Just angry
 

I am so, so, angry. I don't know where this is coming from, unless it is the Navy Yard. I get so bothered by the wretched stuff going on in the world. Now they are up in arms because the dude that shot everyone up has mental illness. I am so sick of this stuff. I am so sick of TV too. I reduced my cable as low as I could go (lowest fios package) I am thinking about getting rid of it all together.

I want to run away from all of this. I hate it. I have been isolating totally since it happened. Yesterday my neighbor came home who was it of town. I was weathering his garden while he was out town and he came over to let me know he and his wife were home. I said ok thank you and, then another neighbor came out and another came home....I had a little attack and just ran inside. I was just getting too many questions and got way overwhelmed.

I love my yoga teacher training course. It is one weekend a month. The class is winding up meeting every Wed and every Sat for extra practice. I can't do it man. I can't have that big of a commitment. I like the class because it is only one weekend a month. I have to stay true to myself and do what I can despite who else in the class is doing what.

I hope you all have a good day.

Hi,

I have a very low tolerance for news, so I understand. Often I am not upset by one specific thing. In general, after a few minutes, I feel bombarded by negative and/or violent and/or tragic and/or ominous *stuff* that I have absolutely no control over. If the news-du-jour involves "victims" there's nothing I can do for them. My feeling rotten is not helping them. I can only help myself by staying as clear of the news as I need to.

I am sorry about your yoga class. It should be something good for you, not an added source of consternation. Just do what you can do. Be true to yourself, indeed. :hug:

Feel better. :hug:

waves

Hi,

The tv news shows are not in existence to provide information. They exist to make money and they do that with sound and visuals and editing cuts that produce anxiety. They want us to keep watching and they have gotten good at it.

I have not watched any news at all this week . . . mostly I have been too busy and focused on managing myself . . . I do not want to know about this event.

My sister and my friend gave me barebones info over the phone and I read a time line on the internet.

I am letting other people handle it. I figure the authorities, activists, reporters and such can do their jobs while I stay out of it. I trust them to do what they usually do.
I can let this event and its ramifications stay out of my orbit. This is probably the first time I have done this to this extent and it feels great.

'Sorry that you are hurting.

Mari

continue to take care of yourself. WE don't have cable so that is not a problem we can watch public broadcasting if we want but mostly don't watch tv in general so it is not an issue. I listen to npr on the radio fair and balanced reporting in my book.
go to yoga whenever you want to not when someone else goes.
stick to your guns...it is supposed to be a source of stress release not a stress creator!
bizi

My husband likes to watch the news. But I don't.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I know what you mean. I watched very little of this weeks event. It's to upsetting,and hearing people who don't know what they are talking about is sickening.

We've come a long way. We are trying to put the stigma of mental health issues behind. The public needs to have balanced education on mental health issues. BF:hug::hug::hug:

first tdoc watched Nightline
 

My first tdoc told me that he watched Nightline (This was many years ago).

He said it was "orienting."
I took that to mean that it grounded him. . . . or helped him get his bearings before he went to bed for the night.

In other words, he used that show as a tool for how he dealt with his day.
It might have been the only news show he watched.

M

Thanks guys,
 

It is so frustrating. I am grateful for you all.

I am thinking very seriously about eliminating cable to just basic local channels. Granted, I will just get the news....the thing I wish to avoid but I won't have the Real Housewives or other mean spirited shows that I continue to watch and get upset about.

As far as yoga goes, I canceled an extra weekend long workshop that I signed up for. I don't go to all the training that people are attending. I will do what I can and see how I do. I have the physical energy but not the mental.

Yesterday I told Trip to the vet to make sure he didn't have an infection from the Pit-bull bites and there were two new "just out of high school looking girls" and I swear they were snickering at me. I almost lost my mind and said something to the . Thank God I didn't.

The other day my neighbor came across the street and was talking to me. I have explained to him and his wife before about my fear of people and sometimes I can't be around them. Well, just in from out of town he came over to tell me about his trip and thank me for watering his flowers. Then he patted my back and I said Zion, I am feeling tortured by having to be out here, I need to go I side. He kept talking. Then he said, what happened? Something terrible happened to you while I was out of town. I said no John, this is my life, this is bipolar. Then he offers support and an ear to talk to-- the last thing in the WORLD I want. I have explained to him time and time again. He just doesn't get it and that is ok. I will continue to stay on lock down. The problem is I washed my car in my drive close to 5pm. John was talking to me, them another neighbor wanted to talk, and another. I just felt like people were coming at me w knives and John kept talking. I got a little rude and took care of myself and went inside. Then I had to pick up the bucket, brushes, sponges.....and John came BACK.


I went to my psychiatrist yesterday and he says I need to act like like everything just fine if I don't want anything back from society, don't reveal anything. To me this is interesting. I have never thought of it. I always say what I am feeling. I am gonna try not to say what is going on. I am going to say everything is just fine.

I am going to go to the new house this weekend, find AA, a yoga class and enjoy the town. books to read, yoga to practice....that is is.

I hope you all have a nice weekend.

Good luck with the new strategy.

I agree with your pdoc that too much disclosure can invite unwanted attention.

If you have to walk away from situations, it's ok to do that too... maybe try not to wait until the last minute when you are already frantic. Better to walk away calmly when you start getting yellow-alert feelings. If you want to offer an explanation, stay away from personal stuff. Use trite excuses like you have to feed the dog or check on some cooking.

You have a good weekend too! :)

waves

The new place will be a new beginning fresh start. place to set into motions some new rituals etc. also a chance to learn how to better respond to neighbors, in ways that you can deal with.
sorry your neighbor was not listening to you.
bizi

My nurse practitioner told me Thursday that I also have a PTSD variant. That's the first time that I've heard those two words used together. I've never been to war,so that's why the word variant was added I suppose. I've most certainly been bullied in many ways in the public. As a adult,I've been emotionally harassed,and fussed at,and threatened over many issues.

