6 months in hell.
 

I miss when I used to be tired and I'd take a nap/go to sleep and actually wake up energetic and feeling normal/refreshed, ready to do anything and everything. I was a machine. Worked my *** off 30 hours a week, took 4 classes at college and had a 4.0, went to the gym 3-4 times a week and had an amazing social life; always going to events and to friends houses and baking things to bring over. I don't even know how I fit everything I did into 24 hours each day but I did so with such ease/determination with a smile on my face. I loved my life. Everything was so easy, I was so motivated, I took pride in my compassion and intelligence and being involved. I don't want a "new me". I loved who I was and I loved feeling great. I took so much pride in my brain and how productive I was. I became the person I always wanted to be/dreamed of being.

People always say it gets better, and "you will recover", but what is really meant by that? I don't want to work around things. I don't want to feel like **** constantly. I don't want to be limited on what I can do, when I do it, how often I do it, or how I do it. I want my damn freedom. I don't care if I sound like an ungrateful "brat" or whatever. This isn't me and it never will be. This blows. I hate being around people too. I'm so bitter. They're all so lucky and they don't even know it. I envy them so much that I just hate being around them. I'm insanely jealous of everyone I see.

I never have a "good" day. My "good" days are worse than my worst imaginable day pre-injury. I NEVER feel normal, or good. The only times I do things or get anything done is when im pushing myself. I don't want to push myself, or force myself. I just want to LIVE. And FEEL good while doing it. Not "drag" myself through life. What kind of life is that? I'm definitely not feeling positive and I'm frustrated/angry. I'm so tired of this. I feel myself just getting more and more angry. All I want is me. I want to go to Barnes & Noble and order coffee and not be overstimulated and read a damn book. I want to go on the boat with my dad. I want to go camping and white water rafting and DO things and NOT feel weird/like ****. I want to not see and hear everything at once.

Is this life? Is this what I have to look forward to? Worrying about how shitty I feel constantly and dancing around symptoms? Does it actually get better, or do people just get used to the hell they're living in? Although, I don't ever see myself getting used to this, I can't do anything. How the hell am I ever going to support myself? Can't live with my parents forever.

I am at almost 6 months as well... I have the same feelings... I want my life back... I want to run and play with my kids... I want to go to concerts with my husband... I want to go on vacation... and right now... I am stuck inside... doing one activity at a time...

I talked to a friend who is a neuro-radiologist and she said that it may take every bit of a year to 18 months to get back to where I was... that was a low blow day but I think back to the first month, and there has been progress... a little but progress.

At this point, I don't even care if it takes 18 months, just so long as it goes away and I can have energy and feel normal and be able to live again. And I've been in this constant dream like fog for the past 6 months. I can't live like this.

I think most of us on this forum go through this struggle, I certainly know I did and still do.
I used to be very outgoing/social, could literally climb mountains even when I was out of shape, etc...
Now I barely can make it through a work day, go home and rest.
On the weekends I try to have some limited social interactions with friends.

I do know that it is VERY SLOWLY getting better for me.

One of the best things that is helping is careful limited physical exercise, even if it's just a walk.
One of the worst would probably be the fact that no one around me (including doctors and my family) really understands what I'm going through, most people think that I'm just weak and don't have any will power.

Unfortunately there's no shortcuts in our recovery and it's up to you to be strong and push through it. Keep looking for things that might make it better for you. An AO chiro was my significant find, that turned my recovery in the right direction.

Yeah, I had to quit my job, and I had to drop out of college, and stop driving. I just don't have the energy/concentration to do any of it and it would also feel unsafe since I get unsteady/vertigo like sensations all the time. I never feel good. I can barely get up throughout the day. My entire life is gone.

I am so sorry you have to go through this. I am at my 23 month mark. I am about to get fired from my dream job (I was on the tenure track as a college professor--yes 9 years of studying to get my MA and Phd. Then getting a tenure track job, publishing my book, etc.).

I have a husband and 3 children. I was in bed for almost 18 months off and on. Vertigo migraines. Binocular vision and post-traumatic vision syndrome. Not able to read or to play with my kids. I watched them come home and leave.

The past 2 months have been better since getting of nortryptiline and being on topamax.

I am still not able to read or to be on the computer for more than 60 minutes now, but it's up from 0 minutes from before. And I'm an academic!!

It does get easier. Each day - slowly. And everyone has a different learning curve.

There is no way around it- the change is different, and it sucks. It's not fair. But I do think that my life before was very stressful, and I will emerge changed and perhaps better.

I think it is called "post traumatic growth" - the thoughts and associated growth after trauma.

I'm venting a little here, because my doctors this week did not release me to go back to work. When I notified the university, I could tell that they were about to send the letter "thank you for your service, you are hereby terminated."

So, I also need to move on. And we all will survive this label of pcs--and I guess that is just it. We survived!

It's another day to do better and to feel better. We will get out of this hell to somewhere better....

So thank you all for letting me write this-I have appreciated all of you. And I know you will all improve. Day by day.

:)

I'm sorry to hear that. That must be very hard :/. I just can't imagine going through every day feeling like this. I just want this to go away. If it doesn't I have no idea what I'm going to do.

I've been diagnosed with convergence insufficiency by my neuro optometrist, and she says my focusing system is extremely slow. I'm going to be starting vision therapy as soon as workers comp approves it. Hopefully that will do something. I'm also restarting physical and vestibular therapy.

I'm so tired. I want to go take a walk, or go do something, but then the thought of getting up/moving makes me want to cry. I feel like my body is going to just shut down and waste away.

Brain healing is sllooowwww
 

Hello everyone

yes, it's a long slog getting better. I know I felt some sudden uplifts along my pcs journey and you might get those too. No 2 healings are just the same though.

I got some comfort from the book Brainlashed by Gail Denton. She is a therapist who got a tbi. The chapters are short and you can likely get or order this book free from your public library.

Hang in there. Your brain can heal. You will never be just as you were before your accident, but you might even be a better person on the other side of healing. I am.

Hope you can find something positive in you day.

Sincerely

poetrymom

My thoughts exactly. This has been so hard. Its been 7 months now. My friends are all enjoying their summer and i tend to get left behind because i can't do many things with them. Not that i blame them, but I'm extremely jealous. I miss my life. Im 24 and i feel like I'm old sitting indoors with a hat and sunglasses because my eyes are so sensitive to the sun.

I live with my boyfriend of 5 years and i can tell it is really hard on him as well. He's been amazing taking care of me and being my support through everything but he is getting burnt out. Im constantly worried that this is going to ruin our relationship now. Im not the same person I used to be. Fun, loving and spontaneous is now cautious, irritable and in pain all the time.

Im hoping things start to speed up now. fingers crossed

I'm 3.5 months in and I too miss sleeping and feeling refreshed in the morning. I remember waking Sunday mornings totally relaxed stretching out like a cat and contemplating putting my mountain bike on the back of the car and heading for the hills... sigh. Touch wood most my symptoms have faded but I'm still left with terrible fractured sleep which is debilitating and some tinnitus - the stubborn symptoms. Gradually reclaiming my life back but it's slow work.

I had that dream-like fog for months, and I hated it. I actually felt like that was my worst symptom. It was like I was constantly drunk and high 24/7. I don't do drugs, but I can imagine that an acid trip is similar to the brain fog I experienced.

I am terrified that the brain fog will return one day. If anybody knows the medical term or what causes it, please let me know. I'd like to research it more but can't find much via Google.

Oh, and my brain fog stopped a week after I started taking curcumin 3x a day. Not sure if you're on a supplement routine, but it totally killed my fogginess.

I don't even know what to say. I completely understand where you're coming from though. This is not a fun thing to go through. I keep trying to search my soul and figure out what I'm supposed to be learning from this. My kids were all in school for the first time in 16 years. I started back to work and had a job that I was loving SO MUCH. It seemed like everything was falling into place seamlessly and then BOOM! It all got taken away so quickly last November.

It STINKS! As my husband keeps pointing out, this has really brought all of us closer. Not that we weren't before but my husband and kids have had to learn to pitch in more and nobody has complained about it one bit. I'm trying to really focus on how loved and supported I've felt through most of this.

Sorry for rambling. I hope that things start turning around for you soon. It does help when you start seeing a little progress.

I'm so afraid I'm never going to feel normal and good again. What exactly do people mean by "you will never be exactly as you were?" Please tell me I'll be able to concentrate and not be foggy and spacey and exhausted and be able to actually have energy and be normal again? That the experience just gives you a different perspective on life? What exactly do people mean by this? I cannot imagine going through the rest of my life like this. And nothing seems to be getting better. I'm so scared.

At 5 months post injury, you still have plenty of time to improve. Some on NT did not see improvements until almost a year after. Usually, it was the result of finding ways to reduce anxiety and stress levels. Anxiety can cause the foggy brain and struggle to concentrate.

Have you had a serious hormone assessment ?

Not in particular, but I've had so many tests and bloods done throughout 8 hospital visits in the first 2 months that I'm sure I'm fine. One hospital tested my hormones and my thyroid. Everything is normal.

I have also been diagnosed with slow focusing and convergence insufficiency. I need vision therapy but who knows how long it'll take to start. I'm going through the worker's comp nightmare.

Everything is very strange. I don't ever feel like I'm "here". Artificial lights make everything look 10x more strange, always have pressure in my head and face, constantly feels like im walking on a boat. And ohhhh the fatigue. Horrible. Concentration and comprehension SUCKS. I just never feel good, or a fraction of that.

I have/had many of the same thoughts/symptoms you have. There is good news though! It took me 1 year to figure out I had convergence insufficiency and that was the main contributor to my headaches/inability to read/work on a computer/fogginess.

A quick background, I was in a Tbone car collision when a kid ran a red light likely going 60mph+. My SUV went airborne, spun in the air and landed on its side. Miraculously I escaped unscathed minus a mTBI. First year was pure hell and I made it through day to day from use of painkillers. Basically a blur now.

Through a recommendation from a poster on here, I got tested for convergence insufficiency and paid $400 for tinted glasses to help correct it. Despite my lack of confidence in this working(everything else I tried failed) I noticed immediate improvement. I would strongly suggest you try the glasses before you spend $ on vision therapy. There's no reason to be in pain when there may be immediate relief and the glasses help improve convergence over time.

Feel free to message me or Skype me anytime and ill be happy to talk further.

5 months is not long at all, had my accident early last year and hate to say it but still struggling a lot, I have all the symptoms you're talking about.

It is scary, I was told I'll never be the same again, those words.....aaaggghhh! my short term memory is shot so have to put notes everywhere then I forget I even have notes....now use a timer which helps with things.

It can be a long road but stress and tiredness, I find, makes it all worse so take really good care of yourself.:grouphug:

It's been nearly 2 years for me. No, not getting any closer to what I used to be. I hate hate hate when someone says that I'll get used to the new me. I don't WANT to get used to the new me. Unless the "new me" has a lot of qualites that the "regular me" had. Not happening so far.

Many of us long termers have found that the new me has qualities we never had before. You are short changing yourself if you are not looking for those new qualities. The youngsters will likely have the biggest struggle recognizing these new qualities.

I am far more tolerant of others who may be slow to catch on to something.

The whole experience is extremely challenging to say the least, but I have learned a lot of valuable lessons. The experience is changing my paradigm, my perspective and my values. Don't get me wrong, I have days where I feel completely hopeless, bored out of my mind, exhausted, angry, hating the world, etc. I terribly miss my mind and memory. I never missed a detail, and people were amazed and appreciated how well I can remember.

Like you, I have led a very privileged life, where I took many things for granted. However, I do think that if you win all the time, you do not grow. It is only when you fall, you examine your life and become a better person. I do not know what your values are or what life means to you, but you should remember that every experience teaches us something, and the bigger the lesson, the more challenging the experience.

At the end of the day, how good your memory is does not reflect who you truly are, nor what you do during the day. These things are superficial and can be taken away(or slowly is being taken away due to aging) as we have all learned. How you respond to adversaries, your resilience, perseverance, ability to love and smile in the darkest hours, these are the lasting you, the truest you.

I am doing my best, but am struggling to write this. and I apologize if I do not make sense. I look forward to the day when I can write like I used to...

Am 9 years in.......I just never give up.......hope!
One needs to stay positive!
Here's an option: http://articles.sun-sentinel.com/201...c-brain-injury

Mark, I was reading your story/profile n you say you've had "14" concussions.....?
Am guessing falls?

Just one fall from a bike when I was 10. Others were things like standing up under a low beam, smacking a low ceiling over a staircase. Heading a soccer ball. I made a list years ago. One serious concussion, bike fall. Four moderate concussions. 9 mild concussions.

Gotcha..........

they finally after me talking enough spread my meds to morn noon 3 and night

it was night and day so many docs and shrinks forget or dont care and just pile it all on us

if you have multiple spread it out if one pill change the time

most of us most body's build a level of the drug so it dont matter when its taken

try that good luck

it is a very expensive option in the thousands and thousands..and I don't feel good enough to make it to California lol. I wish he didn't patent it. I live in in new York city and can't even get it done

http://www.alzforum.org/news/researc...draws-scrutiny

long article but essentially says more testing is needed and that the inventor of the idea has been put on probation at least once for undocumented claims. he charged six thousand dollars for a pain block procedure that I clinical trials proved to be no different than placebo

good luck and we're here for you. there s a bi polar section too

I have been feeling the same as you the last couple weeks, I am 9 months post concussion and feel like my life is crumbling around me. My kids take advantage of my changes, my husband is frustrated that I am not "normal" and we are about to lose our home as I can't work.

It is very hard not to hit these low points when your life has been flipped upside down.