I feel grieved,sick. I'm a outsider in my family.
 

My brother in law didn't want me to see my sister today. I found out that my niece,and her new son,and my bol were with my sister at the hospital after that today according to FB timeline. I new that she was coming.

The only conclusion that there could be is that my bol didn't want me at the occasion,and I feel sick in my stomach,and heart about this. He was very vocal about how he didn't want me to be there today. He didn't meantion anything about my niece,but I'm not stubid,and wonder why he thought that I wouldn't find out about this. The only other conclusion that I can think of is that He didn't care about me being there at this occasion,or even if I would find out. What am I? A nothing who doesn't feel anything.

I feel sick,unwanted,extremely unwanted,unloved in the family,and nobody cared for me to be there. I could write fifty pages of my feelings about wanting to be there at the occasion.

I don't know what to do. I feel so bad that I might call the emergency hotline,but I've done that before,and they were not very helpful. I was just another troubled person on the phone.

Thanks for writing
 

Dear BF,
I can only imagine how that felt and I am sorry your had to go through it. We never know what is going on in other peoples heads and if we interpret something wrong, it can be very painful. I am sorry you had to go through this and hope you feel better soon.

i know how painful it is....how much it hurts....that is what my family did to me most of my life. turn to God. he is always with you. you are a part of him and you are never alone. and who is more important? please find comfort in that.
bobby

Why not write your sister a letter? Don't even mention that her husband excluded you from the visit.

Instead, focus on her. Just tell her that you love her, you're praying for her health and that, no matter what, you will always be there for her.

I find that a dose of positive energy and kindness are the best response to negative, nasty people. Don't let your ignorant, insensitive brother-in-law drag you down to his level.

good advice about writing the letter.
sorry that you are feeling this poorly about the situation.
Try if you can to not dwell too long on this, maybe you could write him a letter then burn it up as a sort of release just to get your feelings of hurt on paper.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

BF, :hug::hug::hug::hug:

I hear you.

These things hurt. :grouphug:


Mari

BF,
 

I think writing your sister a letter or send a real nice card with enough space for you to write how you are praying for her and and waiting for your brother-in-law to give you the okay to visit.

This way she knows of your love and concern. She will also be aware of the reason you have not come to see her. Maybe this will prompt her to ask her husband to be sure he let's you know she is looking forward to your visit and wanting him to let you know she want to see you too. (Need too keep things "cool" with with brother-in-law; don't want to add to any negative feelings.)


Gerry

ger this is excellent advice!
bizi

I talked to my councilor today. She recommended that I call the hospital,and talk to a nurse who is helping my sister to relay a message.

My decision is to back off at this time.

I guess that my brother in law is under allot of pressure both good,and bad.

I'm putting all of this into the Lords hands,because he can handle it,and I cannot. BF:hug::hug::hug:

BF,

That is good that you talked to the counselor.
Keep taking care of yourself.

Mari

That is a very kind, empathetic, mature and selfless interpretation of your sister's husband's behaviour. It's his loss that he can't recognize what a great brother-in-law he has.

Awww. Thank you Hockey. BF:hug::hug::hug:

We all know you're a great guy.

(((:heartthrob:BF:heartthrob:)))

Thank you Waves. :Heart::heartthrob::Heart: BF:hug::hug::hug:

Steve,
Families are weird and odd set of variables. When you took bil as he didn't want you there, maybe he actually was concerned that seeing your sister would be a weak part to you, not the need you wanted to be with your own sister.

Sucks that people think they know what is best for us and it's just what they think is best for them.

I'm sorry your sister is ill. Your idea to talk to the nurse will be a nice attempt, but the hippa rarely lets any info out to family not included on a release list. She can let your sister know you called, are concerned and would like to see her.

If you could come to terms that it is their emotional time that they are being so wrong to you, they will one day awake to hurt to you, and the difficultly of keeping you two apart.
Hugs
Di

BF,
 

I am glad you came to terms understanding your brother-in-law is having difficulties as well. I believe this will be good for you too.


Gerry

Family dynamics can stick!
Sending Angels to be watchful with you Steve.
:hug:
Di

Again I feel like I'm a outsider in the family. I found out that my niece,and her new son were in town yesterday visiting my brother in law. I didn't know anything about it until today.

