Pter's words.....
 

Why am I reposting Pters words? I'm afraid people miss them up in the stickies. I recently got a pm from a member who was offended by my response to their feeling suicidal.

One of the things I said, (as I have often said here) is that if one is hell bent on killing themselves, there isn't anything anyone can do to prevent it. And while this is true, Pter had a much kinder way of saying it.

We have to rescue ourselves from those thoughts...we have to recognize them for what they are and learn to redirect them.

I invited this person to join the forum but I think he went away mad and I am sorry if I came off "unsympathic" to him. I have great empathy for people who are in that black hole....have been there myself.

And always, always, always...the most important thing is to talk about it!
That old elephant in the room....we have to see him....to talk about him.

:grouphug:

(((Alffe))) :hug:

(((Alffe))) Love you tons. :hug:

:hug: Alffe

I dont think we could ever thank you enough that you are willing to show your heartache in order to try to help others not to have to endure it :grouphug:

Alffe, I love that you bring these words to our attention again - I get something from them every single time....! :hug: to Pter

bump.......because his words never get old!

Thanks
 

I am new here. I remember being offended the first time I heard that I had to help myself. We hear what our filter lets us. At the time I heard "I don't want to help you" but I know now the message was not meant to be that; it was meant to let me know that I am the only one that keeps me safe in the end. It doesn't mean that I don't need help. I stumbled across Pter's words one night recently. It was the first time I realized that others can become exhausted by recurring suicidal ideation and it gave me a new way of relating to it. The beast - yep that is what it is the beast. And again tonight the beast is here.:mad:

Welcome Zenda...I'm sorry you are fighting the beast. Depression is like a black hole that we fall in and then struggle to get out. Please remember that we are on the other side of that hole, wanting to help you out of it. :grouphug:

Zenda

See that open hand at the top of that dark hole?? It is warm and just waiting for you to take ahold of it so it can help you out of the hole!:grouphug:

Glad you are here!! Keep reading!!

Hello Zendo. Welcome to NeuroTalk and to our little family.

Please now that many here have been where you are now and are more than willing to lend an ear, or a shoulder. Please drop by and let us know that you're doing OK. :hug:

Thanks all. I am still moderated so there is a time lag but I am reading and I appreciate your support. Weird thing is that I do not feel depressed but I feel taken over by the beast. Overwhelmingly at times and fairly suddenly. My MTBI kind of lends itself to being overwhelmed anyway. So essentially I have kind of exhausted myself and friends and have difficulty feeling safe but if I talk to the docs I get committed or told to keep myself safe. This forum and psych central have been places that I can visit and talk. It helps a great deal. Thanks everybody. Hopefully I can give back too.

Hey folks. I need a place to write where there is a chance of a reply. I have been feeling overtaken by the beast increasingly these past weeks. I have discussed it with my counsellor (reg psych nurse) who is awesome. He says it is a comfortable habit to think this way. Wow. If this is comfortable. I know he doesnt mean that I like it but more that I am used to it and perhaps afraid of the unknown. Weird. In counselling I am aware that I need to hear what is said and relate to it prior to discounting or denying it. Okay. A few days later and I wonder am I just used to this thinking. But if I am having a great day without the beast, and I notice, and try to evoke the beast, he does not come. He appears suddenly, or sometimes he sneaks in, when I least expect him. I can't seem to make him appear.

Right now the beast is unrelenting. I feel this visceral fear, this sinking feeling in my stomach. I have reached out. I have kept around people. I am not incapable of enjoying myself even with the beast playing in the background. I feel out of breath, panicked, confused. The ward is not a safe place. The have labeled me borderline personality disorder and have told me I only do this for attention. Confusing. Feels like right after my accident when I spent all those years thinking I was crazy and finding out I had a tbi. Convincing insurance companies that I was not malingering. Feels like that now. The symptoms of bpd and tbi can overlap. Thinking. Can really suck! Lol! Thanks for letting me vent. Breath in breath out. Right?

Hi Zenda...

Yes, the beast is "comfortable".... because he/she is what we know... we've become used to it...

When I am "beast-free", I lie in bed... and I wait... and wait... for my stomach to turn with anxiety (which is fear)... and when it doesn't come, I'm not comfortable... its what I know!

Fortunately, I'm medicated with a great anti-depressant (for me) ... it most often keeps the beast at bay but not always :( It creeps up so fast, sometimes... almost as if I'm self-sabotaging ... repeating patterns to bring it on.

Its breaking those habits that is difficult. I'm glad you're talking to a doc... and don't let that insurance company bring you down further... they are all about money.. period! good luck with that.

Hey Addy,

Fortunately the insurance company issue is long resolved. The attitude of the doctors on the psych ward brings it all back though - nothing like trying to convince others of something that one doesn't really want to accept in oneself - right? I have worked really hard to not get sent back to the Psych ward, since it is not really a helpful place for me. Problem is that it is a piece of the safety puzzle right? So if I talk about suicidal thoughts to the "wrong" person, I get sent there. So the problem is then that I feel like I am spinning my wheels. I want to talk to someone about this to embrace the thoughts, work through it - as I know I can - but I am paralyzed by the fear of getting sent back. Stuck between the fear of the thoughts, and the fear of the ward. So instead I am in the local tea shop at least I a m around folks right? And the mac keyboard is easier to type on than the iPhone! LOL!

Thanks sooo much folks for this forum, it is awesome. Somewhere to be! I have let my brain injury support group know about it.