Team 180 days AF
 

I joined bell's 180 days Alcohol free for right now though....
AF day 108 or 109....

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

I am sitting at my computer and have a cat in my lap or I would get up and look at my calendar.
She must have read my mind as she just jumped down. It is 108. Ah got up and stretched a bit.
It has been a good day for me. Got up early and had a cup of no calorie stevia sweetened black coffee.
I took a MUCH needed shower and read some of the paper. I did not have any clients this morning because I knew that I need to be fasting and have blood work drawn, yearly stuff and thyroid and d3. Hope my insurance pays for it all there must have been 5 different thyroid tests that she ran.
I see my pdoc on tuesday. Don't know if I will tell her about my AF days or not will wait till I have more days under my belt. When I see her again in 3-4 months and I am still AF then I will tell her....that is unless she point out asks me which she probably will. So I guess I will just answer her questions as they arise. She will be happy. She was the one who told me to go to AA and get a sponsor. I told her that I don't think that I am an alcoholic. She said go look up the definition. I went to one AA meeting and did not like it at all. They made me speak, I may have told you this already so am repeating myself.
sorry.
Last night I froze when I went on campus to see my hubby's students jazz band concert, and went to the wrong place!!!! Luckily the parking gods were with me and a place opened up right in front of the building. His students played well.
I have this condition called Raynauds. It is where my fingers and toes turn white and it is a circulation type thingy. It can be painful if I ignore it, I have to hold my hands under hot water to thaw them out. The best way to deal with it is to try to avoid it from happening.
I wore gloves and long underwear but my ankles were exposed.
Today I wore wool socks and hiking boots and a scarf and it was nice and sunny which heated up my car and felt so good. yesterday was rainy and gloomy. It was breezy again but give me the sun any day.It is supposed to be 25 tonight...burr! It is supposed to be another bright and sunny day tomorrow for thanksgiving.
WE are going to be with friends, a pot luck of sorts. We are bringing a lot of green bean casserole and hubby is making clam dip. It is very good! Have not had it for many years just remembering liking it. Our hosts are cooking an organic turkey. This is the 3rd year that we will attend their gathering. They host it for fellow faculty who might not have family there. I think there will be 17 people there.I hope that my anxiety issues don't get to me. I hope that I sit with people that I know.
I am not bringing anything to drink just water. I don't think that I was drinking last year at this time but can't remember.
anyway.
Today I had a very nice lunch at Sandras health food store. I had meat balls and a bowl of butternut squash soup and some beets. all very good and healthy. I saw 3 foot care clients then came home.
Earlier I had gone to the store to buy the casserole ingredients crazy at the store.
I always snack when I come home before dinner and tonight it was bad. I ate almonds and chex cereal snack that my hospice patient gave tome finished half the jar. Ate chocolate covered espresso beans.My weight was up a couple of pounds in a week. have been snacking more. Last week I used a whole can of full fat coconut milk for my coffee. Very fattening but low in carbs. anyway This week I have used french vanilla creamer.
Need to get back to my dieting but not tomorrow. Too many good things to eat.
There will be cherry pies! yummy!
I have been on this computer for hours and hours and hours. This has become my new addiction.
Don't seem to be able to ration my time on here, especially when jeff is away. He is gone out with some friends.
Well I wanted to update you.
I have been sleeping pretty well, I have a lot to be thankful for: My health and family and friends.
I am pretty emotionally stable right now so that is a blessing.
Here is hoping you get to spend some quality time with your family or friends sometime this long weekend.
bizi

Woo Hoo! Celebrating your 100 day+ news! All good things mostly, sorry about the raynaulds that is not the type of thing you want with cold weather. Hope you were fine when it warmed up. Turkey day does have great food! Have a great time out tomorrow with the friends!
We are having our turkey on Sunday because the men are working. I am putting on a ham and kielbosie with horseradish, potato salad and baked lima beans. That stays and heats easily.

Research says Americans only gain about 1 pound or Thanksgiving, a few walks might wear it off.

Happy day to all!

Bizi over 100 days!
 

Hey, your progress is great! I am super happy for you. I am sorry they made you speak at the AA MEETING, THAT NEVER SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED. You seem to be doing well on your own. You can always say "no thank you" or whatever when they suggest you share. That is a shame.

I tried to give up my last vice....diet coke...I went out and bought some. Gotta have something.

Congrats and happy thanksgiving!

Bizi, :hug: :hug: :hug:

I hope today goes well for you.
GIve us an update when you get home.

M

well we just got back.
I AM SO FULL
Started off by eating 3 slices of the persimmon bread/cake it was delicious!
Had this really nice lentil and barley and butternut squash and satsuma oranges soup. it was so good.
then had 2 plates of food.
corn bread dressing
green bean casserole which turned out great.
salad with tomatoes
mash potatoes with sour cream and cheddar cheese.
spinach and artichoke side dish
cranberries and mandarin oranges
then had cherry pie and pecan pie and a half a slice of pumpkin pie. Wonderful meal!
After we were done eating the task of clean up is daunting.
Her sister was already cleaning off plates so I assisted her in some of the drying of the fragile plates so that helped.
Every body was very nice and all seemed to be having a good time.... wine was being served but never entered my mind....
everyone was low key so that was good. we thanked the couple for dinner and said what a good time we had.
we rolled out the door and staggered to get to our car.
Still so full.
hope I can sleep tonight!
I think the klonipin helped.
gobble gobble
bizi

Hi, Bizi,

You made the evening work for you. That is so great.
I am happy that you had a good time.

Mari

Hey Bizi. I'd tell the people at AA that I wasn't ready to speak. I agree with TBI/PTSD. I attended one meeting,and I didn't like it at all. I don't like it when people put you on the spot like that. I'd consider if the staff where experienced,and went about it the right way.

I went through non AA meetings for help at different places,and found strength. BF:hug::hug::hug:

I post on belles blog team 180 now and follow her there. she will email me and I her to keep an eye o n things.
I joined soberistas. and follow a couple of blogs there and they have a chat room feature and Ihave made a coupleof friends there now so I can chat with peopleall over the world struggling with alcohol use. The more areas of support I have the better it is easyier to stay accountable.
But not good for my internet issues. Have been onl ine for hours now. so balance is going to be key for me....moderation is always an issue.
going to watch downton abbey now then head to bed.
nite all
bizi

Bizi, :Heart: :Cowgirl: :Heart:

You are doing great.
Do you reward yourself for your success?
Some people keep track by little or big gifts or other tangible reminders of accomplishments.

You will get the internet under control eventually.
Take care of one thing at a time.

M

IT is 110 day AF today.
belle says we should be rewarding ourselves along this sober journey. I have not, I have not even rewarded myself when I reached 100 days.
At first along the way I bought myself a cosmo magazine as I feel it is indulgent to sit and read one of those type of magazines. But I never even got thru it.... I did buy myself some raspberries one time!
sigh
I see going to the gym as a reward but have no motivation to go since it has been cold here supposed to warm up to 65 today, maybe rake some leaves up the yard is littered with other peoples leaves!
hurumph!

I need to get back to taking care of myself,
going to the gym, showering regularly, flossing my teeth.
It has been so cold I just want to stay indoors and be on this computer.
Where is the moderation there?
My Raynauds has been acting up quite a bit this year already! I am not looking forward to heading north for that reason.
Looking forward to spring already.
Bring back the heat already!
bizi

Bizi

I had already figured out today was 110. I think that is fantastic.

Personally you are doing something to help others with the
problems too. I would say.

Keep it up.

:hug::grouphug:

This is very inspirational Bizi, thanks for sharing.

You are awesome and I hope you know I admire you so much :hug:

Fabulous
 

Hi, Bizi,

Forget about going for 100% moderation at the moment.
It is important that you are focusing on bing AF.
Remember too that computer use is not the same 100% AF--- it is o.k. to slip up on these other goals.
Keep in mind the major goal.

