Food for Thought: Who Am I? (what defines me)
 

My brain injury and the resulting cognitive changes have made me question what constitutes a self. If I am not my intelligence, my memory or my temperament, then who am I? I feel fortunate that my ultimate goal in life has remained the same, and I can define a self as consisting of what I do to become who I want to be. I am the trying, persisting, hoping self.


What are your thoughts?

what defines me post-injuries. good question. I am still fiercely loyal to my family and love my nephews and nieces enough to not jump off a cliff from this brain injury :)
my job defined me and that was a brutal blow losing it, even 5 years later it hurts.
money defined me. now I have very little and that hurts because I liked nice cars and jewelry.
I found out that my "self" is all in the brain. the rest of the body means nothing without a healthy brain. whether it comes to sleeping, exercising, sex...without the brain none of it happens, and with a damaged brain only some things are the same for me.
sleep, pain, sex, exercise...all affected by my brain injury.
I guess I'm still who I was, only going through heck every day for the rest of my life scares me and I always prided myself on being tough.

Good question, Will. my self esteem took a very steep dive after my accident when i couldn't work (at a job that is my calling and i really feel makes a difference in the world), couldn't be a part of the overarching culture here locally which is all about sports--kiteboarding, kayaking, skiing, etc. Went through a breakup really because of all that and the fact that i became a weepy, anxious person who couldn't do anything.

my therapist has challenged me to see that those things aren't who i am...but since i never had to look far to feel good and valuable before, i was left in the lurch w/o those things. i think i'm seeing that showing love and knowing love are what life is really all about, and perhaps what i should be about, but i say that knowing that i'm really only ok with that as long as i recover :) because in a way my job and my activities were the ways i showed loved to myself and to the world. there are other ways, i have found some. i've found my sense of humor again (the lexapro helped), which was always a big part of me.

listened to an interesting non-traditional meditation the other day that took you back through your ancestors...to make you feel like they've all been struggling to survive so that you could live, and their strength is yours and all that.

The meditation sounds interesting. Is it online?

I am struggling with the same question. One minute I am running a dept, teaching martial arts and running a household. The next minute I am this self I have become. It's like it's me but not me at all. My own parents have even accused me of being different and mean. Very hurtful.

It has been over a year now. I have had to "get past" not being able to work and "get past" the things I can't do anymore. When my body feels fatigued I now give in and have a rest. I've allowed myself to live this new life and not always be feeling guilty. I am not perfect though. There are some rough days when I question the person I have become: my short temper, always looking tired, feeling exhausted, short term memory (forgetfulness), chronic pain and speech issues, etc. I now allow the emotions and make it OK to experience them. For myself, being outside is the BEST! I can now just sit and be in silence, and be content. This would have driven me crazy in the past. My goal now is doing what I need to do to get better. Patience is a virtue - and challenging.

What moves me forward is the hope of receiving treatment, to heal, the support of a few close friends and my family; especially my son.

I know a large part of my "loss" was spiritual, in the sense of not being able to practice my martial art anymore. I have, however, tried focusing on the meditation or simply allowing myself to be in silence. Everyone's journey is different and very difficult. This is what has led me here to this forum. I hope any of this novel I seemed to have typed has been helpful. I wish you all the best in your journey and one thing I know for myself is that I will not give up hope.

Do yourself a huge favor. Dont over think your situation. Live it day by day. Because trust me, just when you think you have the new you figured out, you end up in a new situation and it redefines you.

Plus, it adds unnecessary stress and anxiety to our already damaged brains.

Also my new "way" of socia interaction is this:

If you cant accept my inability nor care to entertain it, then get **out of my way, your just blocking my road to recovery. and if you still cant accept it, I prolly didnt need you in my life to begin with.

This question I posed is a philosophical one. Through this experience, I have redefined a lot of notions such as success, victory. I am doing the same with the "self" and I was wondering if anyone had a good idea. I think the new definition is not only more accurate, but also liberating. This injury necessitated that I eliminate a lot of limiting and destructive beliefs and perceptions. I am not having an identity crisis here. I am redefining my life for the better.

prolly.....

Is that text short hand or is a new language being started ?

Probably a new language that us oldies will never get.

Will, I don't really understand you last post. Can you elaborate?

Kevbo

My sentiments exactly. And I say prolly too:)

Sorry if my previous comment seemed off putting or degrading, it was not my intention.

But, I do somewhat stand by what I said, try not to harp on. I know its very nice when you think youve figured it out. And it may stay that way for a few weeks or months, and you think you have a control on it. But somehow you will find yourself in a situation (say a wedding or a confrontation) and it redefines you and defaltes you. It takes a huge mental toll on you, because you finally thought you were doing better. I know its a tough pill to swallow, but I find living day by day works better for my psyche. But thats my own opinion, and everyone is entitled to their own.

Also Mark, "prolly" is what my phone actually autocorrected probably too. Evidently I misspelled it and thats what my iphone auto corrected it to. Sorry if it was offending or confusing.

It wasn't offending or confusing. I have seen it a couple of times and the word to me sounds juvenile. I am surprised a 'smart' phone would auto correct that way.

As we struggle with minds that tend to be rigid in their thinking, trying to accommodate and learn these new things that do not make much sense can be a struggle.

Kev,

What things do you enjoy doing ?
What things are you good at ?

What are your limitations, driving, etc.?

Did the doc say why he does not think you will work again ?

I am sure there are ways you can get more purpose back in your life. Fortunately, you live in an area with lots of outdoor things available.

If you want to take this discussion private, PM me.

You might enjoy this...

http://zenhabits.net/zen-attachment/
Letting Go of Attachment, from A to Zen

Sorry everyone if I was not being clear. This question is not subjective in the sense that I am talking about myself. I am just trying to incorporate the new knowledge I gained from this experience into how I view the world and how I view a person. For instance, if I cannot control my anger, can I really complain if someone else is being angry? I think knowing that a lot of "who we are" are necessarily not in our control helps us accept people as they come rather than blaming or criticizing them. This is meant to be constructive.

I just addressed this with the psychologist yesterday....actually whether it is being addressed from a stand point or about ones self, I totally find this as about myself.

I am struggling with who I am as a person...I don't look at myself as a medical problem, I look at the medical problem as a destructor of my previous self. I was asked what I like to do yesterday... I love to read, can I do it right now? No, so in my mind I am not a book enthusiast any longer. I love going to the movies, can I do it right now? No I love socializing...again can't do it right now. So, who exactly is the new me?

I am disheartened by all of this, psychologist said it is a grieving process, just the same as when someone close to you dies.... but here is my question, how do you like someone you would never have chosen to be? Do you remember the movie "Body Snatchers"? That is how I feel, someone drove in took my life, left my body, and a whole new world to figure out.

I think we are failing to communicate clearly about this topic.


PCS Journey 42,

I believe you don't have to be able to read, to like reading. (you don't have to own a sports car to like sports cars. You don't have to be rich to like money). You still like reading, that is who you are. Maybe whether you can read or not, which is not in your control, was never and is not who you are. You believed that reading a lot of books defined you as a person, but reality is suggesting that this is not so. I think this experience of ours is shedding light on who we truly are. You can dismiss this observation as a coping mechanism or a compromised view of a self. However, I believe truth is all encompassing. Truth cannot apply to one situation and not another. Truth has to be true in all situations at all times.

I do agree this is part of grieving process. I did have what I termed "an identity crisis" similar to yours. This is a necessary part of the process. Just remember that this too shall pass, and on the other side of this confusion, anger, there is clarity and empowerment. IF you want to talk, PM me.