People make tremendous mistakes when injuring us. People who are so called emotionally normal never get these emotional issues,and they may turn around,and injure us again.:thud:

I understand everything of what you are saying. I have cameras outside connected to monitors inside,and I can see if someone is outside,even at night. These cameras make me feel secure day,and night. I've had these cameras for years,and they work well for my comfort. I don't like to go out if someone is out there. I just get to uncomfortable. BF:hug::hug::hug:

i have ptsd too...i was in an explosion and badly burnt(smooth burns no scars)
I tell people i am bipolar....on the phone it has often worked for me. for instance i called the irs for help and was given an advocate and when i explained why my anxiety was going through the roof, the advocate said that he had a brother who had problems. I got kid glove treatment after that for the many times i had to deal with him. Other people also tell me in response that they have a family member or friend with problems and they too are understanding.
your neighbor sounds toxic....he would irritate me big time. I isolate myself a lot so i don't have to deal with obnoxious people. can you tell him next time that you really appreciate his being kind to you but you would prefer to be left alone..i guess that is confrontation that i hate also but it sounds like only the direct way would help you survive the situation. I have to confront somebody soon but he was just told he has cancer. He doesn't get the clues that i only want him as a friend if that.
Bobby

Ptsd
 

Hi ya and good morning! You know the biggest pisser about my neighbors is? I take care of their house when they are gone. Water the mass of flowers and plants in front of and in back of their house, collect their papers and pick up door hangers so people don't know they are out of town. They were going to look after my house by merely picking up my papers....I came home from a weekend out of town to two soaking wet news papers like logs laying on the drive. I am done.

TBI, PTSD-Bipolar- maybe it is age, maybe it just doesn't matter to me what people think but I tell people I am working with I have all this stuff. I appreciate the extra help. Yesterday I got a statement for my retirement pay. They were taking money out of my check for my spouse. I don't have a spouse. Took a lot to recognize the problem and then do something with it. Getting the energy to make phone calls to sort stuff out is soooooooo hard for me. Anyway, I called got it fixed.

BF I LOVE THE CAMERA IDEA. I really wish I had that. Good for you. I like the fact that when I get in my car and put it in gear the doors lock. It is funny, I am so protective of myself but my mind slips and I will forget to close the garage door with the house door wide open.....sheesh.

I am glad that you got the retirement pay straightened out!!!!!
good for you!
bizi

TBI/PTSD. Are you OK? BF:hug::hug::hug:

Hi ya guys,
 

I went to the new house this weekend and worked in the garden for two days, it was fine. I love working in the garden, thank you I for looking out BF. We don't have any services connected out there. I have my phone but it is kinda small.

We overhauled the yard. I was feeling very much like I didn't want to see anyone so I worked in the back yard. In the herbs. We have well had an exorbitant amount of lemon verbena, now we just have some. Oregano, mint, chives, chocolate mint, Italian parsley, and some other things that I can't recall. I dug up several box woods for my mom.i like helping her out. We work real well together, always have.

I haven't been practicing or studying yoga or running. Just yard work which I guess counts for something.

I am going to the fios store today to cut cable. I am excited about not paying for TV anymore.

Thanks for looking out for me again BF.

does this mean you won't have internet at the new house?
bizi
when are you moving?

I love the description of the herb garden. Do you dry them and cook with them?

Cutting cable help cuts down on access to news and that is a good thing.

Mari

One time when I lived in the capital city of my state,I actually got fed up with cable TV,and I actually snipped the cable with wire cutters,and cancelled the service.

The guy who came to my apartment to end the service asked me why I cut the cable cord. I forgot what I said. Down the road I ended up ordering cable service again because of boredom,and I take the bad with the good. That was before I bought a computer. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Internet
 

Bizi,
We will get all the services set up out there when we live there. Now we just spend weekends there working. I am afraid that Internet is something I can't live without! I gotta have my neuro talk people around!

Herbs
 

Hi Mari
I do want to dry them so we can cook with them. I think i will cut some to dry next time I am out there before the winter.

I love to cook and that will be a nice touch.

You know with all of this medical diagnosis and life changing events I am realizing what a green person I have become. I have totally evolved since I have quit trying to be someone else!

Bf, bf, bf!
 

I can relate to so much of what you say. Yesterday I made it into the cable store to discuss my bill. I could save $20 per mos which isn't Thet month. I old get only the basic channels and PBS (Downton Abbey)!

I know it is silly to get so wrapped around this but I started thinking that with the basic channels I will only get the local news channels if I keep cable I can divert with HGTV or whatever.

I have will the facts now so I will continue to grate my mind over what to do!
Have a great day.

Hi,

Then keep the cable. You can always cut it sometime in the future.

I find that do not deal with change very well.
My hubby frequently tells me about a different cable / internet/ phone plan that he wants to use because it will save money. I tell him to let me have what I already have. One reason is that none of his plans would really save us more money -- only inconvenience me.
I truly hate change so I know what you are talking about.

I watched Downtown Abbey for two and half seasons and loved it for a while. But I wish I could be watching Homeland on Showtime like I was last winter before hubby convinced me to agree to one of his changes dumb changes.

Mari

Regarding the herbs:

For different taste experiences, I believe that you could try freezing some of them in baggies or ice cube trays. Freezing sounds easier to me because my mother had an extra freezer and used to dump all kinds of things in there. For example, I used to pick wild black berries in the summer, put them in baggies in the freezer, and then make cobblers for the family during the winter.
http://gardening.about.com/od/vegeta...reezeHerbs.htm

Mari