These are some rewards you could try for yourself:
http://healthyliving.azcentral.com/l...stem-2627.html
Here is a long list. I believe you could find some rewards:
http://www.fitnessforweightloss.com/...-loss-journey/

This may sound weird but I am grieving giving up alcohol.

I miss it.

I love to drink.

I wish I could be like my hubby and drink in moderation but I can't.

I feel like I am being punished for bad behavior.

For this I don't get to drink anymore.

I am sad about it, angry at myself for not being able to just drink 2.

How do I come to acceptance?

bizi

Hi Bizi I understand. It's not your fault. Hang in there. This sounds like one of the phases that I went through. BF:hug::hug::hug:

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” ― C.S. Lewis, "A Grief Observed"
 

Bizi,

First of all, know that you can embrace these feelings.
Your feelings are real.
This is going to take some time, so continue to be patient with yourself.

Here is a web site that discusses some of these issues:

My sober reality:

http://livingsobersucks.com/does_it_still_suck

M

thank you mari, I just got done reading some of his blogs they are spot on!
I like his writing style and appreciate his opinions. He has written a couple of books that look interesting.
Must go have been spending too many hours on line. need to get stuff done.
thanks again.
bizi

Perfect sense!
 

Alcohol was my dear friend before I quit nearly 20 years ago. I would drink when I was happy, sad, angry, joyous, miserable. I could always go to it and it would be there waiting. It is cunning baffling and powerful always waiting for us to give in. I pray for the willingness to be free from the thought and when I first quit I had a lot of things I did to keep busy. I had friends that supported my new way of life that I could turn to. It was also super important to not try to have too many goals that I held myself to perfection to. You are doing really great and it is so good to hear from you.

monday will be 16 weeks almost 4 months.
This evening I talked to my sister and we made plans for the new years eve party, I will be the designated driver. It will be fun 7 of us at a german restaurant, with a buffet, I know that I will be eating alot of bratworst sausages. I am not ready for christmas it is in the 30's and cold in the house. getting ready for bed hubby is there already. jsut to think 3 days ago it was 80!
supposed to be 45 tomorrow and very rainey. not looking forward to shopping. good night all
bizi

Bizi,
You are documenting your growth.
Reading your posts is an amazing experience for all of us here --- I want you to know that.

The designated driver is a fabulous idea.


M

My sister was thrilled to hear that i would be the designated driver, she is the one that suggested it or rather declared it .lol 70-80's dance music and tables to sit down at. It will be fun!
bizi

Yes Bizi

It will be fun. And being the designated driver. Gives you a great
reason for not drinking. SO if someone ask you can tell them that.

Its not a problem for me. But I really love this for you.

Donna:hug: :grouphug:

who knows maybe I could get free soft drinks????
bizi

I will be at 120 days tomorrow. 16 weeks! almost 4 months!
Going home for the holidays will be a challenge for me. I have told all in my family that I will not be drinking so no one should offer me a drink. WE are going to indiana where there will be cold and snow most likely. I hate the cold. I have Raynauds disorder, fingers and toes turn white and hurt, circulation thingy, runs in my family.

I want to be a non-drinker...not a drinker who can't drink.
In some ways I don't like the word sober for me. That has a negative meaning in my book. That I was somehow a drunk...which I was not. I don't think I am an alcoholic either. I just was having a problem drinking. I loved to drink But...I started drinking more often and earlier in the day. An occasional drink or 2 at lunch between work, I started guzzleing my drink, hiding it from jeff.....it was becoming a real problem. Was sleeping like crap.
Maybe I was headed to becoming an alcoholic, maybe.....
or maybe my bipolar meds were not working right because I was drinking so much and I was becoming manic and thus the increased drinking.
What I do know is that I am more in control, I feel more stable now and my meds are working the way they are supposed to be working. ( My psychiatrist said I could have one beer a day, yeah right!)

