Having a really bad day
 

I'm going to say sorry before I start for the whining that is coming:(
I'm in so much pain today. I had IVIG yesterday. I usually feel like a war is going on in my body for the first day or two after but this is really bad.

I think it probably has to do with already being in so much pain from coming off the cymbalta. I woke in such horrible pain. After the little sleep I did manage to get. I'm a mess and have been for a while now.

I am trying so hard to keep my head above water. I am so sad today. I keep getting on the brink of tears and pushing them back down. I quess this could also be the serotonin level with the cymbalta.

I am finding myself yearning for my life before this disease stormed into my life. I feel like this has stolen the real me. I want to crawl into bed and never ever come out. Not to worry, my family will never let me get away with it and I wouldn't do it because I don't want to hurt and worry them. I can't cry in front of them. Only to myself or my husband.

Oops here come the tears. Surprise, seems I can cry to u too! I tried everything this morning. Reminded myself what I was grateful for. Looked at a pic of my two wonderful, funny granddaughters. It worked for a while.

I prayed for strength and hope. That also worked for a while.

Now it is starting again. The only thing I could think to do is reach out to people who understand.

I talk about my blessings, faith and hope. This morning I feel terrible because I find myself asking God how much longer am I suppose to endure this? I don't think I'm strong enough for it. I know there is a reason, that we may not know, why everything happens. I just want this to be over.

I just said last night to someone else to remember what they are grateful for. I said I believe in miracles. I still have those beliefs so why am I feeling so down.

I am praying this is from coming off the cymbalta. I can't bear this much longer.

Well, I warned you I was going to vent. Thanks for listening. I have to go blow my nose haha!!!

I'm just so sick and tired of being sick and tired!!:(
Hopeful

Hopeful, I want to hug you and cry with you. :hug:

I have no words, only great empathy, as I too, feel a lot of what you are feeling right now. Hopeless. It is so hard to climb out of the pit of hell when nothing seems to point to every feeling better. I have decided to take life one hour at a time. I have basically been on a couch for almost 2 weeks now, it is hard to see past this moment.

I have nothing to offer to make you better but I am praying for you dear friend to get some relief. :hug:

Hopeful, sorry it is raining misery. You sound like you have all the tools and are trying them. I can offer nothing except that if you can, let those tears turn into giant pillow-wetting sobs that come from the heart of your pain. Who knows what may part the clouds and once again allow the birds to sing. I, along with Stacy, will pray for you. Ken in Texas

You know you are never alone, we are here. We totally understand the suffering.

My only advice is to let the flood gates open and stop trying to hold back the tears. Crying is a release the body needs. It's ok to feel sorry for yourself, and the life you should be enjoying having been tainted, destroyed, invaded by this pain.

I too often reach that point whereby I wonder how much more i can take before having a breakdown. there is a limit to what one person can take. It's not fair.

There will be better days. Warm, generous hugs. :hug:

I often find myself thinking about this-I am finding myself yearning for my life before this disease stormed into my life. I think and say rememebr when I wasn't sick and we could do this.....

I learned something from somebody that came out of drug rehab. They said when it gets bad live day to day. If you can't handle day to day then live hour by hour, if you can't handle hour by hour than live minute by minute. You can handle anything for one minute.

P.S- My middle finger goes up to Cymbalta as well.

That's what it sounds like. Now I get why you asked about the L-tryptophan. If you're not taking it, ask your doctor and get some. We couldn't find it locally, so we ordered some online.

THIS WILL PASS. It's chemical. Please try to use the thinking/logical portion of your brain to keep telling that to the other side. Do what you need to do to make yourself comfortable; let those around you help & do for you.

Doc

:hug:
I am so very sorry. I could have written your post. I cry every single day, for so many reasons. Yes, the pain... but what I fear is a life lost to the most insidious, excrutiating pain that never leaves. No one.. no one... no one could possibly get it, and I have to forgive them for that and show a level of grace and perseverence every day that I couldn't have imagined I possess. Really, hugs hugs and encouragement that you aren't alone.

I hope you have reduced the rate of your taper of the Cymbalta. I noticed you went from 90mg to 60mg, and then to 30mg. That was obviously too fast since you were so symptomatic. Maybe you could slow your taper down even slower so you don't feel so bad. This will take a while, but there's no rush to get off in a couple weeks or months. AND you will feel better while you do it. You must allow your body to adjust to the changes gradually.

You can succeed, just be kind to your body in the process.

Take care and keep us posted. Hope you start to feel better soon.

Oh, I do really feel for you, Hopeful...

I just don't know what to say, that hasn't been said already.

We have a thread here on NT about using Ambien for neuropathic pain. I searched this topic, a while ago, and it appears that even low doses of Ambien work for some people.

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread175064.html

I guess it works by altering consciousness in the brain, and blocking the transmission of pain impulses in the pain loop.

I don't know if you tried this for sleep yet, but it is something to consider if you are really suffering so much that coping is difficult.

Ambien can be problematic however, but it might help you in this pinch. :hug:

Oh hopeful. You are so uplifting to SO many people on this forum and it is awful to hear you are in so much pain. I feel for you. It is difficult to go through this frustrating disease when nobody else in your inner circle know what you are feeling and going through. It does sound like medication withdrawal since nothing else in your routine has changed right?

Over the summer, I was taking Ambien to sleep at night and have to tell you I felt great right after taking it...but it does make you crash hard. Try it if you cannot sleep at night?

