the time in the world,and get busy,here and there with life! He does have all the time in the world,and can be wherever you are,right by your side.Love is the most powerful thing in all existence,and can do amazing things.He'll always be with you.:hug: |
Thank you Justice, my heart is breaking too and I am just a mess. I too had difficult time growing up with my mother. I was her target when things were going wrong and she is my trigger to bring me onto that emotional rollercoaster. I have tried hard my entire life time to keep things peaceful and know when to stay away but have also built a wall around me. My two allies have died within 6 months of one another, my aunt in December and now my father.
I have my daughter, my dog and kitten who have been wonderful. And the love and memory of my father. Take care of yourself and I will keep you in my prayers. |
I know it's really hard. My Mom is the same way, she is very cruel and can't stand me. So it's me,and my Puppy Nico together to love eachother and my Dad's memory to.
But, I'll keep you in my prayers to,we seem to have a these things in common, which are very tough to deal with alone. But I'll be here for you anytime.:hug: |
:mad: i no how ur feelin i lost my dad a yr ago and im still findin it hard
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Yeah,today's the worse day for those of us that have lost our Dad's,I know! Fathers Day is a hard day for me,as I'm sure it is for many others. This is the 2nd year without my Dad,and I'm just trying to keep my head above water (not literally)! But at least he is still with us in our hearts,and that will never change.:hug: So in a way he is with us each year,just not physically, but I know that big hug makes a difference,it always did for me. My Dad was kindof a big guy,and he used to give these big bear hugs,the only thing that drove me nuts was when he would rub his whiskers from not shaving on my cheek. But now that he's gone,I miss it. If we try to just think of all the good memories we had with our fathers on this day,it will almost feel like he's with us,because his spirit will be. :BeamUp: And it will give us something to smile about, and good things to think about,instead of just being sad all day. I know it's hard,because that's just what I'm trying to do, and at times it gets difficult and I find tears rolling down my cheeks. But I'm trying to be strong for my Dad,because I know he's here. He spent Fathers Day with me every year I was in town.:pizza:
I feel for all of you that have lost your fathers,especially recently,mine was October 3rd,2005 but it still feels like it was just the other day. But that's just because of how strong love is! :Heart: And how breaking such a bond can feel so terrifying,and can take awhile to get used to. But I'll never get over it,I know that,I love him too much! I was Daddy's little girl,and he was my best friend,and my Father!:hug: We can use these good memories to help get through each day, not only this special day,but each and every day, because they are all difficult. Just give it a try, that's what I'm doing. And I'm still surviving.:grouphug: |
Good post Justice :hug:
I think it's okay to leak a little (cry) on these special days, especially when the wounds are still fresh. For me, over the years it has given me less to cry about and more to be thankful for - having had such a wonderful father in my life. When I was a little girl, I'd walk up to him when he was relaxing on the couch or in a chair. I'd freefall onto him, crashing into his chest, and he'd wrap his arms around me. He never minded this, regardless of how tired he was from work. I'd climb onto his lap and rest my head on his chest, listening to his heart beating. He'd wrap his arms around me and say "Let's enjoy it" - meaning the quiet time we had together at that moment. As I got older, he didn't quite know what to do with me - and I had become an angry and rebellious teenager. He'd wake me up before dawn on Saturdays and take me out to the woods. We'd watch the sunrise, take a long walk, then cook breakfast on a grill.* We did this year round, even during frigid winters. Most times I really enjoyed being out there with him because there were no rules.* We could talk about anything, or nothing at all.* He'd sometimes tell me stories of his childhood that would pertain to something that was going on in my life, but he'd leave it at that.* He'd act like it was just a memory that popped up.* He'd allow me to make the correlation and how it would fit into my life. He'd talk about how important I was to him, telling stories of how he kept sneaking into the delivery room when I was born.* He'd tell me stories of when I was a baby, and how the overwhelming love never goes away regardless of how old we get. Other times he ticked me off, especially on really cold mornings when I wanted to sleep.* He'd push me to walk through deep snow.* When I complained about the cold, he'd laugh and talk about how great it is to be alive. It gave me a lot of strength and courage to keep fighting my battles.* Our symbolic games when I was a child turned out to be true. From beginning to end, he was always there to catch me when I fell. It's obvious you were also very important to your father. I'm sure he'd be glad to know you plan to keep on surviving. :) May our fathers rest in peace. :grouphug: |
