Dear John Letter
 

I got a Dear John Letter from Doug today. In other words, he's not interested.

befuddled2

I'm sorry Barb...I know how painful this is. (((Barb)))

Aw Barb.....sorry to hear that. :grouphug:
Does he still want to be a friend of yours? Or does he want nothing to do with you at all?

Thanks you two.

I got a friend to take a letter I had wrote to Doug's nurse letting him know I will not bother him that he doesn't have to avoid me. And that I hope the card that had already gone out in today's mail does not offend him. The letter also had the information I had gathered about the cats I looked at today. Doug's nurse told my friend when my friend tried to give the letter to her that Doug wants for me to quit harrassing him. I have not rang Doug's doorbell but one time since last Wednesday when i gave him the poem letting him know I have a crush on him. Doug invited me over last Wednesday so how the world was I harrassing him. I'm so upset.

befuddled

I think that with all that is going on, his humor may not be the best. But for now, and maybe for good, its best to be neighborly and that is all. I feel bad that your feelings got all caught up in it though.
Well, take it as a lesson, lick your wounds for a while and move on. I know that sounds hard but at this point its all you can do. You can mourn a friendship, but not too long okay???;)
:grouphug:

He may have his own past, issues & baggage that you don't even know about - better to find out now before you got in too deep.

He may have been to scared, shy or chicken to talk about it in person.

You can always look at it this way- at least he didn't string you along and use or abuse your friendship and affections.

I'm sorry that he reacted that way Barbara, I wish we could comfort you in some way. I am really sorry he has done this 360 when you'd been getting signals indicating he was interested in at least friendship. :(

I think having cancer "on your plate" is about all a person can handle at one time. Just give him the space for now and see what happens down the road.
(((Barb)))

I am sorry that this is so hard for you....
(((HUGS)))
bizi

Hi BF, I am so sorry that it turned out this way for you. I think that Alffe is right though that the cancer probably has him scared and in pain. Give him some time and maybe you can have a friendship with him later on. I know you enjoyed talking to him so don't necessarily give up on him, just give him some space.

When my BIL was going through chemo he had a drastic personality change, but after he quit it he came back around to his lovable self. Remember we are all here to talk to and be your friend...Sue :hug:

Hi Befuddled,
Give yourself time to grieve.

I'm sorry that he is being like this. We don't know what's up with him.
All we can do is hope that you take care of yourself.

M.

Barb, I agree w/ other posts before me...I am very sorry that you are having to deal with this; notexactly the best way to 'end', or at least postpone, a relationship. Also, he may be somewhat negatively affected by his current health issues, that's natural and totally understandable, too.

:grouphug: We're all here for you.

Jacquie

:hug: :hug: :hug:

i think everyone here has pretty much said it.

but ya know sweety...this just shows you that you do have it in you to care about somebody again. that your wonerful heart is full and ready to give again.

i'm soooooo proud of you!!! you reached out. took a chance. it may not have worked out exactly as you would have liked. but if the time comes that he is ready and able to have a friend...i bet you will be one of his best.

Hi all,

I am hurting badly and will have to give it lots of time before I can be his friend. I am really hurt and mad that his nurse told my friend Doug wanted for me to quit harrassing him. Because that is not true. I just don't want to even see him at all at this point and will do everything possible to avoid him. It hurt bad that I got rejected but then to be talked about like I am harrassing him really was it for me. That hurt worse than being rejected.

befuddled2

Just saw the post
 

Barbara,
I am so sorry that he was so cruel. Everyone wants friends and to be cared about, but I agree that when my BIL was undergoing Chemo and fighting his battle, he just wanted to be left alone. We wanted to stop by with food, and visit and he wanted to rest and do his thing...watch the boob tube.

HE was not living the life we were, he was perhaps even angry that we had a life with more promise then his, when I look back on it. When he passed away, another BIL was with him, and he was fighting unseen foes. Swinging and yelling to them to go away.

I think your passion and having so much heart and hope into a situation where the person is very, very ill is one of the most difficult in the world. It is so hard to have a decent relationship even when one is healthy.
SOmetimes it seems to that the more codependent, "users" are they are the ones that take advantage of us, the kind ones we do not mind sharing a life with do not want to share theirs in return.

Let the hurt ease away, get back into life again when you are ready. Maybe you need having the kitty for your friend...or perhaps volunteer at a local shelter that you can give love to lots of furry friends.
We love you and will never let you down.
Hugs :hug: :grouphug:
Di

Totally agree with DiMarie! Like I said before take care of you first. Once this time in his life is over, he may be back to the Doug you liked so much before. Really understand about the touchiness toward him though. Like I said be neighborly, say hi at the mailbox or the dumpster so to speak, and leave it at that.