Please keep posting so we can be there for you :(

Cymbalta withdrawal
 

Yes everything you describe sounds like what I experienced when I stopped cymbalta and I'm so very sorry for you to have to experience this. I can only offer you hope. I hope you will trust in yourself to know it will get better, it is a chemical withdrawal and you can do this. You bravely tackle so much already and you inspire many readers here on NT. You are stronger than you feel, these feelings will pass. Do try and speak with your Doctor or even your pharmacist for an OTC if you haven't yet for something to help you through this difficult time. As hard as it feels, and as unlikely it may seem, it will pass I promise you. But you shouldn't do this alone. Do keep talking to us on NT, we are all here to support you and we understand what you are experiencing.:hug:

I am seeing a few mentions on Google about using Ambien in very small doses, for daytime pain relief. 2.5mg was mentioned.

This is below the threshold for sleep induction for most people.

I don't know how useful this would be, but when people are in terrible pain, it might be an option for a while, until the stressor lessens. (in this case the adjustment to Cymbalta withdrawal).

I can't say thanks you enough my friends. It does my heart good to know that all of you are here for me. Although I wish none of you had to go through this journey, it is a blessing to have people who literally understand my pain.

Just a few answers to some of your post. Enbloc I did go back to 60 mgs. one day and 30 the other for a while. Now I am back to 30 everyday for my second week. I'm really scared to go to 30 every other day so I'm not sure when I'm going to do this.

I actually have a GP appt today so Dr. Smith and Mrs. D I will ask about the L-tryptophan and low dose ambien. I am not sleeping much so both may help.

To all of you, I did let the tears come and although I have been exhausted it felt better to let it out. As I read all of your caring and encouraging answers I cried. I seriously don't know what I would do without all of you to talk to.

I said to God this morning if this is a test, I think it has been long enough. It's harder than any test I have ever taken. Then I thought of all of you and counted my blessings.

Thank you!!

I hope to be back in my normal of mind ASAP. I need a tissue again! Haha!!!

Curious to know how you are doing?

I hate to say not good. Trying to hang in there. Don't want to come on and complain too much. I don't want to bring others down.

My rheumo put me on Wellbutrin yesterday. I am now down to 20mgs of cymbalta. I am getting there. So I know this will be over. I read it could take a month or two after being off the cymbalta to feel completely normal.

The nurse in my rheumo's office told me she is on cymbalta and tried once to get off. She ended going right back on. She couldn't take the withdrawal from it.

I have decided I do not trust pharm companies. They do not have our best interest in mind. It is all about their bottom line. Like the nurse in my rheumo's office, no antidepressants should be put out there that makes patients become addicted to it.

We'll I better get off my soap box. Thanks for asking cat. It means a lot.

Hopeful,

Would you not agree that us people who frequent this forum are some of the strongest, most resilient, most understanding friends you will ever have in life?

We are super tough! You, me, all of us here, we are amazing!

Anyway, my point is, what on earth possessed you to think you're bringing us down by complaining? Stop thinking like that right now!

Of course knowing you are suffering is no fun for us. Hearing about it makes us sad. But, that is our job, and I think we do it pretty well. One day it will be your job to help one of us through the living hell you are in right now. And it will make you sad too. But you would rather hear that person complain hourly, than wonder if they are ok.

So complain away. Don't worry about us. It's all about you right now. Our job is to support and listen. Your job is to lean on us without holding back.

I understand why you don't want to bring others down. But remember, this thread is all about your journey through hell. Along the way you are even educating others on what to expect if they chose this path. This thread exists for you to get it all out. If we didn't want to be brought down or to feel sad we can simply avoid this thread. Nobody is forcing me to read it. I do because I care and genuinely want to know how you are doing.

This is a mater free zone. Complain away!

Hope this didn't come off too much like a lecture. Sometimes to get a point across I can get a tad pushy. :D

One day this will end. That day we will all rejoice and I know I'll be shearing tears. No doubt we all will. Until that day, we pray to give you strength.

Warm hugs. :hug:

Wellbutrin works on the dopamine system. Some people find this very useful for pain...so give it chance. Some of our posters here use it with success.

Hopefuls
 

I do hope the Wellbutrin works for you. Hopefully it is not addictive like the cymbalta. That is horrible to have to endure symptoms from a medication that is supposed to help-as if you need any more complications right?!!

And please do vent away. That is a great purpose of this forum especially since it is hard to do do with those around us who do not have these issues. They just do not understand in the same way.

Hang in there. I am rooting for you!

Hopeful, I am thinking and praying for you. I must confess I do not understand all the drug situations, though I fear I soon will. Do all of these drugs have this affect? The reason you are getting off it, is it because it stopped working? Listening to your story about getting off this drug is making me fear starting any drug at all, it sounds worse than the pain of the PN itself.

I am so sorry you are going through this, as if PN is not bad enough but to have to fight the drugs this way when they were supposed to help you is awful.

Consider this the "safe zone" and you are free to say all the things you would never want to say out loud. I tell myself it doesn't count if I don't say it out loud. No judgement from anyone here, only compassion and prayers. :hug:

Hopeful, as somebody who doesn't have it as bad as you I can truly empathize. Some days I struggle to hold it together. I get so depressed and anxious on my bad days and I've truly thought about ending all the pain and suffering.

Then I see what you and others have fought through and it gives me strength. Hang in there. You have so many people rooting for you.