A date?
 

Been at Doug's, the one I have the crush on. We were together for about 5 or 6 hours today. He kind of asked me out. He said me and him should go play bingo together. I said okay. I sat next to him on the couch while he showed me pictures but then went back to my separate chair. There was chemistry sitting next to him but no one made a move. We listened to gospel music.

I wanna take things extra slow and it seems like he's not going to be pushy about rushing things.

barbara

Wow
 

How nice, A McDreamy....enjoy the BINGO, go!
Sweet dreams,
Di

thanks di.

((((((Barbara)))))),

Hey, I didn't know we had the same name :cool:

I like the word that Di used -- "McDreamy".

Sounds real nice -- someone that wants to get to know you -- I've been looking for one of those for decades :p

Go!! Enjoy!! Have fun!! Celebrate *LIFE* :D

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb

Thanks Barb,

Yea, my name is Barbara. My mom use to call me Barb.

befuddled2/barbara

AWESOME! I hope you both have a great time at Bingo. You might even win a few rounds who knows? :D That is so good that he asked you out, you both are going to really enjoy getting out for a bit. :D Way to go Barbara! :D

YOOHOO......great news..........;) Have fun at Bingo, hope you win.

Hugs, Nikko:D :hug:

Turning into a monster
 

Thanks yall. I have 2nd thoughts after tonight.

My friend Doug's attitude is seeming to get pissy towards others and even though he's nice to me, he is still talking over me. I know since he started the chemo and trying to quit smoking on and off he is developing an attitude problem. I don't know if I can take it as him and I have not developed too far for me to take this type of deal from him. However, if I can I still be friends with him I want to be friends with him only. I feel bad for Doug but with my insecurities and all his problems putting him on edge with others I am not liking what I see. It is going to be hard to get romatic with him now I'm afraid. I am also afraid that just tonight I gave him a card with one of the poems I wrote about hoping there was a spark between him and I which my lead him on now. If it scares him than that will be fine too.

befuddled2

You know, ((((((Barbara)))))), I have a feeling that some of your ability to 'sense' and to 'feel out' people was stifled during your marriage -- just like mine was.

If these senses are starting to awaken again in you, that's good. My son has got a favorite 'thing' that he says to me WAY TOO OFTEN. I've got a hard head :p He says just 'cause you make an agreement to do something NOW doesn't mean it's a lifetime commitment; you can always change your mind. Sort of think he might be talking to other Barbara's too :rolleyes:

If your instincts are telling you to back off a little or to back up -- listen to them.

Going out to bingo or bowling -- out with someone in a public area -- there's nothing wrong with that. You're not signing a pre-nup.

Just enjoy being with him. Learn what you can while you're with him. Help him -- cause he certainly sounds like he needs your help during this time. But, don't give your heart yet until you're SURE.

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb

It could be the combination of quitting smoking grrrrrrrrrrr that is not easy, and the chemo, so I wouldn't read much into.

Just have fun, take it slow. After a bad relationship, it is hard to start over, but you can do it as long as you feel it is right for you.

Hang in there, Enjoy.


Hugs, Nikko:hug:

Thanks Barb and Nikko,

It's been 3 long lonely nights and days without seeing Doug. I think this time apart from him has shed some light on things. If nothing else I will always cherish the memories I have with Doug. And i also realize that I need to be needed and Doug satisfies that need in me. I've tried calling him on the 2nd day of not hearing from him and the 3rd day, being today, but his number is not receiving any calls. I have not rang his doorbell like I've done in the past before we exchanged numbers. I've been drinking some to forget. I would take Doug's non incessant talking over me any time now that I haven't been seeing him. I told my sister earlier how Doug and I are so much alike that he can finish a sentence I start. Doug has always listened to me when I kept telling him to be quiet and let me talk. He doesn't listen to anyone else around here like he does me. I just can't believe that he's shunning me but I think I scared him and went too fast with giving him that poem saying how much I like him. Now the tears are flowing freely and I must stop here and now and do something to get my mind off of it.

befuddled2

I am sorry that you are hurting Barbara.
(((HUGS)))
bizi

Thanks Bizi,

I'll be alright.

befuddled2

B
 

I think your doing everything just right slow and easy. He could be sick from
Chemo,and just not answering the phone to anybody. But i'm very proud
of you. Just keep on being your sweet self. :hug: Sue

Pam what a pretty picture.

Thanks Sue,

That's got to be it cause he hasn't even been outside which is bad.

befuddled2

((((((Barbara)))))),

http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MIN...bears-mini.gif

You remind me so much of me :o Create a whole story in my head. And then latch onto that "vision" that I see in front of me -- latch on with both hands. Too soon. Too fast. Too hard. Too tight.

I'm not trying to hurt you. I CARE about you -- a LOT :hug:

He's going through a major illness and a major treatment for that illness. I'll bet anything that he doesn't have the energy or the strength to deal with anything right now. If you've ever known anyone that's gone through chemo, it's a huge kick in the *** -- makes you real sick. The last thing you want is to talk with anyone or to be with anyone.

Barbara, if you're really going to be this guy's friend, you're going to have to like him -- warts and all -- right now. I don't think he, or anyone for that matter, that's going through chemo can moderate their behavior or learn new behavior while in the midst of all this stuff.

It takes someone real strong to be able to stand with someone and face down cancer. I could do it with patients that I had when I was a home health aide, but, I couldn't do it with my sister-in-law. I just could not watch another relative that I cared about die (even though she didn't die, I was afraid, big time, so I stayed away).

I've said it before, Barbara, he brings out really nice parts of your personality. I **KNOW** you're a caretaker. Just like me. That's what gets our hearts hurt so much.

If you end up having a friendship or later a relationship with Doug, this is gonna be totally different than what you've ever had with any other man in your life. You're gonna be ignored by him. You're gonna see him throw-up. You're gonna see him look sick(er) every day.

If you're gonna commit to this guy -- to be his friend -- while he's going through the chemo, you have to put your feelings away. I don't mean don't react to anything, I mean don't hit him over the head with them -- not now anyway.

Barbara, I know -- I **KNOW** -- that this guy came into your life at this time for you to work out things in your head -- things about your self and your life. Now would be a good time to keep a journal and write the real deep stuff down.

Can you make a 'date' to go out with someone and at the last minute have the date canceled and not take it personally??

Can you chance falling in love with this guy and he falling for you -- because of the circumstances -- only to find out later that "love" isn't there for either of you??

Are you strong enough to have him latch onto you for your "care-taking skills" and have that be ENOUGH?? He might only ever care about you as a friend -- can you live with that?? Could you stand it??

Honey, I know all about creating dreams in my head and trying to make people in my life fit those dreams. It doesn't work. It NEVER works. It gets us hurt a lot in the meantime.

You have to separate your CARE-TAKING from your LOVING and from your HEART. My husband was a total **** and I was divorced from him for almost 17 years, but, when he ended up in the hospice, I spent the entire last week of his life sitting in the hospice with his wife and his son (my stepson) and our son -- because they all needed me. I hurt like hell afterward but I was glad that I did it. I was able to put aside all the dislike for him and treat him the way that he deserved to be treated during his last days.

Barbara, I worry about your drinking. And I worry about you getting hurt again. If he dies, you're gonna hurt real bad no matter whether you stick by him now or not --- it's gonna hurt either way.

I'm not trying to lecture you or "Mother" you, I'm just trying to let you know that I can see something very familiar happening.

If you have a priest or a rabbi or a minister or a counselor, it might be a good idea to talk out some of this. It's not the same as reading words on a page. I know what my intention is when I write this -- I hope you're feeling what I'm trying to put into words.

I'm here for you. And I understand how hard you're working. And I understand how hard this is for you.

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb

PS: Boiled egg custard is good for someone who's having trouble keeping food down. It sits easy on the stomach. It helps the medication slide down. And it's nutritious.

Where would I get the recepi for boiled egg custard? Thanks for the advice. Keeping a journal is a good thing. You are right, I build this story up in my head and hold on too tight, too soon, etc.

befuddled2

Barb,

I pulled up a stirred custard and a baked one of 1 egg plus 2 tablespoons sugar for each cup of milk. I thought that chemo patients could not tolerate milk though or is it okay because it's in a custard?

befuddled2

Thank you again Barb:

I thought some more about what you said in your response to my post last night. I'm not sure if I know all the answers to your questions you had asked me and I'm not sure I want to know at the moment. If I can just live one day at a time like I had to do when 1st quitting smoking I think I will be fine. I'm sure though I will ponder some thought into answering those questions for myself from time to time. I guess one thing I think I have realized is that I can be persistant with what I feel at times. Also that there's got to be a way to get through this.

befuddled2

I hope things get better Barbara, I know it's got to be hard that he's not talking with you right now, but I bet that changes in a day or two. I don't know about the custard, I have like no experience with chemo patients and what they can or can't have. I hope things work oiut so your friend will be able to talk to you soon. I'm sorry it's so hard right now. :(

Thanks Pam.

befuddled2

((((((Barbara)))))),

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v9...S/agteddy3.gif

I'll see if I can hunt up that recipe for you. I was taught to make it by a "Southerner" when I was taking care of my Mom Down South. I made it here too when I moved her to my home, so I must have the recipe.

Barbara, everything doesn't have to be solved all at once. And *I* don't need answers. The answers are for you to know.

You know, sugar, my son and I believe that every experience that we go through has a "reason". Everything that's happening to you now is for a reason -- stay open and listen and pay attention to what's happening around you.

One day at a time, one moment at a time -- and follow your heart. You're a very nice person, Barbara, all you have to do is listen to your heart and you'll be OK.

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb :hug:

I have always believed that everything happens for a reason too.

Nikko:)

((((((Barbara)))))),

Soft Custard:

Satin-smooth soft custard is the basis for a whole group of beguiling desserts. A jar of custard in the refrigerator is a joy if you need to concoct a dessert in a hurry. To be sure of perfect custard, clip a candy thermometer to the side of the pan and cook the custard to 175 degrees.

Beat enough to blend evenly:
6 yolks or 3 eggs

Add:
1/4 white or brown sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt
2 cups scalded milk

Cook and stir over very low heat or in a double boiler over hot but not boiling water until the custard coasts a spoon (about 7 minutes). Chill. Flavor with:
1/2 teaspoon vanilla or sherry to taste

If the custard curdles (because the water boiled or the custard was overcooked), beat with an egg beater. It will be thinner than it should be, but smooth.

Enjoy.

Barb

Notes: I used whole milk when I made it at my Mom's house and non-fat milk when I made it at my own house -- both worked well. I flavored with vanilla. Oh, I also cooked it in a double-boiler.

Thanks Barb and Nikko,

It felt strange to come back to this post as I had forgot it after getting the dear john letter. It hurts darn it to feel feelings. When I was with my husband I had to stop feeling to keep sane from all the emotional abuse. Today though I'm rather in good spirits. Although I did go up to Doug's door today to ask his step son who is in a wheel chair if he needed anything from the store. I told him not to telll anyone but if he needs anything to let me know. I did not ask about Doug but feel like his roommate may need someone now that Doug is in the hospital. When Doug gets back home I won't go over there anymore. His roommate didn't look like he was happy to see me today when I went over there. That hurt but then I got over it. If I ride by their house and I see Doug outside I'll wave but that's it.

befuddled2

Just wanted to send you a bunch of big hugs........


Nikko:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: