Anyone else dependent on others? (Driving)
 

Life is quite different giving up that freedom. I don't care to go out because of my hypercusis and over-stimulation issues. Late at night a trip to the gas station or Walgreens all by myself would feel like a tiny piece of freedom though.

Anyone else in this position?

Peace, Jace

From my bitter irony files...I must often accept rides from the person who drove me into a tree 37 years ago. He emerged from the steaming wreck with nary a scratch, while my skull punched out one of Detroit's finest windshields.

Driving
 

Hi Jace,

I could not drive earlier on in my recovery. My hubby drove everywhere and got me to all my appts.

When I was ready, I did really short trips (3 miles in and out of town) and took back roads to avoid the highway. It worked and it made me so tired too. Sometimes I'd take a 2 hour nap after a short drive.

Could you try a super short trip and have someone with you to just test how it goes?? If you got overwhelmed and needed to pull over then your driving buddy could take over.

It's just a thought.

Take care

pm

It is hard to depend on others
 

I have not been able to drive for 18 months now and have to depend on my teenage sons to drive me everywhere.

At the beginning I spent 3 months in bed and my son had to feed me, take care of the bills house etc. After that he had to take me to all of my appoints (sometimes 4 or 5 a week).

He has his own life and has to make a lot of accommodations to do everything. I feel guilty that it is too much for him, he also does errands for my elderly mother and drive my youngest around.

In the last few months I have been allowed to take a bus and I have really enjoyed the independence and just getting out of the house. Sometimes I will just go down to MacDonald's for a drink and sit there.

The other night my son let me drive just down a quiet road, I could not believe how much I enjoyed and missed just getting in the car and going somewhere. You really miss your independence and going somewhere when you want to and not when it fits in with others.

Due to my vision issues my reaction in a car slower than desired and I still believe that streets with a lot of cars is too much distraction for me.

My OT is hoping to get me driving lessons and you can get tested to see how you drive with a disability.

It is certainly a hugh adjustment to your life style, but hopefully in time we will both be driving.

Ken, PoetryMom, & Norma,

That's a tough one to hear Ken. It's hard to get my mind around that.

I don't know when I will drive. I have a lot of vestibular issues and anxiety n PTSD while riding in a car. It's still very difficult. My body reacts without my consent.

Some days I want to escape alone somewhere quiet but I'm easily overstimulated and then the brain goes into shutdown mode. People would think I'm a drug user.

I miss independence but I'm afraid of it too. Does that make sense?

We are fortunate to have family. Someday I will ... (So many things could go here).

Thanks for sharing your stories. It's comforting to be understood.

Peace, Jace

I've driven less than 6,000 miles since the summer of 2001. It is a tough way to live in our mobile society but it can be done. I only drive in low traffic areas during my good days / time. As we say in my house, Is this a driving day ? This relates to how good my focus on my environment and tasks at hand are. Some days are much better than others.

My best to you.

Yes, I feel the same. Life takes on a whole new perspective huh? Many days I feel like a teenager and my 25 year old son is now the parent determining when I'm allowed to use my OWN car, how much money I can spend (can spend too much sadly). I can't live alone since I forget to do things like pay the bills so it feels like I've gone backwards. lol

Feeling a loss of independence has been the most difficult thing throughout this whole life change. The irony for me is before my accident as a single mom I thought it would be great to have someone take care of things for me, even as a self-reliant personality type it seemed like a dream come true to be lifted of some burdens. Now that it isn't a choice, or a dream, I'm not so wild about truly needing others to thrive. Hindsight makes me more careful of the things I wish for since I might get them in ways I never imagined. ;-) I also fear I'll turn into a recluse never leaving the house again because the world is too loud - or else turn to being a superhero using my new heightened abilities of hearing and light detection to thwart bad guys. lol

Kristy

Kristy,

Wow, I needed that laugh I got by the end of your post. I'll join your superhero crew but with my mental fatigue I'm better for the morning shift around 10.

My sense of humor just started coming back this month and I'm enjoying it.

I hate people deciding when I can go out somewhere (not that I want to go out into the always too loud world) and what I spend also. I don't make the best decisions yet. I was also very independent and it stinks.

I hope I can eventually drive. My eyes and brain aren't friends and my body reacts intensely in the car to sounds and perception, and that's just sitting in the back seat!

Day by day!

Peace, Jace

Kris,

There are many ways you can reclaim parts of your life. Studies show that electronic systems like smart-phones, iPads, and such can be a big help. You can set up alarms and prompts to take care of tasks, especially those tasks that repeat each month. I use the timer on the stove anytime I turn the stove on. I set it for 5 minutes or less so that if I walk away, the timer will go off and call me back to the stove. You can do the same thing with a smart phone.

I know a tbi victim who uses an iPad to say sentences and phrases when he is stressed and struggling to find words, etc.

Don't be afraid to use cheat systems like these. I have many tricks for getting things done.

My best to you.

Mark,

Great idea on the stove. That's one of my major problems with my memory. I forget I'm cooking if I leave the kitchen or get distracted. Burnt food is not good.

Will use this. Thanks!

Peace, Jace

Hi Jace,
I understand how you feel. I have not been able to drive since 2009. I also just find it hard to even be in a car at all even with someone else driving. I don't know what it is about driving- maybe too much stimulation and having to sit so long hurts my back and causes my pain to spike. It is really hard to adjust to these new ways of living but I have found that things do get better. I can now go into the mall for a very short time without having such severe effects.
You know what? It is ok to just take some time out from the world for awhile. It is ok to isolate yourself as much as needed in order to cope with these problems. I have had to and I have discovered ways to cope. I have learned meditation. I am also finding that slowly- I am making progress. I have recently found some new friends and talk on the phone a little. That is something I avoided for years. I also go out with one of my friends now about once or twice a month. I just have to limit my time out of the house to only a few hours at a time and only once or twice a week but that is huge progress for me. I have found things are getting better. I have learned my limitations and am learning to work around them.
I have not been on this site much lately because I have found that the more I can keep my mind busy with other things, the better I feel and function. It has been important not to just sit and dwell on the disabilities. I have actually been writing a book about my near death experience. I posted a little thread on a different website about it and I have like 21,000 followers. I had a wealthy investor see my story and he is paying to have my story published into a book. So you see, I did find a way to reach out and connect with others even being mostly home bound. I may have even found a way that I can make a living while working around all these health problems. I have found that I am a very good writer.
Don't give up and don't let these new found limitations on your life get you down. You still have a life and with time you will find that things either get better or you get better at managing the problems. I have found that the key word is "management". I have learned that I have a very fine line that I have to balance. I am still learning how to manage this balance but am making progress. I send you love and encouragement.
Just wanted to drop in and say "hi" to everyone also and give you all a little update on how I am doing. I thank you guys a lot for being there for me. I hope you all are doing well and trying to stay positive. I send my love to you all. :hug:
Brain Patch

Wonderful to hear from you Brain Patch! Sending you hugs! :hug:

On the topic of the thread, being able to drive very short distances in a very low traffic area was one of THEE biggest accomplishments of my recovery. (At about six months)

I now drive every day, but have never driven longer than a few minutes. Love my small city. Can get anywhere in 10 mins or less.

Long trips, I get chauffeured. :wink:

Glad to hear from you also Ms. Rio! I am really happy that you are doing so well!
Nothing wrong with being chauffeured. That is what I have to do.
Maybe someday we will all be able to return to driving. Until then- being chauffeured works. Love to you all and especially you Ms. Rio :hug:.