The holidays are upon us...we are headed up north for a couple of weeks. This will be a big challenge for me to stay Alcohol Free. I feel anxious about it. I know that I need to take it a day at a time.....Have already made plans to be the designated driver for the new years eve bash that we are attending with my twin sister.
Our birthday is the 1st and it is a lot of fun being together for our birthday.
It has been a while since we did that.
It is being held in a german restaurant there will be plenty of food to eat, entrance includes a buffet.
There will be a live band playing 70-80's music the band is zannado and they are a dance band. So it will be fun!
I keep telling myself that.....
Since I told myself that I don't drink anymore....I guess that makes me a non drinker.

Hey Bizi.:)I'm proud of you!!! BF:hug::hug::hug:

Bizi,

Here's to good health, good cheer, and good decisions over the holidays.
Have a good time being AF.

M

you have climbed a mountain ...a very difficult mountain.
love
bobby

Bizi

I'm like the rest of these guys very happy and proud of you.

And make sure you bring lots of warm clothes. It is very cold
up here right now. I will hope for it to get warmer for you. And
even me but I want a white Christmas.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

thank you so much!
I am just waiting for that AF sparkle....
guess I need to be patient about that.
bizi

I saw my therapist tonight.
She said of course I am grieving giving up alcohol.
She understood that exactly.
Like she said nobody goes to AA and says how wonderful they feel giving up drinking!
I told her that someone said to me "the honey moon is over" She is right.
Unless I work on the reasons why I drank then I will not have the strength to stay sober.
I am glad that I have her on my corner of support.
She has been sober 21 years.
My Psychiatrist said that I have an addictive personality.....
She is right you know. I spend s lot of my spare time on line, reading blogs, going to chat rooms,
But you all know this, I have said this before.
I don't know how to quit.
I need to get a real life outside of this computer world.
bizi

Bizi, :hug: :hug: :hug:

Maybe think of it as a break up?
It is hard in the beginning but it gets easier with time.
You will find new people do do things, new activities, . . .
Your tdoc is helpful.

Talk to your tdoc and pdoc about how bipolar comes into play.
I believe that many drinkers change after they get their meds straight.
In other words, sometimes THERE ARE NO REASONS to work on.
Those of us with bipolar who drink are not the same as non-bipolars who drink. -- and treatment SHOULD be different.


Mari

That's a good idea Mari. I agree. Think of it as a break up. I broke up from alcohol because it was not treating me right,but I was in a deep relationship with it. Not any more. I've moved on years ago. That chapter of my life is over. BF:hug::hug::hug:

It does get easier once you move past a certain hump(day/month/year),and a number of strengthening experiences where you didn't drink when you wanted to,but you said inside no to it,and then it gets much easier. It's in the persons individual timing. Not one person has the same experience. BF:hug::hug::hug:

one friend called him"Mr. Unsuitable" I like that, big bad wolfie sticks in my head, I still wear the "FU wolfie " bracelet 24/7.
bizi thank you for your continued support.
bizi

Bizi,

It would be difficult for me to stay focused on what I am NOT doing.
I would need to focus on what I AM doing.

Perhaps, in addition to the FU bracelet, wear one that says I love being AF -- or something like that.
Find a bracelet with a message that states your commitment (and happiness) to the choices you made.

M

I like Mari's Idea.

And I am so encouraged by your success.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/...?id=563&page=2

article about how alcohol can ruin your weight loss goals.
And the fact that your body thinks alcohol is a posion and acts quickly to rid it from your body.
bizi

Dear Bizi,

That is a great article,

I was wondering if SEEING some rewards you give yourself would help?

Some people do things like make a charm bracelet like this:
http://www.etsy.com/search?q=charm%2...ery&ship_to=GB


charm 1 for deciding to be AF
charm 2 for three months AF
charm 3 for six months AF
charm 4 for nine months AF
. .. . . or something like that.

You could get refrigerator magnets, a key chaining, a neck lace ---- something that you can touch and see to remind you how great you are doing.

OR you could plan for an experience like a professional manicure or massage.

Anyway, I want you to know that I am thinking about you and your successes.

Mari

I did reward myself with a bracelet that is inscribed "FU wolfie" on the inside. I wear it all of the time as a reminder. Thanks for your kind words of support.
I appreciate you.
bizi

Bizi,

You are doing soo soo wonderfully! :trampoline:

Mari