I called my brother in law last night to find out if I,or we were going to visit my sister,and he said she still can't talk,and that she doesn't want visitors. I haven't seen her in three weeks.

I feel like I'm on the out side of the family circle looking in,but getting no communication.

I guess that because he didn't even tell me that my niece,and her son were there yesterday,I have to ask specific questions. I should maybe write down a list of things on a piece of paper,and go down the list,and ask questions since information is kept from me like this. I don't get it. It's like I don't matter,and can be left out of the loop. BF:hug::hug::hug:

It's not fair, hurtful and your BIL will have to account to someone higher then us for the behavior.
Prayers for your sister and for your heart Steve.:grouphug:

Thank you Di. Bil is a good man,and he's under allot of pressure both good,and bad. I don't wish for anything bad to happen to him for keeping me out of the loop. I wish that he would communicate with me. I don't know what he's thinking about me in the family status. I'm a human being like he is.

He's also close to retiring from being a doctor for many,many years. At one time he drove out of the city to the next county over so that his girls could be educated in the major city that he lived in. So he worked many hours,and drove many hours,and spent a short time to unwind,and then went to bed for years. He has allot of responsibilities then,and now. He doesn't live far away from me now.

BF:hug::hug::hug:

What's the use of questioning him? I back away from that too. I have prayed,and I put this situation in the Lords hands. BF:hug::hug::hug:

You are a good man
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

BF,

Lots of hugs.:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

:grouphug:
Mari

The generosity you can show your BIL, in the face of all the hurt he is inflicting on you, is truly inspiring. In everyone had your graciousness, and capacity for empathy, the world we a much, much better place.

BF,
 

BF,

It's hard to know what is going with him.

Maybe just a short call asking him if you can be of help in any way; not to hesitate to call you. Let him know you are there for both he and your sister. I'm sure you don't want to add any additional pressure on him.


Gerry,

Or even have you just told him, look I'd like to come stand quietly at her bedside for 10 minutes, even if she can't talk? Maybe he doesn't get how meaningful it would be to you just to be present? He thinks as long as he gives you updates, you are "in the loop".

Or something different again. Like, he might in his mind be protecting you from seeing your sister in a bad way.

My sister is doing a little better. She is out of intensive care,and in a transitional unit. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Thank goodness!

Such good news. :hug::hug::hug::hug:

Keep taking care of yourself.

Mari

I am so glad to hear that good news!!!!!
stay warm
bizi

My brother in law,and I went to see my sister today. She's starting to talk again,and they think she will be ready to come home around Christmas.

Things are working out. I may have over reacted when my sister first went into the hospital. I surely over reacted about various other things.

I hate it when my emotions take me through a dark valley. Those emotions are so strong that I feel like I'm caught in a undertow of a angry ocean,and I was fighting for my emotional life at times. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Dear BF,
That's very good news that your sister is doing much better.
I wish her a speedy recovery and hope she's home well before Christmas.
It's also great that you went with your brother in law to visit.

I hope that you're feeling better now too. :hug:

That's great news about your sister. What a wonderful Christmas present.

Try not to be so hard on yourself: there would be something wrong with anybody who DIDN'T get emotional in such a stressful situation.

so great!
bobby

BF,

Great news. Thanks for sharing.

You were very open to the idea your brother-in-law was going thru a difficult time.

Forgive yourself. You needed to vent. Glad we are here for you.

Gerry

Dear BF,

Embrace the good feeling you have about the good news about your sister.

Let go of bad feelings you have towards yourself.

You can move on now. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Mari

Steve that is such wonderful news!
I'm so glad that she is doing better. But, don't waste a moment on past emotions, it'll eat you up with no good to come of it. You are a good person, family dynamics are complicated, but now it's looking so good, don't fret.

I just found out by Facebook that my brother in law had a Thanksgiving dinner with relatives at his house. I just saw the group picture on Facebook. I wasn't invited. BF:hug::hug::hug:

(((((HUGS)))))
bizi:hug::hug:

i am so sorry. do you like your brother-in-law?
bobby