Suicidal Depression
 

Hello,

Not posted in a while as I went in to such a severe depression I couldn't function (suffered a concussion from a car accident in late March of this year)

I went from feeling "down" to depressed to feeling suicidal for 2 months, finally went out of the house in sheer desperation to see my Dr. who wanted to put me in the hospital (didn't want to go) and who increased my Anti-depressant which has started to work.

I have suffered from major depression for years, was on Wellbutrin which was a miracle for me and was stable for 4 years until the concussion.

Would like to know what others feel about suffering a suicidal depression (didn't end it all because of my children..) after a concussion and with history of pre-existing depression?

I am certain the concussion sent me in to a tail spin but several people don't believe it.

Thanks for any help, this is hell :(

Yes, I had minor depression before the concussion (controlled with a very low dose of anti-depressants) which got MUCH worse afterwards. Like you, I started having serious suicidal thoughts and had to up my anti-depressants significantly. I did end up being hospitalized once before my medications got adjusted properly.

It's not surprising, since depression is a symptom of concussion, that those of us with pre-existing depression are impacted especially hard by this aspect of a head injury.

I Can Relate
 

Sorry you are having this depression. I have Major Depression and everyday was a struggle of "When"??? I am taking the lowest dose of Pristiq 50mg and now have depression under control for most day's. I had little depression before accident which run's in my family, but I never had to take antidepressants before until after accident. I hope you find some relief soon. I also get Community Acupuncture done weekly only $15!!
I STRONGLY SUGGEST THE COMMUNITY ACUPUNCTURE TO ALL WITH TBI:grouphug:

I agree with you
 

From having my concussion I have spiralled into major depression and was hospitalised for a while.

What I didn't realise until I got help was that I've been depressed for a good few years although it was mild. I always just thought it was normal to feel the way I did and I was just 'one of those negative people'. My consultant helped me realise that I'd been struggling for a long time and it wasn't normal at all.

In my case, I can definitely say from the concussion my depression is steadily getting worse.

The way the psychiatrist explained it to me was like a set of scales. Most people are pretty balanced in the positive side and the negative side but I was slightly lopsided (more weight on the negative) but still managing to keep both sides off the ground. Then came the concussion and it was as if a massive weight was suddenly dropped into the negative side. The whole scale was knocked off kilter and the positive had no way to try to balance itself out again.

He explained it way better than what I just wrote but hopefully that makes sense!

I also was extremely depressed to the point where I refused to get out of bed or take a shower or even brush my teeth. My husband had to dress me and wash me although I wasn't physically disabled. I just didn't care. All I wanted back then is to die. :(

My PCP prescribed celexa - it took me about 3 weeks to get to the no-depression at all stage. It was such a relief for all of my family. Although after my setback I'm starting to feel this familiar depression signs again :(

Good luck to you! I hope you'll find the right cure for your condition!

Well, I believe it!

My experience was similar, except it was Lexapro that pulled me out of it. Yes, it was about 3 weeks or so for it to start working. I have had zero problems with suicidal depression since then. In fact, I may not even have a problem with depression any more, but I'm afraid to go off the Lexy and go through a three-week wait again.

Incidentally, it was my spiritual system that kept me from actually taking my life. It is against my spiritual beliefs to commit suicide, depression not withstanding. I'm glad I didn't now.

Thank you all for your replies, sorry haven't answered before today, just so difficult doing anything right now.

I am so, so sorry you are all going through this, it truly is beyond terrible.

I also didn't want to wash/brush my hair, brush my teeth etc, my husband also had to physically help me do it all.

Thoughts of ending it all over took me and how to do it, God forbid surviving or being brought back.
Right now I don't feel that way, those feelings have subsided but I know they are right there in the background, what a struggle.

I could feel the depression getting worse and worse (couldn't make myself go to the doctor) feeling suicidal for 2 months my husband literally dragged me out of the house and she could see how bad my depression was. My husband then told me he was going to call someone to get me in a hospital, he didn't know what to do. (Wouldn't have been very popular but now I know he just wants to help)

The increase of Wellbutrin has brought me up a little.

Thank you again, it does help to know I'm not nuts but sorry that others are going through this,hugs to everyone :grouphug:

Pristiq ? Major Depression & TBI
 

I have had a history of depression...which really got worse after my husband passed away a year ago. Was finally improving was on Wellbutrin & Adderal (for ADD) but then this past March I had a severe fall...which gave me a fractured nose, wrist, & TBI...the TBI was diagnosed later...due to the fact the ER I went to didn't do a CT scan. Was having memory problems...some speech stuttering & slight gait problem. Then the end of the same month I had a grand mal seizure...with some further oral injury... but this time I was admitted (a different hospital) & throughly checked out. Conclusion was seizure from the TBI & medication. Was taken off the combination of Wellburtrin & Adderal & put on Keppra for seizures & now on Pristiq 50mg & Neurotin for the last 3 months. Not much improvement but psych dictor told me to stay at the dose & hang in there. The Neurontin has been steadly increased for sleep...now up to 900mg at night. I only get dressed when I have to...cleaning house & paying bills is impossible. Dr now wants me to go to psych therapy....so tired of being a mess...any thought on medications... Pristiq & Neurotin ?

DEFINITELY go to psych therapy. The right one can really help. Plus it will get you out of the house once a week. Works for me :)

Follow doctor's orders but request new meds after six months if the Pristiq (which I've heard very good things about) doesn't start working. I took Cymbalta and it worked for years, I think Pristiq is the new improved Cymbalta. Other people might give different, better advice. You will get more responses, believe me.

I take Neurontin for pain and depression. Don't know if it helps but its cheap and physically quite harmless on the body)

For a month straight I answered the door for my Chinese food covered by a sheet because I didn't feel like dressing. Now, even if I don't leave the house I still get dressed. I've been in the psych ward for depression too. no shame in that if it ever gets that bad. It's kind of boring but better than the alternative, God forbid.

This injury stinks and definitely is harder on people with previous history of depression, like us, but it is not who we are.

And you matter..at least to me. And you will see other people that care answer. Believe me, sometimes these people are all I have, and that is enough at the time.

I might be putting my nose where it doesn't belong, but I think your husband would want you to get as much help as possible and be happy.....

Yes, your TBI is magnifying your depression.

Despite many life challenges, I absolutely didn't suffer from depression before my MVA. Afterwards...

Yes, now I wrestle with depression. That makes me a real inconvenience for lazy clinicians who just want to attribute PCS to people having "anxious personalities." I think the causes for my post injury depression are twofold.

Firstly, I believe the accident changed my brain chemistry. As I always say to doctors, who don't get it, "I don't have PCS because I'm depressed. I'm depressed because I have PCS." :Doh:

Secondly, I believe that it is a rational response to my current situation. I've lost my career, I've got chronic pain from spinal cord injuries, my relationships are strained, etc..., etc... If I was happy, then I really would be INSANE. Sadness, in response to genuine conditions, is not a pathology.

That said, it's a problem when it impairs, significantly, ones ability to participate in one's recovery and/or function in daily life.

I believe that the fact that I had no premorbid history of depression has allowed me to manage without medication. I can't imagine what it must be like for those of you trying to cope with this, on top of a preexisting condition. You are brave souls.

I second markneil's assertion that this is nothing to be ashamed of. I don't feel embarrassed because the mva herniated my discs, so why in heck should I feel weak or guilty about the depression it caused?

This stigma, and the meaningless distinction between "physical" and "mental," has got to go. The brain is an organ. Depression is a sign of organ malfunction. We don't tell people that their kidney disease is a product of their imagination and anxiety, we give them dialysis - and sympathy.

This falling back on blaming depression FOR pcs, instead of ON pcs, is a manifestation of doctors' inability to admit, even to themselves, that, at present, they cannot properly understand, let alone, effectively treat, TBI. It says a lot more about them, than it does about us.

The concussion almost certainly sent you into a tailspin. I have a history of depression, even sever depression. I was depression and antidepressant free until the concussion. Since then I have been depressed, from mildly to severely. The concussion was definitely the triggering event. Hang in there. I am right there with you. Not giving in for the sake of my son and other loved ones...

A quote I repeat often to myself is "Find a place inside where there is joy, and the joy will burn out the pain," by Joseph Campbell. I repeat it over and over and try to find even just a seed of joy to hold onto, like memories of my son. I also keep two crisis line numbers in my phone contacts.

I am so bored out of my mind that I do not look forward to another morning. It is dreadful to think about how I will spend another day.

You can pop on the board and welcome new sufferers. Seeing them type that I made them feel a little better actually gets rid of my pain for a little while. I think about how you are doing often and miss seeing you on the board. I know, I need to get off the computer and get out, and I have three appointments coming up with psych/neuro/pcp to try new angles after 9 years.

I think all of us wish deep down that there will be a day when we pop in here to say hi to old friends and then go about our lives. But until then, it is a GREAT place to figure out how to heal mentally and physically.

The depression can CRUSH you with brain injury. I used to box and NO BOXER ever hit as hard as this. It's about taking the punch and getting BACK UP, getting professional help and fighting on. There is no other choice.

I'm really sorry you're having such a difficult time too, Will.

I feel so exhausted...

Will, are you having trouble sleeping?

Have you talked to your doctor about how you're feeling so exhausted and low?

hang in there will. just this week i've told a couple people i no longer dread my days like i used to. well, today is a little darker--ebbs and flows when i wish it would just be a solid steep curve, but just know your day will come when you look around and realize the hours don't feel quite so heavy as they used to.

I was never depressed before my brain started acting silly.

My first brain injuries were a couple of major strokes after cardiac surgery - 5 years ago. Turns out if you have a stroke, the docs assume you'll be depressed and throw meds at you.

Sadly, every anti depressant I've ever had has had major side effects of suicidal thoughts and so on. I kept being hospitalized and forced to get even more meds - which made things even worse.

I feel very bad for anyone who has those horrible depressive thoughts naturally.

My TBI was very intense, and I had to go through the darned medication thing all over again.

Why don;'t doctors believe you when you say you can't tolerate anti depressants - even though it was all over my medical records - had to go through the whole thing again.

I have boxes of leftover anti-depressants around here - if I ever do get really bad someday, I know I can just grab a few handfuls and end it all. That is the only comfort I've ever gotten from those meds or any of the mental therapists.

Not seriously thinking about it, and I'm in too much pain, and I'm not cognitively able to do that.

Sending good thoughts to anyone who can use them.

Not to THRILLED that you get comfort from knowing you can end your life with the pills you have at home. And trust me, as one who's tried it twice, you end up SICK and the delusions are horrifying and you wake up after they rip the catheter out in four point restraint with nurse next to you...

I have stroke and brain injury and depression an OCD, and I know you have been through the mill..but we're still people and we still matter...I think antidepressants are given out flippantly, and since all this trouble started with an maoi and not following food rules, I am no fan of pharma, but it does have its place

If you are thinking about suicide,
please read this first...

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

I really sympathise Will.

I'm struggling with similar. I was never depressed before but now my mood feels really unstable, I don't feel like myself and the future doesn't feel very bright to me.
I'm 7 and a half months in (car accident in January) and I've gone from feeling numb to low to very low to episodes of breaking down crying which come out of nowhere.

I've finally taken the plunge and agreed to anti-depressants which I really didn't want to take. I'm a few days in and they're making me feel weirder and less like myself, I hope it passes :(

I was finding it hard to deal with the boredom too and felt mostly okay as long as I was occupied.

I've struggled finding work and so decided to start voluntary work to fill my time and keep me from going mad.
I've got an interview for that on Monday and then training for a few weeks before I start, but that has already made me feel better, knowing there's something coming up.

Maybe this is something you could try?
It's different for everyone, but I find helping others makes me feel good and there's not a lot that makes me feel good these days.

I've also started making plans (using a diary app on my phone to record them as otherwise I'd never keep track) so each day I have something happening to keep me occupied, visiting a friend, or shopping, or going for a bike ride and this is really helping.

I find the worst times for me are waking up with an entire day to fill where I haven't got anything planned.
I find it hard to get out of bed as there doesn't seem any point. Then I end up sitting on the sofa in silence thinking 'well, what now?'

I hope things get better for you, but remember, the depression is going to be there, PCS is a hard thing to deal with, but you have to take steps to help yourself.

Try a routine, try making plans with friends, or things to do, one a day, maybe try doing some voluntary work if you think that's something for you?

I'm still depressed, but I feel better than I did and I'm functional, but that's because I refuse to let this rule my life

Abbilee makes a good point: it is important to have things to look forward to. Volunteer work is good, if one doesn't allow it to become too taxing. If one isn't ready for that, just planning a quiet outing or anticipating a visit with a friend can be enough to keep us going.

I am also an advocate for pets. I can't meet all the needs of a dog, so I rescued a cat. I may not want to get out of bed in the morning, but the incessant meowing of "fill my bowl," forces me to get up. I'm needed - and I think that's a very important feeling for human beings.

It is very common for GPs to give SSRIs to TBI patients. Please be aware that, ironically, suicidal depression can be a side effect of these meds. If your doctor wants you to take them, please insist that, at least in the early days, you be under the close supervision of a qualified mental health specialist.

I have depression and anxiety. I believe that even though drugs may work temporarily, they are not necessarily the answer. After injury the brain may need help, a boost, to get it operating more normally. I have found that a vitamin regimen works very well and it has lifted my depression and anxiety. B12 (methylcobalamin) seems to do the trick for me, thanks Mark.

The point is, a so called chemical imbalance may not be the cause, but other physical issues may be involved, such as Injury and nutrition. If you can determine the cause, you can determine the treatment.

I have lived with depression and anxiety for years, but that is over now. I have eliminated processed foods (mostly) from my diet and I eat lots of fresh vegetables and fruit, and don't forget good fats and protein. That alone was not enough for the depression, but the vitamin regimen did the trick. So, I conclude that my depression at least is caused by the TBI and is treatable WITHOUT drugs.

Jamie

this is just a season
 

I was lucky because the doctor diagnosed my PCS two weeks after my car accident. I have been able to get the best doctors. I have had anxiety but each month it is getting less. I haven't been depressed. I got great advice five months ago "this is just a season, it will pass with time".

The first 51 year of my life, everything came easy. The last 6 months every grain I have made has cost pounds of pain. I will get my life back on track, I just don't know which track it will be. I am looking forward to figuring it out.