Hey guys
 

How have you all been? I was hospitalized for suicide. As a result I started getting ECT every week initially now once every two weeks. They make me feel so much better but I am turning into a hermit. I mean if there is something that I must do like get groceries, I can but I am a stress case the whole time. I have four people I talk to and no more. I am supposed to be moving in with my parents with in the year but now I fear losing my freedom. I am having a really tough time. I am miserable. I wish I had an ECT this week. I am always fired up after them and feel great. The VA has decided to reassess my rating and they have decided to take away my special compensation and they think I don't need it anymore when in reality, my condition has declined. I had to have my doctor write a letter to them and now I wait for their reply. I miss you guys and glad I finally logged in again.

Thank you for checking in!
I am so glad that the ect treatments are helping you.
I am sorry to hear that you had a suicide attempt.
Sounds like you doctor is helping you with letters etc.. that is great...you may need to hire a lawyer at some point.
how is trip?
bizi

Hi

'Glad that the treatments are helping you and sorry that they are not helping you enough.
Do you get any exercise? That seemed to help you in the past.

M

Hey TBI. I'm sorry about you depression,and problems with your special compensation.
GET a lawyer. I had to. It seems like those people only listen to lawyers. Take them to court.

It's not your fault. I'm so glad that you are getting better with the EBT treatments. A lawyer may be able to get you back on them.

Please don't be in despair. I woke up early this morning,and read some of the bible about Gods comfort,and I was comforted. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Bizi!
 

Thanks Bizi! I really should come here more often you guys. Make me feel so much better. It is funny how isolating mental illness can be. Some of my closest friends have dropped off because they don't understand. I have retained a lawyer i the past for my case with the VA, I guess I should track him down again. Everything is an uphill battle!

Thank God for Trip! He really keeps me going. I am taking him kayaking tomorrow for probably the last run of the season. When I get to be afraid to go out in public, he picks up on that and gets real protective of me and then I get anxious, it is like a chain reaction.

Thank you for your post, it is great to hear from you!
TBI/PTSD

Thanks Mari!
 

Hi! Thanks for your post. I am exercising, a lot. I ran six miles yesterday and took Trip swimming. Somedays that is all I do, exercise me and exercise Trip. I have been away from yoga but just recently went back.

I haven't been to AA in moons because I am scared. I hate that.i hope you are well and really appreciate your post and remembering that exercise helps me so much!

Have a great day,
TBI/PTSD

BF!
 

Thanks for your reply, BF! I always for get about the love, comfort and support, that is available if I just ask for it. My doc is on vacation this week so I don't have a therapy appt this week. Like Mari says, I gotta remember to get my exercise.

I am really excited for the seasons to change! I hear it is supposed to be a cold, cold, cold winter. Yeah! I love gear, wi ter jackets,boots etc...things to combat the elements so I can be out it them.

I am going to look my attorney up and see if he can draft correspondence for me in addition to my doctor. Thanks for the suggestion.

Read Your bible today too and have a wonderful day!

TBI/PTSD

TBI I know what you mean about not wanting to go outside. I have to fight it also. I go grocery shopping,go to church,go to therapy meetings,and go to the dentist,and take out the trash. I usually take a shower before I go outside. That helps me. I don't go to many places these days either.

I'm not to bothered about going into a supermarket anymore. I know people in supermarkets after working in one for 14 years.

I was on the phone this morning talking to Social Services. My mind went blank because of some sort of panic attack,and the social worker thought that she knew what I meant. It's so embarrassing,but I could not help it.

Hang in there. There's always hope. The next time that you feel suicidal read through the Psalms,or somewhere that you find hope,and comfort. I surely found comfort this morning. BF:hug::hug::hug:

TBI

I am in wonder of all you are doing, Kayaking, wow. Wish my leg
would let me even consider that. But I wouldn't because I'm afraid
to be on the water in boats.

I have some other issues that are hard. But I just know to not climb
high and that helps me.

I was lucky with my injury. I didn't need an attorney, because my workmens comp. was fantastic.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I can see how when Trip gets protective you react in a way that makes things worse.

Have a great time kayaking.

Do you have winter activities that you love as much?

M

Breaking the cycle
 

I went to service dog training yesterday. That is where I go work with an experienced trainer and a future service dog and I get to train the dog with the experienced trainers guidance. Then I get to bring all that back hope and teach Trip. We are learning how to break the fear protective cycle. I am working with the trainer and his boss too to write and article for American Psychology on the subject of service dogs. I am excited about that and hopefully helping

In the winter Tripand I do a lot of hiking! I love being out in the cold!

Thanks for writing!
TBI/PTSD

Hi TBI. :):):)

It's so good to hear you sounding better.

The withdrawal from people is perhaps natural... maybe that will change as you adjust to feeling more comfortable. It's as though you are still awakening. You will be ok, even if socializing isn't in the cards right now.

I am so glad you have Trip, too. I bet you guys had a great time kayaking. :)

Take good care! :hug:

waves

Wow! That does sound exciting! And... WOW! :D:D

Super excited!
 

Waves, I am super excited about helping people with my experience. Now naturally, I want to go get my LCSW or something so help more people but I think I will pump the brakes. I have been thinking about volunteering for the Semper Fi Fund or the Wounded Warrior Project or something where I can lend my experience from all of this to someone. Thanks so much for your post.

Volunteering is good idea.
. . . .see how you feel about the organization, the people, . . . and how you feel about being somewhere at a certain time before you make a commitment to a bigger project.
(That used to be an issue in the past when I wanted to volunteer. . . . I didn't feel up to it going . . . . . . :confused:)

Mari

Hey TBI. I saw a movie about a battle in Afghanistan,where four Navy Seals were on a mission,and everything goes wrong.

The movie's name was,"Lone Survivor" based on a true story.

The reason I'm mentioning this is because I was trying to wrap my head around the intensity of this battle that they were in. I saw it three times. I thank you,and I thank them. So many Americans have died,and been injured fighting for our country,and I thank each,and everyone of you. BF:hug::hug::hug:

No other place for me
 

I would do anything to continue serving you and the sorest of the country but I guess God has another plan. Thank you thank you thank you and hugs back!

Great advice!
 

It is my nature to jump in with both feet. I really appreciate your suggestion (reminder). I have to remember that I find it extremely difficult to be confined in a space with people. I had an ECT today and the doc thinks we need to go back to once a week instead of once every two. I need to be on the up swing before I reach out.

Please just take care of yourself.

We all care.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I am so curious how your memory is with all of the treatments?
once a week sounds better.
again so glad that it is helping you!
bizi

I can't remember anything
 

Bizi,
I mentioned the memory problems to my doc so Wednesday she did a unilateral ECTS instead. Of a Bilateral. That is supposed to help my memory. She wants to bring me back to once a week instead of once every two weeks. I am ok with that as long as she doesn't stop the, yet. I don't want them to stop yet.

Supposed to be a gorgeous weekend, I am going kayaking Sat and Sun! Gotta get it in before it gets too cold. When Trip comes, I always get drenched!

Have a great weekend!

TBI/PTSD

I hope that the unilateral makes things easier for you.
Enjoy the kayaking.

Mari