I am so so sorry this has happened. I do agree with what everyone said though, give him time, give yourself time.

Take it easy.


Lots of Hugs, Niiko:hug:

Thank you all. I have a terrible cold today and don't feel up to doing much of anything.

befuddled2

I hope you feel better soon Barbara, it stinks that you've got a cold. Take care of yourself and try not to think about Doug and that whole situation. You were not harrassing him at all, so don't even think that you were, that could have been the nurse's interpretation of what he said and she might have used that word all on her own. Get better soon. :)

Thanks Pam and everyone esle,

Doug's door has been all day today so I'm scared to go outside on count of maybe seeing him or him thinking I'm stalking him. I don't very much feel like even getting dressed today but would if I could go outside for some fresh air. I'll be going over to another neighbor's house at 6 this evening to play cards.

befuddled2

Good that you're going to go to another neighbor's place and play cards, that will make you feel a lot better I'm sure. :) Don't even look at Doug's place anymore, he's in a bad way right now and if he wants friendship he knows that you're there willing and able, so just forget about it if you can. ;)

Barbara I'm so sorry that Doug has done this to you. I know it's hard but cancer is a cruel disease so maybe it's the chemo talking? My mom battled breast cancer and she was a survivor. But the chemo was so harsh and I would call first thing in the morning and go over on my way to work and on my way home. But there were times when I would call when I got up and say I'd be over around 7AM on my way to work. She not only refused but was very adamant about it. Sometimes she even screamed at me, "BJ DON'T COME!!". You have no idea how this hurt me but maybe she felt like she couldn't be mom to me or didn't want me to see her the way she was. I don't know and I never will.

So maybe Doug feels the same way. Give him some space and maybe when he's done his treatments he'll see things differently.

Enjoy playing cards tonight!
Girlie,
that must have been so hard for you during those times....
((((HUGS))))
bizi:(

Have fun playing cards and don't be afraid to go out....like I said be neighborly. Just a nod of the head will do as you walk out your door.

I found out moments ago that Doug is in the hospital with pnenonia sp? and they found 2 spots on his lungs. I wanted so bad to reach out and call him at the hospital but I'm not. Doug's next door neighbor came by for quarters and told me the boy wanted a beer so bad he could taste it. She said he is after all 24 years old. I had wanted to do something for Doug's stepson who is his rooomate because I can imagine how scared he is with Doug being in the hospital. I thought about it and took my last beer over to Doug's stepson and told him to please not tell Doug I was over there. He was so thankful for the beer. I dropped it off and left. I feel happy now that I did something nice for someone I've learned to like over the past few months. I will stay true to my word and leave Doug alone though.

For those who pray, please pray for Doug.

befuddled2

Such a huge hearted soul
 

Barbara,
You just make me swell with happiness to have you as a friend and wish were were closer. After the nasty thing he Doug did you still are so kind and and praying for him. To take thee last beer over to the s-son, wow. Your heart always has room for so much love. Makes me love you so much. I don't have friends left, my closedst ones are gone except the gf from grade school that lives in CherryHill NJ. I rarely see her, but email quirky jokes and all.

Your kindness preceeds you and rewards in heaven will be there.
My prayers will go out for your friend,
Hugs :hug:
Di

Oh that was sweet beffuddled2. I hope he doesn't tell Doug. I will pray for Doug tonight and I hope he's not suffering too badly. :(

:hug: I am so sorry that you are going thru all of this...my thoughts are with you:hug:

Barb....I just realized something that likely helps....all the replies to your posts!!! That makes me feel so good for you to see that so many of us care so much for you and your well being....you obviously matter alot to your family here at Neurotalk:grouphug:

Thanks all, I had made a typo when I said I told Doug's stepson to tell Doug I was there. I meant to say I told his stepson not to tell Doug I was there. It really feels so good now that I made someone happy that I have grown fond of as a person. I think now perhaps that the majority of my crush on Doug could have now been more for the need of feeling needed because of his situation. I am still fond of Doug, don't get me wrong. But I don't feel so bummed out now not having him return my affection.

befuddled2

Hi, Befuddled,

:hug:


Take care of yourself.
Mari

Hi BF - Sending Hugs.......................:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:



Nikko

Count me in on the hug sending too BF! :D :hug: :grouphug: :hug: