Social Isolation
 

I am a social person, meaning I actually feel sad and lethargic if I do not get meaningful social interaction. This isolation is really hard on me. Conversations are difficult. No one gets me anyways. I cannot go anywhere due to sensitivity to sound. I am getting cabin fever. I feel so frustrated. Another dark day...

Will, you sound exactly like my son. He was such a social person, a true extravert before his injuries. His inability to converse is the cruelest thing to happen to him, he says. I take him to the park across the street where he can see people and pets, but he cannot talk with the people, even if he can pet the doggies. So sorry you are having this problem too.

BTW, I worked with someone named Will Gardner in Seattle. Perhaps a relative of yours.

will,

Have to tried to maintain your social relationships over the phone? That way, you only have one person talking and a focus of voices. I find that if I need to be in a room with a group of people, I need to be towards a corner where nobody can be behind me talking. If all the voices are in front of me, I can tolerate it much better.

Or use FaceBook chat or such.

It is not uncommon for me to go a week or longer with only talking to my wife.

I am a very social person as well.. for the first few months I did not go anywhere or let more than one person over... I did text some and FB chat some...


I went to an event for a cycling team my husband is on about 6 weeks after... I had earplugs and only lasted about an hour. I had one of the friends that I FB chat there with me to help me tell people what was going on and so that she could help finish my sentences, while my husband did his socialization...

Next outing was at about 12 weeks... went to dinner for my birthday with 3 couples... nice quiet restaurant was out for about 3 hours total...

Next month was out for only 2 hours before I was done...

Just depends on the place... I find that I am building up again to be out with 2 or 3 couples for an evening and I am ok the next day...

Now I say all of that to say this... I am odd in that I have some CSF build up and when I drink wine, I actually feel better... I still require earplugs sometimes depending on where we go and what we do... but only if it is going to be in a crowded place...

I hope this gets better for youi!!!

i was a loner before the injury but was well liked. now everyone is gone. due to my abi i did have hallucinations and acted bizarrely the first few months but geez, you are friends with somone a lifetime and you dessert them just like that? not one or two or three but all my childhood friends desserted me. its what hurts most. i picture them at their childrens' baptism communion and birthday parties and i'm not there and it rips my insides to pieces and drives me to despair.
my girlfriend is more social but i was the one with all the friends and with them being lost it is just me and her. and the cat.

I'm homebound most of the time. And I sleep a lot.

So, I rather enjoy the change of pace social time brings.

I wear headphones to control noise issues. For conversations, I text. I also ask for help a lot. (I need a lot of help). I usually just sit there and don't try to talk. (still can't talk)

What I really hate is when other people (strangers - I can deal with my friends) talk about their health problems. I deal with that by trying to stand up - and since I can't stand up, I either fall or totter. Then someone comes over and helps me.

My best social life comes from asking someone for help - for example drive me somewhere, or do something for me.

I practice my response to what people always ask me "how am I?" I know I can't just casually chat.

I have some serious and long-time relationships online, places where I am still a respected and honored authority. That feels nice but no, it's not my real life any more. I have to deal with real life.

my sister has bee complaining about a virus and listen and a concerned. she ct know what i feel. my brother said once that a person next to you can have the most painful cancer but if you have a paper cut that is worse to you. i'm afraid it is somewhat true.

I tried to go out to eat the other night - I brought foam earplugs but as soon as I walked in the restaurant I was completely overwhelmed and had to leave.

I am supposed to travel in a few weeks to go to my grandmothers 100th birthday. I have to fly cross country, and deal with all kinds of stuff that seems like far too much. My issues have been getting progressively worse and really do not want to go. My family completely does not understand.

I feel your frustration and pain.

I used to enjoy socializing but I just can't be out around people for too long, now, my head starts hurting, my eyes hurt and I just want to run.

I do talk to people on the phone as I find it easier sometimes, my very best childhood friend is kaput now...never hear from her, it hurt but now I've gone in to the mode of well, how good a friend was she anyway, this I suppose is my new life so hopefully it will eventually bring new people in to it.

I get when you say you feel sad and lethargic, I'm the same way, not being around people now brings me down, just being inside by myself for most of the time "dulls" me.

Hope you feel better...:grouphug:

Floyd4

I recently had to fly home to see family -first time travelling by myself since my accident - i booked a direct flight, noise cancelling headphones for noise sensitivity and a note from my doctor requesting assistance getting to my flight. at my family function I used foam earplugs and took alot of little breaks from the social action. I had a small meltdown at the airport when a flight was boarding at the gate next to mine but I just turned up my music and looked at the floor to reduce all the noise and visual stimulation

Will, i cant remember when/what was your accident?

A couple ideas: is acupuncture an option for you? For me its just the right amount of conversation, concern (you get to share physical and emotional crap with so little judgement. Some gentle touch and, after the needles are in, relaxation.

Second, i've put out the bat signal to some older friends spread around the country so i dont wear any one friend out too much wth my woes.

Third, i'm gonna overgeneralize here but women are better at knowing how to handle train wrecks like me. So if you have some old girlfriends you can call up try that

Fourth, back before my boyfriend tired of this situation and when i could handle very little convo, he'd tell me quietly about his day kayaking or whatevs and stroke my head like he was trying to heal it. I wonder if we could hire people to do that? (;

I see you're a newbie. Welcome to NT!

Whenever possible, I avoid flying since my TBI. Among other things, I'm always worried that I might have a meltdown during the invasive security. I can be slow answering questions, and I can see the cop wannabes getting anxious.

Does your provincial chapter on the Brain Injury Association issue TBI patient identity cards for your wallet?

I doubt I could whip mine out, before they taser me. I'm thinking of having "out of order" tattooed across my forehead.

planes? vacations? im so shell shocked I can barely make it to the doctor lol. by the time my night terrors and tremors are done, I wake up like a dog that's been beaten too much lol. but it gets better as the day goes on and I am goin to talk to doctor about it

Thanks Hockey! I never even thought of asking about TBI patient cards. I did get frisked at security by a very stern little woman. I also have alot of trouble speaking to people when I am stressed so yeah, the tattoo on the forehead seems like a good idea.

In my anxiety about writing my First Post, I totally forgot to tell the OP that the way I dealt with the isolation during the first 6 months post accident (I am 2.5 years in now) was to respond to my friends comments on facebook, some days thats all I could do, and I messaged my friends and coworkers to ask them to please leave a message about their day if they phoned and I did not answer. I told them that some days I was so fatigued that conversations were beyond me but I sure enjoyed hearing their voices.

I am also feeling the pain of social isolation. In my spare time I was a martial arts instructor and attended my dojo 2-3 times a week. I went from being in the greatest shape of my life to becoming what feels like jello. My close friends disappeared, family didn't call and I got depressed. Then a funny thing happened, close friends that I hadn't talked to in years, acquaintances or my dojo mates contacted me. I felt like I didn't deserve anything good anymore so just said thanks for the concern and left it at that. It took a leap of faith (inspired by my psychologist) to actually reach out, take a chance and see if they wanted to have a short visit. Well, it worked and I now have some new (old?) friends in my life that get it. It was hard to pick up that phone or agree to a visit when asked; but I did it and am sure glad I did.

Musician's earplugs help me be out in loud/crowded/noisy areas and I use a cane to steady myself. I go with someone if the place is spacious as I get easily overwhelmed (vision and noise).

My appointments are also a social outing (sad to say) but insurance has been declining all of my treatment plans as of late. I am getting that sorted out.

I am actually scared to death of my son (12 yrs) going back to school. He has been a constant companion and in a few weeks I will be alone again.

you are lucky with the friend thing..mine are gone for good. couldn't spare a half hour a week. oh well. I spend my days on the CNN chat boards lol and here and wait like a dog for my girlfriend to get home from work.

her love knows no bounds and I don't know if I could have done what she did. I always said women were more loyal an dependable. I also have my cat..9 yeas ago I thought I would take over the world...now I'm just glad for company...oh well...thank God I have my girlfriend

that's a great idea asking friends to leave long messages...i'll try it

yes, take care of that girlfriend of yours! glad she's stuck around. yes, it's a good thing we never know what life has in store for us. maybe our next round of surprises is gonna be awesome.

after seven years i just hope things stay the same lol. but you never know what treatment is around the corner. i owe it to the good people of this board to be positive.

I have my 2 dogs as well. They help a lot on lonely days.

im glad you have your two buddies. i love my little cat buddy lol..he thinks its great I'm home all the time..what does he know lol

Pets can make an enormous difference.

We lost our last dog over a year ago, and I am DESPERATE for another one. With me disabled, my husband doesn't want to get stuck with walking it, etc...

I can't make him understand how much I NEED a dog. I know my mood would be so much better if we had a new pooch. My departed fur friends played a crucial role in getting me through those first, awful years after my TBI. Unlike humans, they were draw to my sadness, not repelled by it, and didn't mind that I talked oddly and had trouble moving. Aside from nursing a baby, I know nothing more soothing and peaceful than stroking a pet.

Dogs are amazing. They are men's best friends after all.

Conversations....oh boy
 

Hi Will

I remember feeling that isolation too and also how much conversations could tire me out. I have recovered from it though and hope you will too.

I found good groups for PCS on facebook and that was one social outlet for me. I made friends there and here too. Even though this is not the same as going out with friends, it's one way to try and stay connected and work on social skills too.

Could you skype with an old friend for some face to face and if it gets tiring, then let them know..

Mark had a good idea about the phone and I recall when even talking on the phone was tiring.

Even try a good old fashioned letter with real handwriting and stamps. Send one and get one. Something to look forward to.

Hang in there. Better days will come.

poetrymom