Hi Justice,
I 've been meaning to reply to this but couldn't find the words. And I've been dealing with my own personal "er" days. Thank goodness they're all over for this year. I feel the pain and sadness in your voice. You seemed liked you and your dad had a very "special" relationship. Yes Justice he's always with us in our thoughts, our minds and and our hearts for ever and ever. Yesterday I went to my parent's graves even though I shouldn't have. And I really shouldn't have because they're not there. I walked around all day with a cross in my pocket, a poem a wrote to my dad which I'm keeping private and this which I received in an email. In some little way it brought me peace and I hope it does you too. :hug: Light a candle for those we mourn. Into a new life they will be born. Do not look for them at the gravesite. They are somewhere else radiating their beautiful light. They have gone to a new world where there is no darkness, no pain Their light and essence will always remain. Light a candle for those who have left this mortal place. They are free to travel through time and space. When we think of them, they are near. When we sit in a beautiful garden, their voices we hear. When we listen to music or a symphony We close our eyes, their faces we see. Light a candle for they have not really gone. With each flickering flame, in your heart they will always belong. And this is exactly why I spend so much time in my garden. My mom, my dad and Mark's voices I can hear in my garden. |
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I felt compiled to write you, first i would like to say I'm sorry you lost a wonderful friend, father, loved one. Even throw I know my sorry will not bring him back, nor take your anger, or your pain away. You and I do have some things in command with each other. Like not accepting death. Like you i lost a loved one that was like a father to me. It OK to be angry, but it how, or what you do with that anger THAT COUNTS. I found it helped to write ever thought i had about my Uncle Dave down in a journal. Like you I could never do no wrongs,he was always there for me, he always expected me for who i am, and I was the apple of his eye; we even had the same b-days just many years apart. I took time and went to his grave, and told him i was angry for him leaving me. But deep down i knew he was suffering from his cancer. When it got really bad as i held his hand i even prayed for him to go home, Because of seeing him in such pain, well he was just to good of a man to deserve such suffering he endured. So I PRAYED, and told him it was OK to let go, cause i loved him to much not to let him go. Which I later felt guilty for. when I went to his grave It was just his and mine time. i CRIED, i YELLED till i couldn't any longer. It's been over 11 years now, I'm so glad i wrote that Journal, cause I'm able to look back and remember all the wonderful times we had. But most of all I'm able to share them, the parts i want too at lest, with my kids that never really got to know him. I also look at his passing as his new begins which he will be there when my time comes, and what joy, and giggles we have when we do. I could almost see him telling me, you silly gal all that crying over me, when i never left you at all with a slap to the shoulder. In his witty ways. I also know he loved me enough not to want me to give up nether,nor to stop living. I know your father loved you, and most defiantly wouldn't want you to let anger and grief spoil you, and your life. I do believe they can hear us up there in heaven. It OK to cry, never be ashamed to, it's prof that your human, and validates your love for him. But most all what kept me going is knowing I had to live to keep him alive, cause he lives life threw me, and my story's about him, and in my Journal I will leave on earth when I'm long gone. By doing so Keeps him alive forever. Allow your self time to grieve. Your taking the right steps, it help when you talk about him. Others and my self are good listener any time you need one, or a shoulder to cry on if needed. Oh and Pillows do come in handy for those day of anger. :hug: You in my thoughts, Sincerely Roze |
i dont know if this will help, it works for me sometimes.... sometimes i read it and laugh more times at the moment i cry but that helps as well.
You can shed tears that he is gone, Or you can smile because he lived, You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back, Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see him Or you can be full of the love that you shared, You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember him and only that he is gone Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on, You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your back, Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on its been 5 months since i lost my dad to an aortic aneurysm, or in other words someone pulling the rug from under you and hitting you over the the head. i left him the night before,with a hug thankfully and he was gone by 10.am the next day. doesnt matter how hard i try it still feels like yesterday.. tc steash. |
Hi Justice
My father died 11 years ago on Fathers day. i hpoe my poem helps a little. Can i make it through this day, will my heart, and mind hold out will the tears subside today, and if need be can i shout. Will i be able to carry you aloft, inside your wooden box? Will time stand still, no 'tick no tock' upon the church yard clock. Will my eulogy to you, describe your life, and fill the church with tears. Will the congregation share my loss, their you friends, your colleagues, your peers. The time has arrived to say goodbye, with a rose in hand and a tear in the eye. I wish you peace and rest forever, my one true friend, the best forever. Let the church bells ring, and hearld you leaving this earth. May the angels above prepare for your death, and the beauty of re-birth. Take care of you |
hi i to am struggling with this loss. my dad died jan 24, 2007. i do not have any ideal how to deal with this. that is why i have came here. i to am searching for answers. i feel as if my entire world has ended. i am 40 years old, married, have a 15 year old son, a brother and sister, and my mom is living with me now. with this many people around me i can not figure out why i feel so alone. my dad died with copd. i watched for almost a month as he struggled to breathe. he became like a stranger near the end. withouot the right amount of oxygen he begin to be out in left field. i was there the night he passed on. it has been almost a year and each night i close my eyes i not only hear his last breath i also see it. mediciene does not help with the sleep issue.
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i lost my dad on 25 june 2007 and to be honest i really dont think i will ever get over it, i mean its been 6 months and i still cry everyday for him and when i close my eyes i see him laying in his hospital bed with no life in him or i see the funeral car pulling away with my dad in the back of it in a box, you may think im angry and maybe i am but no one knows just how much i loved my dad. and even writing this im choking back the tears, my family try to help by i block them cause im trying to save them my pain, i mean why should my family have to deal with my pain as well as their own, its too hard and i know that one day i will see him again but that seems like forever. does anyone else get like this.
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everyday
laura, i am so sorry for your loss.
i hate that but at least its a start..."does anyone else feel that way?" yes every day of my life.. i lost my dad in January, i saw him in the same place and watched the car...... angry, guilty ,sad, happy, screaming, lost .... there are parts of me that does not even know where to start ? but then there is also my family... they are huge part of my life and strange as it may seem, trust me you would have to meet them, they can help you. my life, is that they reminded me why i didnt have anything to do with them before he died! but then my sister, who had even less contact with them than i did, has found comfort with them. we all find look to find answers.... you might just find that opening up and talking to your family you too could find at the very least some comfort or understanding.. if not we are always here to listen.. big hugs steash |
So Sorry!
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Hello Jessica, I feel your pain. Are you OK?
I see that you posted in this thread today and I just wanted you to know that we're all here for you, even if we have no wonderful words of wisdom. I lost my own Mom & Dad in 1980 & 1985 which is before some of the members here were even born. I'm in my 50's now, but that doesn't make grief any easier to bear, I can assure you of that. Naturally I still I remember my parents, and I most definitely (still) feel the pain of their leaving. I don't know if you'll believe this right now, but the pain does ease over time. The memories remain but those awful painful, teary days and nights do ease. I hope the pain eases for you before too much longer Jessica, and I know that's easy for someone else to say, but I've been there, and the only thing that eased my own pain was time. Please feel free to send me a personal message (PM) if you want to talk. I send you lots of hugs. Anne |
Hi Jessica! I see Anne has already welcomed you, and I just read your post, which also touched me. I lost my dear Mother last June and have been struggling w/missing her ever since, so I understand how you feel.
She was so energetic and in my life every day, but fell ill and 3 1/2 wks later, was gone. I have accepted losing her, but I miss her presence in my life so much. That's what's hard, so Yes, I understand. Time heals, tears help and talking about your loss is good therapy. Please know that there are many members here who can relate to your sorrow and sadness. Have you gone over to the New Members Intro thread yet? If you feel like it, please post and intro yourself. Many more members will see it there and you'd be surprised how supportive and warm this board can be. Please make yourself at home and I am sorry for your loss, but your Dad knew you loved him. take care Jessica and hope to see you posting again. |
cuddle
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"cuddle" strange word to you guys but trust me it beats a hug hands down... it means, to me anyway, that " for just a split second in time someone wraps their arms around you and makes the world okay" i lost my dad a year ago... feels like yesterday.. i cry everyday.. i wish i could find the words to make you feel better. i'll just try this ... big hugs, huge cuddles... your not alone love from the other side of the planet steash x :hug: |
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