At birth......
 

Your mother either loves you,or she doesn't. My sister,and I were talking about this the other day. My sister was filled with love for her two daughters when they were born.

My sister,and I didn't have this. We have talked about this subject,and we have tried to understand what was going on with our parents. We came to a conclusion that our mother didn't love us. Our dad didn't love us very much.

I wonder what it was like to be loved from birth by my mother. I hear that I was not fed my mothers milk. I drank cows milk. I have terrible allergies probably from that milking process when I was a baby.

My sister LOOOVVVEEESSS her daughters. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Steve,

Do not thing of breast feeding or not breast feeding was an indication of how much a woman loved her babies. Lots of doctors and hospitals were telling women that formula was superior to breast milk.

I do not know if my mother loved her babies.

I do know that she suffers from huge huge amounts of anxiety and that she probably had a hard time --- especially with my father out of town often due to military duties.

I am sorry that you are going through these feelings right now. It is good that you have your sister. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

M

My mother never called me in the last 20 years of her life. She was distant to me.

My sister is/was having a hard time with our mothers lack of love. When my mother died,my sister said that she didn't feel anything. That's how distant our mother was.

It wasn't the formula feeding at all. It was the feeling of a lack of love. I didn't know it at the time. I know it now,but I forgive her. She was dealing with mental health issues also,but her generation didn't talk about it. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Hi BF
 

My birth mother, I have no idea if she loved me or not. I was put up for adoption with two good parents who did. We can't pick our family, but for sure we can pick the love of people we meet in life and make them our family. This is what I try to do. You are loved here Steve....this is a comfort here. Do not be sad, we are all behind you. ginnie:hug:

Steve

I didn't breast feed. For more than one reason.

But mainly because it wasn't something I was comfortable
with.

It doesn't mean I love my boys any less. I would have loved
to also have a girl.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Steve, it's complicated.
I can share with you a family that is dear to me. The mom was a perfect housewife, dressed nice, sold Tupperware, reared her kids in the 70's, so kind, nice, intelligent.
No mental health, or alcohol problems, but she could not bond with her boys rearing them. Not that I was aware of nor did she admitt any, I never saw it....she looked like a Betty Crocker type. :rolleyes:

She always found it difficult, showing emotion, freely expressing, doting. Nurturing she provided, but always felt she let them down on the love end. She loved her children, but could never really bond and free express the love as she could not generate it in her heart.

It came shortly after birth, a chemical change with the postpartum depression, baby blues. Some women get it hard, life altering, others may have a few weepy days, or none.

But for the women that have it bad, it's out of their control. They certainly wouldn't have a second child if they disliked having children, I would think.
Don't feel you weren't loved, but it just failed to reach you from her heart openly.

As far as breast feeding, by the 50's the bottles freed up moms. Wow, when you breast feed it is often the child will not stay with a sitter or take a bottle so until the free love generation in the 70's many Moms did not nurse. My mom used plat ex nursery with us.
(I don't tell many, but my last one was a ridiculous 2+ Yrs old when I weaned her. She has milk, lactose and allergies. One day she asked if she could nurse after my knee surgery as I couldn't nurse post op. I told her if you are old enough to ask and reason about it NO WAY!. I was a human pacifier with an appendage hanging off me, lol.)
Never know how the decisions we make will affect our kids.

Oh, the dad's of my generation never were hands on and Lovey openly like now a days. My dad was a provider, he drank at night in his recliner. We jumped on him all six of us when he finally got home at night. Poured his beer, sipped a lick of froth, cut pepperoni, etc. he never laid a hand on us, but I don't remember one kiss, we sat on his lap, swimming in the lake he gave us rides on his back, we never said love you (we did when he was diagx with cancer and I would be going home, that was odd for me, but dad just didn't do hugs and love growing up)

But Dad my children, that was a whole different ball park! Unconditional love, hugs, measure their height each birthday, holiday shopping, special treats, and lots of hugs and bounces.
Once dear dad took my younger son up in a small prop airplane up along the river with his last $15.00.
The man said it was $10 a piece he asked the fella to just take my son, ant 8 yrs old up....because as they drove by my son thought that was a good idea. The man took them both up for the $15. They went up in this plane no bigger than a crop duster.(scare me to death when I heard)

I think all the stress and anxiety of parenthood goes away with the grandchildren.
Hugs,
Di

I love to hear your stories di.
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Thank you Di. Yes. Our generation was different. Mom told me once that It's hard to love other people when you don't love yourself.

My niece,and her husband take their new son everywhere,and show an extraordinary love for their baby son.

Because I wasn't comfortable with other people,I didn't go to the senior prom,or get my class ring. This is from your other post. I'm so sorry that your daughter got bullied. I went to a military academy,then a prep school,and then I graduated from my home town public high school. I was exposed to allot of really mean people. I think that a private graduation would be a nice idea. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Hi, Steve,

I hope that you are doing o.k. today.

M

Hi Mari.:) I'm hanging in there. I've had a hard time recently,but I'm starting to feel better. My car is in the shop. BF:hug::hug::hug:

'Sorry about the car being in the shop. Not having the option to go out is annoying --even if you want to stay home anyway.

I hope they fix the car to your liking.

Keep taking care of yourself.

M

I hope you get your wheels back soon. am glad that you are starting to feel better.
bizi:hug:

Thank you Bizi. The mechanic said that he can get to it on Monday. I have no choice being this far out in the country,and I don't want to keep filling my cars coolant tank. I don't want to burn up my engine.

He didn't see the leak last week,but he saw the smoke rising up from my engine this time. Last week I had the car,and a ride home,but the mechanic didn't see the leak,so I had to leave with the car.:confused::mad:

I am stranded,but I'm glad that the mechanic saw the problem,and that I'm going to get it fixed before something happens to the engine. BF:hug::hug::hug:

So glad he located the problem Steve. That can be frustrating when you get the car to the shop and it won't do what it has been doing.
Just another day to get through.
Hugs
Di

Steve,

I hope the car comes home with you Monday in very good shape.
It will be nice to drive again.

Mari

I had to do formula too
 

Surprised no one else mentioned it but I would have loved to breast feed my son, but because it had been bad enough going throughout the pregnancy without my psch meds, I was advised it would be best for both me and my son if I went back on them as soon as he was born. Therefore, no breast feeding. Of course, I found other good ways to bond, and we are very close today (he is 5, and so loving and protective of me).

I am so sorry you didn't have the bond with your mother that you deserved.

Wow, you did a pregnancy without meds for him!!

Mari

Thank you Alexicat. Welcome to the Bipolar forum. We have a lot of nice,understanding people on here. Brokenfriend:hug::grouphug::hug:

Thanks for the welcome
 

Thanks for the welcome to the forums! And yes, it was not easy going without meds, but I was just so worried about causing any problems. The minute my son was born, I was handed an antidepressant though, lol.