A rude awakening
 

The pride thread by Chris66 has had me thinking a lot about what makes us want to help others, and what makes us want to refuse help. It's a tough nut to crack and I'm sure we have many unique situations among us.

I recently met a friend whose MS is rearing its ugly head at her in many similar ways as mine does me. I have one speed, slow. My friend is stuck in the creeper gear too, and as often as I refuse help and get annoyed by others who want to help me do things faster, I found myself eager to jump in and help her somehow.

The feeling that I needed to somehow help her, with no regard for the reality that I can do no better, really sunk in on me. I felt rather muddled as it struck me that my thoughts leapt so quickly to the "fix-it" mode when I, myself, detest that kind of treatment.

I've had an awakening of compassion for those around me in my daily life. There is an enormous sense of powerlessness that I'd never before recognized. I think I felt much the way my family and friends must feel as they watch me decline and have no way to slow or ease my progression. I can only imagine the frustration they must feel, knowing how frustrated I can get, and how much more I've accepted this lot in my life than they.

I think I've just walked a mile in the others' moccasins.

You are truly a wonderfully sensitive and compassionate person. Your family is lucky to have you and yes, I bet its tough on them to see your daily struggles. Sometimes I think its harder to be the caregiver than the patient.

Thank you, BBS, you give me far too much credit, I'm still learning how to be a grown-up.;) I think you're right on that it's harder to be the caregiver, whenever the latest bashing of disease happens to me, I often think of how glad I am that it's me and not one of mine going through this.

NOPE not to much credit at all......shes everything you say BBS and more....
I know personally.......and I know if she says she had an awakening then the earth must have shook.......we have talked alot about this very topic....how it pains me that I cant help her (cuz she doesnt want it) now she understands and I am overjoyed about that.......

AMN does that mean I have to hold the door open for ya now instead of lettingit slam in your face?????lolOr that I can go ahead and help ya up when ya fall instead of putting my foot on your tummy shouting Queen of the MT????

Luv,
Kay

I grew up with a disabled father He had a severe case of Rheumatoid arthritis, WE six kids learned when to offer help and when he did not want help. If he wanted help, he would ask for it. WE had a buzzer system installed in every house we lived in, and we frequently used it to summon each other. I was three short buzzes, my older brother was two short, my younger brother was four short. My Father did not stray too far from one of the buzzers And all of us could recognize his buzzes, and often his mood too from the way he buzzed.
I know how fortunate I was and still am to have had a disabled father. He thought me how to be sick, what I should and should not do. And I can absolutely confirm that disease strikes everyone in the house, whether they want it or not. For all of us, it was alway a pleasure and an honor when you were called to help him
and that taught me not to be afraid to ask for help. If you need help, people will happily respond. If you do not ask, you can deprive them along with yourself, and that's foolish. When I asked my father about it, he said that many people do not allow the sick to do what they can, and it robs sick people of some of their dignity...which is he other side of the coin.

God bless ya Michael. My feelings exactly! It was a gift to be able to help care for my father during his final stages and ultimate death from Alzheimer's.

Cindy is a very wise person regardless of how much she says she isn't. As Kay says, once you meet her, you know how much instantly!

Michael, you have said so much in your post that hit home. My dad also had RA and would not let anyone help him. He was as stubborn as I am and also taught me a lot about when not to ask for help and when to be sick and let someone else help you. I spent the last 2 weeks of his life sitting by his bedside. That was the best (and worst) 2 weeks of my life.

Thank you for the reminder, both you and Cindy.

*buzz* *buzz* *buzz*

Thanks, Michael, it helps to know that helping doesn't bother others as much as asking bothers me. I just feel that if I can do it, I want to do it until it's just impossible.

I've just had an old friend in town for a couple days and had a wood project I needed to do, she decided that we would devote one of our only 2 days together to tackle it and finish it. We had such a good time and her legs helped so much. She did tell me that she was thrilled that I let her help me in a meaningful way.

I'm just so accustomed to being the one at the beck and call of everyone else. Ugh, it's just the way I'm wired, or something.:o


FFM, you may continue to push me over and let rocks fall on my head, it's too fun to watch your face!

Stop flattering me, you dingbats, I'm still a hag and Cec' will attest to it!

No flattery coming from me..... ha! I know how stubborn you are AMN, as I'm like that too. I detest asking for help and hate the defeat I feel when I finally relent and have to ask. I AM the one who is supposed to take care of everyone else.... When did that sneak up on me and change?????

Hope your'e getting a little R and R now that your'e by yourself (not to forget Dad too).

Try not to get into any trouble for a couple of days...... RELAX!!

*I can vouch for the "hag" title* :winky:

I personally have not had the pleasure of meeting AMN face to face but I have been helped by her from a distance and I am dearly thankful for her..... a little pushy but she did help!

I have had a hard time dealing with the fact that I at times need help. I hate to even ask DBF to open a jar or bottle for me but since my hands have grown weak I at times need to. He tells me "it is ok to ask for help" but I being the stubborn female I am can't seem to grasp that....

Dingbat like the rest of us? Yes. Hag. No.

Oh~Oh!! Cec is going "soft" on us... What to do??? What to do????

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrring!!!! I need help..someone??? Is there anyone out there that can help me keep AMN in her place?????

*biting nails*:thud:

Quick! Hit me! I'll snap out of it.

You say that now... but what's to say you won't hit BACK?? Huh??!!!

reliving past memories of pain and suffering,
becca44

:smirk:

I happen to know that you are all a bunch of phoney Biotch wannabees.. :I-Agree:

When, in reality...:You-Rock:

:grouphug:

SSSHHHHHHH could ya not say that to loud????

Dont ruin our bad reputation.....lol

LOL, like it's some kind of secret! (Part one, that is.)

Yeah right! :rolleyes:

You're the sweetest, SallyC. How is it you're so nice? Like...genuinely nice? ?

becca44 pondering life, scratching chin...

:)

:I-Agree:...........

Oh Gawd...puke..:D I'm not all that nice, just real. I've lived a lot of years and known a lot of people. I calls em as I sees em! ....and you people are the best of the best.....Aren't You?:cool:

:grouphug: Squeezing the sh** out of you all.:D

*peeling Sal off my neck*

Knock it off, Broad!:mad:

:thud: FINE! See if we EVER say another nice thing about you......I'll just bug you:Poke: and if you want to squeeze that hard you might get out of the way.....it could get messy:ROTFLMAO:

:icon_lol: :icon_lol: :icon_lol: :icon_lol: :icon_lol: Glad I could pi$$ you off.:icecream:

Yeah, I have to rethink that squeeze, expecially with MS People.:eek:

LOL, you have a gift, that's for sure!:Deliberate:

Yes! Of course we're the best of the best!
And all this puking has got to stop ....and the hugging, too. I must get hold of myself and come to my senses (purposely takes up a brisk pace and walks headlong into door)

note to self: compliment Sally sparingly.

;)

DM handing out "barf" bags stolen from airplane....

Step aside, there's enough to go around for everyone....:eek:

Putting plastic bags over shoes.... Might get messy!

Ok Ok, I am a nice person. Thank you Becca, for the compliment. I guess I havent fooled anyone.

I tried very hard to be a curmudgeon, but even Ian said, I am just to damn nice to be effective..LOL

:o

Hey DM, you don't have to steal those barf bags from the airplane! They are yours for free! They aren't reusable. :Hum:

THought they were ONE per customer FG!!! Let's see, I got this one when I flew to NC, and this one...oh you'll love this one... It's got a real purty picture on it. And the last one..... YIKES! :yikes: It's been used!!!

*shoving used barf bag in AMN's pocket as she walks by*..:D

*reaching into pocket for keys*

Oh, NASTY!!!:mad:

*turning back just in time to see dm looking waa-aay too innocent*

Dangit, you little cuss, C'MERE!:mad:

When I said you could return the favor after lunch today, I MEANT THAT YOU'D PAY NEXT TIME, YOU TWIT!

:D :D :D :D All in a day's work....

*DM walks off whistling*

Now that's a rude awakening!

;)

Just curious... how do you all know each other? You seem to have prior relationships that you are referring to and I'm wondering how and from where everyone seems to know everyone else?

Sorry Wannabe, you're right. We've all had MS for awhile and know each other from other boards. Jump in any time, we're always game to new friends!

*rubbing Wannabe's little head*

Some of us have even met in person (and frankly, it was a little scary!).

Wannabe, most of us know each other from MSWorld;)

Hi Wannabe! Please jump in anytime and help me defend myself.... I need all the help I can get from a couple of bullies around here...

You see, I'm the weak one that's always the last one at the end of the herd.... You know, the one the lion always gets.....

Nice to know you Wannabe. and looking forward to knowing you better.

DM you are so full of those baked beans! I can hear you tooting all the way here.

Wannabe, don't believe a word she says! ;)

Weak. AMN! Do you hear that? Weak??? LOL! Wait til Denny hears that one!

Ha! If only her lousy beans were so "weak". Huh.